#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride
Monday, October 31, 2011 at 2:43PM<editorsnote> Julie Wilson recently endured an agonizing break up with her fiancé after being together for 8 years. She is now in her late 20s and confused about what to do next. These are some of her frustrations, and ways she is attempting to heal from her loss. </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson
Telling The Story of Our Ending
Ein and II've wanted to tell the story of our breakup since I started writing back in May. I've been scared to. Really scared. The way our relationship ended was bullshit. My ex was horrible to me, he really was. But I still can't forget that for 7 entire years he was my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my partner in crime, the guy that helped me in any way that I asked him to, the person who taught me about comics, anime and showed me so many movies that I had somehow not yet seen. He helped me come out of my shell, become social. He made me dinner all the time. We got a cat and then got a dog together. We went from not having any money to finally being able to the things we wanted. We moved from Tallahassee to Orlando to Los Angeles together. He called my mother Mom and she got him cards that said Son. We picked out our children's names. I thought I could actually do the whole parenting thing if it was with him by my side. I told him I couldn't wait until the day when I would wake up and see him and our son watching Spiderman cartoons together. We planned to always be in each other's lives.
Not only did we not get that but I got the most fucked up break up from him. I know that there are no easy break ups, that no matter what they suck. But I deserved better from this person. I deserved some fucking respect. So I feel like in telling this story it makes his assholeness public. That there is no going back. I can never get back together with him if I tell all of you what he did to me. I guess that's a good thing but I can still see a whole 7 years of awesomeness in my mind. What do you do with that? 7 years of great marred by 6 months of suck. Does it negate everything else? Do people not fuck up? Everyone makes mistakes. Jesus knew it, you know it, I know it. But people get pissed at Rihanna when she makes contact with Chris Brown.
I was hoping I would make it through this awful anniversary without too much heartache. I'm in a much better place than I was even a month ago. I got the most disturbing phone call Sunday morning from an acquaintance. "Are (my ex) and (mutual friend) dating now? I saw them together at a party last night..." Great, just great. They probably aren't but I'm done with this awkward situation. I do not need this. Also, I will NOT be going to the West Hollywood Carnival (flamboyant term simply meaning "closing down Santa Monica Boulevard") this year as I did last year and the year before that. I need to make this year different.
I just saw him for the first time in almost two months to give him papers from the filing cabinet and for him to drop off our dog. We had an awkward hug. He looked at me and asked, "Are you going to cry?" "I already am", I responded. He put the bag he was holding down and gave me a real hug. We stood there like that for a bit. We talked about his family. He mentioned there is a new Miyazaki film. I don't know if he was hoping I would say that we have to watch it together. I'll just take my sweet time getting to it. I still haven't even watched How I Met Your Mother without him. I asked him what his costume is this year. He said, "I'm just being me" and held up his phone to show me a picture. It was a picture of him dressed normally, but with devil horns. Very emo, but it shows how this person knows they have made some epic mistakes in the last year, he's incredibly guilt ridden. Ah, I miss him. But I like not hurting anymore more.
At least I have my doggie Einstein now! Oh, I've missed my little boy Ein so much!
I honestly can't believe it has been a whole year since my life got completely turned upside down and everything I thought I had, I didn't. I want to write everything out to help me and to help anyone out there who feels like they are the only one who has had something awful like this happen to them. I spoke to him a few months back about how guilty I felt about putting our lives out there for people to read. He actually gave me his blessing to write it all out. So, to mark this occasion, I'll put it all out there.
Just go easy on me if I can't say no to him in the future. I was 100% ready to say "for better or worse...I do". He is the love of my life after all.
Stay tuned nerds.
Reader Comments (1)
Hey, you are not alone--I just hit my 2-year anniversary of breaking up with my ex-fiance, who I lived with, had a dog with, moved across the country for, etc. I read your most recent post and man, there are a lot of things I can relate to. Not having a car, him cheating with someone at work, not being invited to hang with his co-workers--just a lot of things strike a familiar chord.
I got married this year, though--to someone else. Someone amazing. I was at the very depths of despair and heartbreak when I met him--just the week before I had nearly thrown in the towel and got back together with my ex. When I moved out of the townhouse ex and I shared, I was so scared of being on my own, scared of having to look at life without him by my side--I had to convince myself that maybe giving up the dream of marrying him would clear the way for someone who really loved me to come along...whoa. It was a hard road to hoe, not gonna lie. I told my friends everything about him so I'd get punched in the face if I considered getting back together with him. I dated a couple OK guys, had some CARAZAY dude declare his love for me after one week of not-even-dating-just-kind-of-hanging-out, and then almost got back together with the ex. I went over to his house, basically to say "I don't think I can do this without you, I'm ready to try and get over this and start forgiving you..." and who opens the door, but The She Devil he swore he was not seeing, because he was so still in love with me he was just dying of loneliness, in her pajamas. He was actually at work, picking up an extra shift (oh wait, no...pretty sure he was just fucking around on her...) and she was there, practically living there, waiting for him to come home.
And that weekend, I started looking at dating again. I logged onto Plenty of Fish and said "fuck love, I'm just going to date and have a good time." And I met Tim. We were married 8 months later.
There is life after this. There can be someone else. Someone who genuinely treasures you. Trust me, this can happen.