#OncoLibido: Don't worry, there is sex after cancer
Sunday, July 11, 2010 at 10:40PM#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Andrew Gemmell
So I have to touch on the second time I attempted to have sex after I had surgery to remove my left testicle… Sometimes I still can’t believe I am writing about this stuff so publicly and openly with everyone able to know exactly who I am. Once again it was one of those nights that my friends and I were going out to the bar… but this time we all had dates that were going with us. It wasn’t a night that we were all just going out to meet girls or something like that. My friends were trying to help me out with a more comfortable situation with someone who I knew… you know instead of that awkward situation that had happened before… This time I was out with this beautiful girl who was about my age and well lets just say she and I had a passionate thing going on… nothing that really meant anything to either of us unfortunately, which brings me to one thing that I want to talk about… This thing that I want to talk about is something that I now like to call…
THE WAR PATH: the war path is what I am referring to as the time period between march 28th 2008 and October 16th 2009. This was the time period between cancer diagnosis’.
Ok so now to explain “The War Path” and what I mean by it. This was literally a time period when I was on what seemed like a war path to get my sex life back to normal. For me this was a battle because of all of the mental issues that I had going on. In this time period there were many girls that never really meant much to me other than being my friend… I am pretty sure that some of them… well most of them wanted to be more than that, and that caused a bit of drama. I am not using it as an excuse for me to just sleep with them and then not talk to them because I would have talked to them all again. With that said I was on a “war path” to get my life back to normal… which included being sexually “functional”. Like I had said before… I had trouble… keeping it up during chemo, but that was not the case here. I had not yet experienced chemo, and I had not yet really gotten over the mental crap that was going on. I tried to do everything in my power to get my sex life back without doing anything that wasn’t “normal”. When I started this “War Path”, it was after that first encounter really… I mean I ended up embarrassed, hurt, and just disgusted with myself really… When I look back at it now, I feel like I was way to hard on myself considering the things I had just gone through, but I guess this is how I came to become who I am today… so things really turned out for the best. I am sure that you…. yea you the person reading this blog can relate to being embarrassed, hurt, and disgusted with your self, I think everyone can… and if you can’t… well start taking some chances and making crazy decisions because I feel like that could be a vital part of life.
Anywayyyyyyyyyyyy, back to the story now that you know what the “War Path” is in a nut shell… haha… it’s funny because I have one nut… ok so not that funny! So We went out to the bar and there was a lot of flirting and dirty talk and all of that. In my mind I felt like this was going to help. I mean it was increasing what I felt was my sex drive, so I thought this could maybe be the answer, lots and lots… of dirty talk. So after hours of hanging out with her and my friends at the bar and all this dirty talk, and me feeling like that night would be the night… that I… would get my Libido back!
Of course the without fail… this was not the case, but I had to work through this one way or another… When I went home that night I did what I did best, which was make an ass of myself and in one way or another which could include using a lame pickup line in hopes that it would work!!!
This particular night I remember being drunk enough to use the line jokingly when I got home which was, “Nice shoes wanna…” I will leave the vulgarity out of it because I never know what age group is reading this blog… To my surprise this actually worked!! So of course this raised my confidence level to a point where I was confident enough to move things upstairs…
side note I also have to say that another reason I call this time period the “War Path” is because I won…and well lost some battles of my own in the case of my Libido…
Like the night before the lights were off and we started to the normal routine… well my normal routine in this situation which was losing close, kissing… all that stuff… EVERYTHING was going perfect I was getting back into things… I was getting back to being able to please a woman, and then… I realized that I… well to put it lightly be pleased myself…
I had never experienced this before… I had never had a problem keeping an erection, never had a problem being pleased, and never really had any sort of problem with sex at all. At this point I found that I was having no issue keeping an erection, but it must have been hours that we tried, and eventually I mean things got old… she got tired… and well we just stopped…
This of course like the time before was extremely frustrating… but I felt I was making progress so really… in the long run things were actually kind of looking up! I didn’t know what to think still though and with reason…
If I had only known the things that would happen next I would have probably taken some different steps in my life, or well made some different choices in a really major way… but that is a story for another time…
Until next time keep your head up and… Don’t Worry…There Is Sex After Cancer,
-Drew
Reader Comments (4)
i actually dated someone that had testicular cancer. honestly, it made no difference. i say that as MATTER OF FACT as possible too. I loved the person, and physically, he noticed it im sure wayyy more than i did. stay strong, thanks so so much for the post!
Jen!! Thank you for posting this here!! I understand where you are coming from, because now, over 2 years later... I am ok with my sex life for the most part, but the time between was quite the battle for me!! I mean I know it is different for everyone, and I hope no one has an experience like I did.
Now though I am ok, I have a girlfriend that loves me for me, and well... my sex life is much better than it used to be!!
Thank you for posting it!!!
Andrew
keep on rocking man!!! the honesty and candid nature of the post is INCREDIBLY inspiring. thank YOU! =) #nerdsunite
This was an amazing story and to put yourself out there like that takes more than just ball it takes alot of heart. You keep rocken sir.