#Fact: The scariest part of the human experience is realizing how powerful you really are

Ahhhhhhhhhhh ... I'm going mad. 

These past two weeks have been the most stressful of my entire life. It's all obviously completely self-induced, but psychologically I am absolutely MAD right now. 

So, as I've said previously, I am currently raising capital. I am taking meetings with strategic and private investors and all of the feedback has been EXTREMELY positive. 

I am humbled ... so so so fucking humbled. 

My next doable action is to bring to the table my terms for this one crowd. I listened to my advisor at first getting back to him SUPER fast, but for the last week - I have completely retreated. It was mostly strategic to be honest, since I GENUINELY wanted to make sure I FULLY understood what I was agreeing to and was operating from a place of calm and not desperation or excitement. 

This is the part where meditation helps you so greatly in business. 

Starting this business was a no brainer. I hated my life, I hated EVERYTHING I was and EVERYTHING I had become - so changing wasn't even a thought, it was what I needed to do. 

I am now at that step again where I realize this is EXACTLY what I need to do, and it's all so scary. Financially speaking to be responsible for something that I didn't even think I'd make in a lifetime is a heavy, heavy feeling.

This is the biggest decision of my life, and I am doing it all alone. 

Yes, I have advisors (and one in particular that is literally holding my hand through this process) but it's nuts. My family has ABSOLUTELY no clue on any advice to give me, and I have super rich friends who have all started their own businesses who have been quite helpful - but it's all so, so maddening. I feel like I'm MVP of a game that I don't understand!!! 

My brain is running itself in one big circle which kicks my ADD into overdrive which causes my attention span and energy to drop down to nothing. 

I'm like a turtle when I get like this ... I just stick my little head back into my shell and retreat. 

The only problem with that though is I no longer have that childish option. I have to put on my big girl pants, run this business, take meetings, and fucking deal. 

That's NUTS!!! 

WHO EVER WANTS TO HAVE TO DEAL?!?!?!?! 

I can't focus on the fact that I am making decisions that will impact the rest of my life - I merely need to stay present in this moment and allow this fear, and anxiety to pass through me. I do not own this anxiousness, and while yes, I am manifesting it currently, I at ANY moment can change it and embrace the awesomeness and embrace the abundance. 

Fuck, all of this is so hard man. 

I can at least say when this is all over that "I did it," I just wish this "breaking through" process was 5% easier. 

Just 5%.

I'm not greedy, I promise. 

Oh yeah and ... 

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Comments

[Gary]

Proud of you! These are tough decisions for sure. But one day you'll look back and laugh at how you used to think these matters were bigger than you. You've got the gift, Sexy! It is only in the mentally constructed corporate illusion that these matters cause you stress. Follow your heart, Santiago...the language of the universe speaks in soothing melodies :)