Men, You Know You're Desperate For Sex If...

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Awesome Applesauce: Charles Quevedo

Men, when you haven't had sex in a long time (or ever), sexual frustrations tend to take it's toll on you and you feel like banging your head against the freakin' wall.  Here's the following warning signs.

"Men, you know you're desperate for sex if..."

1) You're making out with a chick, she unzips your pants and she discovers you're already wearing a condom.

2) You decide to do "cybersex" with complete strangers in an on-line chat room (uh, it's NOT actually sex... it's "typing", dammit!).

3) You're about to have sex with a chick and you CAN'T find any condoms around your house or apartment, so you settle for Saran Wrap.

4) You auction off your virginity over the Internet in an on-line auction.  The winning bidder turns out to be a 68 year-old Ukranian woman (in a wheelchair) who has the winning bid of $1.50.  You decide to put out anyways.

5) ALL your Twitter and Facebook friends are pornstars and you constantly pester them to star in your own homemade adult film.

6) You find yourself leering at the freshly baked apple pies at the bakery shop (yes, that's an "American Pie" joke).

7) You're STILL willing to have sex with the drunken chick who threw up her dinner on you.

8) You're willing to bang the psycho chick who has been stalking you the last 6 months.

9) ALL of the female pen pals that you write to are convicted felons (who are doing 10 to 20 years in a maximum prison).  You have their scheduled "conjugal visits" circled on your calendar.

10) You start your own adult film production company just so you have a steady flow of hot chicks.

Follow Charles on Twitter: @FuglyCharlie