#TrueStory: My Conversation With A Spider

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jen. She's a wife, mother, photographer, spunky, brutally honest, and like everyone else, still trying to figure out what all of those labels mean.  I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JEN!!! !!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jen Swedhin

After getting out of the shower this morning, I saw a small-ish creepy brown spider trying to get out of the sink. Instinct kicked in and I turned on the water and started rinsing him down. He fought it hard, and my empathy kicked in. “You’re right, that was rude, I’m sorry.” I literally said that out loud as I turned off the water.

As a side note, those of you that know me know that I don’t kill spiders. I don’t kill bugs in general, except mosquitoes and flies. I relocate. I’m not scared of bugs or creepy crawlies. Usually.

I watched him struggle against the wet porcelain for a few seconds. I decided to throw him a lifeline. Without thinking I grabbed a Q tip and stuck it in front of him to help transport him to somewhere dry. He immediately darted up towards my hand at the speed of light, so fast that I did a spider spaz and threw the entire rig on the floor.

Staring down in pity at his crumpled and twitching body, I felt an inkling of guilt. “Listen man, I want to help you out.” Yeah, I was talking to a tiny spider, and not feeling weird about it at all. “Here’s what I need from you. You eat these flies. All of them. In return I’ll let you live. One more thing, I don’t want you scaring the poops out of me when I come in here in the morning. Actually, I don’t want you scaring the poops out of me anytime of day.”

He seemed to take the deal, so I went on with my moisturizing routine. Which really just means lotion, it just sounds nicer. I turned around and there he was, heading towards me, dragging a leg that must have been broken during the spider spaz toss. He stopped in the exact place I stand to dry my hair. He worked on fixing his leg. For what seemed like hours. He fixed it. And fixed it. And eventually I got tired of waiting. I even asked him to move, reminding him of our deal, and that I had hair to dry and lashes to curl. And still he stayed.

Again, without thinking, I grabbed a Q tip to give him a little prod. The speedy bastard ran up the Q tip and gave me a full sized heart attack. Again. Then he jumped straight up at my face, getting a solid foot of air. Twice. He pushed through the pain of the broken leg and ran in big circles all over the bathroom floor at speeds I wasn’t aware were allowed in a tiny bathroom dwelling spider. While I sat cowering in the corner being pissed that a spider actually scared me, he ran and hid under a pair of underwear. I pulled myself together and finished the morning routine.

Spider, you are on probation. Scare the poops out of me again and I will be terminating our arrangement. I mean, really, I was quite clear on my expectations. Turning into a speedy jumping spider was totally unnecessary.

#thathappened

#NerdsUnite: An ode to my 28th year

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jen. She's a wife, mother, photographer, spunky, brutally honest, and like everyone else, still trying to figure out what all of those labels mean.  I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JEN!!! !!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jen Swedhin

As I stare down the barrel of my 29th birthday, my personal growth over the last year is coming into focus. And for the first time in maybe my entire adult life, I’m happy with me.

28 started the way any good birthday should - in a drunken haze with my best friends. But this one was different. I was circling the drain on several friendships - longterm, beautiful, happy friendships that I valued. But still, they were failing.

It wasn’t until my birthday that I understood why - the value wasn’t mutually exclusive. I cared about these relationships far more than they did. I didn’t realize it until one of my closest friends, someone I have loved since sophomore year of high school, didn’t come to my party. My trite, silly, full of liquor and shenanigans and stupidness party. She wanted to bring her boyfriend. I said no. “I would love to come, but together.” Hard limit for me: don’t bring your boyfriend on a girls night out.

Thank you. Thank you for showing me that our time together isn’t an important part of your life. Thank you for making the decision to walk away an easy one. And thank you for not showing up and bringing your soon-to-be ex.

28 has also showed me that I am a generous to a fault, and I am finally okay with that. I am a giver - of my time, my talents, my love, my everything. I over-give, and it gets me into trouble, but instead of hating that about myself, and wishing I could say no easier, I am embracing it. The key here is learning balance. I will give, but I can also now receive. And I expect it.

No more giver/taker relationships. No more being there anytime someone needs me only to be left alone when my turn to need comes up. While I’m still the most flexible person in all of my relationships, I am also good at saying, “No, that doesn’t work for me. This is what I am willing to give, what I need in return, take it or leave it.” And I’m finally okay with letting people make that choice.

I can’t change anyone else, I can’t make decisions for them. All I can do is communicate openly, manage expectations, and adjust the way their choices affect me.

Progress, and that feels good. Do I still take someone’s inability to give back to me personally? Oh yeah. Big time. But hey, there’s still 29.

#nerdsunite

#WTF: A stranger just texted me a pic of his ween.

#TalkNerdyToMeLover’s @JenSquard

I know I’m not lifecasting anymore, and I know this is an off the wall post, but this made me laugh so hard that I squirted a little pee, so I thought I would share.

It started with this:

 Not long after I posted that I got a text from a number I didn’t know.  Here is our dialogue:

What kind of naughty mommy happenings?

Who is this?  Your name isn’t showing up, just your number.

Thaddeus.  Saw ur post on fb. Ur pics are amazing. Tried lookin at ur domain but it won’t open.

Oh, thanks. Naughty mommy happenings would just be my honest opinion about being a mommy and the crazy things my kids do, stuff like that.  I haven’t bought a domain yet though, still deciding on a name.  You can go to www.talknerdytomelover.com and search #NaughtyMommy Happenings, there are a bunch of mine there.

Ohhh.  Gotcha.  Well that’s not naughty silly.  Just do mommyhappenings.  Or are u the naughty mommy?! Ha

Nah, that’s boring.  It would be my take on it, I’m not a traditional mom, I say and do naughty things, and take a diff approach. Yeah I’m the naughty mommy.

What naughty things?  I couldn’t forsee that judging a book by its cover.  Non traditional is good though.

Things like how my kids drive me crazy, how being a mom isn’t all roses, just raw honesty that other moms don’t share.

That’s not naughty lol. But yeah parenting is not what the books say it is.

Then he sent me a picture of his weiner!  Aaaah, come on, what the fuck, man?!?  I suppose that I could have seen that coming, but those texts were pretty nice...and I also know that if you have your phone number on Facebook that weirdos are bound to call you, I just forgot that it was on there.  Dang. 

So here’s the brilliant part: 

Not at all how most hubbys would react.  Most guys would get mad, threaten the dude, ask for his number...mine asks me to take a second look and evaluate it!  Love that man! 

So I responded with: 

Like I said on FB, I DON’T want it to be confused with porn.  Thanks for the laugh, though.

Now ur a naughty mommy. :)

You’re right, man, that was the first weiner I have ever seen.  I am now officially naughty. 

Dudes - to say it again - women are NOT, I repeat NOT turned on by the site of a penis.  Like ever.  Unless it sprouts limbs and starts cleaning the house. 

Aaaah, a day in my life...never as boring as I hope for.  Oh, and just for future reference - the word naughty can mean things other than sex.

#justsayin

My farewell to #lifecasting

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

After questioning whether TNTML was the right fit a little while ago, @JenFriel told me I should take a break - just get my thoughts back in order, get out of my head, and unleash my feelings on my own blog.  So I did that - I wrote about why I thought lifecasting here was a strange fit here.  I took some time not only away from lifecasting and posting, but from social media in general.  I still updated a little bit, and kept up with things, but I spent far less time on the interwebs, and social media in general, than I normally do.  I took this last weekend off completely - headed into the mountains away from technology, and did a hard reset of my brain.  I came back today prepared to pick up where I left off, and found this:

That is where my link used to be.  I’ve been replaced.  I’m fine with that, I really am.  This is Jen’s site and brand, and she can definitely do what she wants with it.  But I guess I just thought that I deserved an email...or a text....or something.  I haven’t talked to Jen since I wrote about feeling funky, and while she wants to make sure that I know this isn’t a punishment for saying how I feel, I sure feel like it is.  Actually, it feels like I’m in middle school again, and my best friend found a cooler girl to be friends with, so she just completely stopped talking to me.  Now I’m just waiting for the rumors that I pee the bed.  I am now very much aware that “let loose on your own Tumblr, I can’t be offended”  and “take a break and come back refreshed” means something different than I thought.

I love lifecasting, but TNTML has changed a TON, especially in the last several months.  I’m not comfortable here anymore, and I know it’s because I’m not 100% proud of the site.  I understand that that doesn’t really concern me, and that I am a good fit because I am so different...but putting the most intimate details of your life into the world is hard enough.  You also have to understand that I jumped into this with no lifecasting or blogging experience - and that is crazy.  It’s a hard skill to learn on the fly, and I firmly believe that you can’t ask someone to do something differently if you are unwilling to give them any feedback or guidance.  

So I guess this is goodbye.  I have some ideas jumbling in my head for a blog of my own, so watch for that.  I’ll probably keep contributing here, just a lot less frequently, and a lot less personally.  I would like to thank you all for the support, and for allowing me the platform - this has been a great chapter of my life, and I have really enjoyed my time here.  I’m still a nerd, I’m still a mom, and I’m still awesome.  

As always, I’m a big fan of communication:

Twitter: @JenSquard
Facebook: facebook.com/jenswedhinphotography
Email: mangotreelover@hotmail.com
My photoblog: blog.jenswedhinphotography.com

#EpicVideo: How to write a love song

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

The Axis of Awesome: How to Write a Love Song - watch more funny videos

These guys are called the Axis of Awesome - well played, gentleman.  Bip on over to FunnyOrDie.com for more Axis of Awesome's awesomeness.