#NerdsUnite: Spark to Fire‏

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

I have been dating my girlfriend now for about 6 months. She came to me the other day worried and nervous about the honeymoon phase ending. That she didn’t know what to expect because she had never really had a long term relationship. She was fearful about that initial spark fading away. I don’t blame her. Many a relationship has met its doom after the first flight high towards the sun. Then burning up like Icarus’s wings and plummeting to the rocks below. Finding little to nothing in common with each other, aside from the physical fascination that kept them afloat for the three months prior. Failing like a fad diet and putting on the pounds of regret and time lost. So I told her as I will tell you all now, about the end of the honeymoon phase.

So often we find ourselves fully wrapped up in the origin of a relationship. Getting to know someone seems so thrilling when you literally know nothing about the other person. Not really. Which may explain why being close friends first steals the honeymoon phase before you even have it. With someone new you are introducing them to the things you like and trying the things they enjoy. It’s all so fantastic. As the days go by though you start to find that the things you thought were so cute at first may end up annoying you. The time you spend together becomes a chore and you wonder what other things you could be doing. You start scheduling times to hang out because being spontaneous leaves you sleep less and without energy. Sexually, you may have tried it all and the thrill of it could become common practice and less than adventurous. The honeymoon phase is ending. One of you starts to pull away and the other either takes a hint and leaves or tries harder to win back the affection lost. The spark is dying. The time is lost. The relationship is becoming an estranged friendship. It’s hard to keep going when you are losing interest, keep in mind we all have 15 sec attention spans anymore. So how do you go about keeping the interest alive? I’m sure there are hundreds of magazines and books written on this. So here’s my take on keeping that spark.

The trick is, to add wood to that spark. You can’t keep a fire going if you aren’t stoking the coals and adding more kindling. Never lose sight of who you are with or take them for granted.  A successful relationship takes that spark that started it and turns it into a fire. Each party should be giving and taking almost equally. You should cultivate a partnership that’s mutually beneficial. Communication should be key in this. Open conversation acts as Oxygen or fuel. The conduit to understanding what they want in the developing relationship. Where they want it to go and what they want from it. They also need to know your desires in this regard. You need to learn how to read a person when they aren’t saying anything at all.  In these times they will be telling you more than they ever could verbally. Focus on the happiness and keeping each other happy. Anyone can nitpick the bad, the faults, the discrepancies in a relationship. Littering their mind with excuses for why it could and should end. Sweep that trash away and live to be loved. Embrace the desire you have to create lasting moments and memories. With each day find some way to add a log onto that fire. Seek to create the eternal flame. If you can’t or don’t want to; then chances are this relationship with fall into the heap of failures you judge each new possibility on. If you can’t or won’t work at it you won’t get the rewards of a real relationship. Lust and curiosity is the spark, love and knowledge is the fire.

Speaking of judging, never compare someone to a previous Ex. I know you will. You can’t avoid it. Just don’t let it change how you see this new possibility.  Every person is different and you will find qualities you both like and dislike about this person. Things you will have liked about others that are not present in the new. Things you wish they would do, but don’t. Too often we compare everything to previous incarnations. Just think about how you feel after every new version of Doctor Who! Think music and how this band’s last album was way better, never realizing that the band is growing and trying new things. So too will you be with each new person you pursue. You probably won’t find, “the one” right off the bat. So you work towards it. The greatest injustice you can ever commit is comparing anyone to your “What-If”. The Girl that Got Away. The Pedestal of Perfection. See sometimes the relationship you build in your head without it ever happening will be the most damning thing you have ever created. Your assumption of the best through a made up reality will only sever all ties with anyone that doesn’t live up to that pedestal. Over all just be happy you have someone, when so many others are still looking.

With the hundreds of dating sites out there all seeking to match people with someone, they size you up though a web profile based on lies you tell, where the other person is probably lying. Or worse discarding those who are too honest because honesty makes you seem less likable in the origins of dating. If you have found someone that really makes you smile. Treasure that. Fall madly in love. I for one had a lot of doubt about this current relationship, because I didn’t have to walk through fire to catch her. I didn’t have to overcome outstanding odds to be with her. I didn’t have to prove myself better than other suitors. It just seemed to happen. So the fire I didn’t have to walk through turns out to be the fire I have created from the spark. The outstanding odds I overcame were the chance that I was randomly at the right time and place. I didn’t have to prove myself over other suitors, because I may be a weird shaped puzzle piece... but this is where I fit. I have spent every day making sure she knows that this spark that started our relationship, will lead to a fire that will consume the rest of our lives and maybe just maybe we will rise from the still burning ashes as a couple tested in the fires of devotion, communication, love, and acceptance. All the doubt and disbelief left as only ash behind us. I’m not looking for a happily ever after or a princess just a person that gets me. Can anyone really ask for any more than that?

#nerdsunite

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