<editorsnote>Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world. We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!!</editorsnote>
You're 21 years old and already exploring fetishes (accidentally or otherwise), good for you!
Step one in exploring any sort of fetish is to decide what you are comfortable with. It's not easy in the beginning (because how do you know what you want/like if you haven't experienced it), but I promise you, this will get easier.
I'm not a label person, but I consider myself a "try-sexual;" I will try anything sexually once to see if I like it. For me this experience wasn't sexual, it was mental (which indirectly is sexual, but they never saw that).
Each slave that I had had very specific and different fetishes (all under the umbrella of being a foot fetish). I have had 8 in total over the years (with one that I met with but did not accept).
Since your boyfriend is into trampling (that's what that means when he wants you to walk all over him), I'd highly suggest you do the same (if you are comfortable doing that in the first place).
When I did it for the first time, I went for it.
So much so that the "switch" recommended that if I had a slave who was into trampling that I explain to them that I'm "sadistic." I applied so much pressure out the gate that he enjoyed it - but to others it might have gone too far.
Not literally because that's a different fetish ...
That's the part about this world that I love so much - there's no "wondering" where things will go. I as the Domme very clearly stated my rules beforehand to each of the slaves. If I liked you after our first meeting, I liked you, but I wasn't your girlfriend and I couldn't be bought. (My tributes were wine or shoes.)
In terms of "commanding" him, it's all mental. I started a "trello board of torture" for my last Fin Domme slave. Owning a slave is the equivalent of having a part time job, and as someone who already has multiple part time jobs - I couldn't lose out on staying one step ahead of him mentally.
For that slave, I'd write out all of the things I'd want him to do and cut and paste them him whenever I felt he needed to be controlled. Click here for the examples. By being able to rapid fire off requests at the drop of a hat, I was able to command him more effectively.
In terms of how you "command" that's up to you. For me, it was faking it until I made it. I couldn't believe it when I said the words "little pig" out loud for the first time, but over the years it gave me a lot of confidence that eventually seeped into my every day life.
I'd suggest your next step with your beau is to have a meeting to discuss it. Set up a time where you discuss exactly what you're both wanting and or willing to explore (which can change) and establish a "safe word" to prevent the exploration from going "too far."
(It helps to have this conversation in an intimate but not sexual setting.)
In the meantime, if he is truly into exploring trampling or any other physical activity, I'd suggest reaching out to a Domme on FetLife. I wouldn't have felt comfortable exerting any sort of pain to someone had it not been for that experience, but everyone is different.
Congrats on being brave enough as a couple to explore this world, and I'd love to be kept up to date on your experiences! They're certainly never boring ... unless you're actually bored of him, and trust me, there's plenty more where he came from.
<editorsnote> Hey mom and dad, just throwing it out there that you're prolly not going to want to read this story. I mean I know you're proud parents and all, but it's Vegas and ... yeah. Love you, but leave.
So, a week or so ago I was in a session with a slave ignoring him and responding to the daily emails, one of which was sent to me via a buddy I used to work with.
Don't judge me, read the title of the email.
This is going to be GREAT, I thought.
I open it up and see a press release for Sheri's Ranch, a fantasy fulfilment brothel located just outside of Vegas.
I look through their website and see the option for a BDSM fantasy.
OMG OMG!!! They have ACTUAL dominatrixes here!
<tangent> I am a domme not a dominatrix. Dommes don't get paid for their services while dominatrixes are pros and will most of the time have sex with their slaves as well. Mine are merely foot slaves. </tangent>
One of my current goals is to better myself as a domme. I want to learn from a pro and learn some more tricks of the trade if you will.
Being a domme isn't just an excuse to do something "scandalous" and "titillating" to shock and awe people, for me it is an extremely, extremely personal journey that has helped me come into my skin TREMENDOUSLY on both a personal and professional level.
I don't have sex with my slaves, they only worship my feet. I get absolutely, absolutely no sexual stimulation from the experience. Rubbing my feet has about the same effect as putting a q-tip in my ear. The entire process of a session though is an EXTREMELY powerful experience. All of my slaves are super fancy pants dudes. To see these men that are held in such high regard in the community quiver and sometimes even cry in your presence is OUT OF THIS WORLD wild.
It's completely changed my relationship with men. I can stare at a guy on a date and know when I am in the presence of someone who is a sub.
I'd eat you alive, I always think.
The date then quickly ends.
See, I may like dealing with slaves in my personal life but I would never ... and I mean NEVER date a submissive man. I can't do it!!! Sexually speaking I am actually quite submissive. I want a guy that commands my attention and that I genuinely respect. If I don't think you're intellectually up to par, or if I smell that I intimidate you - it's done.
Subs to me are pathetic pieces of shit that I barely let amuse me, and would NEVER EVEN CONSIDER dating.
<tangent> See what happens when I write while listening to my S&M playlist? It's next level shit. Gotta take it down a notch, Friel. </tangent>
Side note: I'd also really like to let my freak flag fly sexually speaking. I do all this CRAZY shit but I'm such a fucking prude when it comes to sex. Sure, I've had threesomes,watched an orgy, but that's nothing. I FOR THE LIFE OF ME can't talk dirty in bed without laughing hysterically. This is a true problem though when you've been single for so long. I haven't developed enough trust with men sexually to allow anything like that to even happen. I really, really want to work on that for 2013.
Anywho, so it's not my preference dating wise, but because it is helping me so much grow as an individual I thought why not expand my noggin and try to be the best domme I can be!
I then hit my buddy back up and asked if I could come in for a visit.
Not a problem, he said. We have to specially arrange a professional photographer to come in as we can't have you video or take pictures.
Dude, I totally get it, I say back to him. I need to document this because, well, I document my life - but this is for me more than anything.
Great, he said. Let's book you for Thursday.
So now, this is officially happening. They're apparently picking me up in a car and taking me to the brothel which is about a 45 minute drive, and I will be able to have full access to everything and get to talk to some of the girls.
I only dominate a slave about once a week, I can't even IMAGINE how insanely powerful these women must be getting to do something like this on such a regular basis.
Wild.
Thanks to everyone over at Sheri's for trusting me with such an incredible opportunity. I promise to be as discreet as possible.
This is going to be an INCREDIBLE CES!!!!! So. Freaking. Excited!!
See everyone starting tomorrow!!! xoxo
"sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me."
It is my goal for 2012 to take a lot of my weird and wonky experiences as a lifecaster and help nerdy peeps out by providing a frank (not shirley) and honest answer to some weird and potentially random questions you may have about life.
Here's one I got the other day ...
Emails like this absolutely HURT.MY.HEART.
Can't you guys FEEL the shame this poor dude is feeling?
18 is an awkward age for fetish expression, so I empathize greatly with your predicament. When people don't understand something (like a fetish) they immediately shun it and make fun of the person who is expressing it. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. This is merely THEIR OWN projections and THEIR OWN ignorance.
What would I suggest doing?
Have you tried meeting someone online? Maybe even try FetLife or one of the fetish social networks. You can't control people's juvenile reactions to what you are experiencing, but you can market yourself better to people who might respond better. (Work smarter, not harder)
THEENNNN, after you have a positive experience there (which no doubt you will since again, it's a fetish social network), you will naturally start to feel more comfortable in your own skin and should you meet someone organically IRL you will be less hesitant about opening up to them WHICH will ultimately give you more confidence anyway and help break you free from this shame.
Sexual charges, and sexual impulses are CARNAL. They have to, have to, have to be expressed. You can't deny this part of who you are, but again it is your job to better position yourself with someone that will ALSO be turned on by this fetish.
Stay sane duderino, and again, know you are very very very much not alone.
Love you so long time it hurts and CONGRATS on being so brave and reaching out.
To keep an even score of vulnerability, want to know my fetish?? watch! =)
Got a question? Drop me an email! JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover dot com
SOOOOOO last week, I took one of my foot slaves to a fetish club. How did I get a foot slave exactly and what on Earth is making me explore something like this? Read more here
For those of you who are already caught up, let's just carry on shall we?
Here's the song that goes with this post ...
That Tuesday I had taken foot slave number two (aka Dopey) to get his mask less for my pleasure and more for his anonymity. 9/10 times that I kick it somewhere in LA now someone ... somewhere ... will come up and say something about reading the site. I think that's spec-fuckingtacular, but in exploring the kinky realm I had to be conscious to not "out" someone in such a public place.
Why did I choose to go to a club?
I don't know, I was more curious if being in such a public place would enhance things. Again, I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to find, but I was committed to figure that part out.
I was playing beer pong while I read the text, so I frankly didn't care on a personal level ... but on the domme level, I was extremely disappointed and made sure he knew it ...
You're a bad boy, I texted back.
I then went back to kicking it with my new friends and playing until he arrived shortly after 9.
My "date" walked me out and after I kissed him goodbye I got in the car with the slave.
You're a bad boy for being late, I said sitting in the passenger seat.
I know, he said.
Dopey is the most of all three of the slaves. Doc (first foot slave) has a wife, kids, and is just really into being objectified. In conversations with Dopey it seemed like he was actually looking for not a domme but a demanding girlfriend. He had mentioned being in the scene for a while, but also that he had received sexual satisfaction from his previous dominatrixes.
During the scene, he said, I had to beg them to finally let me come. There was always a physical release during each session, he admitted.
Despite my best efforts I tried not to judge him especially because I was so new at this - how could I predict if sexually speaking I'd be into exploring something more when I have no frame of reference. My first instinct was to explore the scene, and then allow things to progress naturally and without judgement.
Was the slave my type sexually speaking, and did this turn me on in a sexual manner?
Nope. Not at all on both counts - but again, open mind. I HHHAAAVVVEEEEEEE to have an open mind 100% of the time. The entire experience depended on it!!!
The slave then dropped me off at my place so I could change before going to the club. I had asked him when he picked me up to bring me a bottle of wine (all subs bring the domme a gift), but since he forgot, I made him go out while I was getting ready.
I then got ready (which btw never takes me more than 15 minutes. I'm a SPPPEEEEEEEEEDDDD demon) and when I realized he still wasn't back, I texted him.
Where r u?
I stopped to get some fast food, I was hungry.
I stared down at the text and wondered how fucking dumb is this slave, or maybe this is a thing? Do they always push your buttons like this testing boundaries?
My gut told me yes, even if everything in my soul was already starting to get tired of the fact that this guy was late now twice in picking me up - ANNNDDD he forgot my gift.
Should I have sent him home at that point, I wondered? It's all so hard knowing when you're just starting out.
We then picked up two of my friends, and I proceeded to ignore him until we got to the club.
Change the radio to 102.7, I said to the slave.
That's pop though, he replied back.
So!! It's what I want to listen to!!!
Fine, he lamented.
This guy is such a BITCH, I thought.
We finally get to the club (after sitting in traffic for LITERALLY an hour over by the Hollywood bowl) and I instruct him to drop us off at the door while he finds parking.
I only have $10 cash on me, how much is parking? he asks.
That's not my problem to deal with, go figure it out, I say as I slam the door.
(I really did take to being a domme almost immediately. I'm a bitch ... I'm a lover ... I'm a child ...)
We then get inside and I meet up with some of my other friends and get a crowd together to start dancing. The club isn't strictly a fetish club - it's more goth-like and DEFINITELY gathers a gnarly looking crowd. Everyone is dressed in black, and there are people getting flogged and spanked upstairs.
Trippy.
About 20 minutes later I finally spot the slave on the patio smoking. There you are, I said. Here put this on ... I hand him his mask.
Do I have to wear this, he asks?
Yes! It's more for your protection actually. I don't want someone to be able to identify you as one of my slaves.
I then assist him in buckling the mask as we head over to the dance floor.
When we get there, my friends laugh saying, dude, you have a slave behind you. Go make him do something.
I turn around and snap my fingers. COME! I command.
We then head over to the couches and I sit down.
Get on your knees, I command pointing to the ground.
Take off my shoes and rub my feet - they are sore from dancing.
He then removes my right shoe, followed by the left.
The woman next to me, who was passed out when I first sat down looks up and wonders what we are doing.
Are you a domme, she asks.
Yes, I say barely looking at her.
Woah, she said. I'm a switch.
You're really hot, she says as the slave begins rubbing my feet.
I say nothing to her as I drift away into the wonderful wonderful bliss of having your feet properly massaged.
The woman then moves onto the couch next to me.
I stare down at her ... can I help you? I inquire.
I want to be a part of this too, she says.
Alrite, rub my shoulders, I command.
She then begins rubbing my shoulders.
Because of the loud music, I couldn't hear what she said next, but before I knew it she leaned forward and slapped the slave.
Not like "slapped slapped" more like the way a 4 year old would hit you. She was passed out not 10 minutes prior, and based on her back massage had ABSOLUTELY no upper body strength.
Before I could stop her, she hits the slave again. He gets PISSED.
Woah, woah, I say. You need to stop, realizing a boundary has been crossed.
Seconds later her friend arrives and takes her away. I was grateful I didn't have to deal with anything further.
I then get back on the dance floor and in about every 15 minute intervals command the slave to stop and rub my feet.
After about an hour I was tired, so I instructed the slave to get the car and I would meet him out there shortly.
I said goodbye to my friends as I walked outside where the car was already waiting.
I get inside, and the slave starts SSSCCCCCCRRRRRREEEAAMMMIIIINNNNNNGGGG at me.
HOW COULD YOU LET HER DO THAT TO ME, HE SAID!!!!
I'M A PET, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE CHERISHED, AND TREATED WELL. WHAT WAS THAT?!?! HOW COULD YOU LET HER DO THAT TO ME????
I immediately apologize because I genuinely knew a boundary had been crossed, but then I stared back in confusion at the words coming out of his mouth ... cherish? treated well? Aren't slaves supposed to be objectified and humiliated?
I let him continue ...
AND WHAT WAS WITH THE MASK??? WHAT IF I OVERHEATED? WHAT IF I PASSED OUT??? WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED??
I say nothing, but I think what a BITCH this guy is. I friggen wore the thing MYSELF ...
I would never ... EVER put someone in a situation unless I had done it myself. I WAS a sub to my friend the switch, remember?? I wore this myself and learned literally by having it all done to me.
I knew SO THROUGH AND THROUGH that this mask was easy to breathe in. This guy was being SUCH A FUCKING PUSSY!!!
He then stopped screaming and waited for me to respond. Again, I apologized for the woman hitting him like a 4 year old, but then said, you're having an extremely emotional response right now and I'm attempting to figure out how to process this which is difficult since the slaves that I have dealt with outside of you have wanted me to ignore, humiliate, and objectify them. You're asking for an entirely different scenario and I'm not at all sure I'm interested in dealing with it.
Fuck that shit man, I'm here to be a bitch!! Treat someone like a PET and CHERISH THEM?? OOOHHH HELLLLLL NOOOOOO!!! You'll be my stool, foot massager, and overall life pamper-er. In return for you pleasing me, I let you worship me. Period end of sentence.
We finally get back to my place, where again I apologize for him being hit. Even though she didn't hit you hard, I can see how that would be upsetting and for that, again, I apologize.
YOU'RE SO EMOTIONLESS IN THIS, HE SCREAMED!!
Yeah, I thought, it's because I feel like I'm 11 years old again and fighting with one of the other girl's at school. I just listened to you BITCH AND MOAN for 15 FUCKING MINUTES!!! What more do you want from me? I'm tired, cranky, and now COMPLETELY disinterested in dealing with you. I have no emotional investment in this scenario nor should I feel like I have to.
This is the ONE PLACE where I can be cold and it's supposed to be HOT FOR THE GUYS!!
I then walk upstairs, laughing. I get criticized by guys for seeming a bit standoffish, and here I am in the ONE SPACE where this is supposed to be kosher for passover and one of my slaves calls me a robot. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, absolutely EVERYTHING that makes me good in business SLAYS my personal life.
An hour later as I was falling asleep I see a text from the slave apologizing.
Done, done, doner than done, I thought as I fell asleep.
So, what did I learn from this experience?
Not all subs are the same. Like anything in this world there are different levels of the spectrum and while some may be into certain things, others aren't. You have to have a conversation with the sub before beginning and establish the boundaries within the scenario.
I know, as a domme, I am COMPLETELY disinterested in having any sort of emotional connection with the slave, the person. I will respect the animal that they are at their core, certainly, and only do what I know will enhance their experience - but I am ABSOLUTELY disinterested in conversing with them, knowing about what they do for a living, or anything in between. Keep that shit to yourself, yo!
So slave number two has gotten the axe, but who's next? Again, as a domme that is what I am looking for, and should this be you, and what you're into ... hit me up! Send me an application on why you should be my slave (bitches need not apply, only beg):
JenFriel at Talknerdytomelover d c
Next up is a meeting with slave number 3 this week ... dudes, I'm finally getting a riding crop!! YAY LIFE!!! =)
Oh lordy schmick mordy ... I am literally blushing at writing out this post. I will tell you all right now that I THOROUGHLY enjoyed myself, but I just didn't expect this part of my personality to come out. I knew I was dominant in business but never ever ever in my personal life ... I wanted to pwn that motherfucker like it was my job.
Alrite, so a week ago, I tweeted out that I was seriously considering dating a guy with a foot fetish just so I could have my feet rubbed. I started running in the morning to give my life more of a "routine" but as a side effect it's caused my feet to throb like no other.
I was kind of kidding, but what I didn't expect was the OVERWHELMING response from guys who were totally into it.
Now, I know from my buddy @meowmistidawn that foot fetish is in the top three fetish turn ons (just behind butt and boobs - pun intended), but I've genuinely never dated a guy who has articulated that he had a foot fetish - so my experience is extremely limited in the subject and honestly, I thought it was all pretty "creepy."
The second that C word hit my noggin though I realized I was actually just being judgmental and maybe if I walked towards that place of uncomfort I could learn something from a first hand experience and not a preconceived notion.
Bottom line: I actually emailed one of the foot fetish duderinos back.
His email was so sweet ... and so endearing. He said plain as day that he is married and with kids, but that this is a part of his personality that he can't deny and he's been a foot slave to doms before but was seeking one in LA. (His wife totally approves of this, and he even came with phone number references for his other doms.)
We then started an email exchange and after approximately 40 emails outlining LITERALLY everything, we arranged to meet up Friday at a semi public location.
I was coming from a meeting in the valley so I was kinda dressed up, but at about 4:00 on Friday we met at a park not too far from my house.
It's super quiet since not a lot of people know about it, but I knew I could EASILY beat feet if this guy was a legit Buffalo Bill.
Minutes after my arrival I see a built guy approach me wearing glasses and a hat.
He asks if he can put his hood on.
Sure, I say, noticing that no one was around and very honestly even if they were - I didn't really care.
We barely spoke, he brought me some wine as a gift (he likes being humiliated and objectified).
I placed the wine in my bag and he immediately went to town.
I asked prior if wearing my normal knee high socks were an added turn on similar to lingerie - but he said no, he was into just the feet.
He then removed my knee highs and I placed a hoodie in between my legs to not give him too much of a room with a view. (I'm always in a skirt or dress.)
He then started massaging my feet as I started live tweeting what was happening.
He didn't want me to speak to him or address him at all - I was instructed to ignore him and be mean to him as much as possible.
The thing about me though is that I am an introvert; writing is my emotional default. When it comes to business, yes, I am a hustler and literally live on getting shit done - but in my personal life ... I'm EXTREMELY shy. It surprises guys that I like because I turn into a deer in headlights not knowing what to say, and people expect when they meet me this larger than life personality ... it's hilarious. I'm a LOT quieter in person, particularly when I'm crushing on a dude.
This, however, was not a time to be quiet. I had to be a nasty naughty bitch and I literally could not say a single word.
<tangent> Dudes, I can't even talk dirty in bed!! I am SO FREAKING BASHFUL!! Even a few weeks ago after this super awesome date the dude walked me to my door and my roomie and her boyfriend were coming back from their date and caught us making out in the stairwell ... I turned SOOO RED!!! And it's just a PDA!!!! But I ... can't .... do ... it ... it's horrible, and clearly something I need to work on.
And FTR, it's not the traditional PDA that I have a problem with, I'll make out anywhere ... but when it's someone that I know ... I get WEIRD. I'm EXTREMELY particular with guys that I bring into my social circle. It's one thing to date a person, another to introduce them to your friends. </tangent>
He continued to rub my feet in hands down one of the BEST foot massages I have ever had, as I ignored him while I answered emails and live tweeted the entire situation.
The massage lasted for about a half an hour. He rubbed in between all my toes, and all over my feet, even going as far up as my calves.
I hate that we have to cut this short, he says as he stops, but I have to go now.
It's okay, I said. I really really really enjoyed this.
Really? he asked surprised and still wearing his hood.
ABSOLUTELY!!! I replied back enthusiastically. I really want to get into this.
He then kneeled and took a deep breath - you have no idea what a relief that is to me.
It then struck me how closeted this man is with his fetish. He is SO afraid people are going to find it weird that he has to suppress it so deeply.
My heart broke in that moment.
Yes, I'm into this! How could I not be!! It's amazing and feels really good.
He took another deep sigh.
If I'm going to do this though, I really want to get into it, I instructed. I want to get shoes and a riding crop - I have to psychologically compartmentalize it within myself that when I am in this moment with you, I am a dom and not the sub that I normally am in my personal life. Can we talk via email and outline exactly what each of us wants from this dynamic in the future? I want everything outlined so no matter what we are both clear.
Yes, that would be great.
He then took yet another deep breath. You have no idea what this means to me. I can't believe you enjoyed this.
Of COURSE I did, I say (what chick wouldn't dig an AMAZING foot massage), but I want to really get into this and vocalize my own personal truth by expressing myself more as a dom. Email me?
Yes, he said as he took off the hood (I turned around to not see his face), placing the glasses and hat back on.
Bye bye, I say not turning around.
ANNNDDD there you have it ladies and germie men. It wasn't "weird" or "creepy" at all - it was EXTREMELY enjoyable and while sexually it may not do anything for me, it is CERTAINLY going to help me break free of the shyness that I feel in my personal life and help me articulate more of my personal truth (which AGAIN is my lesson with the modern day shaman. W2g universe!!!)
He has since emailed me, and we are now going to outline our boundaries - this is by no means done. I can't WAAAIIIITTTTTT to get a riding crop and literally beat the bejesus out of the duderino for being a bad bad boy. =)
Monday, January 21, 2019 at 12:57PM
