#NerdsUnite: That time I accidentally met a Kardashian (only to immediately regret it)

<editorsnote> If you're an executive reading this after our pitch meetings, here's a post highlighting what we discussed. And here is the most recent slave post. If you're a nerd, keep reading ... </editorsnote> 

Shout out to @hey_schwartzy for the reminder that I needed to tell this story. 

A few weeks back, I posted a meme on Insta that surprised me ... 

Love them or hate them, I've never been the kind of person that felt the need to "take someone down" in order to feel better about myself. Frankly, I thought Lady Di looked stunning and didn't think much more about it.

Kut to less than 24 hours later, I khanged my tune ... 

... only this time it wasn't behind my komputer ...

it was IRL ... and BOY those fist were-a-shaking ... 

I also kan't believe I haven't told the story of my first interaction with the Kardashian Klan, so let's go full throttle and open up the ... 

... and no, not that kind of kan. 

Maestro ... 

Picture it, 2013. One year before Jerry Bruckheimer bought my life rights (twice), and two years before this blog sold in a four way bidding war between ABC, CBS, NBC, and FOX ... I took a series of what they kall "generals." 

I had a manager at the time whose job it was to book general meetings with agents, studio execs, production kompanies, showrunners, basically anyone who is anyone in their rolodex that would potentially want to develop a show either about you or somehow involving you. 

I (no joke) took 50+ meetings and (with equal amount of enthusiasm) said the same lines over and over (as told in this vimeo) ... 

While most were awesome, there was only one that was truly memorable. KUWTK is produced by Bunim and Murray ... 

aka, the people who also kreated this show ...

Pre-the big social media boom, anyone and everyone aspired to be one of the "seven strangers picked to live in a house, work together, and have their lives taped." We then found out "what happened when people stopped being polite, and started getting real." 

I WORSHIPPED this show growing up; I fell in love with the Miami season in 1996, and from that point on my relationship with TV was forever khanged. 

I found the kast to be not only aspirational but also accessible. I didn't just want to be like them, I might at some point be able to BE one of them (due to their annual nationwide casting of 18-24 year olds). 

Bunim and Murray kreated the archetypes of the "good girl, bad boy, jock, bitch, preppy, there was always someone who was gay, and there was always that quiet person that you never knew why they were picked but maybe it's because they were the 'straight guy.'" 

Real Worlders were like OG social media influencers, and kreated the entire reality TV genre.

<tangent> I remember when I first moved to LA and would see Real Worlders (and their sister show Road Rulers) in the wild and FREAK!!! 

::whispers:: Also, when I say "first moved to LA" I also mean this past year when I matched with Syrus on Bumble ... 

We made it exactly two whole gif exchanges ... 

... before he stopped talking to me.

I GOT TWO!!!! </tangent>

When I found out that Bunim and Murray wanted a general I part kried, part screamed, and (more likely than not) got down on my knees thanking the gods for shining down and making all of 13 year old Jen's dreams kome true. 

It was time to get real & 
I am literally Jen For-Real!!

I prepared as best as I kould konsidering I had done this kountless times before. 

Generals are like dating - there's no preparing, you either have khemistry or you don't.  

I arrived with my manager 15 minutes before the meeting was set to begin. I had explained to him on the drive up how much Bunim and Murray meant to me and that I was going to need a few minutes in the space before I kould actually be expected to speak. 

Once through the doors, I quickly asked where the restroom was, limiting any and or all eye kontact just so I kould gather the troops.

"You can do this," I actually said to myself in front of the mirror.

Fortunately the restroom was empty, but that would have been even funnier had it not been.  

I then rejoined my manager and moments later we were kalled into the executive's office. 

On the wall, I saw post it note after kolor koordinated post it note - an entire room filled with them, with the name of each of the Kardashian's at the top. 

<tangent> I didn't know this at the time, but they were kharting out the season arc for each of the kast. I vividly remember seeing the name Kris with a series of post it notes talking out her journey as a talk show host. Mind you, this hadn't been announced yet, nor did I sign any sort of NDA so that I found kinda strange. </tangent> 

The meeting began without any sort of pleasantries (which wasn't too unusual - some people really do like to kut to the khase). My manager and I were on one kouch, and the executive was on the other slightly longer one. 

"Describe your life, Jen," said the manger. 

I immediately went into my pitch, and was stopped somewhere around the "accidentally going out on 103 dates in 9 months using the OKCupid algorithm." 

"Who sexually abused you," asked the executive? 

Surprised, at his super blunt question, I said "no one" ... which wasn't technically true, but if you're going to get that kind of information out of me, we're going to have to know each other for at LEAST five more minutes.

"Tell me about your home life, family, friends, any drug addicts, your parents- are they in jail?" he asked with a kut of kurt. 

"I'm not sure where this is going," I abruptly stated.

"I need to know where the drama is," the executive said. "What is it that makes you and your blog so interesting?" 

"I'm not dramatic in the traditional sense," I said. "I just happen to have all of these strange life experiences and instead of judging them, I just go with it to see where the lesson is. I couldn't have planned any of this if I tried."

Proud of myself for flipping the switch, I then literally watched him flip his own as his body went from vertical to horizontal in no less than 15 minutes. 

His eyes never technically shut, but the meeting did awkwardly end with a wondering of "did I actually just put this person to sleep?" 

We were then shown out and fortunately, (even at that time), I was confident enough to not take it personally. Much like (again) in dating, he just wasn't that into me. 

As a Lolita of literalness, en route back to the car, I still needed some sort of klarification as to exactly how that went. 

"I'm just konfirming that that didn't end well - is that korrect?" 

"That was definitely a first," he said. "Out of all my years, I've never seen an executive not like someone so much that they actually pretended to be asleep." 

"But that kould also be good in the sense that I got a reaction out of them, right?" 

"Oh no," he quickly replied, "you're for sure not getting another meeting with Bunim and Murray. 

Only he wasn't kidding, six years later ...

I still haven't had another meeting with Bunim and Murray. 

... or not. Hakuna matata. 

Oh, but back to the point of the Kardashians ... so I posted that meme, and I kurrently have a rebound rate of whatever I think/ intend being presented no less than 24 hours later. It's happened 8 times in the last two months. All with people I haven't seen or spoken to in years - I'd randomly mention their name or a situation and boom! They appear either in person or through social media. 

I've always been a manifesting magician ... 

... but now I'm transitioning into more of a deliberate manifestor. 

What I've done has been great, and I'm really proud of everything, but it's still not enough (which I feel like is also playing into my depression). 

Either way, I posted that meme and 24 hours later, I jetted off to a meeting in West Hollywood. As I went to turn from Melrose down this SUPER small and tight alley .... 

... I noticed I couldn't because a big blacked out Land Rover had not only stopped, it had parked. 

As if that wasn't douchey enough (as there was CLEARLY no room to pass), the driver then jumped out of the car leaving their door open for approximately 30ish seconds (which is an impossibly long time when you have your ass sticking out on a major street in Los Angeles). 

Realizing I couldn't technically go forward or backward, I was fortunately able to pull my car off of Melrose (onto the sidewalk enough to not get hit by on coming traffic), but was still unable to pass or move (as backing up would have been too dangerous). 

An ungodly amount of uncomfortable time later, this little peanut of a person sashayed out of the car, flipping her hair and laughing with her friend. 

I then honked my horn and did a double forward and flat handed gesture that universally symbolises a combination of WTF and MOVE YOUR SHIT. 

Unenthused, she completely ignored me, choosing to only close the door (and not move her illegally parked vehicle) before going inside a tea shop. 

Is that Kourtney Kardashian? I thought as I micro-inched my station wagon forward as best as I could. 

Traffic was now starting to bottle up at both ends, and as I finally crept past the Land Rover rolling my window down to express distain to the drivers who were stuck in the rear (this time only using one hand). 

To my surprise, she was quite a bit prettier in person than she is on screen, but I don't care who you are or how much money you have - a douche is a douche. Blatantly blocking traffic like that was a really douchey move, particularly konsidering that with Kardashian level money, they kould afford a driver.  

While I am incredibly impressed with their marketing capabilities, I wasn't impressed with their lack of kommon sense/ decency. 

OH, and as I was writing this post, I received an email from an investor inquiring about Kourtney's new website and the marketing strategy behind it. 

I guess I really am getting this whole "deliberate manifestor" thing down. Wonder what's next? 

#nerdsunite