#NerdsUnite: I can haz surfboard sponsorship?

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Eric. He is a MAASSTTEERRR social dynamics expert that will be talking about his experiences in the field from both an expert, and experience perspective. He's not just saying "this is how to get the girl" he's here to share his actual life stories and lessons learned from them. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ERIC !!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Redolpho

In a early morning bed time conversation I realized how far this whole thing has come. Candidly, I didn't know that this trip would ever come to fruition during its early stages. This morning my friend looks over at me and says, "you seem so free, so happy." I still remember the thought that I was trapped in something that was insurmountable. Such a burden that it took extreme action to pull myself into a new, better life. And now here we are, ticket bought, money goin in the bank daily and now............

MY FIRST SPONSORSHIP APPLICATION!!!!!!!!!!!

First thing that I'm pursuing is a surfboard sponsorship. I received an email a couple days ago letting me know that I had someone very interested. Although it's too soon to name names or go into to much detail, I can say that I am fairly confident that I'll have a deal closed by the end of the coming week. For me this means legitimacy, it means that the idea was big enough and crazy enough to rally others around in big ways. From the sad lonely person I was to the free individual who's creating a life from the ground up, I now have a date, I'm on the cusp of having my first sponsor, I have TV airplay, but most of all I have a life that I'm head-over-heels in love with. The energy within and around me is illuminating a light that's continuing to attract amazing people like moths the the flame. The only thing that hurts my heart is the thought of not seeing the amazing people that I live with and around everyday. They warm my heart and give me so much support. You know who you are and you know how much I love you all. 

#thatisall

If you’d like to share your stories please feel free to tweet me at @redolpho or email me at eric dot rudolph dot carrillo at gmail dot com

#RealDeal: Burdens of a Bouncer

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

I haven't been a bouncer for long. Lord knows I have far less stories to tell than the average seen it all bouncer at any bar. I can only say that being a bouncer puts you in another world. A  world where you are what stands between the drinker and the drink they want.

I've witnessed very interesting things in the very brief few nights I’ve bouncing. I will have more stories to tell after I have had more experience. I work at three different bars all owned by the same people. So you get three very different clientele. The first is a fancy night club esq bar called Kathouse. They have ample amounts of room to dance and generally moderate drink prices. This being one of maybe four bars that focus on the dancing aspect of Manhattan's nightlife it’s usual attendees are either there just to dance or to try and hook up. There is a dress code here that forbids the wearing of tank tops for men and the need for women to at least have their privatized real estate in off limits for the viewing of others. It goes without saying that I have watched girls hike up their skirts as soon as they are in. In one case we escorted a girl out that felt the ample air conditioned atmosphere was just too hot and went boldly about in her bra.

The second AggieStation is a more relaxed and casual bar that allows people to talk and get to know each other. With many tables to sit at you are rarely on your feet. This bar so far has the least amount of drama. Much smaller and more intimate. The dress is casual to fancy and the patrons treat it with respect as it represents a finer arena for consumption than the noisy and unkempt bars up the street.

Lastly, Aggie Central home of local music. Other bars pull in bands but this is the only one that can adequately handle a concert in the ville. The people that frequent nights here range immensely based on the the type of music being played. As does the atmosphere. A very large bar with a decent patio section it gets it’s fair share of commerce.

The rules I adhere to aren't rigorous. Yet, still there are those that find them a horrible inconvenience. Bouncers are treated like cyclists in traffic. God forbid someone holds you up for literally 20 seconds. As customers you must remember to make noises that children make when they don't get something they want. Fidget madly as the girl they came with gets in ahead of them... because jealousy can rear it's head in 10 seconds or less. Clench your fist as I check the legitimacy of your license because you know it's real... why don't I? Look offended if I let you in without checking your ID because you are obviously older than 40. I don't know if patience is something we have quickly evolved out of in our species but we damn sure need to re-introduce it to society.

We get everything as quick as we want it, we look at any hindrance to our goal as the end of the Goddamn world. In my brief time as a bouncer I will say that this would solve 90% of all door drama. The haste you demand in both entrance and service is not granted to you because let's face it you aren’t famous. Even the ones that are... aren't. You are just a person like the Joe Schmoe in front of you. You are all the same and until I know you personally, don't expect me to give you any special treatment. I have worked a grand total of 12 days and in that very short time. I have been smacked in the face, several girls grinded on me because I guess I’m tall enough to be mistaken as a pole, I've been asked some weird questions about werewolves and shapeshifters, I've had people demand I tell them a joke, grant them entrance, an confess their desire to exchange something for admittance because they just happened to forget their license. Seriously, you do not go to the Bar district and forget your license... that's like going to the airport without your ticket. I'm sure it happens, but you aren't getting on that plane and you aren't getting in this bar.

Rules of etiquette for a bouncer are as follows. Be patient. Your haste will only strengthen my resolve to slow your pace. Don’t cut in line, that’s a dick move anywhere. Look me in the eye. If I’m checking your ID I have to look at your face. Don’t bring your mom to use her as a verifier. It makes you look really pathetic. Don’t demand any service of me or anyone else. We don’t get paid enough to deal with your bullshit. At the end of the night when asked to leave it is best you do so. We may have rules of our own, but state law says you have to be out by 2. We aren’t risking our jobs for your need to finish a drink you have been nursing for 30 minutes. Yes, I know our clocks are fast and you are aggravated because your watch says it’s only 1:45. No, I don’t care that you only want one more drink and you’ll make it fast. If I say you are out the bartenders will back me up and so will the cops next door.

Just some thoughts so far in my new adventures as a bouncer. See you all out this weekend.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Jordan on the twittah!

#NerdsUnite: Relationship Lessons you can Learn from "How I Met Your Mother"

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's L. Sanchez

Plenty of people tune into popular sitcom "How I Met Your Mother" for the laughs, but you might not realize that the show offers a few gems when it comes to relationship advice. Part the show's charm is its imperfect characters who remind us of ourselves, and it's through their bumbling romances that we also learn what not to do. So what can you learn from Barney and his crew?

1) Don't Focus on Being Alone

This is Ted's biggest mistake. As he's looking for the so-called perfect woman, he spends too much time commiserating his loneliness. Yes, most of us want to be part of a couple, but he only makes himself miserable and drives his friends up a wall. The same drive also leads him to couple up with women who are obviously not right or him. Remember Jenifer Morrison's character Zoey? She might have been cute, but she was also a basket case who made Ted's life a living hell. What did he expect from a woman who routinely stole live animals and started things on fire in the name of activism?

Dating Lesson: Learn to be grateful and happy single. Don't have unrealistic expectations but don't settle because you're lonely, either.

2) Sex Doesn't Mean the Same Thing to Everyone, and That's Okay

Through most of the series, Barney is unable to commit. He spends his life trying to land women, and he succeeds more often than not. Barney frequently breaks the hearts of the women that he sleeps with because he's not honest about what he wants from them. He changes his ways when he falls for Ted's ex, Robin, but the show plays off of the disparity between Ted's unyielding desire to get married and Barney's commitment phobia. You often see Barney sneaking out of bedrooms to avoid talking to his partners, while Ted appears desperate and silly as he looks for his future wife. It's funny, but reinforces ideas that casual sex isn't always right (or wrong) for everyone.

Dating Lesson: Casual sex isn't necessarily bad if you're honest, with yourself and your partner, about what you want. Some people are ready to meet "the one" and others aren't.

3) Commitment Takes Hard Work

Perhaps the best relationship to emulate is that of Lily and Marshall, who eventually marry and have a child. They've stayed loyal to their vows and to one another, even in the face of financial woes, infertility, meddling family members and the death of a parent. Marshall once discovered that his lovely wife had a terrible credit score due to her shopping addiction, which resulted in the pair moving to a less-than-ideal home not far from a sewage plant because they couldn't qualify for anything better.

Dating Lesson: While not perfect, the couple tries to look at the big picture, rather than letting the details get them down, and it seems to work for them.

The entire HIMYM gang is there when you need them for just about any dating lesson on the planet. With all the crazy things that happen to each character, you're bound to find one you can identify with. That's what makes this a must-see show for so many. If you haven't seen "How I Met Your Mother" yet, you have time to catch up before the farewell season and can visit www.GetDirectTV.org to see what subscriptions are available to you.

#thatisall

#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen: A Fetish Goes Horribly Wrong

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Malik. He's a college student with a double major in sociology and criminal justice. He resides in Maryland where he likes long walks on the beach, and goes to the Warped Tour every year. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT MALIK !!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @_MalikW

There are nights in college that you will never want to forget. Nights that help you achieve a god-like status among your peers. This is not one of those nights ... 

It all began when I had the great idea to set up a party with a sorority while I was bored in Art lecture. It was a Friday, the weather was halfway decent, what could go wrong?

Apparently everything.

The aforementioned night was destined to happen about six years ago when I began to have a weird dwarf fetish. I don’t know what it is about them that is so fucking hot, but I had always wanted to just sexually destroy one. All of my fraternity brothers make fun of me for watching dwarf porn but fuck it. I know it’s weird but zero fucks are given.

Back to the party, I spy an Asian across the room that couldn’t be taller than 4’8. My penis fell in love. I don’t know what it was, it might have been her height, or lack thereof or it could have been the idea of my penis being the equivalent of Godzilla to her (cheap Asian joke). Couple hours and many drinks later we have become very friendly and I find myself fist pumping the night away. She decides to get in front of me and grind on me and she is so small that the back of her head is on my pelvis, it was so fucking hot. Eventually the party dies down and we are all upstairs and I’m sitting down, holding hands with my Asian Dwarf Queen. I make my way downstairs to the keg and she follows behind me. A few minutes later I find myself seated on the keg with my tongue getting very acquainted with hers. I proceed to pick her up and carry her to the bathroom. IT WAS LITERALLY THE GREATEST THING EVER, I AM ONLY 140 POUNDS AND I COULD CARRY HER, I WAS SO FUCKING ECSTATIC. We’re making out in the bathroom like a bunch of 14-year olds at their first party that included both of the sexes and just as her hands go down my pants heard a loud ass bang on the door and some irate sorority girl screaming, “GET THE FUCK OUT HERE PLEDGE!”, and that’s when my Asian Midget Queen stops everything and says she has to go. Maybe she wouldn’t have left so abruptly if I didn’t neglect to shave my pubes that month.

I don’t know what the hell happened with her and her future sister, but all I know is was my balls were bluer than an ocean. Just as I’m beginning to hang my head in shame, I realize my old fuck lives two houses down from the party! Even though she’s mentally insane, I thought it was a great idea at the time, so I round up two of my pledges and proceed to go to her house. At the front door I tell them how big of a mistake this probably is and we will never speak of anything that happens inside of the house. They both nod in agreement as I proceed to dial her number to come to the door. She comes to the door and I shoot to her room as she lets the pledges in. Before she’s even upstairs I am naked and ready to take her to pound town. Right as she enters her room, she sees me naked and yells, “WHAT THE FUCK”, and slams me on her bed. At this point I’m thinking, “FUCK YEAH, YOU MAKE ME YOUR LITTLE FUCKING BITCHBOY”, but unfortunately this was not some freaky sexual role play. She called the pledges to come upstairs to look at how pitiful I looked. She also told me to never come to her house that drunk and expect her to just fuck me and leave. She finally got up and threw me my clothes and made me leave. My life was in shambles as I walked home with my head down with my balls bluer than a morning sky. 

#thatisall

#RealDeal: And then you see what was there all along ...

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Eric. He is a MAASSTTEERRR social dynamics expert that will be talking about his experiences in the field from both an expert, and experience perspective. He's not just saying "this is how to get the girl" he's here to share his actual life stories and lessons learned from them. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ERIC !!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Redolpho

Ok lets be real... I'm FUCKING obsessed with surfing. It's funny that I didn't look to it when I started this journey because both things happened simultaneously. I started surfing soon after I knew that everything had to change, and that I wouldn't let myself live in sadness anymore. Nothing has ever brought out such a child like happiness like surfing does. 

 

In related news I did not ride the Central Coast Century. About a week before the ride my partner let me know that she was having a major work issue and may not be able to ride. The before we were set to leave for the ride she officially was out and I scrambled to find a place to stay since the cost of trip more than doubled with out someone else to split transportation and hotel costs. All in all I was not able to find a place to stay and I had to cancel the ride. There was NO way I was going to spend a months worth of Tandem10 expenses on this ride. I can get on my bike and ride 100 miles whenever I want. In fact, I just may. But, I moved passed the disappointment of not being to do the ride and realized that I now had this whole weekend to do whatever I wanted with. 

So I spent all weekend in Malibu, and then down to San Diego, and then up to Orange County surfing different beaches. I stayed with the coolest people and had one of the best spontaneous weekend adventures to date. The food, the people, the beaches and so many awesome rides. It was everything that I love centered around something so simple. A board, nature, and a spirit for adventure. 

So the Tandem10 has taken it's next form. I am going to take a surf board with me and tour the coastline of South East Asia in search of great adventure, awesome people, and big surf. I have to get myself down to a much smaller board which is quite the challenge and need to up my surfing abilities so that I am able to ride some of the best breaks in the world. It makes me happy just thinking about it. With both the century ride and my social media consultancy behind me, I'm head first in this like never before. This is going to be my life and it's so crazy to think about.

 

#nerdsunite