#NerdsUnite: Ask That Nerdy Chick (Do I have an uncharacteristic need to be in a relationship?)

It is my goal for 2012 to take a lot of my weird and wonky experiences as a lifecaster and help nerdy peeps out by providing a frank (not shirley) and honest answer to some weird and potentially random questions you may have about life. 

Here is an email I got this morning ... 

Wow, this is third date discussion? Holy crap!! 

First up, I am barely one to speak - I know when I get those CRAZY overwhelming feelings you just gotta slow your roll. If it's meant to be, (and whatever that truly means) it's not going to matter if you guys have some space for a minute. Dating is a COMPLETELY reflective experience. Everyone that I've ever been attracted to on that visceral level has always been at a similar spot to myself. The "butterfly" feelings you get from someone isn't courtesy of destiny or ANY of that bullshit, but rather emotional recognition. You have to do a TONNNNNN of self work to see what vibration you are ringing at - but that's another topic of conversation. 

Secondly, the title of the email was ... "Do I have an uncharacteristic need to be in a relationship?"

The answer to every question we can ever ask in life is already inside of us. Period end of sentence. 

If you're asking yourself this question, it looks like you have some truth to explore. 

There is no such thing as "normal" or "characteristic" there is only being and self. 

Who are you Jason? Have you ever asked yourself that question? If you were in a 6 year relationship in your 20s you missed out on a lot of emotional growth (even though you have been single for 2 years). Have you dated much? Are you going out and meeting people on a consistent basis? What is the base line here? 

Taking things to the physical that level does make it tricky. Your bodies have very literally already bonded, but now you have to sort of do reverse engine operation and make sure that the heart and head are also in the right place. 

From the female perspective, what I would suggest you do is go out on at least two different dates this week. You need to give this girl some time and some space. That conversation was SUPER EARLY to have after only three dates and at this point if you don't start playing it cool, she's going to lose interest. 

Until you are in an exclusive relationship with someone anyway you should ALWAYS be dating other people. You don't need to have sex with anyone else, btw but DEF keep playing the field. Both parties should be doing it too!! If nothing else, it will end up bringing you both closer after you have definitively seen what is out there and can resonate more with how special this person truly is. 

Also, I don't even suggest getting Facebook official with someone until AT LEAST a month after dating exclusively. AT LEAST AT LEAST AT LEAST. Getting friends and family involved in your business isn't necessary and the digital sleuthing will only complicate things. 

Play it cool duderino. Just play it cool and keep us all posted! 

Got a question? Drop me an email! JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover dot com

ORRRRR you can message me on Facebook and if it's within 140 characters on the twitter!

Best of luck out there nerds!!

xoxo <3 @JenFriel

#NerdsUnite: Ask That Nerdy Chick (how to start a blog)

It is my goal for 2012 to take a lot of my weird and wonky experiences as a lifecaster and help nerdy peeps out by providing a frank (not shirley) and honest answer to some weird and potentially random questions you may have about life. 

Here's one I got the other day ... 

This is actually a very loaded question. 

Starting a blog/ website is not, not, NOT easy. If I knew what I was getting myself into I genuinely don't believe I would have done it ... HOWEVER, this is my bliss period end of sentence, so how could I not?! 

The very very very first thing you must do in launching a site is build it around your passion. Even if you don't know what your true passion is at first, you need to pick a topic that inspires you. I was born a nerd, so that part was easy - and I was also at this stage in my life where I became COMPLETELY consumed in dating. This didn't start off as a "dating" blog, but I was SUPER passionate in studying the science of attraction that this was how it eventually unfolded. Had I not been passionate about this topic there would be no way in HELL that the community could have grown to over 75 writers and over 7,070 posts in under 3 years.

After you've picked your topic and launched the site, you now need to grow your audience. You need to start off by developing your voice and producing content on a daily basis. Running a website is like having a child. It is a 24/7 gig, and there are NO days off. The site needs to be monitored at ALL times. 

Once you've started producing regular content, and developing your voice you now need to engage with the audience. People don't just passively comment on my posts - I actually sit at my computer for an hour after each one goes live and I engage with everyone in social media. This on going conversation is what keeps people tuned in. They KNOW I'm freaking listening!!!! Very very very important. 

Then from theerrreeeeee ... depending on how good you are at marketing and getting the word out about your site (for me it took about a year) ... you can either start utilizing affiliate ads or in my case, I went after corporate sponsors. 

Click here to read how I attain sponsors.

Also, something that has been super beneficial has been guest posting on other sites. I also write for Suicide Girls and GoFobo and by producing content for both of those sites I get the brand out THAT MUCH MORE. 

Think of it like a rap video. How does Jane rapper get her name out there?? By friending Joe rapper who has a bigger following and asking him if she can drop some beats on his track. 

See? See what I did there? 

Same thing, diff medium. 

Rock on and best of luck chica!!! 

Got a question? Drop me an email! JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover dot com

ORRRRR you can message me on Facebook and if it's within 140 characters on the twitter!

Best of luck out there nerds!!

xoxo <3 @JenFriel

#NerdsUnite: Ask That Nerdy Chick (I'm swooning, but is he really over her?)

It is my goal for 2012 to take a lot of my weird and wonky experiences as a lifecaster and help nerdy peeps out by providing a frank (not shirley) and honest answer to some weird and potentially random questions you may have about life. 

Here is an email I got the other day ... 

Wow! Wow! Wow! What an amazing life experience this is for you. This is a test my darling!! 

Here's the pooper scooper ... 

Everything that my dating experience has taught me is that life is reflective - period end of sentence. I used a FUCKING ALGORITHM to pick dates for me and of those I found the only FOOOUUUUURRRRRR that were emotionally unavailable. (103 dates in 9 monts, 11 second dates, 6 I slept with, 4 I wanted to date.) 

The question isn't "can this guy be over his relationship so quickly" - it's what in you is attracted to him? 

I would BET MY FREAKING LIFE on the fact that he's emotionally unavailable, (since genuinely time does heal all wounds and this guy hasn't even physically been separated from her for that long) so what in you is resonating on that level with this guy? This is an AMAZING test for you to go discover and play with. 

The sparks you feel on a date, or the connection you feel with someone off the bat isn't indicative of "fate, destiny" or any other commercialization - rather only a kinship in emotions. 

You need to do some self exploration, mama. 

Let me ask you this ... have you allowed yourself to get close to someone since the last guy you dated? I commend you GREATLY on at least getting back out there, but as I learned first hand anyone can go out on countless dates, but not just anyone will allow themselves to get caught. Are you still harboring any anger from your previous relationship? Any shame? Guilt? Anything? 

Suggestion: Give this guy some space. (I did this with one of the 4 guys I was super into actually.) Set a definitive time period in which you guys won't talk to each other. Since he's SO new, I kid you not when I say he should have at least until January. Give him some time to shake things off, and you some time to go explore your own self emotionally. If you guys are meant to be together you can be in the new year. It's symbolic actually, a new year and potentially a new relationship!!! But either way, you. have. to. stay. strong. No texts, no calls, no Facebook stalking, nothing. Complete radio silence on both of your parts until the new year and theeeennnnnnnnnn post the next day hangover you guys can go explore. 

Hope it works out babydoll, and please please please keep me posted!! 

Got a question? Drop me an email! JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover dot com

ORRRRR you can message me on Facebook and if it's within 140 characters on the twitter!

Best of luck out there nerds!!

xoxo <3 @JenFriel

#NerdsUnite: Ask That Nerdy Chick (how to get over a 10 year relationship)

It is my goal for 2012 to take a lot of my weird and wonky experiences as a lifecaster and help nerdy peeps out by providing a frank (not shirley) and honest answer to some weird and potentially random questions you may have about life. 

Here is an email I got the other day ... 

First off, look at that sentence ... "I lost everything that I knew, and the one person I would give up everything for." 

To be in a healthy relationship (whatever that really means) you have to be independent before you can become interdependent. Do you know who you are? Have you ever journeyed into yourself? Do you even know what you'd theoretically be giving up? Have you ever tried seeking it in the first place? 

I empathize with you greatly as I know the feeling of a broken heart is absolutely incapacitating - however, you've gotta pick yourself up and understand SO THROUGH AND THROUGH that time heals all wounds. 

Relationships should consistently be a win/win for both parties. You don't need to give things up to be with a person, nor are you any less of a person without them being in your life. A partner should make you a better "you" but "you" shouldn't cease to exist without them present. 

Now is the time in your life where you get to be FABULOUSLY selfish. What do YOU want to do? Who are YOU at your core now that you are free of this person?? 

The people we meet on our journey of life and love are representative of self. It is life's reflectiveness that attracted us to this person in the first place; have you looked at your partner and addressed his pros and cons? What did you like about him? What didn't you like about him? Don't project anything either ... no one will see this ... write it down in a private journal (keeping it TOTALLY to yourself) ... be really really honest with what you liked and disliked about this person. 

Then from there, appreciate them being in your life. What did YOU learn from this relationship? How did YOU become a better person, or did you? 

Also through Facebook snooping you, I see that you still have it listed that you are "in a relationship." If this ended in May how honest are you being with yourself and the dynamic as a whole? 

It's really really really hard emotionally getting to that place and understanding that things are "done" - but you haaavvvvveeeeeee to physically separate yourself in both a literal and digital sense.

It doesn't mean you loved this person any more or less, it means that you are taking a stand for your sense of self and you are ready to move on. Even if you need to lie to yourself about it in the beginning you need to fake it until you make it.  

I've noticed that when I've broken things off with a guy I've been sad immediately when it happened, but then after I get this resurgence of independence followed by a few months later a repeat of the sadness. 

It's not at ALL easy, but this is life and this is your duty of existence. 

Bottom line: 

Step 1) Write out the pros and cons of the relationship. What did you like about your ex? What didn't you like?

Step 2) What did you learn from this relationship? How have you become a better person?

Step 3) What have you ALWAYS wanted to do? Address one item from your bucket list. Anytime I'm super stressed or anytime I'm upset about something - I will just go out and have a crazy adventure. It will remind you what it feels like to be alive and remind you that you can live beyond your time spent with this person. 

Step 4) Shout. Shout. Let it all out. When I get upset about a relationship I allow myself to really really really get upset. Cry, scream, kick things, beat shit up (pillows, not people) ... you. have. to. let. it. all. out. Depression isn't actually rooted in sadness - it's rooted in repressed anger. You're going to get PISSED at this loss ... so fucking EXPRESS IT!!!! Just. Let. It. All. Out. 

Step 5) Love yourself. Be really gentle on yourself for the next few months to a year. Beating yourself up over a relationship that has ended is never productive. You need to instead be grateful for the experience and be tremendously loving to yourself in the process. 

You never ever know where the journey after a broken heart can lead you. Heck, look at this entire website!! You're all reading this because I had a broken heart and SOOO much energy needing to go somewhere. 

Everything in life happens for a reason, and people come and people go for a greater purpose. Enjoy the journey dear friend but remember to just ... 

Got a question? Drop me an email! JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover dot com

ORRRRR you can message me on Facebook and if it's within 140 characters on the twitter!

Best of luck out there nerds!!

xoxo <3 @JenFriel

#NerdsUnite: Ask That Nerdy Chick (she wants to take a picture of your license before a date? WHAT!)

It is my goal for 2012 to take a lot of my weird and wonky experiences as a lifecaster and help nerdy dudes out by providing a frank (not shirley) and honest answer to some weird and potentially random questions you may have about life.

Here is an email I got on OKC this morning ...

First off, thanks for reading and thanks for reaching out.

Secondly, whhhhaattt? That's definitely the first that I've heard of something like this happening, but I can't say that I'm surprised. She sounds like she's very new to online dating, and because of her age still carries the stigma of shame associated with meeting someone online ... ala everyone being a craigslist creeper. 

I wouldn't send the pic, I think your instinct is dead on with that. I would instead write back to her reinforcing the fact that you're meeting during the day, yet should she still be uncomfortable you would understand if she decided to not meet with you. Put the ball back in her court, and if she isn't interested in playing just move on dude. There are SO many other women out there sans the overprotective brother. 

Got a question? Drop me an email! JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover dot com

ORRRRR you can message me on Facebook and if it's within 140 characters on the twitter!

Best of luck out there nerds!!

xoxo <3 @JenFriel