#NotANerd: Confessions of a Broken Heart

Editor's Note: Nerds, meet my buddy Lindsay. She's crazy ... and bat shit ... and I love her for it! For reals, she hitchhiked across various African countries!!! The girl is a whackadoodle noodle, but not at all a nerd. That is where I come in handy- I'm Lindsay's navigator on adventures. See, I show her how we get places via google maps, and she reminds me to stop tweeting and look up every once in a while. It's a match made in nerdy/non-nerdy heaven. That being saiiiddddddd ... she just went through a super gnarly breakup, and kinda wants to talk about it. So, there ya go! Hit it Lindsay!

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Lindsay Mc

So, I’m a really optimistic person. Like really really Always On The Sunny Side, Smile Like You Mean It, It’s Always ‘All Good’ optimistic but this June I got the shit kicked outta me. Seriously. I’m gonna do a quick recap so you can see where I am coming from and so I can move the hell on and get on to the good stuff that is happening (and is ALWAYS happening but is sometimes just hard to see.)

Three AMAZING things that were rocking my life-

I had an absolutely wonderful boyfriend who I was totally in love with… and I know you don’t know me very well but you will quickly find out that I am not ‘that girl.’ I live by the relationship motto of Easy Come, Easy Go, ‘Let’s play and learn from each other and move on.’ I’m not into commitment, I don’t get wrapped up, I don’t fall in love and I definitely don’t get heart broken… 

I had signed with a pretty damn awesome television production company to help develop and sell a travel show that I had created. I had an amazing agent from an amazing agency negotiate my contract and all signs were pointing to Go on this baby getting sold to a network by the beginning of summer which means I would be the creator, host and producer of my very own travel television show- Sweet! 

I had moved in to a bomb ass beach bungalow with one of my best girls and her boyfriend. We all grilled out and watched movies from a projector on the side of our house which was about 6 blocks from the sand and 2 blocks from the bars- life was gooooood. Could things get any more perfect?

Wrong question to ask. 

Shit hit the fan and the entire structure of my life fell apart in three short weeks. My girl and her boyfriend broke up and he moved out leaving a chunk of the rent to be paid, the landlord raised the already high rent which suddenly meant that I could no longer afford to stay there. I had put absolutely all of my energy and time into getting my show off the ground with the production company and without any warning, things completely stalled. We were suppose to be taking meeting and in constant communication to get prepped and ready for a sale and *crickets* on their end with our contract expiring that month. WTF?! Okay, dammit.

Those two things alone were pretty tough to deal with- realizing that I would soon be homeless and having my dream pulled out from under my feet was obviously disheartening but I have dealt with worse… maybe. I also should know the nature of show business by now and to never get my hopes up (and never let them fall down, the trick to staying sane in television is to always stay even keel ‘cause you just never know) and living in my car is no big deal for me. I’ve hitchhiked and backpacked all around the world with much less, I have friends all over California that I have been wanting to visit and stay with and it’s not like a have a job that I have to stick around LA for… so okay, things kinda sucked but they really weren’t that bad. 

And then a curve ball… the stupidest, most unexpected, W-T-F?! curve ball in the whole wide world.

My boyfriend broke up with me- AND I ACTUALLY CARED.  

T and me started dating while we were both living up in Big Bear for the winter. He worked Patrol and I was a snowboard instructor for the mountain and we lived together with a few friends in a cute little house, walking distance from the slopes. Us dating was totally unexpected and our relationship started off as friends and roommates and extremely quickly turned into a Boyfriend/ Girlfriend living together situation. We lived together for 6 months and did the long distance thing for 2 more once we both moved back to our respective Summer locations (Venice Beach for me and Solvang, in his parents guests house for him.) Our relationship was awesome. It really was. So so fun and easy and I felt so… understood. It was serious but casual, carefree but deep. I knew from day one that he was not ‘The One’ but he was amazing and I was still very very in love with him. I had gotten to know, love and absolutely adore his family and we had made plans to go camping at the Grand Canyon this summer and talked about what we would be doing next winter. We maintained our relationship with phone calls, texts and photos and visited each other every chance we got (and neither of us have a real job so we had a lot of chances) so I was completely floored when he broke up with me… via text message. Text message. Really? And the reason is even more absurd than the vehicle- He was breaking up with me because I am a vegetarian and he wanted to hunt. Wait, what? Yeah, you read that right. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!? Seriously. Even while writing this, I can’t wrap my head around the silliness of this surprisingly painful situation. After I was done being shocked and then pissed, I was hurt. Really really hurt. All and all, we only dated for a little over 7 months but when you live Minute by Minute like I do, 7 months is an eternity… and it’s all over without even the decency of a face to face conversion? He couldn’t even Skype me for this?

And that was the final blow.

I lost my shit. 

I had been wondering where the bottom was as things started to unravel with my living situation and my show but until I had by heart broken, I knew I hadn’t actually touched it. The trifecta of shit had finally hit- my security was wrecked by having no place to call home, my dreams were crushed by a stall and lack of momentum with the show and my heart was completely trashed the one guy in my life right now who was suppose to make everything feel all better. Talk about the perfect time for a break down. 

Bottoming out fucking sucks. It’s terrifying, it’s debilitating. It’s empty and heavy and makes you feel like someone is standing on your chest and you just can’t breathe. It’s the feeling of hopeless and being alone as well as being completely over and underwhelmed somehow at the exact same time. I feel like a whiny little bummer chick even typing this but it’s important for you guys to understand and if you have gone through it personally, to relate to.

But with all that being said, there is something wonderful about touching bottom. When you touch ground, you at least know where you are and once you adjust to the weight and pressure, it’s cliche but calming to know that the only place you can go is up. Losing everything is actually incredibly freeing and once you get your footing, the bottom is the best place to push off from so you can rocket back up to the top (or so I hope.)       

When it comes down to it, I can only be thankful for the opportunity tear down my life and personality so I can rebuild and restructure ultimately for the better.     

So there you go. That’s my shit. Here is where I am and that was where I was at. I am homeless, boyfriendless and production companyless. Talk about a perfect time to rebuild.

#thatisall

#TrueStory: I spent 36 hours trimming pot on a pot farm

HAHAHA!! Do they call them "pot farms"?? Is the preferential word, pot factory? Weed growing facility? Work with me here, guys!!! A nerd needs to know!!!

K ... so here's what happened and how it all went down.

First, lemme grab a song ...

ERRRRRR ... hold that thought, this isn't the song I wanna listen to while writing this ... it was WAYYY mellower.

Yep. This works.

Alrite, so on Monday I woke up super super super antsy. Totes not my style. I may work a good hustle, but for reals - I chillax and am straight up, down, left, and right a pretty mellow chica. My job in life is to play the best card that is ever dealt to me, not try to deal 'em. I very very very much just roll with the punches.

The problem is, I got dealt a lot of punches all at once. I was trying to wrap up the TV show I filmed in CT that caused my ADD to go THROOUUGHHHH THE ROOFFFF. Way to break out the world's tiniest violin right? But stressors are still stressors; I got overwhelmed. Doesn't happen often, but when it does I totes pull a Zack Morris and just say FREEZE!!!!

I needed a break.

It was about noon on Monday, and I was writing in the kitchen and looked out the window and said I would KILL to get a sponsored meditative retreat or something. I was a bit vague, but the creation was there.

Flash forward a few hours later, I get a text from my buddy Lindsay Mc asking if we could hang out and talk some biz. I was game ... but a few hours go by, and I got TIIRRREEEEDDDDDD!!! I am human, ftr ... this does happen on occasion. =)

So, I was kinda planning on asking Lindsay if we can kick it another night, and then the roomster came home after having a RAD day and was like - we need to hit up happy hour!!! Ahhhh fuckicky fuck fuck - I'm game, and that means that I'm also on with Lindsay.

So we all head to Barneys and Lindsay drops by and tells me this story of how she just got back from trimming pot in Northern California.

Now, first lemme preface this by saying this chick is BAT SHIT CRAZY. Like, I know I'm crazy ... I really do ... this chick has hitchhiked through various African countries, currently has Malaria, skates, skis, and boards every kind of board there is to have. She's insane ... and I love her for it.

I was not too terribly surprised to hear that she was doing something like this, but my next logical question was - WHEN CAN I DO IT TOO?!?!?!?

We then batted back and forth with schedules, I was doings this ... she was doing that ... then we both finally said fuck it! Let's just go tomorrow. She texted her buddy and asked if it was kosher if we came up, and he was in ... 16 hours later we hit the road!

Before we even took off, I made sure it was okay with Lindsay for me to write about it. I'm totally down for as many adventures as possible in life, but if I am told I can't write about something - I'm not interested in doing it. For REALS, I'm a lifecaster!!! I love love love you guys, and if I can't share it, I'm just not at all interested.

She said it was cool as long as I never disclosed where exactly it is that we were going. You all can guess til the cows come home, but I can never publicly confirm nor deny a location - and CERTAINLY cannot create a foursquare checkin. 

HAHAHAHA omg I can read it now ... "Pot Palace" ... no no wait, "Pot Paradise."

::breathes in:: ahhhh

<tangent> I'm actually not a stoner. It fucks with my ADD and can make me really really really anxious, on top of the fact that I genuinely LOVE working and hustling. Laying back realizing that every word that comes out of my mouth is fucking stupid does nothing for me. FOR REALS!!! The details of my own incompetence does not interest me ... sooooooooo I don't do it. Well, I do it, but I've never bought it, and in LA it's a social thing. Straight up, in LA people smoke. Not cigs, we're pretty kosher with our clean air (HAHAHAHA CLEAN AIR HILARIOUS), but they LOOVVEEE their pot! Seriously, we're known for it - and it's legal here if you have a card. Pretty much the only time I'll smoke is if I'm kicking it with friends during some sort of after hours, or if I'm about to bone. DUDE!!! Sex stoned = makes my life. Good god, I will fuck your dick right ooooooffffffffffff. Yeah. I gotta have sex stoned again soon. hahaha - omg stop talking Jen. I'm getting too horny and I have to finish writing this. </tangent>

We hit the road and I snapped these picturinos ...

Seriously AH-MAZING!!! These were taken on the 5 somewhere south of the SUPER SMELLY COWS!!!

OMG OMG OMG OMG THEY WERE SOOO BAD!!!

Look at Lindsay ...

 

Priceless ... and captures the moment perfectly.

SERIOUSLY!! You couldn't even breathe through your mouth without COMPLETELY wanting to barf.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

Smellyyyy coooowwwwwwwwwsss!!!

K ... so that happened ... then we got up there after a bajillion hour of a drive. Literally ... BAJILLION. Actually, it wasn't that long, and Lindsay and I brainstormed the entire way, so it was pretty rad.

We were still a little while out from our meeting place with Lindsay's friend, and the weather started to turn pretty gnarly. Out of nowhere it started to get super super super foggy.

Now this part is absolutely no exaggeration ... we were going literally 10 mph, and it was the CURVIEST road ever, with only a handful of cars, and oh yeah - we were GOING UP A MOUNTAIN!!! This wasn't even just foggy though, this was very literally impassable. The only problem was we couldn't even see the road to pull over, and Lindsay remembered that all there was was a SUPER steep drop off from the cliff.

She goes, OMG I'm so glad you can't see anything right now ... you'd be freaking out - there are no guard rails up here - it's a straight drop down.

Instead of freaking out, I just turned up the Mumford and Sons we had been listening to for LITERALLY the entire car ride.

If we're gonna die, at least we'll be rockin out the entire way!!! 

We both stayed alarmingly calm as I guided her as best as I could, and she stayed suppperrrrr close to the Jeep Cherokee in front of her.

Dudes, I am from Connecticut. I learned how to drive in BLIZZARDSSSS and this chick is bat shit and drives up to Big Bear all the time ... this. was. bad. really bad. Had I been driving - I would have prolly cried. No joke. Super duper scary time.

We both made a conscious effort to turn our fear into laughter. We imagined the headlines if we did go over the cliff ... 2 girls die in over-turned car wreck ... they may or may not have been on their way to trim pot in an undisclosed location. OMG between my google searches and posts, we would have been had. Been HAADD I tell you!

Yeah, tangent ... sorry about that.

So, we get to our meeting place where we have to leave the car. See, to even get to the pot farm (if that is what we are calling it), you have to meet at a location and then get taken in an off road vehicle to an undisclosed mountain location.

Dudes, this shit was LEGIT!!! I WAS OFF GOOGLE MAPS!!!

The drive up there took a while, and kinda reminded me of those off road rides at Disney or Busch Gardens. We went through water, and SUUUCCHHHHHHHHH bumpy roads - I now know why seat belts were invented. I didn't know my body could flap around that lifeless before.

We finally make it up to the top of the mountain, and arrive at this little cabin like thing. It wasn't really like a cabin, it was just this super small one room house with two mattresses on the floor, a series of sleeping bags laying around, and a fire going in the make shift fireplace. It was SUPPERRRR rustic, but kinda cool at the same time. It made sense that a house like this was off the grid.

We set up our beds courtesy of the blankets from David and Goliath, and called it a night.

 

About 4 hours later something woke me up. Mind you, I've slept in my car in Venice, and slept on LITERALLY hundreds of couches and various beds all across the country for the last year ... nothing. nothing. nothing. wakes me up.

Except for an earthquake.

A pretty big one ... we were deep, deep, deep, deep, in the woods somewhere - and I felt the WOOORRLLLDDD shake three times. It was funny, I remember waking up and seeing a bunch of faces, but thinking unless I am already dead, I'm just gonna go back to sleep.

Then we all woke up to this ...

Pretty gnarly. Reception at this place was so bad though, I couldn't get a signal out, nor could I check anything online. Not gonna lie, that was weird.

Either way, everyone was fine, we all shared stories of how we all looked at each other and immediately went right back to sleep. Pretty fucking funny.

Then we started trimming! See, when you buy pot, it's broken down ... not in the full pot plant form like it grows in.

This is how it grows ...

This is how you buy it ...

For 36 hours, I served as that middle person. HAHAH!!

Dudes, they have someone come in and cut the plants and what not from the actual growing area ... but then they put it in black garbage bags and have trimmers come in and cut it up into sellable pieces.

We all sat around at our little stations inside this little barn (I use the word barn because it was a rectangular structure without any windows - but it was a pretty nice barn like place, don't let the word fool you!). There were about 15 of us total. Two managers/ over-see-ers, and the rest all trimmers. It was cool too, man, these peeps were all from around the world. A couple of peeps were in from Barcelona, one chica from Bali, a bunch from Mexico, and then you had two whiter than white cracker looking chicas from Los Angeles. HAHA!!

Lindsay is super social, so she started talking to everyone ... I put in headphones and just drifted away to the sound of The Secret on audio book. (UGH! SO GOOD!!!)

It was weird, it took me about an hour before I fully caught on to how to trim properly (you have to cut off the crows feet which are like the little V stem things, and make the stems as tight as possible), but after a while I felt like Mr. Miyagi with a bonsai. It was SOOOOOOOOOOO relaxing, and I literally started to slip into this zen like state.

Trim, cut, bag. Trim, cut, bag. ::insert motivational quote from The Secret - We are like magnets - like attract like. You become AND attract what you think::

Trim, cut, bag. Trim, cut, bag. ::insert motivational quote from The Secret - We don't need to complicate all the "reasons" behind our emotions. It's much simpler than that. Two categories .. good feelings, bad feelings::

Trim, cut, bag. Trim, cut, bag. ::insert motivational quote from The Secret - Happy feelings will attract more happy circumstances::

It was great! Well, minus all the hash that got all over my hands ...

That wasn't so great. You have to remove it with olive oil. Felt weird, but if you didn't it just absorbs into your skin and can give you SUPPPERRRR trippy dreams like I had last night!!! OMG! Something about Pete Cashmore, Ben Parr, and a donkey. There you go ... that's all you get.

UGHHHH Pete Cashmore.

STOP IT JEN!!! FOCUS!!!!

Anyway, I just got in the zone and managed to stay there throughout the day. OH! And it was so rad too, they fed us breakfast, lunch, and dinner ... they came around with joints if you wanted to smoke, and at 5pm they gave us all beer.

Can I move in here?!?!? Seriously?!?!?! Super nice people!!! When my ADD kicked in, Lindsay and I even got to go on this BEA-UTIFUL hike ...

I was SUPER nervous wearing these things in the woods, btw!! hahaha I didn't want to get shot or eaten ... but the duderino owned LITERALLY the entire mountain, so there were no hunters. YAYYYYYYYY for life!!!

Red Wolf and Night Owl Spirithoods! Click our heads for more info!

We were kosher, and got back to trimming.

It was super rad ... we went all day, and into the night. I lasted until about 10pm before my fingers were going to fall off. It was pretty amazing though - you could just do your own thing, and no matter what they paid by the pound. Some people got up and danced to the music that was playing, others went off and did yoga, while a few more just sat around and talked. I've never been in an environment like that - it was like adult camp where we were all stoned either directly or indirectly. DUDEESSS!!! You can't be in that room and not end up stoned. Between the poor ventilation, and just the management of the pot in your fingers I was high for literally the entire time.

It was just what I needed though. I have to admit, this was the first time very literally in my entire life that I have been away from technology. Even when I went to Mexico a few years back, the hotel had internet ... the only other times were when I was like 15 and 16 and a foreign exchange student in Europe. Then I don't think we had the internet ... but that was also 10 and 11 years ago.

This was a big deal for me to be able to unplug for that long.

Well ... I did manage to find signal in one TEENY TINY section ... where I got to post this!

I just love what I do, man. I just need to be able to figure out a way to integrate getting my hands SUPER dirty every once in a while. I need to do physical work unrelated to tech every now and again. It's good for the brain and good for the soul.

So there you go! That happened! Lindsay kept us from going over a cliff, I was deep deep deep in the woods during a super gnarly earthquake, smoked some ganja, slept on a floor, and channeled my inner Miyagi.

Oh and if you buy a super fancy pants purple-ie bag of weed in the near future, I may have cut that!!!

It's cool, don't worry - there was running water at the cabin so I totes washed after I went to the bathroom!

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!! omg ... I need to go ... wait, not like go ... "go" but go as in leave and smoke my souvenir!!!!! YES!!!!

Peace love and lollipops, TNTML!!! Another epic adventure!!! xoxoxxoxo 

Special thanks to Effing Gear for the clothing that I wore for literally the entire trip. SERIOUSLY it was COLDDD!!! I would take a pic of me in the hoodie I was wearing, but it's super smelly and covered in pot ... but here's the hat that kept my face from getting sun burned on the car ride home. AH-MAZING! 

Click my nerdy noggin for more info on how you too can own this piece of AWESOME!! & HAHAHA! I think there is still hash under my finger nails!!

#winning

#Adventures in Adventuring: Bye Bye LA

Editor's note: Dear mom and dad ... do not read this. At all, and or what so ever. Love you! Kthxbye

I need to travel. It is in my soul ... it is in my heart ... I literally thrive off of adventure. So last night, I was sitting with my buddy Lindsay talking about doing some work together with the site ... etc. Dudes, this chick is fucking bat shit crazy. And I know, it takes one to know one ... but this is the CRAZIEST, most HARDCORE girl that I know. Like seriously.

She told me she had just gotten back from this assignment in Northern California at an undisclosed location, and said it was one of the trippiest things she had ever experienced. I asked when she was going next, and that I wanted to come along. Lindsay being Lindsay said, let's go tomorrow! PERRRRFFEEEECCCTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!

So, now I am packing to head up to a city in Northern California for a few days. I can't say anything about it, and I may not even have internet or cell reception of any kind. YUPPPPPPP!!! You heard that right ... I am not 100% I will even have cell reception so I may or may not be off the grid for about 48 hours. It's cool, cause fortunately I'ze gotz me some peeps to help with the site ... but I need to have this adventure.

This will be HANDS DOWN one of the weirdest/ craziest things I have ever done ... and this just has to happen.

I'm not entirely sure how legal this is (yayyy for having fancy pants lawyers!), and I'm not entirely sure I am going to be able to tell you all exactly what we will be doing. I can say, I am going to get my hands super dirty ... and this has absolutely 100% NOTHING to do with social media or tech in any capacity. It is just an adventure that I had heard of people doing, but wanted to witness and experience myself.

No matter what I KNOOOWWWW it is going to lead to an epic post after hahaha, so that's all that matters.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG you guys!!!! I leave in an hour - and I can't WAIIIIIIITTTTTT!!!! Gotta pack!

Peace love and lollipops!

#ciao

#FocusRally Update!!

Alrite, so I like you, am still on pins and needles wondering who got the Ford Focus Rally. See, Ford is teaming up with the creators of the Amazing Race, to send 6 teams across the country for 6 weeks to compete in missions with their twitter, Facebook, and blog followers invited to participate and help out. Watch this vid ... it explains it way better:

Um. Yeah. Talk about the greatest thing ever.

Me and my buddy @lindsayMC are still in the running, and I'm just so gosh darn excited, that I decided to send the head of social media at Ford @scottmonty a little love note as we're BFFs on Facebook, asking if he knew when the winners were going to be announced.

His response was that they will be announcing the teams in early January - most likely around the North American International Auto Show (aka NAIAS).

I had no idea when NAIAS was ... but thankfully! *lightbulb* There's google!

NAIAS =  slated to run from January 10- 23, 2011.

Alrite, so there you go. El senor Ford big wig says the announcement will come around then.

#FINGERSCROSSED

BAHH!! Nerds, Lindsay and I will have a chance to win 100K, and TEN CARS to give away on TNTML. Dude, to a homeless chick that has survived off of $10 and social media for a year ... that = life changing. For reals.

Sooooo stay tuned! Less than a month until the announcement hopefully.

#nerdsunite

An open letter to @JenandChanda re: #FocusRally

Alrite ... so I have keywords set up on my tweetdeck for the #FocusRally ... and I just saw a post from a team that I could not ignore.

Before you go any further ...

Click here to read the post I will be referencing.

It's totally kosher, I'll sit here and wait for you. Doop dee doo ... doo doo dum. Hum hum yum. K, ya back? Awesome sauce.

Ladies, what are you thinking? For reals. Get it together, babes! I'm a finalist too. I totally get the anxiety. It's maddening. You have to understand, this is a casting - and Ford has not publicly said anyone has been picked yet ... so the rest is kinda here say, and you've just gone and said all that? Are you for reals? This is the internet, nothing goes away.

We have no idea what they are looking for - but these things are mostly a numbers game. What type of reach does this individual have in social media? Are they someone the viewers of Hulu can relate to? Are they physically and mentally stable to compete in a high stress competition like this? Someone once told me for the Fiesta Movement they put us through about 40 different groups and types of background checks before we were selected. They check out EVVVEERRRYYYTHIINNGGG, it takes time. Furthermore, the bottom line in all of this is about money. Ford is trying to sell cars, and the creators of the Amazing Race are trying to do something innovative with interactive media. It's NOT about you. I say this all not to put you down in any capacity. In fact, I really do hope you guys get it - you're clearly incredibly passionate individuals. However, I just feel the need to educate, that people can do some really sneaky things in castings. Other competitors might post that they received some sort of special "insider info" to psych you out. Congrats, from the sounds of it - it looks like they got to you.

Take a deep breath, and keep being awesome. Show Ford that you'd be a FANTASTIC candidate if picked, and you won't be a sore sport about the process in general if you aren't chosen. There are so many opportunities in this space right now, I would hope that you guys could take some of that passion and energy into building your brand and exploring more of those options.

I very sincerely do wish you guys  well - and really do hope you guys get it ... but man, you just gotta breathe. We're all in this boat, we're all nervous ... but the final decision hasn't been made. Don't make it easier for them by going off the deep end.

If you need to vent, I can offer a helping hand to help appease the nerves. I do some gnarly yoga and meditation - we can just make it a Skype session. =)

JenFriel@TalkNerdyToMeLover.com

Facebook.com/JenFriel

Twitter.com/JenFriel

#NerdsUnite