#TakingNotes: Should Chicks Carry Condoms?

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Laurel. She's hands down one of the most candid and matter of fact people that I have ever digitally met. For reals, this chick is not only a hustler, but hella smart and digs breaking things down for peeps to help them understand ... I heart her long time. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT Laurel!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @QuickieChick

I know… nothing feels as good as skin on skin. But, really, is the post-sex stress REALLY worth the 2 minutes (if it’s a quickie)- 60 minutes (if it’s a full on romp) of coital bliss? No it’s not. As much as it may SEEM worth it while you’re in the moment. It’s not. Ok?

In fact, it’s kind of like chocolate cake (or whatever your favorite bad for you food is). In that weak moment when the idea of eating the entire cake is wholly enticing, in fact you are even able to totally justify it… if you decide to give in and eat that cake, the next day, if not mere minutes after, you regret it. I mean full on “what the F**k was I thinking?” regret.

Same goes with riding bare back. Chicks, it is NOT HIS RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE SAFE! Sure, if you are in a serious, monogamous relationship with someone, you have both been tested, you know about and are ok with the potential consequences of unprotected sex (yes, even pulling out is NOT fail proof!!!!!), then do what you want, making a decision in a sane, calm, not in-the-heat-of the… moment.

The weird thing is, I have always been embarrassed to go to the market, pick out, stand in line, place on the belt, and purchase condoms. I’m not a prude, but for some reason I feel embarrassed standing there with the little box in my hand, as if they are screaming out to everyone around that I’m a slut because I’m having sex. Instead of advertising my sex life to the other shoppers in line, I generally sneak to the back of the store and buy my condoms from the pharmacist (there’s usually a shorter line and it’s substantially more private). But why?

There is nothing wrong with buying condoms. In fact, it’s the responsible thing for chicks to do. Why is it the man’s role? Just because it’s an item that goes on him, it’s an item that goes in you and, in my opinion, it’s protecting you more than it is protecting him. Afterall, aside from STDS, sex without protection can get you pregnant and you, not he, is the one carrying that child for 9 months!

If you’re more comfortable, sure, buy your condoms from the pharmacist, hold them in your hand until it’s time to ring them up, then immediately slip them into your purse once purchased. It’s better than the not wearing them at all. I mean really. You may feel stressed or shy walking up to the clerk to make that embarrassing, pleasure-making purchase, but imagine how you would feel if you chose to skip the rubber and ended up pregnant or with an STD instead. It’s time for chicks to take charge.

Then comes the question of where to put them. Do you keep them in your bedside table, in your bathroom hidden in the back corner under the sink, in a cute little hand crocheted satchel under your bed? What if you’re not home when you’re in the mood to do the deed? Then what? Then do you depend on him to be responsible? In that “just in case” scenario, carry condoms in your purse! I know, you don’t want the, again, embarrassing scenario of the little guys accidentally slipping out of your purse for all to see, so instead I carry them in a discreet little mirrored compact with a secret condom compartment appropriately called “just in case.” It’s my private life. No one else needs to know. But I do need to protect myself… just in case.

And besides, there are some definite benefits to carrying your own condoms:

-1. You can choose to use the ribbed kind. Sure they’re a little more expensive, but they are designed to increase YOUR pleasure. Guys just feel the inside of the rubber so whether the outside has ribs or not… really not their concern.

-2. You can be sure that the condoms are properly cared for, therefore maintaining their structural and protective integrity. You might not realize, but condoms do have expiration dates and they can get seriously damaged from braving the elements- like sitting in some dude’s hot car for too long, or

being stuck inside his wallet for a year.

-3. You are instantly in the driver’s seat, which is honestly pretty damn sexy… even intimidatingly so (which is a good thing).

So next time that you are in the throws of passion and your guys says “shit, I don’t have a condom… is that ok?” You can say, “oh don’t worry about it, I’ve got one- just in case!”

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Laurel on twitter and don't forget to check out her site over yonder!!

#TakingNotes: When it Comes to Men… Does Size Really Matter?

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Laurel. She's hands down one of the most candid and matter of fact people that I have ever digitally met. For reals, this chick is not only a hustler, but hella smart and digs breaking things down for peeps to help them understand ... I heart her long time. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT Laurel!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @QuickieChick

Just as some men are boob men and others are ass men, some women like it large, and others prefer more petite- it’s true. So, in short… depends. Depends on the person you’re trying to please.

You’ve heard the “short d**k, big stick” concept of men who are “lacking in the pants make up for it in the pocket,” or “If he drives a red Ferrari, you know that he does have much to show off under the hood.” It’s clearly a sensitivity. Guys will joke about it both ways- advertising their size if they are endowed, and dissing other dudes as being duds because they’re small. But really, what do chicks want?

In one study of over 50,000 heterosexual men and women, 85% of women were satisfied with their partner’s penis size, while only 55% of men were satisfied with their own size. Where is this disconnect coming from?

Aside from the locker room shower, most exposure that men get to others equipment is in porn. Not the most accurate point of comparison! That truly is the only field of work in which you get the job because you are bigger…

The Hard Facts

To get the hard, straight facts (no pun intended) the average male penis, flaccid, ranges from 3.4 to 3.7 inches; erect, from 5.1 to 5.7. The average girth when erect ranges between 3.5 to 3.9 inches.

More than size, technique has a lot to do with satisfaction- which again is specific to the preferences of each individual person.

Too Small?

If you are smaller, don’t stress! Small can still please. Remember that a chick’s g-spot is only about 2-3 inches deep inside her, so you might be the perfect size to hit the spot! You should also hone your talent in other areas- like head (which can seriously create some mind-blowing, head spinning results… even bigger than sex!).

Too Big?

Just to clarify: just because you are the size of a burrito doesn’t mean that you’re God’s gift to women. So please please don’t whip it out and present your package in a “ta-da” fashion as if the chick is lucky. The fact is that she could instead be scared of that thing. If you are larger (yes there IS such a thing as being too big- and it can actually be much worse than too small… think about the consequences of putting something too big into a small hole… ouch), honing your skills in head is a great option for you too, but you should also consider simply being careful with your big guy.

Regardless of size or shape, if you want to please, it’s about technique. Know how to use your instrument, put your head in the game and your chances to please are greatly increased.

Taking notes in bed… because you’re got to know what pleases you too.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Laurel on twitter and don't forget to check out her site over yonder!!

#TakingNotes: What Turns You On?

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Laurel. She's hands down one of the most candid and matter of fact people that I have ever digitally met. For reals, this chick is not only a hustler, but hella smart and digs breaking things down for peeps to help them understand ... I heart her long time. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT Laurel!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @QuickieChick

“Do you prefer me in the thong, g-string, boy shorts, or bikini panties?”…

Maybe I’m not normal, but I was definitely thinking about sex when I was in elementary school. I remember reading a book on puberty and sex when I was in the 5^th grade that I totally devoured. During breaks I would hide under a table in the back of class absolutely inhaling the information.

My First Porn

When I was 10 my friend’s babysitter accidentally took us to a porn at the movie theater. Of course I did the natural little girl thing of closing my eyes, even hiding my face with my fingers. But you better believed I peeked! I wasn’t horrified. I was intrigued! The movie took place in a whore house. The girls were in their early 20s, the guys were significantly older and Asian. I remember this one guy telling the girl to wash him off with a cloth when they were done. He just lay there on the bed as she got up, put on a cute simple pair of black silk Brazilian cut bikini panties, turned on the hot water in the sink, then came back to him to delicately clean him. It was a strikingly touching and sexy moment. I, clearly, have never forgotten.

My Dad’s Playboy

What is “sexy” is highly debatable and totally dependent on the individual’s preferences, often based on personal experiences and even fantasies that became branded into our brains from the time we were 10 years old and happened to peak at the big (though real- back then) boobs in our dad’s Playboy magazines hidden under the bed. And I’m not just talking about dudes, those images also helped create the definition and ideal of sexy in chick’s heads too. That whore movie from when I was 10 years old has for sure had an indelible impact on me. And, yes, I snooped in my dad’s Playboys and totally found the magazines sexy. And that’s not because I’m into chicks, it’s because I had never seen a naked woman’s body placed in a sexualized position before. It was hot! It was even a turn on.

And so my quest for what is sexy began. But not just trying to figure out what I find sexy. I wanted to know what guys find sexy. What’s interesting- they all like different things!

Bra, Panty, Lingerie Fashion Show!

I have an extensive collection of lingerie. Everything from boy shorts to crotch-less panties, teddies to …. well, you can imagine for yourself. When I have been seeing a guy for a significant period of time, I start to wonder what styles, outfits, specific bra and panty sets he prefers, is “eh” about, and totally dislikes. SO… I do a fashion show. This is not a sexy show, it isn’t a strip tease, it isn’t foreplay. I try on an outfit and ask “do you like this or no?” “What do you like/don’t like about it?” The items that he doesn’t like go into a special drawer- the “in case we break up and someone else may like them” drawer. This way I always know that what I have on, he likes, so I am not getting all gussied up and feeling sexy in some uber-uncomfortable getup that he finds totally un-sexy.

What I find most sexy on myself: black silk Brazilian cut bikini panties and no bra.

Taking notes… because if you don’t ask, how else are you going to know for sure?

P.S…. I’m actually wearing those black bikini panties in an image in my new book “QuickieChick’s Cheat Sheet to Life, Love, Food, Fitness, Fashion and Finance on a Less than Fabulous Budget” (St. Martin’s). It's filled with lots of tips- lived, learned, and noted...... 

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Laurel on twitter and don't forget to check out her site over yonder!!

Oh and oh oh oh! She also has a book coming out on May 22nd! Here's more info!

#TakingNotes: How to Give Great Head

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Laurel. She's hands down one of the most candid and matter of fact people that I have ever digitally met. For reals, this chick is not only a hustler, but hella smart and digs breaking things down for peeps to help them understand ... I heart her long time. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT Laurel!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @QuickieChick

 “You’re the worst lay and head I have ever had.”

Some guys say that kind of thing when you break up with them as a way to get back at you. “Yeah, screw you! You sucked (and not well) anyway!” This guy broke up with me. And while telling me that I was awful in bed was certainly a blow, it was true. I had no idea how to suck. And considering that I am my own worst critic, beat myself up if I look stupid, say the wrong thing, or don’t come out on top (though I prefer the bottom in bed), I took the comment as constructive criticism and began to research.

I went to the bookstore and got a book written by a woman who was given notes on how to give head by her best gay guy friend. I devoured this book, reading it over and over again, taking notes on the pages, doing the motions with my hands and tongue in the air looking like an absolute freak at stop lights. And while a book-based education is great, there’s nothing like the real thing.

After a couple of weeks of dating the next guy I was with, after sex I asked him for “Notes.”

"What did you most like?”

“What can I do differently, better, stop doing all together?"

This wasn't an insecure "was that good enough for you" type of questioning, but rather I wanted to be the best I could be, and the best way to find out was to understand how he experienced me.

Sex and dating is one area in which we can't (or rarely) have a mentor to show us the ropes (unless you’re with Christian Grey- “Fifty Shades of Grey”… obsessed!). We are really out there learning from personal experience. Sure, there are manuals and guide books, but it’s really one of those things that has to be learned from experience. Kind of like riding a bike. You can be told the mechanics of the thing, understand the step by step, but you don’t really get it until it’s in your body.

But here’s the thing about Notes- you have to take your ego out of it. You are asking to be told what you are bad at, what needs improvement, in addition to what you’re good at. This is not about blowing smoke or fishing for compliments. If you can’t handle the truth, don’t ask for it. But if you don’t ask for it, you’re also limiting yourself. You’re saying “I’m okay not being great at this.” And you know what? I am not okay not being great at it. I want to be a damn good lay and give damn good head. What’s the point of having crappy sex? I would rather skip it than endure it.

The awesome thing about asking for Notes is that you are opening up communication with your significant in a very honest and vulnerable way, which can seriously deepen your relationship and tighten your bond. Not to mention that you are showing them that you really want to please them (which they should appreciate) and that can only lead to better sex. And who doesn’t want that?

So how do you go about asking for these Notes?

Similar to how you aren’t supposed to tell someone that they have a drinking problem when they are drunk, or that they should seriously consider anger management classes when they are it a fit of rage, don’t ask your guy how you did or how you’re doing during or even immediately after sex. Instead, ask a few hours later, maybe at dinner, at breakfast, before falling asleep when just laying together in bed chatting at night, in a bath… somewhere that you are both relaxed, open, focused on each other, and interested in communicating. Then say: “I really loved our sex today. It seemed like you liked it when I did --------. What else did you like? What about when I go down on you, what do you like the best that I do? I want to make you feel good. What should I focus on more? What don’t you like as much? I won’t get upset, I really do want to know what you like and don’t like.”

See… you start with the good, and ease into asking about the bad. The reason? He might think it’s weird at first that you want to be criticized, not realizing that it can be constructive, that you won’t get mad (DO NOT GET MAD AND USE THIS AGAINST HIM!), and that you truly would like his direction.

Sure, pick your battles. You don’t have to be good at everything. But this is one thing that I want to be awesome at! So for that… it’s all about Notes.

That’s it for now. I will continue my Notes next Wednesday.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Laurel on twitter and don't forget to check out her site over yonder!!

Oh and oh oh oh! She also has a book coming out on May 22nd! Here's more info!