Fun with @MirrorReviews: Text date, threesome, and stripper poles

oh dear god.

oh dear god.

oh dear god.

What a friggen night last night was. I'm home ... alive ... but I'm not quite sure how or why.

Lemme get a song to go with the post, hold up.

So, last night was my very dear friend's 30th bday. Kind of a big deal.

Immediately before that though, I got a text from this dude that I met via him texting the wrong number a month ago.

Back in March I got this and instead of being offended or weird about it, I was genuinely curious and asked him to elaborate more ... lemme just show you ...

This guy and I have now been talking for a month, and yesterday when I got his text I just told him that we should meet up at the Saddle Ranch on Sunset. Saddle isn't normally a "go to" but it was super close to where the party was so I could do a two pop shop and get both in in the same evening.

He was game, and at 8:30 we met up.

I'm not going to lie, I was super freaking anxious going into this thing not knowing ANYTHING about this guy. Like literally, nothing. I knew his name, and he sent me a picture once ... outside of that, nada.

I was entering this situation excited to meet someone new and explore something that scares me.

So we meet up, and he was pretty freaking rad! He was way cuter than I expected and we had an amazing conversation on life and love. He works in finance so it was interesting to see how analytical he has to be because of his job, but how much he leaves dating and his personal life "up to chance." He didn't exactly like how matter of fact I spoke on dating, but I explained to him it's like a dance. The guy takes two steps forward, the chick takes two steps back. Everything in life has movement to it - you just have to learn as many of the basics as you can and then shake yo' booty.

<tangent> While Romeo and I are "seeing each other" we aren't formally dating. I still have to check where his head is and make sure everything is kosher before proceeding. I've never been in a situation like this before though where we are going into dating each other already in love. Romeo and I love each other so freaking much it's ridiculous. HOOWWEVVVEERRRR, we aren't currently "in love" we're just really good friends that never had a shot at dating. Very Ross and Rachel. (It's also maddening because he's 32 and I'm 27 now, so it's like if this is going to happen it's shit or get off the pot time.) He's gotta court me for izzles and make an effort before I even THINK about stopping to date other people. </tangent>

After a glass of wine we then ended and I jetted over to the party which was in a mansion above the Sunset strip.

Everyone in LA has a friend with a mansion above the Sunset strip, btw.

I get to the house party, and find my friends. 

The birthday girl then introduces me around, and instead of saying hi this is so and so and they work in so and so - she would say, you look good naked. He looks good naked - make something happen.

It's been awkward for me at parties lately because EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. someone there has read the site and will then keep me hostage for the rest of the evening. Clearly, I'm not mad at it - I adore you all SO FREAKING MUCH, but I was very much looking forward to just chilling and having a good time. I've known most of these girls for almost 8 years so it's very much a non-work environment.

The party was absolutely stunning, and I'm SUPER SHOCKED no one caught their hair on fire with so many extensions and candles lit.

I then toured around the place a bit and found the stripper pole in the backyard. I laughed considering the formal nature of the party that at least my friend was keeping it real in some capacity. 

WHO DOESN'T LOVE STRIPPER POLES???

<tangent> I've actually never been on a stripper pole before BUT I did have to clean one once when I worked at a strip club. That was no bueno. </tangent>

THENNNNNN somewhere around my third glass of champagne sangria, this duderino that works in software and I started to make out ... in the middle of the party ... on the bright red couch.

Yep, we were "those people."

Keepin it classy, Friel.

It was all very PG, no booby grabs nothing. Just simple first base. But moments into us making out this girl approaches me.

Are you into threesomes, she asks.

Wow, I think. That is an AMAZING way to start a conversation with someone. I want to have balls like that!!

Yes, I say. (read more about that here)

Great, she replies. I'd like to have your number.

Bing bang boom, I thought. This chick wastes NO time annnnd it is quite the compliment as a female to not only get hit on by dudes, but also CHICKS!! Talk about a great life moment!! YAY LIFE! 

SOOOO that happened. I'm pretty sure I kissed her too - my memory is a bit unclear at that point where my mouth went. Again with the class.

I then excused my drunky mcgee self from the party and started to walk down the hill back home. See, when you're at a mansion party you never. ever. ever. want to cab it. They don't friggen go up there and it is SUCCHHH a pain in the ass getting out. No prob getting THERE, but going back - you're fucked. Always walk down the hill whenever you can and use the iPhone flashlight app to guide you since most of those hills are littered with pot holes.

I made it less than a block away from my apartment before I felt someone or something grab my right arm. Mind you, it is now 2am and NOTTHIINNNNNGGGG should be touching me that late at night.

The second my brain registered that it was a person, I immediately pull out my best 1993 after school special on rape and scream NO as I put my arms up indicating I was about to fight.

<tangent> I used to box. I had to give it up since it hurt my hands so much and typing all day - it's too much of a risk ... but I genuinely do know how to knock someone out. It will hurt like a mofo, and I've never had to do it without gloves ... but I think ALL women should know how to fight if they are ever in a situation like that. Information is power, people. </tangent>

I COMPLETELY freak the guy out at that point as he starts running. I'm 99% certain he was just trying to hit on me, but at that hour, so close to my house - it was NOT going to happen.

Note to nerds: don't ever ever ever approach a woman on the street that late at night. never ever ever.

I then got back into the apartment safe and sound. Definitely a bit spooked by the situation, but proud of myself for knowing what to do and for handling it all so fast.

ANNNNNDDD that's all folks. OH! One more thing though, here is my text date's dateAbility on Mirror.net:

Super excited to see that dude again.

OH! And this week, I also have a date with a guy that I asked out on twitter from one of my favorite TV shows. This dude is SOO freaking badass! He was locked up for 3 years in a jail in Pakistan. I literally cannot wait to kick it with him!!!!! 

#yaylife

Want to check out Mirror for yourself? Here ya go! And don't forget to like 'em on Facebook. 

OH! And here's how you write a review, and Mirror 101. Enough links already!! Shessshhhh 

Do you live in LA and would you like to go out on a date to be reviewed? Hit me up!! JenFriel at talknerdytomelover d c. I wanna hear from you!! xoxo

Fun with @MirrorReviews: Introducing, the man who revealed too much

#Nowplaying: Glad you came - The Wanted

These last two weeks have been hands down the most emotionally overwhelming I have ever experienced - personally and professionally I have never felt so jolted, excited, or completely out of my mind scared. 

I never ever ever expected Romeo to come back in my life. Like never ever ever ever ever. We had both accepted the fact that anytime the two of us came back together it was never good timing, and per our Facebook correspondences it's in black and white (or blue and white) how matter of fact we both were in wishing each other well. 

Every other email contains, "if you're happy then I'm happy" or "I just want you to be happy."

I'm totally tearing up right now writing that, because it can't be more true. 

OMG stop it Friel. You're only a few lines in and this is only going to get worse ... 

I knew at 19 that I loved Romeo in our very first kiss. It was everything my parents and Disney taught me growing up would happen. 

<tangent> My parents met in grade school and have been together their ENTIRE lives ... literally ... and are STILL madly in love. TO.THIS.DAY. if I call my dad from my mom's phone he answers, "hello my lovely bride." They are two of the most absurdly in love people you will ever meet. And of course, they've had their ups and downs - but they ALWAYSSS put their marriage before anything and ALWAAAYYSS communicated very clearly what they were feeling without ever throwing "low blows" in any arguments. </tangent> 

I grew up not only thinking, but SEEING WITH MY OWN EYES that soulmates not only existed but a happily ever after was more than a good idea - it was a guarantee ... I just had to allow all the stars to align and everything would happen. 

I was an extremely devoted scholar growing up - so boys took a backseat, but when I got out to LA when I was 19 literally my second week in LA I saw Romeo walking into a Super Cuts on a random Tuesday. (Of course I checked out his ass as he walked past me. WINNING!)

Hilarious - but you can read the whole story here. 

Alrite, so that part was definitely lust at first sight, but when his lips touched mine a few days later while standing in the street after our ice cream date ... I was a goner. (haha ice cream date. Could you tell I was 19?)

I KNEW IN.THAT.MOMENT. that this dude was it, and that this was exactly what everyone had written and told me about growing up. My time had finally come, I thought, the stars were finally aligned. 

OOOOHHH the joys of being young. 

Romeo refusing to date me at that time killed a piece of my soul. It wasn't just that I wasn't able to be with him - but the fact that he SMAAASSHHHEEEDDDD 19 years of believing that love really does conquer all, and that dreams really do come true if you only believe. 

It was as if he took a torch to the Hallmark card section of my heart and said, the price is wrroonnnggg bitch! 

I then picked myself back up (something I've never had a problem doing) and got back to my groove. I was jaded, but also a bit more grateful to Romeo for at least killing my naive nature. Now, maybe, I can set more realistic expectations when it comes to life and love, I thought. My parents are the exception not the rule. 

THEENNNNN, as fate would have it - the SECOND I got him out of my noggin, I bumped into him at the gym while randomly stopping to watch a basketball game. 

He ran over to me, saying he had wanted to talk to me. 

WHHHAAAATT THHEEE FUCCKKKKK, I thought. I literally had to remind myself to breathe as my jaded nature suddenly shed and the reminder that "true love must really exist" came back. 

Of course, that didn't last for long however as the story goes. 

What was cool though was the fact that he and I in those few months became really good friends. We started to realize that something in us was clearly meant to "be" even if it wasn't dating. 

That's where Romeo and I have been for over 8 years. From the ups, to the downs that were my early 20s - he was my dude ... my go to. Guys came and went, but Romeo was always always always there. 

It took him 4 years, but on a trip to San Fran after his mom died, he finally said he fell in love with me. 

Because of geographic complications, however, I wasn't allowing myself to feel much more and realized that we were simply destined to be really good friends. 

I had never been truly intimate with anyone before him, and in fact I barely even knew what the word meant. I grew up being betrayed by literally everyone in life that from a theoretical perspective I should have trusted. Friends, family, doctors - all bullshit. You don't realize when it's happening but a switch in your brain goes off at that point. I stopped seeking true connections with people because the second I let my guard down, I would get hurt or attacked. 

You eventually learn to live with it, and actually it's something that to this day makes me killer in sales and in business. I'm missing a chip. 

I don't seek attachments with people, nor do I have this intense desire to keep them in my life forever. I have learned to appreciate people for the moment, and if they're around for a bit longer - great, but otherwise ... next! 

Obviously now I am seeing that it was because I was afraid of letting my guard down, but at the same time I also through studying Buddhism know that it actually isn't an unhealthy way of being. People aren't meant to be around each other til death us all part - but what IN us would seek that attachment? What in us doesn't feel confident enough, or whole enough as is? 

It's been a shit ton of self work, and a life overhaul with a modern day shaman, but I'm somewhere now where I am seeing with a clearer heart and more open eyes. 

So, what happens then when I finally hit this state of WANTING to seek a healthy and truly intimate relationship with someone?? Romeo hears my universal call and answers. 

It's been 8 days now, and I've never been more scared and more emotionally vulnerable. Again, my animal instinct when feeling like this is FIGHT and GTFO, but I'm not this time. I'm sitting still, and trying to stay as present as possible experiencing everything, and attempting to focus on not having expectations. 

I have no idea if Romeo and I are going to date, and I have honestly not a single clue where his head is. 

We kicked it on Monday, but more as just friends. We both can't resist each other on a physical level, but for the first time we are both taking things extremely slow - even limiting showing each other where we live. 

When he kissed me again for the first time in 2.5 years last Wednesday, I was a goner. AH-gain. and it's also now causing me to call into question everything that I know about life and love. 

This is an EXTREME occupational hazard for someone who makes a LIVING talking about LIFE AND FUCKING LOVE. 

I'm angry ... I'm excited ... I go from crying tears of joy to straight tears of fear. I don't know what is going to happen with Romeo and I, but what I dooooooo know is that I still have a whole truckload of wisdom to pass on to you nerdy lovers, and I can't THINK of a more appropriate date to review than the one that I had the HOUR before I met up with Romeo - the date with my 99% match.

I briefly touched upon this in my earth shattering Romeo post, but last week I got hit up by a dude on OKC who was in visiting from NYC.

There was nothing that struck me about the dude. His email wasn't anything to write home about, and while he is attractive - it didn't elicit the OMG OMG OMG we.must.meet.now.

I was somewhere between meh, and beh.  

THENNNN, I looked up at our compatibility and flipped my fucking shit. 

NINETY.NINE. PERCENT.

I have had in the high 90s before, but never ... and I mean nevveerrrr have I had someone even come CLOSE to that high. Never. never. never. Almost two years on OKC!! NEVER!! 

I wanted to learn something from this guy.

We then agreed to meet up at 8 to grab a drink, and when I arrived a few minutes later (I was still in shock after receiving Romeo's text at 7:14) I saw him sitting over at the bar. 

Hi! I said plopping down in the stool next to him. 

How are you, I ask. 

Great! He said.

We then sat at the bar and got right into things. It struck me though how on ALL of my dates, I've never actually stayed at the bar. See, normally a dude will meet you at the bar but then when you arrive they will suggest finding a booth or some place quiet to talk. There was ample seating everywhere, and I have no idea why we stayed at the bar but it was enough to note that hmmmm this is different. 

I am very much a people person, and after dating so much have learned how to immediately put someone at ease. Within literally minutes I not only got this guy to tell me about his dating life, but also his sex life - and the fact that he not only doesn't want kids but got a vasectomy not too long ago. 

Woah, woah, woah - I thought. 

He continues ... 

I'm big in the poly amory community, and don't believe in true monogamy. 

I then assure him, that from an animalistic perspective I agree - however, how can emotionally you be committed to more than one person. 

That's the whole foundation of the community, he explained. 

I listened to every word coming out of this dude's mouth with a genuine heart and open mind - but I could tell he was "off" for lack of a better word. 

The same chip that I am conscious that I am missing, I also recognize in him. The way he talks about people, and sex ... I mean ... wow! 

Very very very matter of fact. 

He then tells me about his sexual exploits using the personals on craigslist and my brain hit operation OVERLOAD sometime around the "rabbi masturbating to watching him and his private dancing girlfriend fucking on his office desk." 

God bless craigslist. 

Not long after that story, our time came to an end. 

I realized in that exact moment that I had a lot of work to do. 

Everyone has crazy years growing up - it's all a part of becoming an adult and maturing. I just so happened to live my wild years online, and while I won't change it for a damn thing - I'd like to settle down with someone which is where this guy and I could not have been on more opposite ends of the spectrum. 

Here is my 99%'s dateAbility on Mirror.net: 

And for his review ... 

There you go. I spent a night with myself and all I learned was that I'm ready to move on, and I'm ready for the next stage in my life. 

Time to level up, bitches!! 

#thatisall

Want to check out Mirror for yourself? Here ya go! And don't forget to like 'em on Facebook. 

OH! And here's how you write a review, and Mirror 101. Enough links already!! Shessshhhh 

Do you live in LA and would you like to go out on a date to be reviewed? Hit me up!! JenFriel at talknerdytomelover d c. I wanna hear from you!! xoxo

#Love: @SuicideGirls & @TNTML make sweet sweet whoopie

AH! Back from Palm Springs already. Goodness gracious that was a BEA.UTIFUL drive!!

While I was on the highway I wondered about the HOV lane and thought of this ...

click the update to join in on the conversation

On another note, my latest and greatest for the Suicide Girls is up and posted.

In it I discuss my latest obsession, Mirror.net aka the relationship review application.

It's pretty sweet, and I'm very very veryyyyyy honored to have the opportunity to write for SG.

Many thanks once again!!

Click here to read the article

Oh, and here is a picture of a monkey on a motorcycle hugging a dude. Life needs more of this.

#thatisall

Fun with @MirrorReviews: The youngin with the sad eyes

So, last week in my latest dating experiment I went out with a super young dude - like crazy young. (I am taking my 103 dates in 9 months and the fact that I have still averaged at least two dates a week for the past year after the social experiment, and turning it into helping nerdy dudes get the girl by taking them out on a mock date and breaking shit down for them.)

Hold on ... here's the song that goes with the post ... 

It's really interesting how much growth a person experiences over the age of 25. I'm definitely not in the norm in this town of eternal youth that GENUINELY means when I say, I can't friggen WAIT to keep getting older. The more that I walk outside of my own comfort zone, the more shifts in consciousness I am experiencing - and the more FUN life has really become. It's kinda gnarly. 

Either way, that's just my jam ... but what I'm doing right now is figuring out how to articulate said knowledge to people. Being a teacher means you have to clearly and simply explain something to someone. When it comes to dating, there is so much projection and like energy attracting - it can be hard. I have to make sure that I am 100% removing my own personal judgements and just consistently calling a spade a spade with what I see with these dudes.

I knew my date this week for about the last year. I think we met initally because of OKC and while we never dated, he did invite me to a Christmas party once and has attended a handful of TNTML related events. Super super super great guy, but I could have told you right off the bat he had some gnarly shit going on. 

I've never in all my life seen someone with such sad eyes. 

Lemme break that down a bit for you ... 

You know when it comes to Mr. & Mrs. Smith I've said over and over how GENUINELY happy they look? 

In ALL of their pics, their eyes, their smile - they just radiate happiness, love, and satisfaction. It's literally one of the most inspiring things ever and why I just hung out again with them last week. 

Whether we realize it or not, we are always always always sharing more of our "truth" than we are ever willing to let on in social media. 

I sit on this shit all fucking day - I read the passive aggressive tweets, I see the pics pop up in my newsfeed .. I've been absorbing it all for the last 5 years morning, noon, and night - and it freaks me how how transparent social media makes us all. It's never WHAT you say, but HOW you say it. It's not WHAT you look like but the EXPRESSION that appears in your eyes. You can tell, like in the case with the Smiths, that they are SO FRIGGEN HAPPY because their eyes, and smiles in their photos reflect that. 

In this dude's case, however, I can't recall a time I've ever seen someone with such sad eyes. 

Lemme personalize this concept of sad eyes a bit more ... 

Here I am a few days after I lost everything I owned in a massive cockroach infestation. I used to always take pictures of myself before going out and post them on myspace. ::cough cough I was that girl cough cough:: 

Not only am I wearing Ed Fucking Hardy in this picture, but I look so lost, so vacant. I had LITERALLY just lost everything I owned and had never felt more confused in my life ... but here I am posting this picture on my Myspace page because I totes thought it looked good. 

Yes, I think I look commercially speaking attractive in this picture but I am wearing my emotions SO FREAKING MUCH on my face in this photo that it is genuinely upsetting me right now to see. 

Now take that, which again was at a very difficult moment in my life, and compare it to this photo which was taken in June of last year ... 

Big diff, right? Look at my expression in both pics.

And I'm still working on my own shit with a Shaman, no one is perfect, but NIGHT AND FREAKING DAY expression wise. 

I knew going in this one wasn't going to be easy, but I was fascinated either way to learn. 

So, tell me about your past dating history, I asked as we sat down and grabbed a beer. 

Um ... well, I recently just dated someone for a few months - but I mean that was basically it. 

Tell me about her! 

He then told me this story on how he met this girl on the side of the road because he thought her car was broken down, and since it was SUPER late, and he just wanted to make sure everyone was okay. 

::ahhhh the knight in shining armor:: 

He then explains to me that she was on a date with this dude, but he got super wasted, so he basically propped the wasted dude back in the car and helped this chick get him back home. 

(weird, right? But stay with me ...)

The wasted dude gets back to her place safe, but because it was so late, my dude decided to stay overnight. And when I say stay overnight, I mean come morning they were both making out while the wasted dude showered. 

Freaking NUTS! 

It's a great story ... but FREAKING NUTS!!! 

First off, what chick even ALLOWS any of that to go down? If I had a problem like that I totally would have just called a friend and asked for help. I'd never ... EVER accept help like that at the side of the road, late at night ... and then LET THE GUY FREAKING STAY AT MY PLACE WITH THE WASTED DUDE THAT APPARENTLY I AM DATING AND HOOK UP WITH THE KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR!! 

Then what happened with the relationship after ... 

We dated for a bit, but then she told me she loved me almost right away, and she had all of these crazy things going on with her personally. We were only together for a few months. 

What about anyone else? 

That was basically it, he said. 

Can I ask how old you are? 

23, he replied.

AHHHH this makes sense. You're barely even out the gate. 

What about relationships in school?

None, he replied. 

How did you lose your virginity? 

To someone I didn't even care about, he replied. I just wanted to get it done with. (Oh child, I can relate. My virginity was a burden.)

He then begins to tell me about his home life growing up; he had experienced a lot of really horrible physical abuse. 

I'm really sorry I say, that makes me so angry because children are SO FREAKING PRECIOUS. Have you been to therapy for what you went through?

Yeah, my entire life. 

Do you think it has helped? 

I don't know. 

Well, tell me about your current living situations. 

I'm still living at home.

Wait, WHAT?! I say

Yeah, I'm saving up money since I'm still in school.

Now mind you, when we first sat down one of the FIRST things he said to me was how he was making good money and was so grateful for his job. WHYYYYY is someone like that still living at home? And ESPECIALLY since he was abused as a child. 

This makes no sense to me, I say. Why would you still be in an environment like that for one, and two, how can you ever get a girl if you can't bring her back to your place? Dude, when I first moved out here I paid $400 for a room that I shared with a LOT of people, and still managed to get my shit together. It's all step by step - your first few steps will NEVER be comfortable, but that's what gives you maturity, that's how you grow. I LOVED eating ramen every day because I was eating ramen IN FREAKING LOS ANGELES!!!! You have to have to have to go through things like that. It will build your character. 

He nods. Maybe I'm just afraid.

Of COURSE you're afraid, I say. I was scared shitless too!! I just happened to have a corporate lawyer for a father who reminded me MULTIPLE times growing up, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?!?!? My parents knew how depressed I was growing up and knew how scared I was - so they always always always put me in check. (thank you mom and dad) Depression is a super funky thing, you never know you're experiencing it when you're in it because it's this dark hole - you have no light to act as a frame of reference. Fear and anxiety debilitate you, let alone the hormonal imbalance in general from depression ... its messy. Your job now though is to walk towards the fear and walk towards things that make you feel uncomfortable. THAT is how you grow and THAT is how you will welcome healthier relationships into your life. 

Thank you, he said. You're right, I know you're right - it's just all very hard to hear. 

I then gave him a hug and explained to him that I am 4 years his senior - 4 VERY important years. You also have to be gentle on yourself, and be PROUD of the fact that this is the first day of the rest of your life!! It's going to be scary, it's going to create more and more anxiety, but we're all dead in 100 years anyway. Might as well go out with a bang, right? 

He laughed. And thanked me for my time. 

And now for his dateAbility on Mirror.net: 

If Sad Eyes takes that first step getting out of his parents house, and explores the world more, I GUARANTTEEEEE you his eyes will start to look less sad. Albeit, yes, he clearly has a shit ton of self work to do - but he's so young! He has time!! It's all one foot in front of the other, and step one is getting out of the parental unit's place.

Rock on dude!! Thanks again for putting yourself out there like this! Please please please keep me posted!! 

#thatisall

Want to check out Mirror for yourself? Here ya go! And don't forget to like 'em on Facebook. 

OH! And here's how you write a review, and Mirror 101. Enough links already!! Shessshhhh 

Do you live in LA and would you like to go out on a date to be reviewed? Hit me up!! JenFriel at talknerdytomelover d c. I wanna hear from you!! xoxo

Here is Sad Eyes' response to the post:

That warmed my soul!!! BAHH!! 

Fun with @MirrorReviews: The corrections officer with the "love me" sign on his forehead

Oh what a wildly eventful weekend in the field this week. First off, I need to address the crazy ass robbery I saw go down yesterday. 

I had arranged to meet up with my latest student at this bar on Santa Monica blvd at 7 - and as I was getting out of the cab and walking up, I noticed all these cops standing outside this school and by the gas station. 

Two of them had their guns drawn and one of them had this long pole thingie that looked like you could seriously fuck someone up with. 

This being LA though, you never know if it's the set of a film or something ... so at first I just kept walking. Then, as I turned my back people at the bar start shouting "HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT" and the cops then run over to the 7-11. I start tweeting out my findings and even snap this picture. I've circled where the cops are ... (i just got my iphone and was unsure of how to zoom since THAT part WASSS easier on the droid charge) 

Then in the smallest world ever category, my buddy Lauren ALSO just happened to be there at the same time having just LEFT before the cops came barging in. 

It was literally one of the coolest things I've ever seen, and I know those dudes at that 7/11 so I went back after the "date" but unfortunately my duderino wasn't there. I'm going to head over today and see what more I can find out. Super interesting stuff, though!!! 

Anywho ... so, that happened first and foremost ... but on FRIDDAAYYYYYY night, I had a "date" with a corrections officer. 

Lemme get a song to go with the post. Hold up ... 

So, I agreed to meet with the corrections officer around 8, but I had also gotten an awesome email from this duderino earlier in the week, so I told him I had plans Friday night but could arrange a happy hour if he was free. 

Of course, he made it happen - and he and I shot the shit for a bit. Really great guy, but you could tell I scared the hell out of him. I genuinely can't imagine what it must be like for dudes that want to go out with me to read the site, then work up the courage to send an email - and then usually in less than a week if they ask me out I'll be able to meet up with them. I know when I FINALLY met Pete Cashmore I literally almost crapped my pants and the first words out of my mouth were "I recognized you by your jaw line" WHO SAYS THAT FRIEL!?!!??!!?!!!! I can TOTALLY empathize that it must be weird for people, but I'm just trying to get better at putting dudes at ease because their nervous energy makes me get a little on edge and I'm too zen for that shit. Mama no likey. 

Either way though, great guy, and after a couple of beers 8pm creeped up and I told him I had another meeting to get to. Arranging meetings back to back in the same venue btw is CRAZY efficient since I don't have to incorporate more commuting time, ANNNDDDD as long as you set an alarm on your phone 5 minutes from when you have your next meeting, you have enough time to give the person a hug and not be rude or keep your next appointment waiting.

Works like a FREAKING CHARM, and just as an FYI I do this almost every time I'm out, so if we're ever agreeing to meet someone don't be the guy to arrive early, because I will no doubt have planned a meeting beforehand and then it just gets weird. No one likes to be around the weird. 

Anywho, while ending my happy hour meeting I did notice my date walk in, and he darted for the restroom. I do that when I get nervous too, so it makes sense ... but then he walked out of the restroom and what looked like out of the bar. 

Aw, peppermint patty, I thought. I know he's going to come back, but I don't want this getting weird. 

QUIT WITH THE WEIRD LIFE!!! 

I then end the meeting and moments later see my date walk up. 

I greet him with a big hug and a thanks for being brave enough for doing this!! 

And I really mean that btw. Self work is NOT easy - it's scary as fuck. The fact that these guys are even SHOWING UP for something like this is 90% more than a lot of other dudes are doing ... so well done, new friend!! Well done!! 

He then asks if we can switch to the booths since he has a problem sitting in stools. 

Not a problem, I said. We then walk to the back and grab a booth. Unfortunately at this place however, they are only half booths so he and I BOTH sit in the booth laughing about our placement. 

Do you not like to sit with your back to the door, I ask? 

No - I just have a lot of arthritis issues. 

AHHH, I say. I can't do it because I sit at a computer all day and stools are death to your back. I always always always go for the booth. 

Which actually if you consider it, it's technically not a back issue that I have with not wanting to sit in stools and more of the fact that I need to work on my core muscles more. 

Whatever though ... 

We then get right into business. I ask him about his personal life and previous relationships. 

As I watched him talk however, I could FEELLLL that this guy just had "love me" plastered on his forehead. I could FEEL how badly this guy wanted to be in a relationship and how BADLY he wanted to be loved.

It freaked me out actually - I wouldn't call it "desperate energy" but it was more like, the energy of not wanting to fall off a cliff and you wanting to hold onto something, or anything for dear life. He has an EXTREMELY commanding presence by being SO FUCKING TALL and just a massively big human being - but I have a feeling that his presence has intimidated people to the point of causing him to feel ostracized. 

Love me ... love me ... love me ... I could feel him saying energetically. 

I sat there listening not wanting to jump out of my skin. Energy like that is a HUUGGEEEEEEE turn off to women. I'm assuiming it is for men too, obviously, but I only speak from first hand experience and having never spent a day with a dick I have a limited frame of reference. 

Women want to feel provided for, and protected. This guy with his physical stature ALONE had that down, but there was this overwhelming air of sadness and very much a "broken butterfly" feeling to him. 

He then admits that he was placed in an orphanage when he was younger. AHHHH, I think - this makes PERFECT FREAKING SENSE. 

He then tells me about his social anxiety disorder, and the fact that at his job he once got hit in the face with a tuna can that an inmate had in his sock and when he attacked him with it it came FLLYYINNNGGGGG out of the sock and smacked him right in the mouth causing him to lose multiple teeth. 

I then ask him to show me, and that shit was fucking gross. Awesomely fucking gross, but gross none the less. 

I then kept staring at his eyes as he talked - I can't describe it, but I saw myself in him. He definitely had a gnarly upbringing and some wild experiences at his job and in his current day to day - but he compartmentalized everything to the point where he almost shut down. If I was profiling him psychologically for a job, I would ABSOLUTELY have put him EXACTLY in the position where he is now. This dude is a big ass mother fucker, and you can tell - doesn't miss a trick. HOOWWEEVVEEERRRRRR, people who are in positions like this dude often forget to take care of themselves, and as cheesy as this sounds, this dude has a SHIT TON of work to do on his inner child. 

That's the thing when it comes to dating, EVERYTHING. BEGINS. WITH. YOU. 

That was my conclusion with the 103 dates in 9 months thesis, and ALSO why I've spent 6 months working with the Modern Day Shaman and addressing my own issues. When it comes to attraction the "butterflies" and "chemistry" aren't a sign of you meeting a soul mate, or whatever Disney wants to cram down your fucking throat - it's emotional recognition. You're finding your like energy. And in the case of 80% of people who have a LOT of fucked up shit that they've never dealt with emotionally ... it provides you with a handicap to finding a healthy and balanced relationship. 

YOU. HAVE. TO. DEAL. WITH. YOUR. PAST. OR. IT. WILL. EFFECT. YOUR. PRESENT. 

I'm not saying dwell on things, because trust, I used to do that too - and it's VERY much not healthy ... but it truly is a release of just LETTING THINGS GO!!! Sometimes too, it's really hard, because you don't even realize you are still hanging onto things. I absolutely learned as a kid to shut everything off. I even had to have eye surgery a few years back to put these little silicone implant things into my eyes because I didn't produce enough tears. My body was so shut off emotionally that I literally stopped crying. 

I WAS ALL CRIED OUT!! I spent the first 24 years of my life in the same shoes as the corrections officer begging and PLEADING for people to love me and to be around me. While I definitely did have a core group of friends, I never ever had a healthy relationship ... and now 2.5 years later after working on me, and figuring out where my bliss is, fuck me silly, I can't keep people away. They always say, I have this "sparkle" this thing ... it's like, bitch PLEASE! I am doing ME!!! And this feels GREAT!!! I'm no longer the people pleaser, I'm no longer the "goody two shoed" human being that never wanted to offend everyone, that just wanted to do what was "right" and make everyone happy. It's lame. If you're alive you're going to offend someone, somewhere - you can't please people all the time, but what you can do is listen to YOUR inner truth and YOUR gut and understand that when you're speaking your truth you resonate at a different level energetically. People will AUTOMATICALLY be more attracted to you, without them even knowing!! 

It's trippy as shit, but trust, spend a week doing it - and WAAATTTTTCHHHHHH things start to change. It trips me out. 

The corrections officer then told me the story of a chick he met on OKC who BEFORE THEY EVEN MET she took down her profile saying, "well if we are going to make a go of this, I want to be serious." 

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!?!?! RUN, RUN, RUN!! 

He hadn't even MET this chick yet, they had only talked on the phone a few times, and she was such a "wounded puppy" she was drawn to his "broken butterfly" energy. LIKE. ENERGY. ATTRACTS. 

He then talked very candidly about their sex life as well, and I just kept thinking over and over - this ENTIRE situation had NOTTHIINNGGG to do with the fact that you guys slept together so soon, and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that this bitch from the GET GO is fucking crazy. 

What is happening here??!?!?!? 

This chick was obviously screaming love me love me love me and energetically because HE is screaming love me love me love me, they found each other and made whoopie. 

YOU. HAVE. TO. LEARN. TO. SPEAK. YOUR. TRUTH. AND. STAND. ON. YOUR. OWN. TWO. FEET. TO. EVER. ATTRACT. A. HEALTHY. RELATIONSHIP.

Of course you will meet people at almost any energetic level, but to get to the level of commitment that most of these guys are looking for, they have to start on themselves. I can give them dating advice TIL THE COWS COME HOME, but it has less to do with your OKC default photo and more to do with the energy you are broadcasting universally. 

Here is his review on Mirror.net: 

His dateAbility ... 

If the corrections officer learns to love himself MORE he will have less of the "love me love me love me" vibe which I know for a FACT will help him with his dating life. This guy could theoretically meet the "right" woman right now, but he's not ready for her. Self work! Self work! Self work, time baby!! =) 

Rock on and please please please keep us posted on your progress!!

#thatisall

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OH! And here's how you write a review, and Mirror 101. Enough links already!! Shessshhhh 

Do you live in LA and would you like to go out on a date to be reviewed? Hit me up!! JenFriel at talknerdytomelover d c. I wanna hear from you!! xoxo