#NerdsUnite: The Ramblings of a Raconteuse (A Final Update)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Helenna. We met on twitter not too long ao, and she's totes mcgotes one rad chiquita banana with a flare for all things flair! That's right, Helenna here is what we call an artsy fartsy nerd. She's a poet, into all things dramatic arts, and she's going to come on board to write each week about her love of said drama. Well not like actual drama drama, like some cat fight shit - but you get the idea. I only have one thing left to say ... HIT IT HELENNA!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Helslevy

Happy Holidays everyone! It’s been a long time since I did a blog update, so I thought what better than to do a final “Project Helenna” update as 2012 comes to a close.

It’s now been 244 days since I started “Project Helenna” and I’ve had a lot of triumphs and a number of challenges as well, but I can honestly say that it’s been a success. (As usual, for reference on what this project is: Part One, Part Two, recap one “Feelin’ Sexy”, recap two “I Am Stoked!”), and my last update “Surviving The Cut.” 

As I stated in my last update:

“When I started this project it was all about turning my focus from producing my own work, back to the craft of acting, and to create a “holistically healthy Helenna: mentally, physically, and spiritually, to create the best actor I can be and my best self.” 

So going point by point again….how did I do?

1) Optimum Health and Fitness

Well, thanks to the “My Fitness Pal” app, I lost 8 pounds.  While losing weight wasn’t necessarily my number one focus, it was a great added bonus to eating within my proper caloric daily amount and working out.  My clothes fit better, and I had to give a lot away to GoodWill because they don’t fit at all anymore. I look better on camera and I also feel fantastic.

While my workouts have definitely suffered this past month with the holiday season, I have a good basis for what I’ll be working on in 2013 to get more toned and fit and in that “sexy super heroine” condition that I want to be in.

Another big thing for me is that I cut out caffeine and alcohol.  It is pretty cray-cray that I haven’t had caffeine in over 5 months now and the most alcohol I’ve drank is equivalent to a single glass of wine in all that time, but I have to say that it feels amazing.  I like not having to be dependent on a substance in order to wake up in the morning, and booze was making me feel well…not present. So overall, a big 2 thumbs up on this lifestyle change.

2) Sharpen My Craft

Well, I didn’t take class this past year, and I didn’t do so well with the whole “observing people out in the world – character study thing,”  but I did do a great job of honing in to my “type” even more.  Even saying that is kind of nauseating to me because actors hear that and talk about it all of the time, but it’s so important as a “business owner,” which is what every actor is.

I was recently waiting in the lobby before a Casting Director workshop and was watching all of the people walk into the building.  I felt an instant connection with the people whose “type” I could pinpoint, and felt sort of confused by those that I couldn’t.  Yes, we are all multifaceted people who are not just “one thing” or two or three, but there is something powerful that happens when you feel a familiarity with someone just by looking at them or seeing their mannerisms.

I was thinking a lot about how it helps casting directors, producers, directors etc… when you are easily “box-able” and even just since I cut bangs, the box, or boxes, that I can be put in have become much more clear.  Funny how hair can do that

3) Balance the Mind

I definitely didn’t do my affirmations on as regular enough basis.  I was really diligent for a few weeks and would forget and then restart.  I also didn’t meditate at all really.  Affirmations and meditation are something that I need to focus on in a very real way in 2013.

I did however go to my career coach Barbara Deutsch’s year end workshop called “Complete and Create” and this helped immensely to close off 2012 and jump into 2013 with a fresh start.

4. For Now, Working Only As An Actor

For the most part I stayed true to this and had the privilege of working on a lot of great projects.  By freeing myself of other responsibilities it also helped me prioritize what I really want for my career and my life.  It’s helped some great doors open for me in 2013, and has shown me that my skills as a producer and a “connector” need to be used only on things that I have a strong connection to so that the work feeds me instead of draining me.  Realizing this has been incredibly important for me, and I’ve already lined up some awesome stuff for the coming year.

5. Know What Works For Me

Yup, this has been fantastic.  I was able to clear my head of all of the fog that can often come from the noise of the entertainment industry in LA and get super clear with what I want to achieve in 2013.  This is going to be the best year yet!

#xoxo hels

tweet me at: @helslevy

browse me at: helennasantoslevy.com

email me at: contacthelenna@gmail.com

#NerdsUnite: The Ramblings of A Raconteuse ("Liberal Arts" Helped Me Find Myself Again)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Helenna. We met on twitter not too long ao, and she's totes mcgotes one rad chiquita banana with a flare for all things flair! That's right, Helenna here is what we call an artsy fartsy nerd. She's a poet, into all things dramatic arts, and she's going to come on board to write each week about her love of said drama. Well not like actual drama drama, like some cat fight shit - but you get the idea. I only have one thing left to say ... HIT IT HELENNA!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Helslevy

Something happens when we become adults, when responsibility and bills and the whole sobering reality of the world kicks in.  At least for me I always thought that the older I got the more I would grow into my true self.  And while that’s true, I’ve also found that in many ways I’ve strayed from the “me” that I used to be, and now I’m meeting her again.

I watched Josh Radnor’s film “Liberal Arts” the other night and it transformed a part of me that has been stuck for some time now. It’s felt like there was a vacancy inside of me that I didn’t know how to fill. Something that got lost inside my iphone, television…in the vortex of technology.  What was it? Well, in part…my relationship to paper. To the written word. To the me before social media and Hollywood and worrying about time running out, expectations not being met, debt being paid off, having savings in my bank account…

Sure, I’m an adult and I have real responsibilities: a mortgage, a career path, a job that pays the bills and allows me to pursue my passions.  But wait.  My passions.

I am passionate about so many things, but somehow I’ve really been tunnel visioned and looking at those passions as things that can be “branded” in this new corporate social media driven “klout” filled world, where our attention spans are seven seconds long and entertainment is often one giant commercial.

If I really strip things away to their very core and the center of my heart, what are my deepest loves?  What really truly feeds my soul and makes me the most happy? What are the things I love that at the end of the day, I could never do without?

Not surprisingly it’s the simple things that I loved when I was in the BFA Program at the University of British Columbia, my “Liberal Arts” world, at a time when I barely ever texted or emailed.  When my life wasn’t so hooked into the web of the inter-world…

I am an artist.  A true creative.  Pure and simple.  I’m also a connector.  I like to connect people together and create community that I am a part of.

I took time off this year from creating any new projects because I was so bloody exhausted from the rat race I’d been running, and focused more on myself, on #projecthelenna. But as each month has gone by I’ve been feeling more and more empty.  Until last night I couldn’t figure out what had been missing.

I’m a creative who hasn’t been creating, a connector who hasn’t been connecting.

Now the key for me is that the things that I’d been creating and doing in the past were things that I genuinely liked, but I didn’t love.  They weren’t fulfilling me artistically.

Now granted, the hardest part for an artist is finding joy in the marketing of the thing you created, because the reality is that, that is a huge portion of what being a creative is all about in today’s world.  At least, if you want to gain notoriety for your work either monetarily or in accolades.

But, watching “Liberal Arts” brought me back to the things I really love, and what I really want to focus on going into 2013.  The things that really truly make me a happy well rounded person.

There are so many things that I have shared about myself in this blog and online in my day to day, but there are a lot of things I haven’t shared that are big part of who I am.

I’m a poet.  I have been since I was little.  I need to write, and not just blog.  I need to get a pen and paper and let words and thoughts and ideas just start flowing.

I’ve also been wanting to write a coming of age story for forever.  I kept thinking I had nothing to write, nothing to say.  And then last night, I remembered that I have a novel that I started working on in Creative Writing 401 in university that is the seed of an idea, something that I can develop into a screenplay or a novel or both.

I am a lover of the “art house film.”  I think I’ve watched Bernardo Bertolucci’s “Stealing Beauty” at least a hundred times.  I used to play it repeatedly on VHS. “The Dreamers” as well is a gorgeous piece of his brilliance.

I love really obscure theater, performance art, anything that really really challenges the viewer and makes you feel emotions so intensely that you feel like your body has been invaded.  This is one of the reasons I became in an actor.  I wanted to be in the middle of that emotion, or at least be the one that helps the viewer find that emotion within him or herself.

I love art for arts sake.

I am not one thing. I am multifaceted. I have many loves.  But what is important is that I don’t lose the core of who I am when in the middle of the pursuit, and of this great journey.

I am an artist and I need to feed that in myself.  Sometimes I really don’t need to think about branding, or marketing, or the industry, or other people’s expectations of me.  I just need to allow myself to be and breathe and feel.

I had an old boyfriend who once told me “your life isn’t a movie Helenna.”  I think he said this because I always felt emotions so deeply, and he made fun of me for talking like I was in film that you’d see at Sundance, or at the art house on the corner with only 3 people in the darkened audience.

But you know what? It is.  All our lives are.

I am the director, the producer, the gaffer, the grip, the lead actress, and the extras, and I decide what the story is I’m telling. And right now, that film is cinematically stunning and intricately scored, full of complex beautifully written characters.  And most of all, it is about an artist finding her way back to herself. Finding her way home.

#xoxo hels

tweet me at: @helslevy

browse me at: helennasantoslevy.com

email me at: contacthelenna@gmail.com

#NerdsUnite: The Ramblings of a Raconteuse (Changing It Up)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Helenna. We met on twitter not too long ao, and she's totes mcgotes one rad chiquita banana with a flare for all things flair! That's right, Helenna here is what we call an artsy fartsy nerd. She's a poet, into all things dramatic arts, and she's going to come on board to write each week about her love of said drama. Well not like actual drama drama, like some cat fight shit - but you get the idea. I only have one thing left to say ... HIT IT HELENNA!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Helslevy

I’ve been really bored with my workouts lately.

It’s now Day 175 of #projecthelenna according to “My Fitness Pal,”  and I’m still doing really well with my healthy eating habits, but my workouts are leaving me feeling pretty blah.  I seem to just get bored.  It’s difficult for me to really motivate myself when it comes to strength training.  When I first started #projecthelenna a girlfriend of mine who is a personal trainer put together a training plan for me.  I was totally rocking it at first, but lately I’ve been sucking the big one.  I’ll be all stoked with cardio, but as soon as it’s time to do a lunge or a squat I check out.

My dream would be to have a personal trainer who comes to my house 4 days a week to whip my butt into shape.  That way I wouldn’t have to even think about what I was doing, I could just follow their instructions and enjoy the results. And while that isn’t a reality right now, I know that I need to change things up to stay on top of things. So today I decided to go to “Pink Iron” in West Hollywood.

A girlfriend of mine has been going there regularly and looks phenomenal.  This gym is really interesting to me because while it’s an all ladies facility and has a lot of pink in the color scheme, the focus of the gym is building “lean, mean” girlie machines,” and all of their training is done in group classes.  It’s a great non intimidating atmosphere to be in while lifting some heavy weights and not feeling like a dork.

I had a great time today and will definitely be going back, but I also realized that the best thing for me might be doing something totally different for every workout.  I tend to enjoy myself the most when whatever I’m doing feels like it’s working my mind as well as my body which is why I love yoga so much.  As soon as I start thinking of something as just “a workout”  I’m kind of dead in the water.

But, that being said, here are some things that I’d like to try out, or places I’d like to return that I’ve loved in the past:

- Krav Maga (I did 5 months of Level 1.  It’s really expensive to go to the National Training Center, so I’d like to find somewhere that does the same or similar training.)

- Cardio Bar (I’ve been a few times before and really enjoyed it)

- Bar Method (this is a great butt workout)

- Pilates (I’ve gone to Pilates Plus off and on for a couple of years)

- some form of martial art (I’ve never studied a martial art, but would love to start one day…)

- beginner hip hop dance classes or modern dance (I danced when I was little and did a few musicals in college, but it’s been awhile since I braved the dance scene.  I’m thinking I should rock it out again…)

- train for a marathon (this is a long term possibility, but a possibility nonetheless..)

and of course,

- yoga (i’ve been a yogi for many years, but have neglected my practice lately)

Do you all have workouts that you love?

I’d really like to hear any suggestions you all might have for workouts that are fun and enjoyable and keep you motivated to go back for more!

Until next time,

#xoxo hels

tweet me at: @helslevy

browse me at: helennasantoslevy.com

email me at: contacthelenna@gmail.com

#NerdsUnite: The Ramblings of a Raconteus (This is How We Do It)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Helenna. We met on twitter not too long ao, and she's totes mcgotes one rad chiquita banana with a flare for all things flair! That's right, Helenna here is what we call an artsy fartsy nerd. She's a poet, into all things dramatic arts, and she's going to come on board to write each week about her love of said drama. Well not like actual drama drama, like some cat fight shit - but you get the idea. I only have one thing left to say ... HIT IT HELENNA!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Helslevy

In last week’s post I posed the question “What the heck am I doing?”  This was meant to be both serious, and tongue in cheek helping to open a door to a discussion about the craziness of the entertainment business.  

I had asked for people to chime in and share what helps them stay focused on “the goal” when that goal seems very very far away perhaps in another galaxy entirely due to different factors like exhaustion, disappointment, general malaise with where one is in their career, or maybe because life is taking you in another direction entirely, but you aren’t sure which path to follow.  

In order to thrive, it’s all about always coming at things with a renewed focus and energy, and recommitting oneself every single day.  

Below is some of the great feedback I received: 

Dani: “I have on many occasions felt this way. The turning point for me was to remember that I LOVE what I do. It’s frustrating, but I love it. I remember to continue to have faith and that I put out what I get back. Blah, blah, blah very cliché positive Universe crap, but it does help me get back on track. Trying to be positive is a daily struggle but I do find that when I am throwing positive vibes out there I get auditions, interviews & bookings. Keep on fighting! It’s worth it. You know making your own projects and producing them gives you that power, channeling that amazing CEO quality. As for the clock ticking, I figured there are nannies, my mother in law to help with the children when life gets busy with auditions and filming. There are trainers to whip my butt into filming shape.”

Jackie: “For me, at the point in my life and in my career… “recommitting” each day usually involves me working out in some way. When I’m struggling through some difficult exercise, it reminds me of the challenges in my life and I feel motivated because, difficult or not, I’m doing it. Even on the days where all I do is take a walk, I take time to reflect and check in with myself.”

Kristen:  ”I feel this exact way from time to time. However, you asked how I keep up my momentum and I’ll tell you…

I agree with you that we folks who have the steam to power through day in and day out in this industry would *easily* make a huge impact in/running any other business of our choosing… and that is personally how I stay sane. 

I graduated college with a degree in art and a minor in acting. Talk about double whammy! I lasted about 9 months (of constant rejection and being told I was “really good” but not booking work) before I decided to make a shift. This life of creativity was great, but what was its purpose and where was I going… besides insane? I was missing validation. As an Aries, we cannot survive without it!

So, I chose to not be a struggling artist and I got a job in corporate America. I was still doing what I loved on the side, but that gave me time to grow my skills, talents and network of pals. Without the frustration of struggling for money or someone to love what I did. I had that at my day job. My job gave me the freedom and opportunity to move up the food chain and accomplish things as fast as I wanted to! I was an Art Director at age 25, worked my way up to managing people and huge projects (still do), etc. My resume isn’t the point here though, but I’m simply using my multi-faceted career as an example of how I allowed part of my time to be spent working in a capacity that would provide me with what I needed: validation. 

Validation that I kicked ass.

True, I grew out of the “office life” and working for another company, and now I work for myself doing freelance. The point is that I do think we all need to find an outlet outside this business that tends to our needs as people. Maybe it’s an animal shelter? Designing clothes? Setting up a charity? 

The truth is that the only time I am as depressed as you mention in your post is when I give up that world that keeps me steady and focus only on creation in art and entertainment. That’s when self-doubt sets in, rejection has a huge impact, and I constantly ask myself “am I good enough?” Just last week I had a nervous breakdown that forced me back to working with corporate clients… because they LOVE me, respect what I do, and provide me with constant validation that I have amazing skills and the ability to do great things. For the longest time I felt like that was “giving up,” but ya know what? I am even MORE productive as an artist because of it! That validation keeps me sane, feeling wanted, smart, talented, and it does wonders for my confidence and positive energy. I need all of that TO create! Plus it utilizes all of the things I am great at.

We can’t do much about the way this business is run. In entertainment, sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard you work… some people are just chosen to be here by others and that’s a reality. BUT if we follow simple “life rules” (ironically, life has no rules!) and our purpose remains to 1. have fun, 2. do what we love, and 3. provide a service to mankind, we ARE a success! I think we just need something extra on the side to keep us feeling like the rockstars we are.”

Amber: “I have definitely accomplished a lot this year (especially in the producing world) – and I have to admit I don’t have an accountability partner. I never really felt the need for one, as I check in with myself daily, if not hourly. I know that sounds extravagant, but it’s true. You should see my notepad on my iPhone. I also use workflowy.com to help my research and complete my daily, monthly and yearly goals. If it gets too overwhelming I give myself 24 hours to get away from it, feel sorry for myself, complain, or go to the beach, whatever I need to do, then the next morning I attack the to do list with a new fire. I am fortunate enough to have created a day job that I love (editing, over at editmonster.net), so I don’t hate life every day like I did when I was working at a 5 star hotel. Maybe it’s a first born child thing? I just figure out 3-6 things to take care of, sort them in to priority, do the smallest thing first, and then reward myself for completing all 6 tasks. If I have a monthly goal that doesn’t get completed, it becomes a daily goal the following month until it gets done. My first quarter was shaky and more unfocused, but by the end of the year I know exactly what I need more of.” 

Victoria: “So timely for so many of us. I’m definitely not in the age group that you refer to, I’m older but I definitely see myself in your article over and over again. It is about starting new every day, loving this life of entertainment, even though it’s all about uncertainty. The doubt comes in, the fear of “wasting our lives for something that may never happen” phobia, but also the excitement and the belief that we are in it for the long haul, because WE LOVE IT! This life, entertaining, being a part of an industry that we can use our imagination, etc. etc. etc. is something that I can’t imagine my life without. So we find our way, and keep redefining it as we go. Fall down, get back up, and get stronger in the process. Anyway, I ramble, but thanks for this article. I loved it.”

AJ: “Step 1: Get connected with your vision. What it is that you want? In the next week? Month? Year? For your life?

Step 2: Write it all down in the form of declaration. (ex: I am committed to revamping my actor website by November 1st)

Step 3: Wake up EVERY SINGLE DAY and commit to what you will create that day. (ex: I commit to going to the gym by 11AM and reading a script by 3PM)

Making it happen will also strengthen your relationship with your word. Which will in turn increase the likelihood of sticking to your commitments.

I find reconnecting to my vision so powerful. THAT is what motivates me. …and if for some reason that’s not working… The other amazing tool is to “FOCUS OUT”. If you need a to be inspired, reminded why you’re here, reminded why you’re doing the things you’re doing… give it away, be generous, focus out on others instead of yourself. Volunteer, call a family member or friend you haven’t spoken with in a while, create something beautiful for someone and give it away, smile at strangers, the list goes on and on.”

Thank you again to everyone for their fantastic feedback!  

For me I’ve found that it’s all about keeping my eye on the horizon and putting one foot forward and then the other.  Sometimes the path is simple and clear, and other times I can barely see the horizon for the trees, but I know it’s there.  And after all, it’s all about the journey.  Sometimes even though those trees seem to be in my way all sinister and mean and laughing at me with a Tim Burton grin, they are actually a fun labyrinth-esque obstacle keeping me on my toes, making me appreciate the odyssey that much more.  

Until next time,

#xoxo hels

tweet me at: @helslevy

browse me at: helennasantoslevy.com

email me at: contacthelenna@gmail.com

#NerdsUnite: The Ramblings of a Raconteuse (What the heck am I doing?)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Helenna. We met on twitter not too long ao, and she's totes mcgotes one rad chiquita banana with a flare for all things flair! That's right, Helenna here is what we call an artsy fartsy nerd. She's a poet, into all things dramatic arts, and she's going to come on board to write each week about her love of said drama. Well not like actual drama drama, like some cat fight shit - but you get the idea. I only have one thing left to say ... HIT IT HELENNA!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Helslevy

A lot of women I know in their late 20s and early 30s in the entertainment industry are going through a very similar thing right now. The “what the heck am I doing,” “why aren’t things quite clicking,” and “I’m just plain exhausted” funk. Some of them have biological clocks that are starting to tick in a major way, some are considering leaving show business completely, and others are just bummed out.

After many long conversations I’ve been having over the past few months, it seems like it’s almost a case of “too much potential.”  Basically, these women are incredible. I have no doubt that if they were all pursuing any other profession other than entertainment, they’d be well on their way to being CEOs and earning six figure salaries.  And at the risk of sounding too proud, I would definitely include myself among these women.

I have always had ridiculously high standards for myself, was an ‘A’ student throughout high school and university, and did an embarrassing amount of work for extra credit and “brownie points.”  I often wish that there was another profession, some ‘something else’, anything else that I wanted to do more than acting, because the route to get to financial success in that field would be infinitely less complicated than the route to financial success as an actor.  Even in Jenna Fischer’s famous blog entry she talks about the fact that a teacher told her “if you can do anything else you should do it,” and that she thinks that’s good advice. Quite frankly, I think so too.

Entertainment is not for the faint of heart, and a recent article in Backstage  laid it all out very clearly.  Basically reading through it, I realized that I might be totally crazy. I mean really, go through and read all of the points.  Really.  The amount of instability and change that I experience on a day to day basis is bananas.  But, the really ridiculous part of it all is that I love it. While each one of the points was totally terrifying when you read them all in one sitting, the realities of this business are also incredibly exciting.  Every single day it’s like you are at the top of the hill on a roller coaster ride not knowing what’s around the next corner, how far down the downs go, and how high the highs.

So what do my friends and I do with this weird melancholy we’ve been experiencing lately?

None of us are fresh off the plane anymore.  No longer bright eyed and bushy tailed, and whatever other cliché you can throw in here.  You might even be able to say that we are a bit jaded and a little hardened.  But the great thing is that we are still here together in the trenches holding on and ready to step out again into completely unfriendly fire and win the battle against all odds, “Sucker Punch” style.

Basically, it’s all about getting our groove back, staying in the game, and shining brighter now that we have some real world entertainment biz experience under our belts, and that can propel us even further than wide eyed naiveté.

My friend Bonnie Gillespie (casting director, author, acting career coach) introduced me to the work of Marie Forleo and Sally Hogshead who are kick ass women who have ignited a new fire under my butt.  They are branding and marketing mavens, and I’ve been watching all of their videos with the idea of applying what they are saying to my acting career as well as the new projects I’d like to produce in the next couple of years.  Not only that, but I’ve started to think about all of the other passions I have, and which one of those passions might make a good online business in the future.

In any case, I know I’m an entertainment biz “lifer” and could never turn my back on this marathon I’ve chosen to run, but now I’m seeing more possibilities and a more gorgeous horizon.  It just takes waking up every morning to that beautiful new day and committing myself to the journey all over again.

Like Steven Pressfield says in “Turning Pro,” (I’m paraphrasing here)… the professional recommits themselves every single day.

So with that, I challenge all of you who might be feeling the way some of my girlfriends and I have been feeling, to take a look deep inside.  If you are ready to move on and have a love for something other than the entertainment biz and are ready to experience that journey, I say do it!  Entertainment will always be here.  You can even start acting again when you’re eighty.

And if you know that right now, being an actor, or director, writer, producer, makeup artist or whatever other job it is you are doing right now, is the right path to be on, then strap up your boots and meet me on the road because that’s where I’ll be.

No choice is right and no choice is wrong, it’s only indecision and inaction that cripples us.

Until next time,

#xoxo hels

tweet me at: @helslevy

browse me at: helennasantoslevy.com

email me at: contacthelenna@gmail.com