"I won't say that all senior citizens who can't master technology should be publicly flogged, but if we made an example of one or two, it might give the others incentive to try harder."
Follow Nate on Twitter @rustynath
#talknerdytomelovers's Check Mate: Nate Rushton
I was listening to #JJJ (Triple J) recently in the car when a sad song and very sad story filtered through those waves. I remembered this song and hadn't heard it in like years! Definitely one of my #oldschool faves.
Unfortunately the narrator of this song and a well known american comedian Greg Giraldo, sadly passed away on the 29th of September this year.
This one's for you Greg! May you rest in peace mate.
Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
You know what's not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We're dedicating all our medical resources into keeping the old guys erect,
but we're putting people in jail for smoking something that grows in the dirt
You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: “Do you ever wake up tired in the mornings?”
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have this.
Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is…
There are people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
That is the greatest disease ever. How did you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.
The schools now… It's all about self-esteem in schools.
Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance in our strip clubs?
What's gonna happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk daddies missing a lot of dance recitals before you decide to go
blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?
If you sing, sing, sing
Sing your song,
sing for me,come on sing
Sing sing sing
Sing your song,
sing for me
Mastermind is another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorist masterminds that are being killed over in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Masterminds sort of a lofty way to describe what these people do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds.
“Okay, you take bomb right and you put in backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up.”
“Why do I have to blow myself up? Why don't I put…”
“Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?”
Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity, obesity
They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like its polio.
Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
“How'd you get through it grandpa?”
“Oh, it was horrible Johnny, but there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere.”
Nobody knows why we're getting fatter? Look at our lifestyles.
I'll sit at a drive through.
I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up and making the eight foot walk over to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, supersize. You want biggy fries with that, you want a jumbo fry, you wanna go large.
You wanna biggie fry,
You want thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There's room in the bag. Take it!
You want a 55 gallon drum coke with that? It's only three more cents.
If you sing, sing, sing
Sing your song,
sing for me,come on sing
Sing sing sing, sing your song,
sing for me
Sometimes you got to suffer a little in your youth to motivate you to succeed later in life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You gotta spend a lot of time stuffin your own locker with your underwear wedged up your arse before you think I'm gona take over the world with computers! You'll see I'll show them.”
We're in one of the richest countries in the world,
And the minimum wage is lower now than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for some money the other day.
And I was gonna give it to him but then I thought you're just gonna use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that's what I'm gonna use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like, your giving him money
He's just gonna waste it.
He's just gonna waste the money
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looked right at the homeless guy and goes why don't you go and get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys, get a job like it's that easy.
This guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.
I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.
I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a “underwear goes inside the pants” policy.
Not that they enforce it very strictly, but technically I'm sure it's on the books.
If you sing, sing, sing
Sing your song,
sing for me,come on sing
Sing sing sing
Sing your song,
sing for me
Follow me on Twitter: @rustynath
Oh yes, I've just discovered I don't have enough room on my hard drive for a Linux partition, so you and I are going to perform a full backup, re-initialize and then re-install all my operating systems.
Follow Nate on Twitter @rustynath
This is trash talk. Trash talk is a traditional component in all sporting events. Kripke, your robot is inferior and it will be defeated by ours, because ours exceeds yours in both design and execution. Also, I'm given to understand that your mother is overweight.
Follow Nate on Twitter @rustynath
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Check Mate
Last week, I saw a shout out in the chat that asked about “sports nerds”. Got me thinkin’ and I realized that sports and nerds are in fact a brilliant mix! Where would we be without sports nerds? It seems that the ‘intelligence’ factor is mostly applied by television and media in analysis and commentary, rather than by the competitors in the actual events themself. Brains versus brawn right? Look at many sports and yes you do need a lot of a physical prowess to be not only competitive but bloody good at what you do. You also seem to require a reasonable amount of intelligence. I hear you saying “Right on!” and suddenly wishing you were more buff or more physically adept. Fair call. Hey this white pasty nerd is thinking the same. I’ve had girlfriends who were stronger and musclier than me. I have skinny arms that are more suited to a stick insect than a sportsman... BUT I do love my sports and the challenges that come with. I’m referring to the challenges of being involved in a team game, the competition, the spirit, the friendship. Not the challenges of trying to hit the right buttons on the remote on a drunken Friday night watchin’ the footy. Or of course the challenge of not falling asleep and waking up to spilt beer and chips and some obscure infomercial; long after the game is over. Sure that’s fun. (The watching and drinking part, not the infomercials nor the mandatory clean up.)
But what if brawn and brain combined? Would we have the ultimate sportsperson? Or even better what if “brain” could astound us all on the field... “Won’t happen!” I hear you saying? Oh yes fellow nerds “brain” indeed can astound on the sports field.
So for my next trick let’s pull something way out of left field here. A man who didn’t have all the physical attributes of your run of the mill sports star. A man who used his intelligence more than his physical strength and showed the world it can be done. I give you (drum-roll please) Greg Maddux!
Greg Maddux was born in San Angelo, Texas on April 14th 1966. He spent much of his childhood in Spain while his father served in the US Air Force. It was here that his father instilled in him his love of baseball. Upon his return to the US, Maddux played high school baseball and trained under the eye of a former major league scout. After graduating from high school without receiving any decent offers of a scholarship to play college baseball and seeing his brother drafted to the majors, he entered the 1984 MLB draft. Most teams instantly categorised him as not having the physical size needed to play in the big leagues, until he was spotted by Chicago Cubs scout Doug Mapson. Mapson’s review of Maddux was impressive and stated "I really believe this boy would be the number one player in the country if only he looked a bit more physical."
Maddux played his first full season in the majors in 1987. He struggled to a disappointing 6–14 record and 5.61 ERA. It was soon after this his competitive spirit and hunger to improve, learn and win would show the world this scrawny little nerd had the right stuff.
The following year Maddux finished with 18 wins and 8 losses and a 3.18 ERA. This began his streak of 17 straight seasons in which Maddux recorded 15 or more wins, the longest such streak in history. Cy Young ranks second with 15 straight, 15 win seasons.
Maddux continued to impress throughout his career. Not so much with his physical presence, but with his array of ridiculously good pitches and mental ability to outsmart his opponents. He constantly used his brain over his brawn. He would often be seen on the sidelines taking notes on opposition batters. He watched listened and learned as much as he could, about the game and the opponents he faced.
Maddux teammates later in his career would talk about his natural ability to “out think” his opponents, and use his smarts to foresee results. While sitting on the bench, Maddux once told his teammates, "Watch this, we might need to call an ambulance for the first base coach." The batter, LA's José Hernández, drove the next pitch into the chest of the Dodgers' first base coach. Maddux noticed that Hernandez, who'd been constantly pitched inside by Braves pitching in previous games, had shifted his batting stance ever so slightly. On another occasion, outfielder Marquis Grissom, recalled a game in 1996 when Maddux told Marquis, "Gary Sheffield is coming up next inning. I am going to throw him a slider and make him just miss it so he hits it to the warning track." The at-bat went precisely as Maddux predicted. "He relies more on pitching to situations and pitching to what a hitter's showing him from at-bat to at-bat than anybody else," Teammate and Braves pitcher Tom Glavine said. That's part of the mystique of Greg. I think the hitters think he can go back and recall every pitch he has ever thrown. That's not the case, but I think he's probably better at remembering things than most people are. And that's why the technical side of the game is so much more important for him than it is for other guys. Former Braves short stop Walt Weiss was even quoted as saying "He's brilliant when it comes to the mental part of the game. I've never seen anybody that cerebral in this game."
During the strike shortened 1994 season, Maddux posted an ERA of 1.56, the second lowest since Bob Gibson's historic 1.12 in 1968 and the lowest in the majors since Dwight Gooden's 1.53 in 1985.
Maddux is arguably the best pitcher of all time and certainly the best in his era. For those of us who saw him work his magic, especially in the mid 90’s, we were certainly blessed. The list of accomplishments he achieved on the mound and in the field, are both immense and impressive. Some will argue otherwise, but I let his accomplishments speak for themselves.
This guy was so good that both the Chicago Cubs and the Atlanta Braves have retired the number “31” in his honour.
Maddux himself summed up his nerdiness "People think I'm smart? You know what makes you smart? Locate your fastball down and away. That's what makes you smart. You talk to Sandy Koufax, Bob Gibson, or Tom Seaver. They'll all tell you the same thing. It's not your arm that makes you a great pitcher. It's that thing between both of your ears we call a brain."
Greg Maddux, we salute you.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011 at 4:12AM