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<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Alicia. She's about to embark on a 50 dates in 50 states dating documentary. She's here today to talk about her views on life, love, and all things through her nerdy little eyes. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ALICIA!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Alicia Ostarello

A smoother than a slip-n-slide road trip would be dull. Thank goodness sometimes my scheduled date cancels making sure this adventure is always rocking and rolling. Flaking dates are pretty standard in online-datingland. Polite people cancel early so I don’t have to be stood up in public. Uncouth dates simply pull a “no show” leaving me wondering why I got a table instead of just hanging out at the bar, where at least bartenders are paid to chat. My planned North Dakota date fell in über-düber polite territory: he texted at seven in the morning to cancel.

Activate online-dating hyperdrive!

With Megan at Huckleberry Fit’s helm, I whipped out my computer and started aggressively dating. First, I emailed every male I could find in North Dakota proper, plus a guy from South Dakota who might be willing to cross the border. Rarely am I concerned about the population of the Dakotas, but darn it if 600,000 people has ever seemed as excessively small as when you’re trying to find a guy to hang out with you. After two dating websites, I moved onto Craigslist.*

To regroup, we stopped in the local of bookstore of Medora, a town of 126. The chatty shopkeeper asked where we were from and what we were up to, and we explained the project, and yes, our current dilemma. Then Megan asked, “Do you know any single guys in town?”

Regretfully, the shopkeeper didn’t. But that didn’t deter him from getting his wife on the case. A quick call later and she was in our presence, brainstorming local lads. The first boy whose number she secured was the next door neighbor’s son. In my trying not to pressure him to go out with me I said, “Don’t worry about it if you have a girlfriend…or a boyfriend.” The shopkeeper’s wife overheard me and immediately said, “Well, let’s find someone else.” Once I was off the phone (the call didn’t last much longer), Megan informed me many people in North Dakota don’t take too kindly to the suggestion that they might be gay. In trying not to insult the poor guy by putting him in the “straight person” box, I managed to insult him by insinuating he could like whoever he wanted. Whoops! The middle of the country is peculiar territory. Another phone call, no homosexual implications, and 40 minutes later I was on a date with James.

As James had zero background or context on me and the 50 dates in 50 states project, he was genuinely curious about what Megan and I were up to. His questions organically led to a conversation about dating in general. Granted, he also said the date felt a bit like therapy … think that’s a good thing? Better than a date with me being compared to slamming your finger in a tripod, though not as good as being compared to dancing on bubble wrap.

At 26, he had lived both in North Dakota and Wisconsin, and said dating in ND is considerably harder (like me, he’d found the sheer lack of population made things a bit sticky). Thus whenever he did find someone worth hanging out with more than once or twice, and who wasn’t just another pretty face, it was a lot like discovering a “diamond in the rough.”

After the mushy talk, we wound up swapping breakup stories. A lot of guys want to know about the breakup referenced on the Kickstarter page, so I have the odd job of discussing it every few days – and I’ve decided if I’m telling the tale, my date has to pony up** a story of his own. His worst breakup? A girl he’d broken up with invited herself to his house and showed up dressed to the nines. Realizing that she was making another attempt at winning his heart, he had to turn her down all over again.

My heart broke for her, understanding her attempt (the Alicia of age 25 definitely pulled that one on a boy) but also knowing that’s the absolute wrong way to get your boyfriend back. Truth be told, you’re not going to get the guy back. He’s either coming back of his own volition, or he’s not. Your actions will likely only hurt your cause, not help it. (This works in reverse, too, dudes.) And I felt badly for James, too. Having to turn down someone who obviously misses you is not a position you’d ever want to have to be in.

But of course, whether you’re in a relationship or in a fresh breakup, the best thing you can do is be open and honest. You’ve got to say what’s on your mind and not be afraid of what’s on the other side. And when you’re on a first date? Well, in some ways, you get a no-holds-barred to ask anything that crosses your mind — and you get to find out how your date reacts. Which could be rather telling. James and I learned we are both wildly empathetic, easy to talk to and impossible to faze.

Post-date, Megan and I were shaking James’ hand and thanking him for meeting with us. His response? “Well, when the mayor tells you to get your ass to the bar, you go.” Yep, turns out the bookstore owner (the same one who insisted we try on his buffalo skin coat, which was heavy and warm and vaguely Russian feeling) was also the town’s mayor.

Small town North Dakota, you’re kind of amazing.

–

*This resulted in a two responses. An email that asked me if I wanted to get “coffee” and a text message that read, “Hey Sexy Lady! U want meet? Hot!”

** Pun intended

#nerdsunite

Alicia Ostarello has combined her talents in talking to strangers with degrees in English and Sociology and is currently taking a road trip across the country with one goal in mind: to go on a first date in every single state. Follow her trip and the documentary film being produced about it, 50/50: A Dating Documentary on Facebook at facebook.com/5050ADatingDocumentary.

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Alicia Ostarello,

North Dakota,

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Wednesday

Dec192012

#NerdsUnite: My name is Alicia and I'm doing 50 dates in 50 states (South Dakota)

Wednesday, December 19, 2012 at 8:58PM |

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#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Alicia Ostarello

I’ve said it before and I’ll keep on saying it until y’all believe me: dinosaurs make great first date fodder! In South Dakota, I went on my second first date that had a dino-centric theme. Perhaps what I’m learning already is that dinosaurs are sexy anywhere in the country (or at least in the west).

A mild moment of anxiety whiplashed through my head as I drove toward the Dinosaur Walk, an 80 year old park made up of “life-size” dinos, in Rapid City. I wrenched open the visor mirror while driving across four lanes of traffic to double check that my makeup didn’t look like I’d been beaten by a bear recently. All the while, Megan was gripping her “Holy smokes” handle above her head for dear life and holding a camera up, asking me to describe how I felt and why. Instead of answering, I looked out the window at the swing set we were driving by, wondering why I was about to go on a date with a near-stranger instead of swishing my legs back and forth for a few moments of airborne freedom.

Mouth: dry. Palms: sweaty. Sweater: oh yeah, sweaty too. Hair: kind of frizzing out. Rest of myself: really in need of being under control. Great.

My best recipe for wiping out wildly out of control nerves is to start talking like I’ve just been handed a vocabulary about anything that comes to mind. After saying hello and shaking hands to my date, Ben, we took a flight of stairs to the first dinosaur, where I made out the tail of the creature to be a Jurassic hammock.

Jokes came out of my mouth about picking dinosaur noses and soon I was looking for “bats in the cave” on T. Rex, Brontosaurus, and some dino that looked like Boba Fett. Ben, also likely rather nervous, made a “look at the size of his wenis” joke and managed to scare two children regarding how tasty they looked to the fearfully great beast. We eventually moseyed downtown to pick the noses of the presidents (all are represented in statue form on the street corners), compare shoe sizes and grab a beer.

Ben, already very sweet, endeared me to him twice over: first when he responded to a text from his mom, who had checked in to make sure he hadn’t been smuggled away by pirates. Second, by pretending not to notice that our waitress was hot beyond all reason in a Britney Spears “Baby, One More Time” inspired outfit, complete with ripped abs and a jangly navel piercing.

By this point, my nervousness had worn off and I was instead simply enjoying myself. Flirting a little, but letting the conversation tangent forward and backward, diagonal and cockeyed. Existential chit-chat, nerdy jokes about numbers and literature, discussing mortality, waxing poetic about life, comparing the brain to the most complex of electrical systems, shamefully telling stories of mean things we’ve said to others and how it made us feel.

We walked to his car — evidence of his anxiousness about our date was evident in the fact that he’d left his windows down and doors unlocked. South Dakota’s adorableness was noted in the fact that no one had broken into his automobile. Hugs were exchanged, doors were shut, He lit a cigarette; , Megan and I put NPR on.

Oddly, this was the first date that has felt like a real date. A bit unsteady to begin, followed by finding conversational footing, then off and running with rapport, and an uncertain goodbye. Everyone else, I have either known too much or too little about, so our dates have felt blind or a bit more second date-ish.

Reminder to self: nerves are a good thing. Right up there with dinosaurs.

#nerdsunite

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Wednesday

Dec122012

#NerdsUnite: My name is Alicia and I'm doing 50 dates in 50 states (Start With Dinosaurs: Montana)

Wednesday, December 12, 2012 at 4:16PM |

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#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Alicia Ostarello

The closest I’ve ever been to a blind date is watching “Blind Date” while delaying homework as an adolescent. So when my newlywed friends Sacha and Matt offered up not only their couches but to set me up with a photographer friend of theirs, I figured there was no place like Bozeman, Montana to experiment with the elusive blind date.

I was sitting on the grass in front of Museum of the Rockies, a large cast of a full T. Rex hovering above me, when Ben walked up. He was a bit of a ginger, and I was immediately happy to see his arms drizzled with freckles. I over-eagerly complimented them as we shook hands, and I was surprised to watch him be a bit taken aback. Of course, then, thirty seconds into this meeting I had to explain I’ve always wanted a freckle-sprinkle of my own, but alas, only if you squint your eyes and wish as hard as I do would you be able to see the faintest of freckling on the bridge of my nose.

From there, we made awkward small talk (I am fairly certain about 60 seconds after the freckles comment I made a joke about fingering bones, of which I am not proud) and then went into the museum basement to watch the paleontologists at work.

If there’s one thing that breaks the ice better than a heated sledgehammer, it’s dinosaurs. Our tongues loosened as we gawked at Triceratops, spun ideas about why the beasts’ spikes widened and dulled, and discussed what it was like to be a kid and immersed in the Triassic, Jurassic and Cretaceous periods. Add in the fact that I almost broke a dino-bone when a chunk of dirt chipped off what we were touching, and Ben and I didn’t lack for conversation.

Ben wasn’t at all what he appeared to be — which, in a plaid shirt, jeans and an easy smile, was a ski-rabbit waiting for the winter. Instead, he was an accomplished photographer and writer who had spent time studying abroad. He had a truly open mind after coming to terms with his family’s religious nature in order to be his own person and make his own choices. What began as jaunty small talk fell into questions, answers and discussion.

Matt and Sacha met us at a local pizzeria for drink after we’d spent a few hours together — and funnily enough, despite our friends sitting next to us and chattering about art, writing and the innumerable quirks of Bozeman, Ben and I kept having side conversations where we were literally leaning around the side of the table to make sure we could hear each other. This all might have ended with a kiss. Or not.

My takeaway from this (besides Ben’s number): if you’re ever on a blind date and don’t know what to say, start with dinosaurs.

#nerdsunite

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Wednesday

Dec052012

#NerdsUnite: My name is Alicia and I'm doing 50 dates in 50 states (Wyoming)

Wednesday, December 5, 2012 at 5:55PM |

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#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Alicia Ostarello

Dating isn’t always convenient to one’s schedule. In fact, I’m not convinced it should be — if you really think someone is the cat’s meow, you’ll go out of your way to give them your time. When Megan and I decided we would stop in Yellowstone to let out her inner Girl Scout, it was my job to find a nice chap to join us in our outdoor adventure, convenient or not. Enter Steve, a full-time National Parks employee, and a hike up the 1,393 ascent to the tip of Mt. Washburn.

Even before we entered the park, Megan and I noticed the dirty haze sweeping in from the Idaho fires that had settled over much of the north. One benefit had been spectacular sunsets and moonrises — imagine a deep pink moon casting a reflection upon Yellowstone Lake. It took our breath away. Yes, in most ways the fires are bad. But they have surprisingly beautiful repercussions. And even the haze couldn’t steal Yellowstone’s beauty.

Conversation flowed. Steve and I wound up having a mutual enjoyment of sci-fi novels, hometowns just 30 miles apart, experience in playing brass instruments, and an interesting sense of not wanting to settle down but knowing that soon, we would want to. And then, he sort of offhandedly brought up the fact that he’d been writing lately, but was a little shy about it. Thanks to my days as a writing instructor, I have a lot of thoughts for new writers.

Chatter crescendoed as we made our way toward the 10,000-foot peak. Apparently, working at Yellowstone can be a lot like living in the dorms at college: drama, drama, drama. Start dating — or sleeping with — someone in the area where you’re living, break up a few weeks later, and shazam! You’re stuck running into him or her the rest of the season. It takes a mature person to accept that continuous emotional brouhaha with grace.

While descending Mt. Washburn, conversation quieted. Knowing Steve spent a good amount of time moving about, from park job to park job, I asked him if dating while living the life of a nomad was a challenge. He conceded that it was, and brought up something else pretty interesting: he said he often felt like he didn’t have enough hours in the day to get everything he wanted accomplished. From work to hiking to writing — well, he wasn’t ever as productive as he wanted to be.

All this made me wonder again about the convenience factor. A common complaint from men I date is that I’m too busy and don’t want to give up my time for the guy. Through my busyness, I often expect to just nestle a guy into my life. Listening to Steve, I couldn’t help but think it sounded like he wasn’t quite ready to acquiesce his time for someone. Which makes me think maybe part of my dating woes stems not the guys I choose to go out so much as how I prioritize my time. Dating, and hopefully love, may not smoothly fit into the creases I build for myself. So a successful relationship will require rearranging how I spend my time. But do I make that concession early in a relationship, or do I wait until I find someone for whom I’m willing to change naturally?

#nerdsunite

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Alicia Ostarello,

talk nerdy,

talk nerdy to me,

Friday

Nov302012

#NerdsUnite: My name is Alicia and I'm doing 50 dates in 50 states (Idaho: The Tables are Turned)

Friday, November 30, 2012 at 11:59PM |

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#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Alicia Ostarello

One of the most frequently asked questions about 50/50 has been, "Well, what if a guy likes Megan more than you?" Jokes of tag-teaming aside, Meg and I know this is a likely scenario. It was never a matter of if but rather, of when. Answer: Idaho.

Pre-Boise, the dates have been intimidated by Megan and Beast (our biggest, most reality-TV looking camera), but date #4, Corey, was merrily chattering away at Megs while she set up. And once Corey and I began running (yes, running on a date. Burn calories and find out if pheromones pique my interest. Hot), after some conversation about birth places and roommates and entrepreneurship, Corey very much enjoyed talking about Megan.

Sure, Megs is one of my favorite conversation topics, too. She's a new friend, and up until we left for this trip, we knew as much about one another as a margarita knows about a snail. And as we figure out how to get tequila and escargot to blend together, I find myself more and more fond of the gal. Part of this trip is not only about the relationships we make with strangers across the country, but the friendship and business relationship we forge together. So at first, it wasn't weird to talk about my ever-growing list of reasons Megan is rad. Until I realized that the more I glowed about Megan, the more Corey did, too.

Post-run, we moved onto a pub quiz. Corey invited Megan to sit with us, kept trying to ply her with drinks, and at every question turned to her for an answer (which made sense during the questions about history and Monty Python, but not during questions about 80s pop culture and language). He made sure to order enough food for her, not asking what my preference would be — which meant I wound up with a meat pizza in front of me. When I told him I was a vegetarian, he said, "Oh, I did that too for six months!" Which made it seem even more odd that he hadn't thought to ask what I liked to eat.

Throughout all this, Megan kept trying to get into the shadows as is her way during the dates, and Corey kept bringing her into the spotlight. I kept texting her at every chance, telling her to just join us. I figured we'd all be more comfortable if she were with us — and besides, much as I like dating, I love hooking people up.

But alas, Megan wasn't as into Corey as he was her — so we bid him farewell, got into Huckleberry Fit, and fell into shocked giggles. Once we were able to mention the incident without gales of laughter, we decided that when we find ourselves in the situation again, we would literally just high five as she became the dater and I became the filmmaker. If the boy seems confused, we'll just politely say, "No worries — we can tell you're into her. Let's just acknowledge it, and hey, now's your chance!"

It’s always an adventure out here. And a learning experience. What did I learn on this particular adventure? Well, speak the truth, even if my date is too polite to do so.

#nerdsunite

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