#Question: Is it considered cheating if it's girl on girl?
Saturday, March 31, 2012 at 5:47PMSo, I just got a message on Facebook from the one ... the only ... Mr. Smith - inviting me out to kick it for a mutual friend's bday tonight.
Some of you may remember Mr. and Mrs. Smith from a few months ago and our SEVERE hanky panky that was just all shades of everything yummy, but very much unfinished.
Now, obviously tonight is going to be more clubbing and more of a hotel after hours - so we're not going to have a threesome since Mr. Smith prefers more privacy, BUUUUTTT I will guarantee you there will be some solid girl on girl make out opportunities. See, these peeps travel with quite the group - and they're ALL friggen gorgeous. Dudes, I had my first threeway kiss, all girls, with this crew. I'd genuinely be more surprised if this didn't end with an orgy (hopefully though sans all puppets).
My problem with all of this though is the fact that I've actually been dating someone for a hot minute. We're not BF/GF - he's just been a good friend for a few months, and we've recently stepped things up a bit. What's cool with this dude is he's also big in the nerd culture ANNNDDDD is also a public figure - so a lot of the shit that freaks dudes out about me he can do in return with HIS audience. It's fan-fucking-tastic and one of the most organic things that has happened to me recently. (PS. bonus points for him for living out so many fantasies already ANNNDD for being open to some really fucking kinky shit. WINNING!)
Either way, I don't want to fuck anything with this dude up ... clearly I'm not going to be having sex with anyone (male or female), but this situation does raise a pretty solid debate on cheating; if it is girl on girl is it ACTUALLY considered cheating??
I feel like it is. I don't want to kiss anyone else but him - I DEFINITELY don't want to/nor have I had sex with anyone but him ... but when the lines of sexuality fundamentally are all so blurred it can be so confusing.
What are your thoughts? If you are in a relationship (which again, I'm not) if you go to an event or party like this and make out with someone of the same sex ...
1) do you tell your partner?
2) is it considered cheating?
super curious on your thoughts!!
#rockon
Reader Comments (1)
WOW – I saw 100 comments on Facebook, but read the TNTML article to cultivate the particulars of the question beyond two girls kissing. I posted this as a comment on TNTML first. My answer is based on the question, but I’ll probably scan the FB comments because some are assured to be contemplative or even humorous referencing a few voyeur or threesome wannabe comments. The act of two girls kissing does not qualify as cheating, and neither does any other activity because the ‘X’ factor in this equation is cheating, which is defined by the mutual boundaries of the relationship. Period.
Cheating is the unacceptable behavior of one partner as defined by the mutual agreement of both. One couple may determine that attending a party with a majority of strangers, and separating with one spending an atypical period in isolated conversation with another unacceptable, while another couple may roll like Erica Jong on an airplane and a ‘zipless fuck’ not breach the parameters of the mutual boundaries. All in all, cheating is never defined by the activity, but the violation of the mutual agreement. A common question is whether or not someone with a chat friend they become attached in some way is “cheating” since they never meet IRL, and the answer is the same. It is not the activity, but the adherence or violation of the trust agreement.
My examples have been very dichotomic for the sake of expression, which should make the definition of the boundaries easy to define. As activities become less polar as well as the depth of commitment in the relationship increase, the most important factor is the communication. The better the communication becomes, the better the understanding and less likely there will be a problem. Likewise, good channels of communication have the effect of reducing issues and resolving them if they occur. BTW – some people believe that more than a sexual encounter can be cheating the relationship, e.g. drug use [or an addition] as well as other activities, and others question when did the drug use begin? Was it before the relationship began and one partner had an expectation of change after the development of the relationship, which brings a whole new big popular question to consider?