#NerdsUnite: The gospel according to @JohnSollitto
Tuesday, October 2, 2012 at 5:00PM<editorsnote> Nerds, you may already know my buddy John as "Confessions of a Video Game Journalist" but what you DON'T know el senor John is that not only does he also help out as TNTML's intern, he is hands down one of the wisest people I have ever met. For reals, you need to grab a beer with this guy at some point in your life. The things that come out of his mouth ... wowzah! I decided he needs a special column devoted to his wisdom - and now here it is. The gospel according to John. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JOHN !!</editorsnote>
Question this week: what do you think holds people back most in life regarding the expression of their sexuality?
Expression of sexuality can come in multiple forms, sexual preference, sexual identity, and sexuality as a whole.
Now, as a straight man, I can’t speak for anyone who is of a different sexual preference such as gay, lesbian, asexual, transsexual, bisexual and sometimes even pansexual. Google that last term if you don’t know what it means.
Anyway, the repression is actually a cyclical pattern that can be broken down into the most basic of terms but becomes complicated by social and ideological conflicts. That’s a really fancy pants way of saying that people don’t know what it is they like or who they are as a person because of outside factors influencing them one way or another. Let me give you a really basic example of what sexuality can be compared to.
I like squid. I mean, I’m fairly taken with the cephalopod and as an Italian-American, squid finds its way into my diet on a monthly basis or special occasion. Calamari is a traditional Italian dish that derives from the culture living so close to the Mediterranean that a lot of what they ate was from the sea, or mare. Fun fact: marinara sauce is actually a seafood sauce and tomato sauce is a called a “red sauce.” Mare, marinara? See the comparison?
Now, what does this have to do with sexuality? I’m getting to that, so be patient. I did not want to try calamari at first. It looked weird, didn’t sound appealing at all and frankly the idea of tentacles inside my body sounded too much like a bad porn that I said, “No thank you, sir.” My father has a way of making my sister and I eat things that we’ve never tried before. He will literally put it on our plate and stare at us saying “eat it” until we do. Now, this was a form of cruel and unusual punishment for a long time in our youths and we realized that if we just at whatever the hell it was, the less awkward the situation would become.
So I ate the calamari and I liked it. While this isn’t as catchy as Katy Perry’s “I kissed a Girl and I liked It,” the same principle applies here. People don’t know what they like or they don’t like unless they try it. I’m not saying that you have to go up to your partner or a friend of yours and put handcuffs on their bed and say “We’re doing this tonight” and stare at them until they do it. No, what I’m saying is keep an open mind and a positive attitude toward this stuff.
Now, I said this was a cyclic pattern and here is where it comes into play. People don’t do things they’re uncomfortable with, right? Think about it. You avoid pain, awkward situations, speaking in front of others, meeting your in-laws and etc. because you don’t like how it feels. If you think something is going to be unpleasant, you will avoid it. As animals, we avoid the unknown because it frightens us on a primal level, as much as we’d like to deny it.
So, by not trying things, we become uncomfortable with them. And you’re uncomfortable so you don’t try things. Which means that since you don’t try things…you pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down?
I equate it to pickles and coffee. I fucking hated pickles. Hated them. Would take them off my burgers and everything. A year or so ago. I ate a burger and forgot that the pickles were on it. Guess what? As I grew older, my palate had evolved and I guess I don’t mind pickles so much on my burgers now. I don’t take them off anymore so I guess that’s your proof. On the flipside? I will never ever ever drink coffee if I can help it. I hate the taste, tried it multiple times, and I don’t like it.
Now, I’m not sure what the sexual equivalent of pickles and coffee are in the real world, but you understand what I’m getting at. You have to try things. You have to go out there and do them, otherwise you’ll spend your life thinking, “Hey that might not be half bad, but dammit if it doesn’t sound weird or I’ll be embarrassed about it later.” Sometimes you just have to forget there are pickles on the burger and go. Again, I’m sure that can be applied in a sexual or sexuality situation somehow I just honestly can’t think of a way to apply it. Some of you are no doubt picturing pickles on people and eating them off of the person. If that’s your jam, more power to you.
A lot of stuff prevents us from trying stuff and I get that. The media doesn’t help when they talk about sex as a taboo thing or all of the arguing about sexuality on the news concerning what’s normal and what’s abhorrent frightens people and really puts people down from trying to express themselves if they grow up in an area that is anti this or pro-that. It’s hard especially when you get it on the family front, depending on your relationship with your family I’m sure. These types of obstacles weigh heavy on a person, but if they didn’t bother you so much, it obviously would mean that whatever you’re thinking about isn’t that important to you. The things that grind your gears or really piss you off or make you think show you where your head is at and what exactly is important to you at the end of that day.
So, if political crap has got you down in thinking that this is wrong or an abomination, maybe you should really put some serious thought as to why it bothers you and really think about doing it or not just to see what the fuss is about. All with safety in mind of course. Don’t jump out of a plane without a parachute people, come on. I really hope I don’t have to tell you that.
On the positive side, you have people who embrace their sexuality and who love who they are no matter what. You see these people all the time on Tumblr or Twitter or whatever social media you prefer to be on. I’m sure Reddit’s got some. Just…avoid 4chan if you don’t want to get flung into the deep internet on sexuality. Shit gets real on 4chan.
There are girls that love their sizes, whether they’re skinny or plus. A girl that’s really funny but also extremely inspirational to a lot of people is Housewifeswag on Tumblr. She’s a plus-sized girl who really tries to be a point of inspiration for other girls like her who want to feel sexy and happy with their size. I suggest looking her up. Her name is Taylor. Be warned, her Tumblr gets a little NSFW, unless you like that sort of thing, then go right ahead.
You have the myriad of people on Twitter or whatnot who talk about sex 24/7 and answer questions all the time. They have some healthy attitudes, as well as some questionable Avant-garde feelings on sex and sexuality. As weird as it is to say, with the abundance of information on the internet, there’s no end to the research you can do before you really make a decision on who you are and what you like. If it is important to you, make the time to think about it and really take action. If anything, it is a life experience and if you don’t like it, no one says you have to do it ever again. If you do though, it might change your perception of who you altogether. Think about it.
#nerdsunite
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