#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen: A guy you're dating shows up at your door uninvited
Thursday, May 10, 2012 at 8:49PMWow. Wow. Wow. Yesterday I had a first, and I genuinely only decided to write about this because he unfollowed me on twitter so I know he won't see this.
HOLY SHIT I can't believe I had a dude show up at my door without confirmed plans - now I hope peeps get why I'm EXTREMELY careful and prudent when it comes to letting dudes take me home and see where I live ... THINGS LIKE THIS HAPPEN!!
Alrite, alrite, before my muffin gets too miffed lemme break it all down for you ...
So, like I said, a week and some change ago I was watching my FAAVOORRIITEE show on National Geographic and totally asked out the dude on the show on twitter. He was imprisoned in Pakistan and I totally heart people with insane life stories so I thought we could relate and thought we could jive in some capacity.
First date was awesome sauce. He's a really big dude, and definitely someone you don't want to fuck with which as a chick who seeks that masculine protection it was a big bonus. He then tells me about past people he has dated which ranged from the chick that EVERY.SINGLE.DUDE. in my high school jerked off to, to the TV talk show chick that I grew up watching, and adoring.
My bet was on the talk show chickadee being pretty awesome since all I know about the uber hotties is that after spending the last 6 years going to the Playboy Mansion on a regular basis, the more commercially hot the chick the more bat shit crazy she be.
I can't imagine what it's like to be an international sex symbol and rely strictly on external validation for everything. Dudes Pam Anderson is the exception because homegirl was the SHIT! (See video below)
That woman was so freaking smart, and such a brand .... this other chick was the late 90's early 2000's version of Pam, but didn't have the staying power because she's either not as business savvy, or just genuinely wasn't interested. She's still around, of course, and most recently got a lot of press for her latest flick - but either way, the only thing I kept thinking in my head was that like energy attracted. Could this guy be crazy too? Besides the obvious reasons, why would he date this chick and why would he even bring it up on a date?
FTR, I only mention on this site (and not on dates) that I dated and am still casual friends with Viper from Full House. Myspace stalker @JenFriel <------ right here!!
He then said how much he disliked the pinup and how much he adored the talk show host.
::whew:: I thought. Alrite, alrite, this I can handle.
So, we then leave the bar and he takes me on the back of his bike on a tour through Hollywood. (He doesn't drink, has never been in an accident, AND I had a helmet - so I felt pretty safe. Well, 5% safe 95% insane).
Great first date. No kiss at the end of the night, which I was fine with. Everything was kosher - he kept me intrigued enough to definitely want a second date while still remaining a bit mysterious.
On Monday, I get a text asking for a second date. (First date was on a Friday, then Saturday he had text me to see the Avengers but I already had plans .... so this was now attempt number two for the second date.)
Dinner? He texts Monday afternoon.
Sure! I say getting right back to him since he caught me in-between posts/ meetings.
We then have dinner Monday night, and he was GREAT! I had such a blast riding around with him - and he even helped me achieve clarity on a lot of levels as I am RIDICULOUSLY scared of motorcycles (even though I grew up on a moped).
He then drops me off at my casa, again no kiss.
Whatever, I thought. I could tell this guy was SUPPPEERRR into me, like crazy crazy crazy into me. He said multiple times during the date, "you never know, this could have been a special or big moment ... this could have been blah blah blah .... or the people I just introduced you to wanted to know if you were my gf."
Dude, it's a second date. Like 6th or 7th date I MIGGHHTT start to want to talk about that shit, but let time pass ... MORE THAN TWO FREAKING DATES!!!!
I'm not a fan of when guys crowd me too much. I LOATHE talking to people on the phone and I LOATHE too much communication. Let me text you. Period end of sentence. If I'm into you, I'm going to text you!! I'm GOING to want to see you. If you keep texting me you're just freaking me the fuck out and I'm going to run. Just be you, be awesome, and be CONFIDENT in yourself that you KNOW I'm going to text you because how could I not ... you're THAT awesome.
This guy was not that .... at all ....
So Wednesday afternoon I went to see my Shaman @realityadjacent and then had that whole blah with Romeo - I was in a gnarly headspace and when I get like that I immediately shut down. I turn off my phone, I turn on netflix in my room and I just retreat like a turtle. I'm not a "let's talk about your feelings" kinda person - I get very quiet and will normally either have an extremely cathartic writing session, or I just fall asleep.
Around 6:45 yesterday I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was fall asleep. I then turned on Netflix as my head hit the pillow and slowly drifted away into Kell on Earth.
About 15 minutes into the first episode I hear a motorcycle.
Now, my neighbor has a motorcycle so I didn't really think about it ... but something in my GUT told me to turn on my phone - I can't describe it.
I then turn on my iPhone and seconds later see this message ...
I then RUNNNNNN out of bed and into my roommate's room (her room has a tree in front of it and is also facing the front of the house so I could see out to the street).
It's barely visible, but I can definitely see the muffler on his bike.
OMG OMG OMG, I think - he's HERE!!
I then vaguely remember having plans with him. He mentioned he was in this tournament that he thought i'd enjoy. I told him in passing, great! I'll see if I can come by - similar to sure, let's kick it sometime next week. No defined plans, no definied ANYTHING!! annnnndddd he didn't even text me before NOTHING!! He literally just showed up at my door a half hour early for something he clearly thought was a date.
HOLY SHIT, I thought, THIS IS SOME NEXT LEVEL SHIT!!
I then freak genuinely not knowing what to do. Do I go downstairs? No!! I don't want to see this guy right now. Boundaries motherfucker - have some R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
I then call my neighbor @acoolong who lives a stones throw away from my place and ask for her wisdom.
What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? I say freaking out but staying calm enough to know that 1) that my doors are locked and I am safe and 2) that he's genuinely a good guy, just a little socially awkward.
Text him back, she said. Say you are some place far and weren't sure that you guys even had plans.
Good idea, I say back as I hang up promising to call her back once the problem was taken care of.
Here is my response back ...
He's not getting it, I think.
OMG OMG OMG how is he STILL not getting it, I think my hands now visibly shaking.
Where else was this going to go, I thought?
Just please please please leave. This is 100% a deal breaker and something I've genuinely never had a guy do before to me ... ever ... let alone only after TWO DATES WITHIN A WEEK!!!
He then proceeds to sit on his bike outside my house for the next 15 minutes. He genuinely might have been killing time since he thought at this point I wasn't home ... but I was BUGGIN!!! BUGGIN BUGGIN BUGGIN!!
Just freaking LEAVE I thought! I don't have a SINGLE thing against this dude, I thought he was actually pretty rad to kick it with - painfully insecure - but rad none the less, with very very very interesting life stories.
LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE I began chanting in my head willing him to leave my front step.
I then hear the roar of his motorcycle as I get on the phone again with Amanda.
He's leaving, I said. He waited 15 freaking minutes!! He might have been killing time since he thought I was in the valley, but that's weird, right?
Yes, it's weird. Just lock your door she said and don't go outside for a few hours.
Not a problem, I said. My night was devoted to Netflix anyway.
So ... that happened. I fell asleep pretty early and then got up this morning at the butt crack of dawn to work.
At 1:27 I then get this text ...
Because I am on a skype meeting I don't answer, and 20 minutes later I get this ...
You can read people, I thought, but can you read yourself?? I said JACK.SHIT. to this dude. I only didn't get back to him because I was on a call, but around the time of the second text I was just PISSEEEEEDDDD.
STAGE. FIVE. CLINGER.
Coming to someone's house like that is insane enough. Note to nerds: Do not ever ever ever go to someone's place unless you have 100% confirmed plans. If this dude had even said, hey, on Monday I know we talked about this, but are you still game to go? It would have been NIGHT AND DAY an entirely different story. He SHOWS UP AT MY PLACE with unconfirmed plans. That is just every level of a deal breaker.
No. Freaking. Bueno.
THEN, as I am on a client call I get interrupted with the text notification as he sends THIS ...
I then laugh as I say to the client that I have had the weirdest afternoon ever.
They laugh saying, you would.
For the record, this guy DIDN"T do anything wrong from a verbal perspective. He didn't say anything wrong, I had an awesome awesome two dates - but him showing up at my place A HALF HOUR EARLY with unconfirmed plans was too much for me.
Way too much.
THIS GUY AND I DIDN"T EVEN KISS!! Let alone have sex ... let alone .. ANYTHING .. and he was THIS big of a clinger. wow. wow. wow.
Excuse me, but now I have to suffocate myself with my pillow.
I. Hate. Dating.
#kthxbye
Reader Comments (12)
All I can say is...wow. I freaked out over a guy wanting to come to my house and pick me up and I had never met him. I appropriately freaked the fuck out, and cut off all contact to him. But this guy was definitely different. You're definitely not crazy. We have built-in weirdness detectors and you definitely were getting lots of red flags.
oh i absolutely absolutely got a lot of red flags. At the end of the day though I NEVER expected him to just show up at my place. He's not a legit creeper, he just honestly doesn't date - and doesn't get that this isn't okay.
it's really no wonder when girls like you are single. you bitch when guys are douchebags and inattentive. you bitch when they are overly attentive and not perfectly smooth at the dating game. the guy doesn't sound like a clinger. sounds like miscommunication. he put himself out there four or five times to ask you out. you blew him off. he sounded pretty gracious about the whole thing in text. he asked out out again. you got insecure... and then decided to embarrass him. you're smart and funny and a great writer. i'm just not sure you'd make a great friend. i have a problem with people who are cruel, rude, backstabbing. someone who's awkward..... i don't feel the need to ridicule them.
If you had no confirmed plans and he just showed up with no warning, why did you text him "I didn't mean to confirm the plans"?
I hate to be the voice of reason but you were the one who fucked up here. As someone with a penis I'm not sure why you made forgetting you made plans his fault, but you lost me trying to make a case for his insanity. His txts, which you posted, seemed very sweet and perhaps a psychological trigger kicked in when you actually realized you were with a dude who has been locked up in Packistan. Either way you sought him out and are sadly in the wrong here. Plus stop using so many capital letters. It makes you seem crazy.
we didnt make plans - at all. its like me saying - i have this thing next week if you want to check it out and you saying sure! let me know about it later.
he had all day to text/ call/ confirm ... nothing. he then chooses to show up at my door. that's never okay
You said he was a prisoner in Pakistan? I'd see how that could be interesting and such but how long was he there? And imprisoned? I mean, that could have lent to his lack of social awareness and also the low self esteem you spoke of.
I think youre the wacko who totally misconstrued his intentions
You can't honestly think that just because someone unfollows you on twitter means they won't see a blog post written about them, especially if you think they are a stage five clinger. You are either not that bright, or else you wanted him to read the insulting post, which would be cruel if it wasn't laughable.
I happen to know the Nat Geo Pakistan Prisoner guy (which demonstrates bias, but doesn't detract from the credibility of what I'm about to say). He is the complete opposite of a clinger, a far cry from socially awkward, and was completely not interested in dating you (based on his history, looks, and actions of not kissing you on two so called "dates"). I think you have completely misread him, and the situation.
That being said, cowardly hiding in your room to avoid dealing with a simple misunderstanding is childish. He is not a creeper, you were not in any kind of danger, and he was nothing but nice to you based on the texts you've shown. Grow up.
Also, have some respect and stop lying. He kindly, preemptively apologized for any misunderstanding, and you respond with a lie saying "dude u didn't do anything..." You then proceed to write an entire post on what it was he did wrong and then insult him in your blog for reading you correctly. I agree with Ben & babykeiks, you're just another example of a seemingly crazy chick.
You should reflect back on this one; you lost the opportunity of having a great FRIEND.
Sounds like you were reading too much into his behavior. Probably just an honest mistake. Another female over-analyzing the situation.
So let me get this straight. If someone makes plans with you earlier in the week, and you agree. And they show up the day of, but didnt confirm with you before showing up. They're a stalker????? Sounds like this guy actually keeps his word which is rare, and you threw him under the bus for it. That's kind of messed up. He obviously thought he had a date with you. And he handled it classy when you blew him off.
Well this gentleman you dated wrote a blog about you enjoy ..
First off, let me start off by saying, my fucking tourneys are basically always going to be the same from here on out until the fucking zombie apocalype happens, which i will fucking be ready for fyi. So
every tuesday at 8:30 pm tourney 60 buy-in - cash afterwards
and
every thursday - 8:30 pm tourney 60 buy-in - cash afterwards
I say this, because thats just the way it is. Now, here's my fun fucking week. This is how it starts off. Some whackjob fucking bitch that was not at all fucking hot contacts me via twitter to give me props on my retarded LOCKED UP ABROAD episode. She then ask me out for drinks sometime. I dont drink, never have. But I like meeting new people. So I show up to a bar and learn this chick is all about the web and blogging and has crazy good contacts and is actually quite intelligent. Something that is a complete rare find in LA. Sorry ladies, but the majority of you are fucking dumb. This chick however is quite intelligent at first impression.....so I thought. We had a fun great night. I wasnt at all trying to hook up with her, i was just looking for someone to chill with and have fun. I thought her and I could be FRIENDS only. She's all up front with how she wrote a book about dating 103 dudes in 8 months, so i'm thinking, this chick isnt trying to hook up with me and thats cool. She's being open and honest, so I can be open and honest with her too. Her and I can be cool. And because I'm one shallow asshole, i sort of figured she would be smart enough to realize that she has absolutelly no chance with me. Because I'm fucking hot and she is not. So I'm respectful, I'm funny, and we have a good time. I take her home, and I give her a hug, and that's it. Did not try to kiss her, did not try to do anything. Then I ask if she wants to join me for Avengers a couple nights later. She replys she's busy, fine. I see the movie by myself. I want to talk to this girl some more because I did genuinly like her personality and thought she and I could be good friends and possibly good allies in Hollywood. So Monday, I text her "Dinner tonight?" She responds hell yeah, sounds good,and I pick her up on my Harley and head over to the grove. Have a fun great night. Go on a tour around Hollywood, and run into some of my friends. My friends ask me if "She's my girlfried". I respond "Nope, just friends". I never insinuated anything other than just friends and introduced her to everyone as JUST my Friend. Again i drive her home and give her a hug. No fucking kiss. Because i'm not interested at all in this bitch. "Girls....!!!!!!! Remember this. Just because a guy hangs out with you, DOES NOT mean he wants to fuck you. Your vagina's are not that fucking impressive anymore. Plus I dont drink so I have no fucking reason or inspiration to fuck 99% of you. Now back to my story. Believe it or not, I"m being a complete gentleman to this chick, because I know I"m an asshole, and I just wanted a friend. Before leaving on my bike, I ask her (Its Monday) if she wants to come and watch the Dodgeball Playoffs on Wednesday night. It's literally right down the street from where she lives in West Hollywood at the Pointsettia Rec Center. She says that would be awesome, I'd love to. I confirm,( key word ) CONFIRM with her on Tuesday night, i had the text and everything. Said "Hey just making sure you're still up for playoffs on wednesday. She confirms via text "Yeah, still down." I text her, I"ll see you at 7:30. I show up on wednesday at her house a little early, at 7:05pm. Text her that i'm early, and if she's around then we'll grab something to eat, otherwise I'll just read until 7:30. (I had a script I picked up). I get a text from her shortly later telling me that she's in the valley and is swamped with work or something. I tell her I understand and that its my fault because i'm early. She then responds that "I"m not gonna make it, I didnt know we confirmed" . I'm thinking to myself "Well thats bullshit, because I confirmed with your ass last night." But I want to be respectful because I'm not trying to get into this girls pants, she just forgot and that's all good. So I tell her "No problem, I understand, Another time. Then I'm believing that she's busy, and i'm already getting into my script while sitting on my bike, and i've plenty of time to kill, so i read the attached notes to the script, whose directing it, whose producing it, and what the synopsis is about. I sit on my bike for maybe 8 to 10 minutes just reading. Then I leave. No big deal. I go and play dodgeball, fucking killed it by the way. My team won the finals because I'm a badass mofo. Then yesterday, I text this girl and ask her if she's free for dinner friday. I dont hear back from her, takes quite a while, and then finally my poker read kicks in and I know somethings off. I must've done or said something wrong like I usually do, and I know, I got a bad habit of not filtering what I say, but I was genuinly being a gentleman with this girl and not wanting to piss her off, because I thought she was intelligent and sweet and I really just thought she would be a kickass friend. But somewhere, something happend, and she got scared off. So oh well, no loss. No harm no foul. I text her, "I dont know what I said or did, but I'm sorry. I need to learn to filter my self." She responds back "Dude, you did nothing wrong, I'm just slammed with work". First off ladies, if you use the word "Dude" somethings wrong. I dont try to understand it or address it. What's done is done and for whatever reason, her perception of me has changed. So i just simply text back "I'm good at reading people. I did something that put you off. But it was nice meeting you regardless." And I end it. Nothing lost. No big deal. And I go with my life. Then I have a friend on twitter say "Hey, some chick is blogging about you." I"m like ???? What the fuck is he talking about? He sends me this link, which before you read, let me remind you that woman are fucking dumb. Their worst enemy is their own fucking imaginations. Also remember, I did confirm with this dumb bitch about our dodgeball plans, and I never tried to hook up with her because I was not at all into her face and body. So now without further delay, enjoy reading what goes on in a fucking retarded girls mind. http://www.talknerdytomelover.com/home/2012/5/10/thatawkwardmomentwhen-a-guy-youre-dating-shows-up-at-your-do.html
And I just want to say, fucking hillarious. How the fuck can I be a level 5 clinger when I had no fucking intention of ever hooking up with her? If I wanted to hook up with her, I could've and I would've, bottom line.
Girls.......Stop being stupid. Seriously.
Sorry that took forever. Yet there's more.
Some 14 year kid contacted me on twitter on Tuesday saying he was going to kill himself because some girl broke up with him. Was not at all how I wanted to spend my day. So a part of me was like "Fuck this shit, I dont want to get involved." But my conscience was like "Little bastard looks up to you for some fucking reason. If you can do something, fucking do something." So I spend a good part of the day trying to cheer this kid up. Just keeping him laughing. He's claiming he has a gun and he's about to use it. You can check my twitter account and read the exchange between him and I if you're at all curious about the details, but while i'm going back and forth with this kid and trying to calm him down, a friend on my facebook profile (which I've been updating the situation on) has family in Pennsylvania (where this kid lives) and has them contacting the authorities. Finally this kids starting to open up to me and gives me his cellphone. We start texting back and forth and I"m basically telling him "I"ve been dumped 100 times, and every time I thought I had my heart broken by some dumb bitch, a much dumber, but hotter bitch took her place. And then I was like "Good thing I got dumped by that dumb bitch, otherwise I wouldnt be with this dumber but hotter bitch." So basically I was just keeping him laughing. I dont know why that got thrown into my lap, but it really stressed me out. But i'm happy it turned out all right. The cops got to his house and he's now seeing a councelor and maybe he just was looking for attention, but just in case..I'm glad I didnt turn my back. That all happened on Tuesday. And for my good Karma, the cocksucker upstairs (who for whatever reason hates my fucking guts) goes and unleashes a whack job popular blogger with her facts not straight and her imagination rampant and writes a story making me look like a stalker. "I would never stalk your ugly ass by the way" But he doesnt end it there with me.
You would think that's a filled up week, right? NO NO, my weeks just getting started. My phone starts getting these blocked number calls. I never answer that shit. And its a good thing I dont. But I also hardly check messages, which is something I need to get better at. On Wednesday I listen to the message, and it's from a detective asking me to come to the station to give a statement in regards to a certain date back in March. I'm like wtf? What happened in March. So I go to my online diary (Facebook) and i look up what could've happened on that date in March? Awww shit!!!! It's fucking that dickhead that set me up for Pakistan. He's trying to press charges against me for going and saying hello to him after all these years. Maybe that visit wasnt the brightest idea on my part, but it was helpful in getting much needed information from him that my collection attorneys can now use to seize his assets. The information i got out of him that day allowed my attorneys to get his social security number and see that he's got quite a few properties with alot of assets attached to them. Also learned that this scumbag is still up to his old habits. He's currently being sued by several investors because he and some chick started a ponzy scheme. Which means that I need to get my lawyers after him asap, Because I plan on getting paid. So one thing I learned a long time ago is to never talk to the cops. Fuck that. Just keep your mouth shut people when at all possible. So I had to go and Lawyer up. I cant go into too much detail, but worst worst case scenario, I'm looking at a 1 year nap in jail. My guess is this guys going to try to strike a deal with me saying "I'll withdraw my charge if you withdraw your judgement (which is 20.4 million dollars by the way). I will gladly smile in that fools face while I do the time, and collect every fucking penny i possibly can from that motherfucker. The realistic scenario is I'll probably end up high fiving the judge on my way out of court. This asshole took 3 years of my life. And now he's trying to punish me some more. hahaha my fucking life. I love it. So Normal. Alright, if you're still reading, hope you enjoyed. Hit me back. If you dont like these, hit me back, I'll happily take you off.