#NowPlaying: The Airborne Toxic Event - Sometime Around Midnight
Tuesday, June 21, 2011 at 12:44AM
Just got in from this event tonight with the roomster. It was pretty rad actually, this chickadee that wants to help out this hotel with their social media-ness invited me ... super super super nice lady. I was explaining to her twitter, etc ... she dug it. Either way, still kinda just blah about everything from this weekend with the International Badass. Again, AH-MAZING time with an AH-MAZING human being ... but the roomie said something to me tonight that just kinda shook me. She was brushing her teeth the other night while he and I were skyping, and she could hear me talking and it shocked her. She had never heard that "tone" in my voice. She goes for the first time I could tell you were just being you, and not dumbing something down for someone; I've never heard you be that open with someone.
I just fucking feel like I am putting myself in this hole where this website is my only intimate relationship. That makes me AH-MAZING at what I do professionally ... but personally speaking, it's not enough. It's not even about dating someone, or I don't know ... maybe it is. I've just never had that. And I grew up with the Disney version of it, and it just makes me angry as an adult knowing that I organically don't seek it out, but because now as an adult I've never had it, I can't not want it. AHHHHHHHHH!!! Shut up, Jen. I'm just on the greatest ride of my life, and I truly believe it is only as good as the people you have to share it with. I am blessed to have amazing friends - but I want more, and I won't settle for less. Am I asking for too much, or not enough? And why is it I am so ADD that so few dudes can even hold my attention?
Guys tell me ALL the time that they love what I do, and find it all so fascinating ... but they end up watching instead of participating; that puts me in a fish bowl. Dudes, I only bite if you ask. Like straight up, down, left and right. Don't be lame ... talk to me.
Life is too short. Life is too short. Life is too short. And I am currently too fucking frustrated with my personal life. I have to change something. K ... music time.
#buenosnachos
Reader Comments (2)
For someone who comments so much about enjoying their lives you sure worry a lot about yours in relation to men. You get concerned about valentine's day even though it's a corporate holiday that doesn't matter (no really, it doesn't matter), and you worry about getting older even though there is nothing you can do about it, and both of these things are interrupting your flow. Go travel. Be real, be free, and quite frankly, if your 65 self could see you now, she would say "my god, just relax with the process, and enjoy your life, regardless of the men who flow in and out, NOT because of them, and NOT because of your age."
Oh also, for that woman who told you to keep stuff "ladies only", she can pop shove it up her ass. There is NOTHING wrong with what you are doing, feel no need to hide.
i do enjoy my life - but its not how my brain works. i break things down to figure out how to make them work. i do it with everything, you can't tell me to remove that from one facet of my life. i just need to figure out a gentle way to combine the two. i can't not be overly analytical about everything - its who i am, but how can i find a happy medium, and that is what i am going to try.