<editorsnote>Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world. We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!!</editorsnote>
After a few weeks of a grace period (since I was traveling for 50% of the detox in general) I finally completed the very last task on my "to do" list of self, and have gotten contact lenses again.
While I was couch surfing I wore the same pair (super gross), and then one day wound up losing one of the lenses in a complication with the case. It sucked major balls, and I had to stare at everyone out of one eye ball for quite some time. Thankfully, I wasn't driving but it did cause a series of rather uncomfortable interactions with men thinking I was winking at them.
I'll still be rocking my Tom Ford & Burberry glasses from time to time, but being such an avid spinner now it's a total pain having to take my glasses off during class. Onward and upward. It really is the beginning of a new chapter and a new mentality.
OH! And since I've been in my head so much lately with this resonating angst, I decided to occupy more of my time and volunteer.
On Saturday, I had gotten an email from a reader saying that she wanted to invite me as press to this big dating auction benefiting colon cancer. Having lost my grandfather to colon cancer I freaked and not only said yes, but that I wanted to help out in anyway possible.
So ... now I am one of the Committee Chairs for the event. I have no idea what that actually means, but it sounds fancy pants and giving back not only feels good, but will occupy more of my mindshare alleviating the angst.
It's a win win!! YAY!!! Sparkle pony princesses for everyone!!!
I'll be updating you all on more of the info as the event unfolds. If you're in LA though, save the date for April 5th!!! (Here's more info) There's a lot of cool people involved, and tech wise Julia Allison and Shira Lazar will be there. I've been wanting to meet them both IRL for quite sometime so that's rad.
Right now, I am en route to Arizona for some meetings. I'm staying in this insane 5 star hotel which means only one thing ...
EPIC. BED. JUMPING!!!!!!!!!!
Cheers to not knowing where the hell I am going now. (literally and figuratively)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi
I don’t know how many of you have either been cheated on or cheated on someone else. I don’t know what you did in your relationships to end it, but I will guess there was a pretty good reason you broke up. They don’t call it a break up because everything is working out. Even if you or your significant other only got cold feet. There is always a reason you stray from those you once held dear. So why is it after most other failed romances we seem so intent on going back to those we once found so alluring.
Most of the time I would say it has to do with the comfort of someone who knows you. It’s easy to get back into a relationship, especially if the other was lonely then too. Still, it creates this great power rift. You may feel fine in the beginning, but then all the complications of before rise up like zombies. See problems never go away and running from them never works. So you try and face them head on. Obviously, you are a changed person now and presumably so are they. Not really. Let’s face it people don’t really change.
Most importantly, there is suddenly a power gap. Whichever one of you that takes the other back has all the power. Obviously, they didn’t have to take you back. So they hold all the cards. Don’t believe me... Look at Family Guy. Fox canceled them and after millions of fans told them how dumb they were they begged them to come back. That’s a first for Fox, I mean they didn’t even bring back Firefly after their rabid fans probably threatened the heads of Fox with violence. So now Family guy gets to do whatever it wants to. Seriously, Fox already admitted they fucked up and so nothing they say will hold any merit even as Family Guy slips further and further into the weird and odd with seldom a laugh to go with it. Fox hasn’t the balls to cancel them again. Even going so far as to give them 2 spin off shows both way worse than Family Guy. Anyway, Family Guy rant over.
The point is; whoever takes back the other person can and even unknowingly will hold that over them. If they cheated on them they can act more guarded and suspicious when they aren’t around. It’s their right, you fucked up. Take that scenario and apply it to whatever reason you broke up and suddenly you start to resent them for this control. You hate that there is a 90/10 ratio of power where at one time it was 60/40. See that’s how relationships will always be. A solid 60/40 ratio for power balance. One of you will always have power over the other and if the relationship is healthy that power will fluctuate back and forth. Be honest there is never a 50/50. If either of you can say no to the other and mean it, there is a slight power balance. Simple as that. So in light of that news keep Ex’s to the past. It’s bad enough you call them when you get drunk. They don’t like it and you don’t like it when your Ex’s do it to you.
The best and might I add most mature thing you can do is just let them go. Wait out the madness and try to be friends with a strict no fucking rule. Yes, friendship can exist after a breakup. Why not? You spent how much of your life trying to learn everything about this person. You just might be amazing friends and horrible lovers. Just remember keep it a friendship. Yes Ex sex can be amazing, but it always leaves one person wanting more. Even if you set down boundaries and you have firmly established rules to it. Ex sex is only allowed during the 3 month post relationship phase when neither of you have found anyone new and even then it’s frowned upon. You gotta move on.
Pull your head up and realize there’s some billion people in the world. Just cause this one didn’t work out, doesn’t mean you will be alone forever. No one is unlovable, there is and will be someone that will come along in your life and throw you for a whole new loop. Whisk you off your feet and make you forget that the Ex was ever a possibility. How are you gonna find that person if you are too busy haunting your lost lovers Facebook page and not out there meeting the friends that will invite you to that one party with that guy you didn’t know... but there was this person off in the corner and you got to talking and holy crap they are awesome. That’s the reality of life. Immobility breeds despair and Action breeds results. So let’s move on and get a little action.
You did NOT follow the feather mentality Friel. Bad! Bad! Bad! FUCK.
I was totally just caught off guard by an insanely gorgeous human being. He was in fact so gorgeous, I give this category of gorgeousness its own level ... level: adonis.
Dudes at level adonis are too pretty to look at. You're not quite sure what to do with them, but you can't help but feel this magnetic pull and fantasize them fanning you with a big leaf and feeding you frozen grapes on some super exotic beach in some far off place.
To see one in the wild is one thing ... to have him then HIT ON YOU BLATANTLY and yet I DID NOTHING is just ... wow.
FUCK!
Wait no. Wrong song.
Picture it ... Wells Fargo ... West Hollywood ... 30 minutes ago ...
I was running around all morning finishing up some errands. It's incredible how quickly I finish mundane but necessary tasks now that I have a car again. MAKES MY LIFE!!!
Either way, my last stop was to Wells Fargo. I normally don't visit this branch, but I was pissed off that there was no parking at my regular one so I figured I was going to have to make this work.
I go in fill out my deposit slip. No problem.
Walk up to the little line and wait. No problem.
Less than two minutes go by and this guy approaches me from behind. (pun intended)
Is there anything I can help you with? he asks as I turn.
No, I say mid-swivel. I continue ...
I'm just waiting to be ... I then stop mid sentence and see HANDS DOWN the hottest guy I have seen in a very very long time. I continue ...
... helped.
Well, do you have cash or checks to deposit? he asks getting closer.
My brain barely operates at this point, but I am able to look down and show that I have cash in my hand.
I still say nothing.
Ah, I can't help you with the cash then. Let me see if I can light a fire behind this counter and get someone to help you though.
He then steps out of line and walks around behind the counter. I try not to stare but my eyes have a mind of their own and have already decided that the hunt is on, and MAMA LIKES!!!
I wait in line for a minute or two longer as I stare at him wondering who he looks like.
He's a perfect blend of Ian Smoldehalder ....
and Enrique Iglesias when he lost the mole and became super hot.
He had the features of Ian, with the coloring of Enrique. He was definitely latin mixed with ... something. Solid tan with GORGEOUS light blue/ green eyes. 20 something. MAYBE 30 at most, but not based on appearance, rather his position at the bank and the way he carried himself. Extremely confident and had this "take charge" attitude that created a very visceral response in my body.
Buttah. My legs became buttah.
The teller then opened up and I made my best attempt to walk super sexy up to the counter. Of course with my legs being like butter and my stomach full of butterflies I executed something close to a twitch and a jerk that at least got me from point a to b -technically classifying it as a "walk."
I approached the counter, and the teller said it was good to see me again.
These guys have GREAT memories as I had been there in the past, but again, not my regular bank.
We then chit chat for a bit. I ask him how his day is going etc. etc.
After all was said and done I thanked them for the stellar customer service as always.
For reals, I said to the teller. You all are always SO wonderful, and I love banking with Wells Fargo in general. It's great, and sounds cheesy but I always leave with a smile.
The manager then approaches with a bottle of Fiji water.
Well thank you for saying that. I'll make sure to note it on his next status report.
He then reaches over and hands me a bottle of Fiji water.
What can I say, he says placing the water down on the counter, we do what we can for our very beautiful customers.
Now freeze this moment right here.
Any NORMAL human being in this situation would playfully flirt back. If you're a chick, maybe you'll flip your hair, find some reason to stay in the bank, maybe ask to open a checking account, or get a private tour of the vault. You know ... normal stuff that will give you ANY excuse to stay longer and talk to the adonis.
What did I do?
Let's unfreeze and find out.
Without even acknowledging his compliment, I look down grabbing my roll of quarters, receipt, and bottle of water and walked out.
I think I might have thrown in a "have a nice day" but I definitely didn't say thank you, and definitely didn't look him in the eye to say hey baby, I like you back. Wanna grab drinks Friday night? Rawwrrrr.
I opened the door leaving the bank and said over and over ...
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
WHO DOES THIS?!?! I'm a "dating pro," remember? How is it I'm SO good at everything online and literally make a living off of it, yet when it comes to traditional peer to peer IRL flirtation everything that I thought I knew just goes right out the door.
HE CALLED ME BEAUTIFUL AND I WAS ONLY IN MY "THIS IS MONDAY VERY NATURAL MAKEUP FLIP FLOPS, T-SHIRT, SKIRT, MINIMAL ACCESSORIES OUTFIT!!!"
THIS IS LOS ANGELES PEOPLE!!! Sure, in any other part of the country a chick with natural makeup on and a "not trying to impress" outfit is cute but in LA it means you don't have your shit together. People go with full on makeup and a red carpet ready ensemble to the grocery store out here. I live in the most beauty obsessed part of the city!!!! The fact that this guy didn't seem into all that and jived with a more natural look makes him THAT much more attractive.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Well, now at least I have a new project to focus on outside of work. Hello, cute Wells Fargo bank manager, my name is Jen Friel and I am about to become your new best friend. =)
Thanks for the clothing LuLu Lemon! I get more time now to practice my ninja skills. WAAAHHH!!These last few weeks have been surprisingly emotional. I wasn't sure if it was the dating detox, or stuff going on behind the scenes in general with various production and pitch meetings - but I have been feeling for the first time since I started this site, an extreme sense of vulnerability and gratitude .... mixed with angst.
The vulnerability I'm assuming came from the fact that I have actually stopped serial dating all together, and spend my weekends and late night with friends rather than online dates. I've known for a while that I needed to stop sourcing my life for content as it was impeding personal growth, but I wasn't willing to sacrifice my love for writing and this website in general. It never occurred to me though how MUCH I was giving up to the quality of relationships in my life in general. How could I ever have time for myself, time for friends, time for people I cared about if 24/7 I was out with some new dude doing some crazy thing.
As I was scrolling through my camera roll on my iPhone to search for a new lock screen photo (previously I had Walter the plant's picture so if I was away I could at least energetically still feel attached to him. Yes, it's weird ... I know, but it did help.) and I came across this quote from Tolle:
"You get there by realizing you are already there."
I immediately made that photo my lock screen, and it struck me how true that is of my present moment.
I have now become everything I set out to "be" in launching this website.
I started Talk Nerdy To Me, Lover on November 3, 2009. Yes, I was capitalizing on the whole "nerd being hot trend" but it was also GENUINELY me. When it came to living in Los Angeles, I could either be considered attractive, or smart but NEVER both. Being insanely insecure at age 24, of course, I chose being hot ... but something just snapped in me in regards to starting this site. We had no business model, no 5 year plan or exit strategy. I never went to college, and obviously not business school ... all I had was this INSANE passion to want to talk about social media from a user benefit perspective, and lead by example. I didn't just want to tell people how cool social media was, I wanted to use it as a storytelling medium and platform and just do cool shit and see how far it could get me. This website became my permission slip to be unapologetically awesome. I was the boss, I was the creator, this was my vision, my voice, my everything.
I remember people asking me about the site after we were only a few weeks old, and they would say, so you just have a blog?
WITHOUT SKIPPING A BEAT I would reply back with, it's not a blog, it's a revolution.
People then started to check us out, and the stories started to keep people's attention in general.
I'm still convinced people only checked us out in the beginning wondering if I was dead in a ditch somewhere, or if this was some elaborate publicity hoax.
It never has been, and it never will be ... this website is my life's work. My heart, my soul, this journey documented in real time.
After the couch surfing, I realized I could actually build a business off of what I was doing. I had at that point enough to keep me alive for over a year, and people were starting to now pay me for sponsorships (albeit peanuts, it was still enough to make rent and keep afloat).
In that moment, I made another declaration to myself.
I just want to be successful. By my own definition. Not by what my family thinks, friends, scorned lovers ... I want to feel like I have contributed something to the world and if I were to die tomorrow I could feel like my time spent wasn't wasted. That to me is success.
The declaration wasn't rooted in anything monetary but this sense of fulfilment that I genuinely believe is a part of the human condition. We all want to feel like we are a part of something and have done something to make a difference (even if it's only to ones self).
The couch surfing stopped in 2011, and it wasn't until the end of 2012 that financially speaking I was able to truly start to ground myself. I visualized the abundance and I should say to my surprise, but it wasn't (thank you universe!) a series of projects manifested and have left me in a position where I no longer have to freak if rent is going to be late, or get extra samples from Trader Joes pretending that I'm mulling over the decision when really I am just savoring the two bites which have now become dinner.
Do you know what TWO GRAND is like to someone that survived off of TEN DOLLARS FOR A FUCKING YEAR?!?!
It was a big moment getting my car back this week.
I realized though this afternoon when I read that quote that I am already there. After all of this time, I finally and I mean TRULY feel like a success to myself.
I am not only starting to walk in abundance again, but I am doing it via my own bliss. This is my "ultimate life" and my dream. I LIVE for adventures, and LIVE for good stories. I can talk about new media, branding, and tech in general for days and days and days. All of this is a representation of what can be found on this site.
I then started to tear up from a place of gratitude.
I can't believe I've done all this, I thought staring down at the quote. I am here. I did it. I lead a COMPLETELY corporate sponsored life which is now abundant enough to include luxuries like a gym membership, gas, insurance, and trips to the doctors office sans insurance.
My biggest issue is that I am extremely hard on myself. I am a self motivator and will do literally ANYTHING to achieve a goal. The cost of that however can be a complete loss of self which I've discovered can actually devalue your emotional psyche causing you to NOT BE the best you can be in regards to achieving said goal.
What's the freaking point in accomplishing whatever you were going after if when you get there you're about to break down and fall to pieces. IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!
Self first. Always.
And what about the angst?
Me thinks I am coming to terms with being a control freak. Because I've lived my life so by the seat of sometimes not even my own pants for the last three years, it didn't even occur to me that I ever thought that I was in control. If I think about it though, I am the one that has chosen places I can check in, where and when I write, what I write about ... etc. I am very much in control of everything I do. I am now in a position where I literally have no idea what even the next 6 months look like for this site. I just had a series of meetings and hopefully some of the people will get back to my manager and I and discuss a series of ideas that will have an impact on this community. Because I have no idea what that means, it makes me nervous. At the end of the day though, I am living my passion, following my bliss, and whatever will be with that whole shabang will be handled as it occurs. I trust the amazing, amazing people I have as mentors and manager and trust that they will know what is best. The only thing I can stay true to in life is myself and I honestly can't worry about it.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 at 2:55PM
