#NerdsUnite: Social Media + Dating - When does it turn obsessive?

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jen. She's a graphic designer by day and a serial monogamist by night that lives across the pond in the UK. She's currently in a relationship of 8 years, and her dating record prior had been puddle jumps from 3 months here ... to 3 months there. These are her thoughts on life, love, and all things nerd. Hit it Jen!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jen Randall

“Oh look, that guy I went on a date with just checked in to the restaurant down the street on Foursquare, do you think it would be too much if I went down and pretended I go there all the time?”

Don’t pretend like you’ve never done it.

When dating we obsess.  Over everything.  “Ohmygod he didn’t call me today but he did text me 3 times but do you think that means he doesn’t like me, I mean, he posted on Britney’s Facebook wall and not mine, what does that mean?”

Sitting at your desk at work, smartphone half hidden by paperwork so you can see it but the rest of the office can’t, anxiously waiting for a :::beep::: or a little flash of light.  You went on a second date last night and you like the guy/girl so now the obsessing shall begin:

• Looking at your cell phone approximately every 2.37 minutes because s/he said s/he’d call

• Force refreshing your emails...because s/he might’ve emailed!?

• Checking your call history at least half an hour...because your cell phone was in your bag and the banana you took for lunch might’ve answered it by mistake

• Longingly staring at your cell phone and willing something to appear...and when it does it’s a badly typed text from your mum telling you you’re laundry is ready to be collected.

• Checking Twitter because this is the 21st century and who wouldn’t tweet you to make a date!?

• Calling your voicemail at home in case he left a voicemail there.

• Logging into Facebook to see if s/he’s online and if s/he is then why isn’t s/he contacting you!?

• Refresh your Facebook to see if s/he’s created and event inviting you on a date.

• Checking his Facebook profile to see if there’s been any activity.

• Checking Foursquare to see if s/he’s checked in locally

• You hit desperation point (mirage in the desert style) and so check Instagram, Flickr, WhatsApp, Google+ and Last.fm to see if you can get any clues of what s/he’s been up to or where s/he is.

• And my personal favourite...texting a ‘friend’ but ‘accidentally’ sending it to him/her and then quickly following it up with a “ohmygodimsosorry that was meant for my friend but I sent it to you by mistake” text...we know it wasn’t a mistake....and so does your mate...and then to make it worse you have to repeat all of the above for at least another 3 weeks if s/he doesn’t reply.

• Then after 3 weeks of obsessing you check obituary's and call hospitals to make sure s/he didn’t die - those first 2 dates were really special to you!

As well as obsessing we plan and we over-think.  I’m definitely not just talking about girls either.  In my experience, and I’m talking about my guy friends here, guys seem to over think stuff like the ‘3-day rule’ (i.e. not calling too soon) because they don’t want to seem too keen or desperate or whatever.  GUYS!  Just call her!  You’re making the obsession worse and if you’re not careful the most awesome girl in with world is going to come off as a complete psychopath because YOU’RE MAKING HER CRAZY.

The solution to obsessing is over-dating.  Did your mum ever tell you there are plenty more fish in the sea? Well, what she should really have told you was “there are plenty of fish in the sea so make sure you (non-exclusively) date a salmon, trout, sea bass and red snapper all at the same time...and if you have enough energy you could try a rainbow trout, mackerel and halibut as well”.  See, mum’s are wise (but really that was my idea, not my mum’s, I don’t even think she’s ever told me there are more fish in the sea, Dad took charge of dating advice and it was generally summed up by “don’t date; boys smell and are weird”).

So ladies and gents, it’s simple, make date plans for 6 out of 7 days and :::heypresto::: you have too many dates on your mind to even think about whether you’re being called post-date!

#thatisall

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