#NerdsUnite: Food Reviews From The Stache Formerly Known As Freddy Mercury

<editorsnote> I was at the bar the other night, and I saw a moustache sitting next to a martini. I found this rather strange at first since I had yet to ever come across a moustache just chilling by himself at the bar ... but decided to just roll with it. In the beginning he was a bit arrogant. He couldn't shut his whiskers blabbing ALLLL about his previous owner, whom he claims is the great Freddy Mercury. 

What's your name? I asked finally getting a word in edgewise.

I'm the "stache formerly known as freddy mercury." He continued, it's like Prince. I'm just the symbol of the stache.

He then asked me out on a date, and I don't know exactly how my boyfriend felt about it - but I wasn't too shocked when he answered the door with a razor in his hand. Besides, could I REALLY pass up an opportunity to have a night out with a mustache?

The stache then told me ALLLL about his love for food, so I decided to give him a spot on this site to discuss his culinary conquests.

And now we are here, and this is happening. Time to shine, little stache!! HIT IT STACHE FORMERLY KNOWN AS FREDDY MERCURY!!!   </editorsnote> 

So this has been a long time coming.

I have been living in denial for many years.

I have had to have a sit down a with a long lost departed friend and have a heart to heart with him.

It is possibly the biggest loss in my life and I have been coping for years. I went on benders (Lindsey Lohan style) and ended up in rehab.

I was doing unmentionable things in clubs, and found myself coming home to find that I was unsatisfied with the direction I was going in life. 

I had so much guilt, and felt so ashamed because I lived quite the life with my best friend and counterpart. 

We traveled the world and had so many experiences that changed us for good or bad. 

In the end I have decided to live in celebration of my main man Mr Fahrenheit, but formally known as Freddy Mercury. 

He was an inspiration to us all and it was hard to have to talk on a spiritual level with him and ask to finally go my own way.  

My passion being food, I was bound and determined to travel the world and critique the good the bad and the totally fucked up cuisine that we had come across in our journeys. 

As you may know myself along with the Fredster traveled quite a bit and had more food that we could ever imagine. Some sausages were more along his liking but hey we were buds and that's what you do for your best mate. I just hated when the unwanted sausages tasted of sauerkraut and there was none to be found anywhere. 

Sorry of the tangent but one could imagine I have a pallet and love of food. So my current goal is to go on a food review expedition. To show the mom and pop places that shine while calling out the high brow, see to be seen type of places. I will always critique in as polite a manner as possible but seriously if you make me pay big money and you serve me something that freddy's balls could have cooked better than we will have a fucking issue. So be warned, if "stache formally known as mercury" walks into your establishment, you may be stashed. And trust me girls like to be stashed. But the stash don't lie, if you go down and it don't taste right, I can't report on anything good, and Im not the type to drink away my indiscretions. So be warned world. The stash formally know as freddy mercury is on the loose and has a kick ass pair of wing tip shoes to go along with this swagger. 

Credentials as follows:

One) I rocked on stage with Freddy for years and I am not scared to be out there and just be pretty bad ass.

Two) I have traveled extensively with the Merc and he is a man of discerning taste which has also left me with quite the knowledge of food. Secretly when Freddy was passed out at times I would head down to the kitchen and pick up pointers on the good the bad and the ugly of restaurant life.

C) I also have the ability make a girl faint by giving her the sexy stash furl. No one can resist the stache known as Mercury

Elephant) Music I would say would be another aspect of life and I will call most of you out on bad taste because I have the ONLY GOOD TASTE AROUND. Queen of course followed by Rush and REO speedwagon as a close second, Sam cooke is also good for the soul. So anything else just doesn't fly in my book. So don't test me, I know where all of you live.

ToiletPaper) I am a ladies man, and a man's man given the relationship I had with Freddy. Wonderful man I must say.

X) I also like long walks on the beach (alone by the way because none of you mofo's have anything good to say when it comes to romance so I tend to take advantage of myself after a few cocktails)

EmCee) I can change a car tire but I tend to wait on the side of the road acting quite hopeless in hopes that a man in shinning armor will rescue me or a grocery store isle with a borrowed child works too. 

Yellow) Other than that I just tend to generally rock.

One last bit of advice, 90's style fashion, sorry toooooooo fucking soon and shame on any of you who partake in it. Go back to the midwest and get a bowl haircut because if the stash sees you in public you will be superman punched. Not out of anger. Trust me this is for you, because I just want to help.

Stache formally known as Mercury out!!!!!!!!!!

:::: Mircrophone Drop:::::

#nerdsunite