Fun with #OkCupid: 3 different emails ... 3 different responses

First up, if you haven't read my OKC profile - you can check it out over yonder. Might make some sense to the things guys reply to, haha. But for reals, these are all actual emails I've received recently, and my actual responses back to them. It is through this transparent experience that I hope you all can take away some knowledge on what works and what doesn't in the hopes of making your online dating experiences that much more fanschmastically awesome. YAYYYY ONLINE DATING YAYYY!!! K ... cool ... here we go ...

Do I want to chat on AIM? What?!?!?! No, it's an online dating website!! You live in the same city that I do - why wouldn't we just grab a beer or a cup of coffee?? 

Lame. Lame. Lamer than lame. Men under no circumstances should you EVVEERRR message this to a woman. For reals, step out of the chat rooms and step into IRL. 

Actual Response: None

Ahhhhh he must be referencing this video ... 

Like I said after my tour of a BDSM club, it's something that I still have yet to explore further, but in the right intimate setting .... with the right person ... yeah, I'd be game. I genuinely don't know if I'm going to find it on OKC though. Hey! Maybe when I'm in NYC next ... but doubtful. 

Actual Response: None

I can't BEGIN to tell you how many emails a week I get asking that same thing ... and I just wanna know ... WHO THE FUCK HAS IT EVER WORKED ON?? 

Seriously!! Who has EVVEERRR said, yes, creepy OKC dude, I will gladly come over to your apartment - or better yet you come to mine - where I will gladly undress for you as you rub oil all over my body. 

A guy I am seriously dating is ABSOLUTELY allowed to give me a rub down ... a random on OKC? You have GOT to be kidding me!! 

Fail. 

Fail. 

Fail.

Dudes, don't ever message this to a girl. Instead, pick one detail from her profile and ask her to elaborate. Maybe if I happened to be a masseuse that could be a nice lead in - but it's too strong otherwise. Stick with what you already know about the person and ask in a clear and concise email for them to tell you more. 

Actual Response: None

There ya go nerderinos. Hope this makes you all feel 5% more normal! Best of luck out there!!!

#love