#NerdsUnite: I met my husband on @PlentyOfFish (the first five days)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jessica. She and I met through this loverly site, and by her reaching out to me asking if she could write for us. Really rad chickie, she provided a lot of insight into my childhood for me (something you don't get every day from someone!!) - andddddd she has quite the life story. Like did you know she moved cross country for love? ORRRR that she found out her ex cheated on her by reading it on Facebook? ANNNNDDDD she even married a guy she met off of Plenty of Fish! Yep, true story! This is life as told through her eyes, and through the keyword of the nerd. HIT IT JESSICA!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @ItsJessWeaver

We’ve been in our house for 5 days and the following things happened:

We got broadband cable internet, for which I am very thankful. More on that later.

We undertook our first unplanned remodeling project, which must be some kind of homeowner rite of passage. Whew, glad that’s over. Smooth sailing from here! But what had happened was, we were complete idiots and didn’t measure our new washer and dryer before we bought them. So, when they were delivered, and were too big for the doors to the laundry closet, we were TOTALLY surprised! We got super extra huge awesome discounts on the pair when we bought them, so I didn’t want to send them back. The next step was clear: attack the wall with power tools and make an opening large enough that both the washer and dryer doors could be opened at the same time. I know. Big goals. So right now there’s a big gaping hole in the wall, which is exactly what I dreamed of when I imagined my first week in my very first house. Still, I can do my laundry, which is really important. Especially since both the cats and I like to watch the clothes spin through that cool window in the front.

I found a crack in my master bathtub, where someone obviously fell while showering and jammed their knee into the fiberglass; either that, or someone kicked the tub just before he or she moved out of the house at the polite (I’m sure) request of the VA and Bank of America.

I revealed my entire psycho-ex story to a barefoot ADT representative in my kitchen. We had only just met, when she came to my house to consult with me for home security.

I supported the underground economy by paying a carpet cleaner for extra services he described as “just between you and me.” Deodorization and stain protection are not services closely monitored by his employer, apparently. Either that, or he swindled me, which I’m actually ok with, for some reason. He seemed like a nice kid. Before he left, I’d managed to give him advice on improving his credit score.

I got pulled over for speeding in my new neighborhood. Eight over. SUPPOSEDLY. I got a warning, and practically had a public panic attack, in the middle of the afternoon, over the thought that my ex, the cop, might show up in one of those damn police cars. Maybe mild PTSD, because when I am in a situation where a police officer has direct authority over me, I crumble into crazy little pieces—I feel scared, small and worthless. The uniform and the logo remind me of my ex, the way he made me feel when we were together, and it’s like I turn in on myself. Moving back into the city where he is a police officer is scary for me.

As for the cable internet—yay. It is pretty dang fast. I got a ROKU box and a subscription to Hulu Plus. We don’t have cable, or antenna channels. I actually don’t watch TV. I’m one of those people. So that must explain why there are still boxes in the garage left to unpack, and I’m sitting on the couch watching an SNL marathon.

#kthxbye

Want more from Jessica? Click here to follow her on twitter!

#NerdsUnite: I met my husband on @PlentyOfFish (Christmas Recap)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jessica. She and I met through this loverly site, and by her reaching out to me asking if she could write for us. Really rad chickie, she provided a lot of insight into my childhood for me (something you don't get every day from someone!!) - andddddd she has quite the life story. Like did you know she moved cross country for love? ORRRR that she found out her ex cheated on her by reading it on Facebook? ANNNNDDDD she even married a guy she met off of Plenty of Fish! Yep, true story! This is life as told through her eyes, and through the keyword of the nerd. HIT IT JESSICA!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @ItsJessWeaver

Well! Christmas is over!

Time to take a look at how it went down.

I am not even looking at how much money I spent. More than I should have, probably, but I can still pay my bills, I didn't use any credit cards, and I don't feel guilty. My spending didn't hurt me, and made a few people happy for a few moments. I say that is a success.

Things we didn't do: We didn't fill stockings for each other, even though that is a family tradition of mine that I generally like. What can I say? I just didn't feel like it. It saved us some money. We didn't have any parties like people said we should. I didn't want to have a party, and that saved us some money, too. We didn't send out Christmas cards--but then I only got one card, myself. It was from my Grandma, who I DID send a card to, because she's basically one of my favorite people, and the only person in my family who consistently remembers me for birthdays and holidays. I write to her a few times a year, and I visit her when I can. We didn't go out caroling or to look at Christmas lights; both are things I like to do at Christmas, but weren't feasible. We also didn't decorate the outside of our house with lights. We didn't go "Black Friday" or "After Christmas" shopping. We didn't go to church.

Things we did: We participated in potlucks and parties by bringing food and presents. We bought and delivered gifts of one kind or another to our immediate families and friends. We got each other one very nice gift for Christmas; Tim cheated and got me two, but I forgive him because it's exactly that sort of thing I love for him to do. He got me a little Christmas fairy on a glass ball, and it melts my heart to think of it, because, I don't know, ok? I just love that guy to pieces. We hung out at the house together while he had a little time off from work, and we got to hang out with family and friends, doing the ordinary things we do. We sang along to Christmas carols in the car. We decorated the inside of the house with all the stuff I've collected over the years, and we had the tree lights on nearly every day for about a month. We did a Christmas countdown calendar. I can't say advent, really, because it wasn't religious. We talked about the meaning of Christmas, and whether or not we want to teach our future children about Santa. The jury is still out. We remembered December 25, 2010, when Tim asked me to marry him in a cute, elaborate gift-proposal that the whole family was in on. (Here’s the link)

And we thanked our lucky stars we had decided to become each other's family. Merry Christmas to us. :)

This last thing, I have struggled with whether or not I should say it. It happened, however, and I don't really feel like I should pretend it didn't. I told myself not to care about it, but the more I tried not to care, the less successful I was. I told myself not to care when not even one of my family members in California picked up the phone to call me for Christmas. I waited, like an idiot. Hour after hour passed, and I considered calling them myself, but I have to admit this here: I was afraid. I was afraid the same thing that happened at Thanksgiving would happen again--I called my Dad twice on Thanksgiving and left a message and he never returned my call. I called my sister and left a message, and she sent me a message on facebook, which was very nice of her, and I appreciate that very much. But I was afraid to call and not get a call back. Long and short of it, the only thing worse than my Dad not bothering to call me would have been me calling him and not getting an answer, not even a return phone call. I just couldn't take the rejection...I couldn't do it. My mom sent me a message later on facebook, after I posted a status that was sort of a hint, apologizing for not calling, because they were busy.  I was busy, too. I was busy wondering how I got to be so unimportant to the people I grew up with that I didn't even warrant a text message saying Merry Christmas, not to mention a thank-you for the gifts I prepared and shipped to them. I was busy waiting for my phone to light up, and wishing I was strong enough to just do the calling myself (as I always have, before this). I was busy trying not to cry when my sweet husband kissed me before bed on Christmas night, reminding me that I'm important to him, even if I feel like I'm not important to anyone.

I tried so hard not to cry, and I guess I needed to, because I'm crying now. I'm crying because I saw Christmas photos of my niece opening her presents, and my dad was in one of the photos--with a bluetooth headset stuck to his ear. One click and we could have talked. I'm crying because I was on Skype for hours yesterday and I could see my dad was on, too. And he didn't call. I know I should just grow up and call him myself, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm pretty sure they don't really want to talk to me. I'm crying because my mom is the last person likely to write to me--she's just not flowery and into correspondence--and she is the only one who did, and even though her notes were short and not sentimental, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for 6 freaking lines. I didn't even blame her for not calling--she doesn't have a cell phone anymore.

I know I'm not a model daughter. I know I don't do or say the things they want. I don't claim to have the answers or know how any of this works. I'm just me, trying to figure things out, trying to be a good person, trying to make a living, trying to be a good wife to Tim. I'm trying, but I'm not perfect. Sometimes I get scared, and hurt, and I don't know what to do, or how to fix it.

So there you go. Christmas recap. Best year of my life was 2011, hands down. I married Tim, who is the best friend I always wanted in a husband. I have a great sex life, I'm healthy, and challenging myself professionally and intellectually. But, well....I'll let Henry Wadsworth Longfellow tell it:

The Rainy Day

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

Even with Facebook, blogs,  skype, and texting, rejection is the same as it ever was.

#kthxbye

Want more from Jessica? Click here to follow her on twitter!