<editorsnote>Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world. We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!!</editorsnote>
It is my goal for 2013 to take a lot of my weird and wonky experiences as a lifecaster and help nerdy peeps out by providing a frank (not shirley) and honest answer to some weird and potentially random questions you may have about life.
Wow, first of all thanks for reading and thanks for reaching out.
Second of all, what a gnarly story. (Even gnarlier that this dude and I are friends on twitter.)
Alrite, here's my advice ...
I've been dealing with potential investors (and now finally have an investor) for the last year and a half. Every meeting that I went to, every time I had to travel for a meeting WHATEVER the case was - I was 100% taken care of. I never bought a meal, or paid my way in any manner. All my flights, hotels, food, anything I needed was covered. Period end of sentence. The purpose of an investor is to invest. For them to ask you to front ANY money (no matter how big or small) in any regard is complete bullshit and sounds like one of those Nigerian scams.
I give you my cut of 45 million if you only give me 10K right now.
Doesn't make sense does it?
Albeit, this guy only asked you for $20 here and $35 there, that shiznat adds up!! An investor should NEEEVVVVVEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR ask you for a dime, let alone some "hanger on" that claims this other person is worth a ton of money.
Furthermore, the MOST successful people I have ever met never talk a big game. They are on the quieter side mostly, and are EXTREMELY practical. Even my investor will sit there and tell me about this super expensive Prada bag his wife wanted and how excited he was when he got it for like 1/3 of the price on ebay. This guy has more money (and continues to make more every day) than he could possibly spend in his lifetime and he is paying someone to sit there on ebay just for the sake of capturing the deal. It totally cracks me up.
The SECOND someone talks up a game like that though at a party or wherever, I'll walk away. It's bullshit. If he really did do all of the things he was saying he did, his reputation would precede him and a LOT of other people would be around him. The tech scene is a SUPPPEERRRRR small world (much like high school) and we're all up in each other's game. We're nerds, and SUPER competitive. If someone really was that good at monetization and was responsible for that much at iTunes, don't you think other people would know it? Wouldn't someone, SOMEWHERE, have written an article on him or something about him?
Also, credit limit? Come on. You think someone who has the kinda dough to invest actually has a credit limit? The most that should have had to happen in that situation was for the guy to get on the phone, talk to his credit card company, give him all of his financial deets (last tax return, social, etc), and they would have unlocked anything he needed.
This guy is totally full of it, and his friend I'm sure is involved somehow as well. As far as what they were looking for with you? I'm not sure. Obvi you have a great product and a great start up, I'm sure he was just trying to come in and work with you to say (when you guys do get funding) that he did that and he was responsible for it. There are a TON of shiesty people out there, but on an energetic level you just have to let it all go. People like that will hang themselves. It's not your responsibility to "out them" and if anything I would MASSIVELY advise against it. In doing so, you're involving yourself deeper with this person and you're taking on a degree of their karma. Let this dude hang himself. He sounds like he's giving himself plenty of enough rope.
Consider this a lesson learned and keep moving on your path. Don't gossip or speak ill of this person but SHOULD anyone ask you about him for sure tell them. (However, again, don't go and freely offer that info for karmic purposes.)
Let this be a lesson though to everyone else that an investor or potential investor should NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER ask for ANY sort of money from you. Again, THEY take you to dinner, THEY take you out to whatever. I even had a potential investor cut me a check once at lunch because he knew I was going to be traveling filming this TV show on a super limited budget and he wanted to make sure I came back alive. (I had confessed one night I was going to sleep in an airport.)
Best of luck on your own journey, but I'd advise staying as far away from this dude as possible.
Thanks for reading and please keep me posted. xx
Got a question? Drop me an email! JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover dot com
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Fabio. Yes. Real name. We're friends in the digispace and he owns and blogs at the fantastically awesome site LetsTalkSex.net. He's here today to share one of his latest and greatest tips on sex, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT FABIO!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Fabio Black
If you last longer on the toilet than in bed, you CAN do something about it and it's not shortening your poo time.
Let me introduce you to 13 unique tips to last longer.
Some of these techniques are a kind of training, some of them are last minute techniques, others are a mix. Try them all, starting from the one you like best and have fun.
1. Squeeze it up
So you're having sex, you're thrusting away and you start feeling than your warrior is on his way to "spread the word"... When you're just about there (even if it's only after 9 seconds) withdraw your sword from the cave and squeeze the bottom of the head with a couple of fingers. For better results, and to avoid screaming surprises in 9 months time, you'd better use a condom and try with masturbation first until you find the right spot.
2. Take a piss with style
On planet earth everyone pees. Since you have to do it, we' d better make peeing more interesting and useful. Here's the exercise: pee, interrupt the stream for a second, then keep peeing, then stop it again, then keep peeing... Do this a few times. Have fun, give it some rhythm. Think of your favorite song and keep the rhythm with your pee. Stopping between 3 to 10 times would be cool. If someone is next door and can hear you singing and keeping the beat with your pee, tell them you're practicing for your X-factor audition.
3. Get cheeky
Instead of making the head of your warrior too excited by moving it in and out her cave (whatever cave you happen to be analyzing) be cheeky and alternate thrusting with a circular motion, make your key explore all around the key-hole, clockwise and anticlockwise... This way all of it gets stimulated and his head can rest a bit. Side effect: the cave gets larger and larger and ready for your next dildo "play time" experiments.
4. Choose the right positions
Your partner is your ally. Take some days off work, tell your boss that you need to discover your ancestor's hidden gold, and devote yourself to full-time experimentation. Have as much sex as you can and look for the positions that make you last longer. Sometimes letting her flower climb your tree while you lay on your back and she goes for a ride, will make you last longer. But not everyone is the same, so you'd better adopt an adventurous stance and discover what works for you. Buy an Indiana Jones hat if it helps.
5. Stay in control
Watching a James Bond movie isn't enough. You need to change your mindset. Try it sometime, it's pretty cool. You usually have sex (cue soft music) because mother nature gave you this incredible urge to come in order to secure the recreation of your species and keep the flow of nature moving... You are a tool in the hands of nature (end soft music). Tell nature to f**k herself for once and take back control. Today you're gonna have sex and not come. How? Keep your level of excitement low... Withdraw your straw from the coconut if you need to, change positions and use your hand or tongue while your saber is out... Keep your excitement level "in control".
Then if you feel bad for mother nature, let your warrior sow its seed around.
6. Leave your gun in its holster. It's time to use your tongue.
Buy a fireman's outfit, get a notepad and a pen, and write down what makes your partner scream (besides turning the shower cold while she's washing herself) and when you have a list, spend time applying it during intercourse. If she needs you to create some origami, run the New York marathon, touch her nipples with 0.452g pressure in order to come, and for you taking off your underwear is enough, then at least you know what to do.
Get patient, use your hands and tongue on her body as Michelangelo would use his paintbrush on his masterpiece, and put your biscuit in the tea cup just when it's at the right "temperature". In this way, you'll Come Together just like in the Beatles's song.
7. Work Hard
Do you remember when you were a kid and trying to learn how to make your Transformer toy punch Gozilla in the face? You used to make a lot of mistakes, even silly ones, like letting Gozilla fly higher than your Transformer (shake head in disappointment). The same thing applies to boogie-woogie. When you get older you'll become more masterful with your ejaculation, and when you get even older you'll be so good that even if the hottest porn actress on earth starts licking your lollipop you won't come, it won't even "stand up" probably.
So, getting old isn't enough, you need to practice! Have as much sex as possible! The more sex the better.
8. Don't think of a naked pink elephant wearing a white bra and rubbing her ass on a streetlamp
Surprise! When thinking about stopping your ejaculation you are actually going to make it happen sooner! We'll never know why mother nature made our brains that way, but if you want to use the grey stuff in your skull to help you last longer you'd better focus on the pleasure you're feeling in-the-now everywhere else in your body and "forget" about the ejaculation (note: if you have a short memory and tend to forget too much, listen to a friend, use a condom).
9. Yeah! It didn't hurt
Finished early? Did you come as soon as you opened your bedroom door? Or didn't you even make it to the car park?
No worries! There's always round 2 (enter hot, half-naked girl with round 2 sign in her hands). Put on some Rocky Balboa music, and start again! The second time you'll last longer. Even if it's just for being able to take off her underwear, you will have improved a little and this experience will increase your personal best for next time. So remember, if you come too quickly the first time, go for the second one. Don't get depressed, chimpanzees' intercourse lasts 3 seconds, that's what our ancestors were like, we are learning new shit here.
10. Become a Prophet
Take some time for yourself and your favorite hand. Be romantic, take your hand out for dinner, buy her some cream and oil for her skin, tell her how sexy she is... and put her to work! Practice becoming aware of your level of excitement, your clairvoyant skills will improve and you'll be able to see the rise of your ejaculation - just like Nostradamus predicted the rise of Napoleon.. Basically what I mean is: this awareness will put you in control, and give you the choice of withdrawing your plug from her socket when it's time. Rest. Start again.
11. Test it on a (Minnie) Mouse
For once don't be an animal, when some nipples are in front of you, put your natural instinct back in your pocket and use your mouth - to talk. Ask her to collaborate in your laboratory research. That's the first step.
Second step: Buy some geeky glasses for you and a sexy minnie mouse dress for her, and get in a testing laboratory for a week or two of experimentation. Your goal is to discover what positions make you last a good amount of time, neither too much nor too little. For example, by sitting next to each other without touching you' ll last for days - so that's not a good one. Having her on her knees and showing you her beautifully round birthday cake while you rush to plant your candle inside it will make you come faster than Bolt in the 100 meters final.
So, take your time, and experiment with some other positions, you'll probably find that positions like side-by-side, reverse cowgirl or her on top will give you more control as your excitement will grow more slowly.
Be aware of your sensations, have fun and if your geek glasses get steamy, you know what to do...
12. Wait a minute!
This is the best technique. I know it may sound complicated and time consuming but this will really give you the control that you're looking for.
You're drilling her cave with your jackhammer and you feel like you're going to spill some oil soon... STOP, totally stop and wait 60 seconds to allow your hammer to cool down. You don't need to become weird and not blink or not move your hands and stuff like that. Don't take what I say too literally. Just stop stimulation. I know what you're thinking: Hey, and what about her? Take the opportunity to tell her how much you enjoy her flower, how sexy her boobage is and keep touching and caressing her, then after 30 seconds or 1 minute start your road works again...
13. Mind your Mind
Last tip. Go slowly. Pleasure is the goal. Try to change from a mindset of having sex because I-have-to-come-now-otherwise-my-nuts-will-explode! or, even worse, she-has-to-come-now-otherwise-she-will-be-disappointed-and-she'll-leave-me! to a mindset of I-don't-give-a-shit-about-my-ejaculation-or-her-orgasm-all-I-want-is-to-go-slowly-and-to-feel-this-pleasure-for-as-long-as-I-can.
This winning mindset will make all the difference. Use these 13 tips to kick your sexual stamina in the ass and call me when you have the opposite problem and last so long that she can't handle it anymore... At that stage I'll probably be on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean drinking coconuts and "making friends" with the local beauties...
I keep writing and rewriting the first sentence to this post. I'm so unexpectedly overcome with emotion I'm not even sure where to start with everything.
Speak your truth ... even if your voice shakes ... (er hands shake as you type)
So, a week ago now? Yeah, I was in Vegas for CES. And right before I left I had a SUPPPEEERRRRRR awesome date with this guy. Like crazy awesome. I couldn't remember a time I could be so frank with someone and speak so intelligently on so many things without feeling "judged."
I also analyze everyone and everything on a date. This guy in particular though, very very very deeply analyzed me back. It caught me off guard at first, especially when he used OKCupid blog questions against me.
He was definitely a next level dude, and I was so freaked out by how attractive and smart he was in general I was a total, total mess. To find someone you can converse with on that level is EXTREMELY difficult, you add in the fact that he is hands down the most attractive man I have ever dated and it freaked me out.
I'm used to one adding value to the other, but not OUT THE GATE having two such rare qualities was out of this world.
Our date ended very late that evening (no, not for that reason) and I just couldn't stop smiling. It was as if for this brief moment all of the pain, all of the heartache over having my work impede my dating made sense. We had met initially in a professional capacity so he seemed to jive with what I did for a living (and genuinely seemed to respect it). This is great, I thought. I can't wait to see him again.
The second that thought hit me, I also started to freak out.
I barely even knew the guy, but our conversation alone sent these SURRGGEESSSSS through my body. I'm going to lose the power dynamic in this courtship, I thought.
Must be calm like the grasshopper. Be calm like the grasshopper, I thought. Maintain position of power.
(Women btw, always have the position of power over men particularly in online dating. All we have to do is exist online and you WILL get a message from a guy somewhere. The constant stream of shiny things help keep dudes on their toes.)
I then put it all out of my mind and went to Vegas for CES.
I thought the girls were great, don't get me wrong, but that entire experience shook me deeply. To have the madam say that I was just like her girls but with corporate sponsors instead of sugar daddies really affected me.
That wasn't my intention, I thought. I just wanted to speak the truth and facilitate my existence through the sponsorships just to stay afloat.
I then got in the limo back to the penthouse, and I almost lost it. My friend was next to me, and I didn't want to burst out crying in front of him since I was genuinely grateful for the experience ... I was just so emotionally confused.
What am I doing to the quality of "relationships," I thought.
From a business perspective, I get what I do works ... and damn well ... but I also talk so much about dating and it's selling out these people and these relationships.
What am I DOING I thought?!
I wanted to be truthful, but the exposure makes me like a prostitute. I go through these motions for a purpose other than the experience. (Much like how those women use sex.)
I then sent the dude a picture of me with the girls at the brothel and then a text saying something along the lines of the experience was fascinating but it did nothing for me.
I didn't want to go into the dramatics of everything, and all of the lessons I had learned, but I wanted to at least share that in case he scoped out my social media and saw what I was up to that day.
You're at a brothel!? He texted back.
I then sent him a few texts back explaining that my friend did their webwork, etc. but it all fell on deaf ears.
He didn't text back.
Thinking, alrite, people are busy we all have our own shit going on I just stayed quiet until I came back from Vegas.
By the end of the movie I was balling like a baby. Fortunately, having friends there made it all easier. They acted as this reminder not of where I came from but of this "thing" that I no longer was.
It's a new chapter.
Saturday morning came around, and before I went to the gym I texted the duderino to see if he wanted to grab drinks. I had talked so much about my week, I had wanted to hear about his. (I wasn't going to mention how earth shattering that experience at the brothel was for me unless he brought it up.)
Before I even hit "send" on the text, I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasn't right.
I can't describe it but I KNEW at this point he wasn't going to hang out again.
I hit send anyway, and after my spin class checked my phone.
No text back.
In my endorphin based haze I started laughing.
Here was this guy that KNEW what I did for a living, (again we were involved first professionally) and even HE has a problem with my lifestyle.
It's not like I get my rocks off in dealing with these things, I am just INSANELY curious and by saying yes to everything it has lead me down this super gnarly rabbit hole. I never EVER get what I think I am going to from a given scenario, the only thing I know to do is just say yes!
I then went back home, dropping my gym bag off on my bed and collapsing.
WHAT.AM.I.DOING. I thought.
All of this feels like a double edge sword. The same thing that brought me to life, and gave me this ... fire ... and passion for EXISTING always comes between me and getting closer to a guy.
This IS a new chapter in my life, I thought. I need to change and do something about that.
The only thing at this point that I had yet to document dating wise was NOT dating.
I need a detox, I thought. I need to focus on things I am good at (which is clearly not dating), and learn to love from self out.
I then looked in the mirror and saw a super sloppy looking individual.
Albeit, to my credit, I had just come back from the gym, but the former Connecticut princess that modeled and wouldn't DARE to be seen outside of the house in open toed shoes without a pedicure stared back at me.
Get yourself together, then figure the rest out. Everything starts from within, I thought. You HAVE to take care of yourself first.
I then wrote out my declaration and for the first time, since starting this website, had this EXTREME sense of purpose and power.
I have a list of next doable actions, I thought. Like with everything else I have no idea what it is going to get me, but I'm excited that for the first time in a LONG time I know where I am going.
I then stared at the list of things I had to do in the next 30 days:
a) maintain manicure
b) maintain eyebrows
c) bikini wax (never done that one before)
d) go shoe shopping for myself and pay for my own shoes (I currently only own corporate sponsored shoes or domme shoes that my slaves bought me. I need to buy a pair for myself.)
e) girly slumber party
f) buy myself a new outfit for the purpose of impressing myself
g) buy a piece of art that inspires me
h) take a pottery class
i) cook dinner for friends
j) visit the lacma
k) host a chick flick marathon
l) go shopping with girlfriends and try on super girly clothing. The frillier the better.
m) take a bubble bath
n) visit a spa and pay for visit myself
o) purchase perfume
p) get a new tattoo (all big life changes require a tattoo)
q) meet someone that inspires me
r) make a new girlfriend
The tattoo stared out at me the most. I grew up saying to my parents the two things I would never do in life was 1) go skydiving and 2) get a tattoo.
I got my first tattoo (love on my right wrist) after my first suicide attempt. I genuinely had no idea at the time that there was a WHOLLLEEE movement of people writing "love" on their wrist after surviving a suicide attempt, to me it just seemed like a beautiful and permanent commitment to myself and promise that I would never do it again.
Yeah, that didn't go over so well.
I still had my nervous breakdown at 22, and it wasn't until almost three years later that I finally managed to get my shiznat together and start this website.
One of the things that had always spoken to me in life was Buddhism. If I am going to go down this rabbit hole, I thought and start this "website" (what does that even mean?!) I am only going to implement Buddhist principles into it. I don't AT ALL care if others follow suit, but to me this is important and the only thing I had CLUNG onto in starting this new life.
I need another tattoo, I thought. It's time. This is a new chapter.
I then tattooed the enso on my left wrist. I even went back to the same place (Tattoo Mania on Sunset) and livestreamed the entire process.
The owner, Rocco, happened to be there that day and he thought I was NUTS!!!
Who is this girl walking in talking to her phone claiming there are people talking back to her?
I then spent EASILY an hour talking to him about the future of social media and even offered up some advice on things he could do in his shop.
You should start a live webshow or some sort of web series, I said. I'd LOVE to see all the whacky people that come in here and try to get tattoos. This is Hollywood and you're open until 3am!!!
He laughed saying it was a good idea, but left it all at that. (This was in 2009 mind you.)
I then got the enso on my left wrist and called it a night.
<tangent> The enso symbolizes absolute enlightenment, strength, elegance, the universe, and the void. It is everything and nothing all in one. I viewed everything as a "void" at that place in time and I genuinely wanted more than ANNYYYTHIINNNGGG to just figure out what EVERYTHING MEANT!!! Clearly I was doing life (and death) wrong with so many failed suicide attempts and a nervous breakdown. If I just do the exact opposite of the way I was thinking and lived EVERY DAY like it was my last, what would happen? The enso became my symbol for just that. </tangent>
You don't have to see the whole path, Buddhism teaches you, but you just need to keep taking each step. It is only until you have taken that step that the next one will ever appear. I have lived that mentality every day for the last three years.
It wasn't until the end of last year though that I decided to start grounding myself financially.
I was unsure what was going on with our scripted TV show, and didn't want to "bank" on anything other than myself.
I didn't know what my next step was but knew if I turned to social media, there had to be SOMEONE in my network that could help me out.
I then saw something in my news feed by this dude that I knew was a super fancy pants Hollywood manager.
I sent him an email on Facebook asking for a moment of his time. I'm in an interesting position, and I'm unsure what my next move is.
I then told him my story, and after a couple of minutes he requested a meeting.
Sweet, I thought.
I then told him that I was in the process of seeking an investor, and told him all of my ideas.
Stop seeking the investor, he said. You have show ideas here that we can sell. Are you okay right now financially?
Yeah, I said. I make enough in corporate sponsorships to pay rent and put food on my table. That's a HUGE improvement from previous years.
He laughed and told me to just stick it out. He was going to take charge from here, and I shouldn't seek an investor unless it was something directly related to a show (and even then he just told me to put it all on hold).
I put it all out of my mind.
A few more weeks go by, and I happen to be at this party in Hollywood. I randomly chatted up this duderino who come to find out is a member of one of the wealthiest families in the country (and I believe actually even the world). He liked my brazen nature, and liked my ideas.
How do I invest in you, he said to me one day? I want to give you money so my daughter can work for you. You have a vision.
I stared back at him almost speechless. I stopped looking for an investor, I thought. The SECOND I stopped looking and focused instead on abundance and allowing everything to fall into place it just HAPPENED!!!
I then connected the investor with my manager and now all of that is happening.
I'm going to be fine financially from now on, I kept telling myself over and over in my morning meditation. I am never going to have to worry about money again, I kept repeating. I am just going to manifest one job after another and EVERYTHING is going to fuel Talk Nerdy To Me, Lover. I will only accept things that propel the brand - it can NEVER take away, I would chant over and over.
The only thing I have ever known to be true in life is that if I believe in something SO THROUGH AND THROUGH and with a very pure heart and very pure intentions, I can make it happen. Social media facilitates everything, I thought.
The last few months now have been bit by bit one more piece of awesome unfolding at a time.
Everything has become easier for me as more people are becoming involved with helping this vision grow and I have become calmer and a bit more reserved.
I've told my family and friends for months now that I felt I was in this new chapter. I couldn't explain it, but in dealing with the shaman for over a year now, and unleashing all of these life experiences I was finally ready to break free. I was going to stop holding myself back and allow even more to manifest. I was no longer going to be afraid of my own power.
I then thought about the concept of a feather. It was slightly symbolic because of twitter and my skills at being able to survive off of it, but also it's free nature.
A feather has no rhyme or reason, it just exists in this state of tranquility and beauty. It goes wherever the day takes it, and thinks nothing of it.
I thought back to the shaman. He's told me over and over that I had to get better at just "letting things go." I especially do it in relationships. (Like Romeo for 8 years.) Having been ostracized so much in my youth the second I get someone I never want to let them go. It's this crazy irrational fear of never having it again.
I need to be more like the feather, I thought this past week.
I googled some of the meanings of feathers from a symbolic and religious perspective and were greeted on one page with these words:
Fresh start
Bravery
Freedom
Yes, yes, and more yes, I thought. That is what I need in my life right now. I need to focus on myself and give Jen Friel a chance to exist outside of social media and outside of this website. I can't just preach intimacy, I need to live it.
This tattoo is the beginning of my attempt. I have no idea what that means outside of I'm REALLY freaking serious about this, and I'm EXTREMELY committed to this next chapter. No "magical" guy is just going to come along and sweep me off my feet. Like energy is always. always. always. attracting.
What am I doing for myself? How am I presenting myself? To attract the kind of love I want I have to become this beacon of it strictly for myself.
I need to love something, I thought.
I then thought about getting a dog yet laughed at my traveling schedule. Dude, I'm somewhere new almost every week, I can't get a cat let alone a friggen dog.
A plant then popped into my head.
A plant. YES!!! That I can do!!!!!
SO, tomorrow, to further my commitment I am going to go to Trader Joes or Whole Foods (anywhere really) and pick up a plant and call it "my love." I am going to nurture it and send positive vibes and loving energy to it every day.
I am going to make DAMN sure I am no longer emotionally unavailable by providing myself with a tangible representation of love. The love that grows in my heart, and the love that I have for myself and maybe if someone's lucky enough, for them too.
This is my commitment. It is a commitment not only for these next 30 days, but from this point forth, to be focused more on self. And not just in a mechanical manifestation way solely for business, but for me, the girl that is now a woman but still has problems with acceptance.
I am scared, but I will choose to only float like the feather.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013 at 10:53AM
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