#NerdsUnite: Gypsy Mode Month 8 Update

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Leah. She's pretty rad and has an INCREDIBLY random life. Like, no - for reals ... did you know she has an obsession with vampires, psychics, and tarot card readers ... and she had more sex as a teenager than in her 30s ... anddddd she even had two ex boyfriends die violently - one from a heroin overdose, and the other was murdered. Holy moly roli poli oli - that shit be cray cray. Either way, she's now here to write about her life, love, and all things nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT LEAH!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Leah_Cevoli

Yikes, I haven’t done a Gypsy Mode Update in 2 months!  For those of you that don’t know about Gypsy Mode— this is how it all began: Click Here

So, since giving up my townhouse in LA, without having a new place locked down, I’ve become quite the Gypsy.   The other day, I couldn’t help but relate to Metallica’s “Wherever I May Roam”… “Roamer, Wanderer, Nomad, Vagabond, Call Me What You Will…”

Now granted, I may not be travelling in style, there’s lots of busses, taxis, and trains, but I always end up somewhere wonderful in the end. 

In the last update, I explained how my Tour Managing gig ended 10 weeks early, and I was venturing to New York: Month 6 Update

I spent an entire month in Manhattan, and started a whole new blog, which you can check out here!

The general theme of my month in New York was Yoga. And more Yoga. :)

Month 7, which was January, saw me all over the place, working tradeshows and conventions.  

I started the month with a super-ooper-duper gig in Philadelphia and literally got to walk in the MUMMERS DAY PARADE!

If you’re from or near Philly, you know that this is pretty much something that every kid dreams of doing, especially an Irish/Italian girl from South West Philly! :)

Next Up was the Consumer Electronics ShowLas Vegas  I worked six, very, long days at the convention center, with a great group of gals:

I had a ton of fun in Vegas, made lots of money, spent a few nights with some old friends who moved from Palm Springs to Vegas, and then ended up staying with Jen Friel & Steph Belsky in an amazing, penthouse condo walking distance to the convention.  Not only did it make life that much easier to walk to work, but oh it was sooo luxurious!

And yes, that’s me on the stripper pole in our living room!

Vegas ended with an incredible treat, and I was gifted with tickets to see my old friend Blas Elias perform with the Blue Man Group!  It’s an incredible show, GO SEE IT!

After Vegas, I took the (new route!) Mega Bus up to Los Angeles for four days.  Originally planned on checking in on my Kitty, my car, moving all of my scattered-amongst-friends-homes-belongings into one location, and seriously finding and settling in on a new home to move into come February.

When I arrived in LA at 6am on a Saturday morning I discovered that my lil Hybrid car was in need of some major repairs. I was blind-sided by this, and so the next 2 days was spent worrying and what not while waiting for the first available appointment on Monday. Long story short, it’s a big repair. The hybrid battery needs to be replaced. I spent a few hundred dollars trying to do a quick temp fix so that my friend that was renting it could continue to rent it while I was roaming, but I ended up spending that $200 for nothing and having to refund her 1/2 of the January payment.  Needless to say, the four days in LA, cost me more than all 8 days in Vegas combined!! 

I had to rent a car, in LA which is so odd, since that’s the ONLY city in this country that I actually have a car in, but I did manage to get all of my belongings moved into one location. Unfortunately I only got to look at 2 possible living situations, but I did get to see quite a bit of my good friends, AND.. even made to one of our Talk Nerdy To Me Lover, Trivia Nights!!  YAY!

My time in LA was way too short, and before I knew it I was back in Philadelphia where I spent 6 days working at the Philadelphia Auto Show.

And from there it was off to Atlantic City, New Jersey for five days at the Boat Show!

I spent two nights in the Borgata Casino, compliments of my cousin Bianca, this hotel is voted the #1 Casino in Atlantic City.. Oh, it was soo nice. I felt like Cinderella at the ball, I took bubble baths every night, ordered room service, and even jumped up and down and giggled like a little girl.

It really helps to have awesome, cozy, comfy, luxurious places to stay when you’re working these long, crazy, hours, on your feet, and talking and talking to hundreds upon hundreds of people while keeping a smile on your face. It’s exhausting! The only thing I want to do after working at a tradeshow is RELAX! 

It was bittersweet though as on Day 3 my iPhone was stolen, and I have yet to recover it.  It’s just a phone, and it’s just a material possession, but it was quite challenging to be on your own, in a different city, travelling, and working without a phone.  NO ONE has payphones or phonebooks anymore, and everything I do is connected to an App on my Phone, from banking to public transportation.  

I also got myself back into Acting Classes in Philly for the month of January, which was really great and helped fill the hole in my heart from not doing much performing or creating while I’ve been in Gypsy Mode. I’ve mostly just been bouncing around from job to job, but haven’t been around a group of creatives in so long. It felt SOOO good to get up and perform. I worked on a really great monologue in class, from a romantic comedy, and rocked it.  I SO want to star in a romantic comedy in this lifetime. 

And now… It’s February…

Nothing panned out for a new place in Los Angeles, and truth be told I don’t have enough money saved up yet anyway. I refuse to go back to LA and live hand to mouth like I have the past 13years. I want a savings account and a cushion for emergencies and dry spouts.

It’s now Month 8 of Gypsy Mode and I’ve decided to spend some time with friends in Nashville.

I have 3 really great girlfriends here, and one of them reached out to me with a temporary live-in Nanny position for her 3 sons, until the full-time au pere begins in March…

So, Viva Nashville… and oh, look THEY do have payphones here!

I’m excited to see what this month holds. It’ll be a different pace of life, and an all-around different schedule with different priorities namely an 11yr old, 5yr old, and 2yr old.. but at the same time I plan to get a lot of writing done, get a solid work-out routine going, I’ve got a new website being designed, and I have a very cool announcement about a panel I proposed that got accepted to Wonder Con in Anaheim on March 30th.  YAY!

Live Love. Love Life.

#xoxo

click here to follow Leah on twitter!

#SocialMediaRant: Bills Bills Bills! (a lesson in personal & professional value)

As you all know, my current goal is focusing on and welcoming financial abundance. 

Dudes, ever since I got my car back ALL I have been listening to is Jay Z. 

Picture it: Little white girl rollin up in a midnight blue beetle convertible, tan top, tinted windows blasting ... and I mean BLASSSTINNNNGGG Jay Z. 

Money, cash, hoes, WHAT! 

Money, cash, hoes ... COME ON!!! 

To assist in the visualization/ manifestation of extreme abundance I am imagining myself as this badass male rapper that rocks bottles, models, and some iceeeeee. 

Just received this from @LuluLemon. Is it strange that my first impulse was to find a class of 1st graders post a finger painting class and ask for a hug? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP THIS CLEAN!?!?It's so hard getting over that "hump" of wanting to just do what you love and understanding the value of it. Back in 2009/2010 I would have spent HOURS just talking to ANYONE about the state of social media, what they could do to create some awareness in the space ... etc. Then in 2011, I stopped bartering social media for couch surfing. That choice added a degree of responsibility since I had to make sure rent was paid each month. My time then had more value. 

Sure, I still took on smaller companies that didn't have a lot of money to spend in social media (because again, this is my passion so I GENUINELY wanted to help educate people on the value) but all that I discovered was it ended up being SO much more stressful. I'd accept PEANUTS for a job only to do more work, and deal with chasing invoices and practically HUNTING people down to get paid. 

By the end of last year though, I finally hit a breaking point. I need to work smarter, I thought, not harder. Hence this new visualization of abundance. 

Just because something is your passion and you'd talk about it anyway does NOT mean you should EVER work for free. We all have bills to pay, mouths to feed, dates to pay for ... etc. YES, I do believe EVERYONE should pay their dues, hone their craft, and stay SUPER hungry - but there are certain bottom lines and quality of living that I feel like a lot of my friends (and myself obviously) sacrifice it all for. 

"I just want to do what I love doing and yeah they can't pay now but if I help them promote it I might get a rev share!!!" I hear over and over and over. 

If you're a programmer, SEO, or security dude, you're pretty much guaranteed X amount financially. If people don't like your rate, rad! as long as it's within a standard market price you'll both end up moving on and work is still there. When it comes to new media marketing though, it's SUCH a different playing field. People are more willing to ask you to budge on your rate because it's creative and they can't psychologically quantify the amount of work that goes into it. BITCH PLEASE!!!! Do you have ANY idea how much time it takes to even come up with digital strategy?? 

I have to not only meet with the team to identify needs and understand exactly what is looking to be addressed in the first place, but then I have to jump on my bed in my spirithood for at LEAST two hours to spark that creative tickle. 

I kid, but kinda not. I do some weird things creatively to get to "that place." 

It's not easy running your own business and going out on your own but it took ME to understand the value of my own time and to finally be able to say "no" to these people that didn't have money to cover whatever it was that I was trying to execute for them. 

In doing that though, I discovered there are ABSOLUTE parallels between self worth and willingness to accept less than you are worth business wise. 

Why should you go out there and find something else when XYZ is presented in front of you?! All you have to do is take a 50% pay cut, but you're cool with that because you never matter in the first place!! 

That's basically what you are saying to yourself and it is COMPLETE crap. You're selling yourself too short!!

This visualization of abundance isn't about being capitalistic, or wanting money just to buy more things that I don't want or need ... it is about me, Jen, the 28 year old that is still finding her voice and understanding what she has to offer the world outside of the digital space.

It's WORTH!!!!!!!!!!!!! In a tangible and intangible manner!!! 

What do I have to offer men dating wise? What am I bringing to the table as a partner? What is my "rate"? Do I know what I am offering? Is it in line with what I am seeking for in a mate? 

Also, what do I have to offer to sponsors? What am I bringing to the table as a contractor? What is my "rate"? Do I know what I am offering for them regarding publicity generated? Am I cultivating my own community at the same rate? 

It's crazy, and awesome having just had the detox and doing this extreme lesson in self care while simultaneously watching financial abundance come into my life. 

I'm angsty for the first time in three years that I have SO much going on versus having to worry about where I was going to sleep, if I was still going to be eating spaghetti for the 1,000th meal in a row, or if rent was going to be paid on time. 

This is YOUR mission though should YOU choose to accept. No one is going to hand this part to you. You have to first, understand your OWN value and then articulate it in not only a personal but professional regard. Are your current invoices matching what you think you are worth? If not, looks like it's time for some self care baby!!!! Stop starving nerderinos!!!! 

#thatisall

Oh yeah and ... 

click the screenshot to comment on Facebook

#NerdsUnite: Why is perception so important in the bedroom?

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Fabio. Yes. Real name. We're friends in the digispace and he owns and blogs at the fantastically awesome site LetsTalkSex.net. He's here today to share one of his latest and greatest tips on sex, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT FABIO!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Fabio Black

In your challenge to last longer in bed you need to realize how important a role your perception plays.

First.

Your mind is the biggest and most powerful sexual organ you have. While sleeping, sometimes you get horny and even come without any sexy lady stimulating you.

It all happens in your mind. The dreams you recreate are so vivid and feel so real that your body reacts ejaculating.

If you think this only happens when you sleep, you’re wrong.

While you’re having sex your mind works against you and if you aren’t conscious of what it does you can’t do much, you can’t “fight” it.

After you realize what your mind does to you, you’ll feel determined to take control of it.

I really challenge you to take a pen and a piece of paper and next time you’re having sex, pay attention to what you’re thinking.

It’s gonna be hard, and I tell you, the harder it looks the more you need this exercise. (Unless of course you’re thinking about nothing at all during sex, in which case you don’t need this post).

Pay attention to what you’re thinking and write it down when you finish. Write down all the images that flash in your mind, all the voices you hear…

You’ll realize that a lot of crap is going on in your head while having sex. And it’s this crap that makes you come sooner that you would like.

Second.

Perception is your ally. Write this word around your bedroom to help you remember. Remember to stay in the moment, feel the sensations in your body and “relax into them”.

The idea of relaxing yourself “into your sensations” might sound strange until you try it. When you feel pleasure and your body is not used to it, it will contract and the contraction will lead you closer and closer to ejaculation.

Your genitals, penis and pelvic muscles are the ones that contract the most. Your back and shoulders follow.

Relax.

Go with the pleasure.

When you feel pleasure in a specific area of your body, know that in that specific point you’re also feeling a contraction. Release it! And breathe.

Take your time. Go slowly. Breathe.

There is no hurry.

Let your body relax in the moment and again, take your bloody time.

After you’ll have exposed your body to pleasure for extended periods of time, it will build a resistance and your stamina will slowly increase.

Remember: No hurry.

#thatisall

Fabio Black writes about sex, sex and sex. But not necessarily in that order. Read more about him here.

#Fact: I don't listen to the words that come out of a woman's mouth

<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

You may find this a harsh statement at first, but hear me out before you make any judgments. As of lately I have found my communication with women excelling by NOT listening to what they have to say.
Sure you may need to listen to her words if there is data being transferred but most of the time you speak to a woman, she is speaking from emotion–I think we can all agree on that–so I have been playing around with some ideas and seeing great results.  I once read somewhere that, “A woman will tell you everything you need to do to sleep with her if she’s attracted to you, and all you have to do is listen”. I truly believe this, so you’d better hone your listening skills.

As men I think we only hear a lot of what we want to hear… and though it does have its advantages (especially in dealing with congruence tests) we need to find better ways to hear the other hints we need!

Listening can be done 2 ways and I suggest you start doing it with your eyes as well as your ears. We all speak through our body language and we read this through our subconscious very quickly but let our conscious brain get in the way and over think everything. We need to stop that process and begin a new one.

Try this:

1. When anyone speaks watch how they are saying it
2. Watch their eye movement (up is visual, down is emotional, your left is memory and your right is creative) where did that sentence come from?
3. How is their body language (slouching, confident, nervous) what are their hands doing? How much positive body language are you receiving?

Go from there with your retort and continue the conversation from there!  There are many ways to do this–these are only a few. The better you are at reading the subtext the better your communication with other people will be. You will also be able to read peoples insecurities and fears before they realize what they are. This is highly important in rapport and one of my favorite acquired super powers.

I know that this can be a little strange at first, so try not to put too much effort into it as it can take you out of the moment. Have some fun with it and you will naturally start speaking from an emotional side.

You’ll respond to what you have heard with eyes and ears which will make you more attractive to a woman for being in touch emotionally. All you are really doing is responding to how she is speaking to you, which in turn will build a better connection. It’s just something to give some thought to in your next interaction. Please remember not to put too much into this, but when you see overt signs do not ignore them!

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

#NerdsUnite: The Gospel According to John (My Teenage Daughter)

<editorsnote> Nerds, you may already know my buddy John as "Confessions of a Video Game Journalist" but what you DON'T know el senor John is that not only does he also help out as TNTML's intern, he is hands down one of the wisest people I have ever met. For reals, you need to grab a beer with this guy at some point in your life. The things that come out of his mouth ... wowzah! I decided he needs a special column devoted to his wisdom - and now here it is. The gospel according to John. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JOHN !!</editorsnote>

Question this week: What dating advice would you give to your teenage daughter?

Oh boy, this is a great question. Honestly, every man dreads the day he has a teenage daughter. I’ll give you a couple of reasons why. For starters, he worries that he won’t be able to connect with her due to some of the obstacles between male and female in thinking and feeling. He won’t be able to relate to her. Won’t know what to say to her. How to play with her. How to handle boyfriends. The list is endless.

I thought good and hard about this and I tried to come up with the right things to say, but the truth is, there are no right things to say. Nothing can prepare anyone for this moment. It’s like being asked to do “the birds and the bees.”

I’m going to try something a little different, however. I’m going to write this like a letter to her. So, here goes:

Hi Sweetheart,

It’s Dad. Obviously. I know you’re growing up and I know you’re starting to look at people (boys or girls, I don’t care) and you’re starting to have feelings for them.  You want to start dating, to start sharing time with them.

That’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you.

I just want you to know that I support you in your happiness. I want you to find that person who makes you happy and to be with them. But, I want you to know some things and to tell you some things that will help.

Don’t be in a rush. Please, for the love of all things, don’t rush it. Take your time in the relationship and work at it. Don’t feel like you have to make it happen and that a relationship will make you feel grown-up. It won’t. And don’t let the other person rush you either. In any regard. If they aren’t willing to accept a slow pace and they just want to get physical and that’s it, they’re not worth your time. It shows that they don’t respect you and if you don’t respect yourself enough to take a stand for how you feel and what you believe in, then they will walk all over you. And no daughter of mine will be walked over.

There’s a song that always helps me whenever I try to rush things or whenever I worry about things not happening fast enough, and it applies to dating too. I heard it first at a concert when grandpa and grandma were taking me around the country to look at colleges that were trying to scout me for track. It’s by an artist named Billy Joel, from his song Vienna:

Slow down, you crazy child 
you're so ambitious for a juvenile 
But then if you're so smart, tell me 
Why are you still so afraid? 

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about? 
You'd better cool it off before you burn it out 
You've got so much to do and 
Only so many hours in a day 

But you know that when the truth is told.. 
That you can get what you want or you get old 
You're gonna kick off before you even 
Get halfway through 
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Vienna is whatever you want it to be, but you’re so young and you have so much life to live, don’t rush through it. You’ll get there.

Next, don’t think that the first relationship you’ll have will be the only one. I know that these relationships exist, I do. My parents met in high school and they’ve been together ever since. But, just because that happened for them, doesn’t mean it will happen for you. I know that that’s a hard fact to swallow, but trust me it was harder when I went through it.

I met this girl, beautiful girl, wonderful girl, who I latched onto. We were inseparable. We did so much together and we shared so many memories, we were blinded by each other. While I don’t regret my time with her one bit, all four and a half years we dated, I do regret that by rushing into the relationship I entrenched myself in it.

Oddly enough, it took her parents asking her to date other people to see if she was really happy with me to see that we had blinded ourselves to the problems in our own relationship. This was so difficult. I thought that I would marry this woman, that we would grow old together, but at the end of the day we broke up and moved on. But because we were so blinded by each other, we forgot about being honest with each other and ourselves.

I’m not saying that you have to date every single person who asks you out or that you should go around breaking hearts just because you need to experience different things, but know that if something isn’t working out and there are problems, it may be time to move on if they don’t get better or you find yourself losing interest. It’s hard doing something for other people, but it’s even harder doing something like that for yourself. You’ll feel mean, rotten and bad. But at the end of the day, you’ll be doing both of you a favor, because it’s not fair for them to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with them anymore, and it’s not fair to you to be with a person you don’t want to be with anymore.

If you spend all your time with one person and you’re not open to the possibility that someone else might come along, then you may miss out on the one you’re meant to be with. This could take a long time, but the key is to remember that if you’re not happy, then they won’t be happy. So, be with the person that makes you happy, and that finding them may take some time and that they might not be the first person you meet.

Be honest. Don’t ever think that you have to avoid a topic for the other person’s sake if it genuinely concerns you. If something is on your mind, say it. That goes for them too. If something is on their mind and they don’t want to talk about it, remember it later. Not talking about something that is important is just another way of ignoring the problem. Never ignore a problem. Talk them out, communicate, be smart.

Don’t spend all your time with that person. I know you want to spend every waking minute with them and when you’re apart it feels like there’s a piece of you missing, but revel in the freedom that you have. A relationship is not two people in one life, it is two lives being shared by two people. If your lives cross over so much that you end up not having any identity other than just “You Two,” you’re doing something wrong.

Take some time to do stuff for you. Have a girls’ night. Go out on your own and find people who share similar interests. If your partner likes those too, then great! But it doesn’t mean that they have to be the only person you hang around. You’ll find that if you spend all your time together, you’ll have nothing to talk about because you both know everything that happened. But, if you spend time doing your own things, then when you do get together you’ll have plenty to talk about and share. And maybe they’ll be able to help you with something you thought you couldn’t do by yourself.

Don’t worry about wondering if you’re in love or not. I did that and it sucks. The only advice that I can give is that you’ll know you’re in love when all the songs make sense. It’s something I heard one time and honestly, that’s the best advice I can give. Don’t expect it to be like anything you’ve seen or read about. Don’t expect to feel a certain way, don’t expect anything. You’ll know in your own way because everyone is different and everyone has their own way of feeling it.

Also, dating is never like the movies, it never will be, and fairytale romances are just that, fairytales. Do not expect a prince charming, do not expect to be treated like a princess. You aren’t one. And they aren’t princes or knights in shining armor or warrior princesses or whatever.  You are a person, just like everyone else and so are they. Treat them with respect and understanding and if they treat you the same way, then they’re good enough to date you. If they don’t treat you with respect and understanding, they’re not worth your time.

You will make mistakes. So will they. Don’t write them off right away because they screwed up once or twice. Talk to them about it and why you felt hurt. Don’t be ashamed when they do the same thing. Relationships take work and time and mistakes. Communicate, be smart and realize that nobody is perfect. Neither are you. Do not place yourself above anyone else. The moment you do that, no one will be good enough and you will be looking forever. I guarantee it.

Honey, there’s so much more that I want to talk about with you, but there’s just so much that you have to experience on your own too. I can only prepare you. Just remember: be honest, don’t rush, be understanding, take time for yourself, and communicate. Those are the most important things. I love you so much, sweetie. I want you to be happy and I know that you will be.

And if anyone ever hurts you I will break their legs. I’m your father, not a saint.

Love,

Dad

#nerdsunite

Want more from John? Click here to follow him on the twitter!

Check out his gaming site too!