#NerdsUnite: 5 nerdy and dirty gift ideas for your woman

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Mark Tomich

Fello nerds and geeks, in the decades that passed we may have been considered bad, unimaginative lovers and prudes like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. Today we rule the world and are highly sought after by the opposite sex, mostly so for our imagination and non stop innovation in all fields, bed included.

But still, just like with anyone else, things in the bedroom get stale after a while. Here are some tips on how to reignite the fire. These tips are written with all of us in mind - all of us who enjoy ridiculously obscure movie references, technology, lasers, tribute costumes, long conversations about things nobody around us seems to understand. These are ideas specifically written for people like us, people who are proud to be considered nerds and geeks by both society and ourselves:

1) Nookii - a Board Game for the Bedroom

Yes, you read that right! Now you can merge your two major loves - your love for board games and your love for... well, making love. :) Nookii is not a conventional board game by any means. Actually, Nookii is played by using each other's bodies as boards. Disclaimer: do NOT use a gameboard, keyboard or a doll to replace your partner.

Nookii will lay out a script through a series of cards, and you will be playing on every part of your partner's body. The trick is to resist and wait until you finish the game, which will be a challenge in its own right. You will also learn a lot about your partner that you would never think of trying or asking in just 15 minutes.

2) Roleplaying

There is no better spice for your sexual life than roleplaying. Princess Leia and Han Solo constitute the ultimate nerdy turn on. Princess Leia fantasy became so widspread and mainstream that it even got mentioned in a Friends episode in which Ross wanted Rachel to dress up as Leia, so you can now buy specially adapted costumes for just such an occasion in practically any costume store.

If you are feeling both frisky and exceptionally kinky, you have a set of costumes that will enable you to fill the fantasies of Jabba the Hut with princess Leia at your disposal. Yeah, you can help His Ugliness use the collar around Leia's neck and tame the Princess with no help coming to her rescue this time around.

If Star Wards is not your cup of tea, maybe Star Trek costumes which would allow you to fill in the shoes of Captain Kirk, and your loved one an officer lucky enough to catch his attention would be more to your liking. And, theres always the option of dressing up as some of the manga characters - cosplay conventions can be extremely fun too.

3) 360 panoramic photos

For all of you who admire advanced technological solutions, there is now a very compact (albeit fairly expensive) apparatus for recording your foreplay with style. The 360 degree camera is very small and it will make a photograph of your entire surroundings with a click. Many will find this a bit ridiculous as a sexual refreshment tool, but not us geeks! Even though it is almost a given that you will enjoy it thoroughly, the problem is it might prove itself too much of a distraction, thus you may forget to actually do your bedroom duties. ;)

4) Go Virtual

Many Second Life enthusiasts will be thrilled with a gift in the form of virtual genitals. Should you desire a more tangible present, you could always get a couple of months of premium membership. Second life sexual fantasies have a big advantage of going way over the top. For example, you can have your virtual partner turn into an Egyptian goddess or a common prostitute. Whatever floats your boat. Who wouldn't want that?

Start by sending each other texts sweetened with naked photos, preferably 360-degree ones. You will spend the day fantasizing and hiding you crotch from everybody, but it will be worth it once you get together again. Perfect foreplay.

5) Scavenger Hunt

Try to create a photo scavenger hunt. Give your partner a clue in the form of a rhyme, an abstract fact or some association that only you two will understand about a location, and then have her look for clues until she finally gets the ultimate prize - you. A scavenger hunt can combine many other forms of nerdy play all at once. For example you may use your roleplay costumes and take 360 degree pictures, while leaving clues in Second Life universe all at the same time! The only limit is your imagination.

Jocks of Today

I believe this article proves the point made in the intro - we geeks are todays sexual innovators. And to add to that point, there are sapiophiliac (people who are sexually attracted by intelligence). There is absolutely nothing wrong with it, of course. The truth is that the sexual attraction to intelligence is as old as intelligence itself.

In countries in which respectable women were traditionally cloistered it has sometimes been the case that courtesans were able to ply their trade less because of their looks and more because they were educated and could carry on an interesting conversation. Some historians even argue that Cleopatra was actually not that beautiful as we are lead to believe. Her legendary beauty is actually the way her contemporaries saw her due to the fact that she was simply pretty, but also very smart. She was also attractive because she was powerful, of course.

#kthxbye

#NerdsUnite: Show me your 8-bit (Eva - the addiction)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Gabriel. He's a boxing guru by day and an AH-MAZING erotic storyteller by night. For reals, put down 50 shades and let some of his naughtiness tickle your nerdy noggin. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT GABRIEL!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Gabriel_Montoya

Eva wasn’t a dancer so much as an addiction waiting to happen. Jet black hair and tiny uneven pigtails framed Russian, Greek, Irish features and piercing blue eyes that invited you in just close enough to see the devil in them but no further. 

Bright and aware she looked around and the look could be anything from dirty to innocent to passive. An angelic demon goddess in torn fishnets and a garter to match slinking across the floor to music I can’t even remember; her tattoos tickling her belly and the area just above her perfect breasts.

Eva wasn’t a dancer so much as every song you’d ever wanted to fuck to. Whether she was slinking at a distance or rolling across my lap, the electricity this vixen generated shot up and down my virginal legs and cock, which begged at the seams of my jeans to be let out.

Eva didn’t dance. She disappeared and re-appeared among the shadows in different tantalizing shapes every few seconds, giving you just the right silhouette. I shook my head quickly not believing what I was seeing as wave after wave of Eva crashed all around me from the stage.

Eva wasn’t a dancer so much as every wet dream you’d ever had; A mid-western knockout seeking out the big city through an acceptable trade-off only the young, hot and smart enough to avoid 9-5 jobs can.

“The job is getting to me,” she admitted as we talked railside between rounds of dances in an empty San Francisco strip club. “Most of these girls don’t even like men anymore. I want out before that happens.”

I’d first seen Eva as I entered her club in the North Beach section of SF. The night had barely begun but the manager needed a hand with his light board so he invited me in with my brother whom I was in town visiting for the night.

She sat poised and ready against the near wall, smiling faraway as I nodded a hello and noted her beauty—too unique for this tiny club and line of work.

I talked with the DJ, a friend of my brother’s and the manager about his ancient and primitive light board, seemingly no help to them except to confirm what they already knew: the thing was useless. The whole system was schoolyard basic. It was like trying to accessorize a Walkman. As I finished up, my brother began to leave and Eva began to move to the stage to begin her spell.

“Hey man,” I told my brother. “There’s no one in here and that girl’s ridiculous. I’ll meet you next door after she’s done.”

It’s a man’s job to observe beauty whenever he can. Admitting that I don’t mind sitting at the rail of a strip club if the girl is right and my wallet is full has taken me years but it’s been worth it. I don’t seek it out like I did in my youth but every once in a while, if circumstance allows and the girl onstage is unique enough to celebrate, you’ll find me there.

At first, I didn’t know what to make of her. She entered the long thrust stage with a paper towel in each hand. As she began a slow sway, she wrapped her paper hands around each of the dual poles and slid down them.

Eva wasn’t a dancer so much as whatever it is that makes a saxophone sound sexy.

For a moment, I thought I’d misjudged her and perhaps she was just a waitress who cleaned on the side while not getting naked at all. I’d never seen anyone incorporate cleaning into their act. I’d also missed the part where this was a juice bar which in California means all nude. In and of itself, being naked is an art form. Not everyone can pull it off up close much less legs spread and moving to the music.

And then she melted slowly across the stage, sliding, gliding about the floor. All alone at the rail, my legs went a little numb, my feet digging slightly into the floor at this dark vision of tattooed white skin and torn fishnets. She was heartbreakingly sexy.

Eva didn’t have breasts so much as she had the most perfect tits anyone can imagine; Round and full, tipped with rose petal nipples, heavy in your hands and much more than a handful.

I laid my money on the rail and waited my turn which was now because I was the only guy in the room. I’d have been embarrassed but I was sure no one blamed me nor was looking in my direction as she slid my way and placed my hand on her left breast briefly. It happened and it was over so fast I missed it.

 Eva was a lot of things but gratuitous wasn’t one of them.

The music died and the fantasy was over for the moment.

 “Thank you,” she said quickly with a hint of shy as she looked down and gathered the cash I’d dropped. It’s always an odd moment. You’ve shared something so intimate for a few dollars. Yet it’s as honest an exchange as anything I know.

I said goodbye to the DJ, nodded to the old guy manager and met up with my brother next door where he works. My money and body well spent. 

Eva wasn't a dancer so much as everything you had hoped for walking through the door. 

#nerdsunite

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