#NerdsUnite: The difference between domme and dominatrix

I've said this before, and I will SAY IT AGAIN, I am not not not a pro-domme or dominatrix. Period end of sentence. I am merely a guest in this wonderful community and completely elated at all of the opportunities that have been presented. 

After my post about heading to the brothel, I got this email ... 

First off, when I first started writing about my experiences I called myself a dominatrix out of sheer ignorance. I had heard the term somewhere in pop culture and clearly recycled it. 

I was then corrected by a reader of the site who informed me that if I called myself a dominatrix it meant I got paid for my services. What I do with my slaves is rooted in lifestyle and not income. Primary source or otherwise, I don't give a flying fuck, that was just what I was told. My perspective was skewed based on that dynamic. 

I totally get that escorts are clearly pouncing on the space and I'd genuinely be pissed too especially if this is something you believe in. I agree that prostitution should be legal (especially considering FIRST HAND how many of my guy friends have paid for sex) but that is neither here nor there. Clearly those girls are just capitalizing on a market.

I'm extremely, extremely grateful you sent me all of that information re: more of the private clubs to go to. The truth of the matter is, I'm scared SHITLESS to visit those places. I'm only going to a brothel in the morning because it's my friend that happens to be doing webwork for them. I've known him for 6 years and if he says I have to check something out, I will. I've been all over the country visiting sex clubs. I've found different experiences at them all. Some positive, some stories I will save for a later date. I'm inspired by the community and inspired by how much it is helping me come into my own skin as a person and as an entrepreneur. 

As I've also discussed on the Suicide Girls blog. 

Tributes are mandated in the community. Period end of sentence. It has nothing to do with the actual product (and this is coming from a minimalist) but rather the gifting process from something lesser than you. (See what I did there? "something" not "someone!") I will make certain slaves buy me shoes, but most I make run errands and get me my very specific drink from Starbucks. Everything in this scenario is psychological. It has very little to do with the end product. I could tell them to pick up trash by the side of the road and if they were given a command they would know to do it. 

I genuinely cannot get caught up in the subtleties of it though at the end of the day. If I post that I am one thing, I will STILL get yelled at by everyone else that believes something else. I can say from a completely neutral perspective that I have found the labeling of it to be in the eye of the beholder. And that's what is GREAT about being a guest in your loverly community, I am merely here to explore, examine, and document a first hand experience. I cannot and will not speak for you guys. I am just Jen and this is what I am experiencing. 

I will from this point forth continue to call myself a domme because I have come to a place where I identify with that experience. I will speak to the women tomorrow at Sheri's Ranch and find out what they call themselves, and then, and only then, will I further speak on that first hand experience. 

All I know is that in exactly 12 hours I am going to be in a car on my way to a brothel to spend a day with women that are going to kick my ass and take names. 

I am so. fucking. excited. 

Yay life and yay open mindedness!!!! 

Thanks for reaching out! Uberly appreciated!!! 

Want to follow my live tweets/ pics and video of the experience? Follow @JenFriel on twitter. xo 

#nerdsunite

click here to read about the slave that wanted me to kill him & had a "death fetish"

 

#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen: You get accosted by a dude with a mullet

Oh dear god that was high-larious. 

Maestro ... 

So, obvi I am in Vegas for CES. Nerd mecca right? 

Yeah, wrong. 

Not for me anyway. I get SUPPPPEERRRRRR overwhelmed in crowds and genuinely LOATHE having to tour the floor. It's you and 200K of your not so closest friends bumping uglies and PEOPLE CANNOT WALK!! There are so many sights and sounds, and people turn into these invalent freaks of nature that are incapable of putting on foot in front of the other without stopping every 2 seconds. 

It's a cluster fuck. Period end of sentence, and I CAN'T STAND IT!!!!! 

What I do love about CES though is meeting more of you loverly people and getting to network and talk to new potential sponsorships. The community in general at these conferences inspires and enlightens me but the floor DRIVES ME INSANE!!!! 

That being said ... I popped down there this morning to play around with some of the toys. 

It only took me two hours before I was totally overwhelmed and seeking an escape route. 

<tangent> Also too, you have to conserve your energy at conferences. You can't get exhausted on the floor and expect people to get excited to talk to you at all the dinner and late night meetings that go on. </tangent> 

I walked out of the conference center and put on my monster diamond tears headphones. 

I then reached down to grab my iphone and cue up songza. 

Not only is songza curated based on your emotion or time of the day, but also your activity. I hadn't seen anything in the immediate concierge that struck my fancy so I flipped over to their "explore" tab to scroll through and find what I wanted. 

I paused for a moment standing next to this big column and scanned the results. All of them were pretty awesome and extremely specific, but I was in the mood to listen to something S&M orientated. I had just gotten done talking to my buddy Ben about my day tomorrow at the Sheri's Ranch (SO FREAKING EXCITED) and I wanted to see if songza had anything applicable since I'm getting a little sick of my other playlist. 

As I was typing in search keywords like "s&m" "dominatrix" and "sex" I saw a playlist calld Private Dance. 
This is PERFECT, I thought. 

Then, literally out of no where, and before I could hit play, I hear someone say close to me "put some clothes on." 

I look up and notice no one else around me except this weird looking dude with a mullet. 

I then looked down at my outfit and was confused. 

Sure my dress isn't exactly the longest one that I own, but is this guy for REAL? 

My normal nerd self stood there for a moment and wanted to just brush it off thinking this dude is a whack job. 

<tangent> BTW I am the WORST person to ever get in an argument with. I will never ever ever fight back or sling an insult at someone. It's just not my scene. Instead I remain extremely calm and start asking neutral questions to negate the scenario all together. It's the fastest way to piss someone off more sometimes, but if you can execute it correctly you will also be able to just remove yourself from the scenario which is always the best thing to do anyway. Never EVER take anything personal in life, nerds. I learned that from reading The Four Agreements after getting hit in the head with the brick. </tangent> 

My normal nerd self, however, was not present in that scenario. I was getting into domme mode and you do NOT talk to a domme like that if you want to live. 

I take EXTREME pleasure right now in making my slaves cry, so for this dude to get away with something like that was so not kosher for passover. 

I took a breath and walked over to him. 

Excuse me, I said a foot away from his face. Were you talking to me? 

He took one look at me and BOLTED. 

I started laughing. 

It's called r-e-s-p-e-c-t mother fucker. Be grateful I didn't make you bow and kiss my boot. 

Yep, I think I'm very very very ready for my visit with the dommes tomorrow at Sheri's Ranch.

This is going to be SOOOO MUUCHHHH FUNNNNNN!!!!! 

They're picking me up at 9:30am Pacific Time and I'll be live tweeting for most of the day. Here's my twitter account if you want to follow along. YAY LIFE!!! 

#nerdsunite

click here to check out Songza for yourself. Dude, it's music based on your moods and activities!! SO. FREAKING. AMAZING!!!

#CES: Did I mention on Thursday I am going to be trained by a dominatrix at a brothel?

<editorsnote> Hey mom and dad, just throwing it out there that you're prolly not going to want to read this story. I mean I know you're proud parents and all, but it's Vegas and ... yeah. Love you, but leave. 

... Now. 

... Right now. 

K bye. </editorsnote> 

True story, and even funnier this all started WHILE I was in a session with a slave. 

oooooohhhhhhh this shit is going to be wild. 

So, a week or so ago I was in a session with a slave ignoring him and responding to the daily emails, one of which was sent to me via a buddy I used to work with. 

Don't judge me, read the title of the email. 

This is going to be GREAT, I thought. 

I open it up and see a press release for Sheri's Ranch, a fantasy fulfilment brothel located just outside of Vegas. 

I look through their website and see the option for a BDSM fantasy. 

OMG OMG!!! They have ACTUAL dominatrixes here! 

<tangent> I am a domme not a dominatrix. Dommes don't get paid for their services while dominatrixes are pros and will most of the time have sex with their slaves as well. Mine are merely foot slaves. </tangent> 

One of my current goals is to better myself as a domme. I want to learn from a pro and learn some more tricks of the trade if you will. 

(See related post on Suicide Girls on how being a domme helps me as an entrepreneur.)

Being a domme isn't just an excuse to do something "scandalous" and "titillating" to shock and awe people, for me it is an extremely, extremely personal journey that has helped me come into my skin TREMENDOUSLY on both a personal and professional level. 

I don't have sex with my slaves, they only worship my feet. I get absolutely, absolutely no sexual stimulation from the experience. Rubbing my feet has about the same effect as putting a q-tip in my ear. The entire process of a session though is an EXTREMELY powerful experience. All of my slaves are super fancy pants dudes. To see these men that are held in such high regard in the community quiver and sometimes even cry in your presence is OUT OF THIS WORLD wild. 

It's completely changed my relationship with men. I can stare at a guy on a date and know when I am in the presence of someone who is a sub. 

I'd eat you alive, I always think. 

The date then quickly ends. 

See, I may like dealing with slaves in my personal life but I would never ... and I mean NEVER date a submissive man. I can't do it!!! Sexually speaking I am actually quite submissive. I want a guy that commands my attention and that I genuinely respect. If I don't think you're intellectually up to par, or if I smell that I intimidate you - it's done. 

Subs to me are pathetic pieces of shit that I barely let amuse me, and would NEVER EVEN CONSIDER dating. 

<tangent> See what happens when I write while listening to my S&M playlist? It's next level shit. Gotta take it down a notch, Friel. </tangent> 

Side note: I'd also really like to let my freak flag fly sexually speaking. I do all this CRAZY shit but I'm such a fucking prude when it comes to sex. Sure, I've had threesomes, watched an orgy, but that's nothing. I FOR THE LIFE OF ME can't talk dirty in bed without laughing hysterically. This is a true problem though when you've been single for so long. I haven't developed enough trust with men sexually to allow anything like that to even happen. I really, really want to work on that for 2013. 

Anywho, so it's not my preference dating wise, but because it is helping me so much grow as an individual I thought why not expand my noggin and try to be the best domme I can be! 

I then hit my buddy back up and asked if I could come in for a visit. 

Not a problem, he said. We have to specially arrange a professional photographer to come in as we can't have you video or take pictures. 

Dude, I totally get it, I say back to him. I need to document this because, well, I document my life - but this is for me more than anything. 

Great, he said. Let's book you for Thursday. 

So now, this is officially happening. They're apparently picking me up in a car and taking me to the brothel which is about a 45 minute drive, and I will be able to have full access to everything and get to talk to some of the girls. 

I only dominate a slave about once a week, I can't even IMAGINE how insanely powerful these women must be getting to do something like this on such a regular basis. 

Wild. 

Thanks to everyone over at Sheri's for trusting me with such an incredible opportunity. I promise to be as discreet as possible.

This is going to be an INCREDIBLE CES!!!!! So. Freaking. Excited!!

See everyone starting tomorrow!!! xoxo

"sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me."

#nerdsunite

click here to check out Sheri's Ranch for yourself 

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