Fun with @MirrorReviews: The crazy magnet that has no idea he is a crazy magnet

Another awesome evening in the field last night! See, I am taking my 103 dates in 9 months and the fact that I have still averaged at least two dates a week for the past year (after the social experiment) and turning it into helping nerdy dudes get the girl. Rather than keep plugging my personal life (which any relationship blogger will tell you - you can't do forever) I wanted to shift into an advisor-ship role where I help nerdy dudes out. From their OKC profiles, to anything, I wanted to create a mock environment where we would sit and chat and I could help them figure out what their dating dilemmas were truly all about. FTR, I have absolutely no filter and a bullshit radar like NO other. 

I heart helping people, and I can talk about dating and social dynamics for daayyyysssssss ... so this is helping me with my understanding of people tremendously, while at the same time, again, helping my nerdy fellas out. To make sure a transaction of some kind is exchanged though for my time (time is the most valuable thing ever), I have the guys buy me a beer and in exchange we will talk. 

So, that's what has been going on this week, and here is my latest and greatest ... 

Introducing: The crazy magnet that has no idea he is a crazy magnet. 

Here's the song that goes with the post ... 

Like the Aussie I picked a bar in WeHo for us to meet (frankly because they have MY FAVORITE BEER EVER on tap!!), and minutes after sitting down in the booth my date walks up. 

Hi, I say greeting him with a hug.

You look great, he replies. 

Thanks, man! You too, I say back. 

He was rocking a member's only-esque jacket and genuinely looked great! When it comes to a first date make sure you look your best. I know that sounds like, no duh, but it's true. I can't begin to tell you how many dudes I've met with that did not dress to impress and chicks notice that shit, man! 

For guys - a sweater or collared shirt is bueno. I'm not mad at a tshirt or flannel either, just make sure whatever you wear is clean and freshly pressed looking. 

We then get talking, and I am the one that gets right in and down to business. 

So, tell me about your dating history. 

Well, my last relationship was about a year ago - we were together for 4 years, and before that I was in a 5 year relationship and I was actually supposed to get married.

What happened? I asked

Funny thing - she tripped, fell, and landed on my best friend's dick. (uses humor as a defense mechanism, and apparently a lover of Eminem)

I look surprised.

Then, she did his brother. 

OUUCCHHHHH 

Just not at the same time, because that would be weird. 

So, she left you for another guy who happened to be your best friend. 

Yeah, and then I went to get the engagement ring back and she exchanged it for ANOTHER engagement ring and is now married to a different dude. 

WHAT?! 

Yeah, I know. We were high school sweethearts - one of those.

That must have been pretty intense though, I reply back, I can't imagine feeling such a violation of trust from not only the person you were in love with and wanting to spend the rest of your life with, BUT also with your best friend AND his brother. 

Yeah, I know. 

Tell me about the second relationship. 

We were together for a while, then she left me for another guy.

Wait, what? Again?

Yeah. 

Wow, what did this do to your self esteem?

It was devastating. 

I can only imagine, I say with my hands to my chest indicating empathy. 

I continue, what was the common thread between the two women? I mean obviously they both left you - but what did they have in common?

He thinks about it for a second then replies with ... 

OH! They were both really crazy. 

See, both girls were super hot, and they were super off balanced.

Ah yes, the curse of the attractive females. The hotter they are the more fucking bat shit crazy they be. I can empathize though, I had my nervous breakdown at 22 because I was so focused on receiving validation from outside sources that one day - I just literally snapped. You can't live life like that - you gotta find your passion, walk in bliss, and MOTHERFUCKING OWN YOUR SHIT!!!!! 

When your emotional house is in order subsequently the rest of your houses (financial, professional) will also start to fall in order because your energy is vibrating at a different level and you will attract different circumstances into your life. 

I also have this theory on "all bitches be crazy in LA until they are 25." For reals, I am only 27 - but I know I was bat shit crazy before I was 25. Here's my theory on that ... quickly ... 

<tangent> Pretty much everyone that moves to LA comes here because they were the hottest young thang at their high school. The prom king/ queen from Oklahoma or Idaho who were raised every day hearing how awesome, wonderful, and beautiful they were. They had so many friends, everyone wanted to be them ... life was good. So one day, the prom king/ queen decide to take a chance and SHOOT FOR THE STARS by heading to good ol' Hollyhood. They pack up their shiznat drive out here with ambition, and love in their heart. They get here, and are shocked that people don't just bow down to them and their awesome. See, they never really had to work for things before because they were so popular in their hometown, their mere existence made people go oohhhh and ahhhhhh. Work becomes foreign and the piss on jobs create stress. They then go to the bar every night in the hopes of meeting people. See back home, if they went to the bar they'd no doubt be bought drinks and shots all night because they were just THAT awesome ... but out here in LA no one gives a flying fuck. Now, UNLESS you are the girl. Hot young girls CAN actually go to any bar or club in town and get guys to buy them drinks. This will work for the first few years that our little prom queen is in town - but low and behold, father time ticks on and suddenly our fine young thing isn't a fine young thing anymore ... she's TWENTY FIVE, which by LA standards is like FIFTY FIVE (and I'm not talking about Stifler's mom 55, I'm talking more like can't even get into GILF porn). There are plenty of other prom queens fresh off the boat ready, willing, and eager to do anything it takes to make it in this town. And thus, our original prom queen now has to cultivate a personality, or she will have to head back home. See, once they are over the 25 hump they are no longer strictly relying on their looks to get them something. They have actually cultivated a personality no matter what their given circumstances were growing up. In LA youth is a magnet. Dudes want to do you, other hot chicks want to be around you (since traveling in herds is how we roll) - life is bueno. But then you hit 25 and maannnnnnnnnn ... talk about a reality check. 

So, there you go. That is my theory and this is why I am not friends with chicakdees who are under the age of 25 because ALL BITCHES BE CRAZY UNTIL THEY ARE 25. </tangent> 

Moving on ... 

The SECONNNDDD a guy I date ever tells me that his exs were crazy, or he has crazy friends, or crazy roommates - I fucking run. LIKE.ENERGY.ATTRACTS. It always takes two to tango. I continue our discussion ... 

So, where are you meeting women now? 

Mostly with my roommate. He's a total douche, and I usually just get the chicks by making fun of him. 

Like how douchey are we talking here? Do you have a picture? 

He then takes out his iPhone and shows me a very tan, very muscular, Ed Hardy rocking human being. 

This. Is. Your. Roommate? You leave the house with that?? 

Yeah, I know it's bad. And he's totally crazy. 

DING DING DING!! There's that word again. 

So, you have a crazy roommate, crazy exs, what in you attracted this scenario? I then ask if I can get more personal ... any alcoholism or drug addiction in the family? I'm curious as to what in you thrives from this chaos because by all accounts I can tell you're actually very grounded energetically. (definitely not hummingbird energy) 

Yeah, my dad. He was a marine, and had problems with alcohol. 

No more callers please we have a winner. 

So you had to be strong and keep everything together, didn't you? 

Yeah - it wasn't until later in life ... I mean I had a good childhood and all. 

Another red flag: People that don't admit that they had a rough childhood. 

There's some statistic that 80% of people growing up come from some sort of dysfunctional family, and then the other 20% RESENT their families for NOT being fucked up because they have no excuse as to why they are fucked up.

I come from an UNBELIEVABLY dysfunctional family. I have my mom, dad, and brother - pretty much everyone else can dry up and blow away. I don't know my family - I genuinely didn't even know my grandmother's first name until I was like 20. They're deplorable people, but I recognize that now, and recognize that their behavior was totes not kosher for passover. To get to that step however, was my own personal growth. People never want to admit that they had a fucked up childhood because we had no frame of reference. As long as we weren't starving in the streets with maggots forming on us, I'm sure we'd all say we were cut a pretty good deal. The fact of the matter is though that shit happens, and the quicker you realize your childhood wasn't sunshine and roses the quicker you can get to moving on into adulthood (whatever that really means). 

This guy is a BREEDING ground for crazy because he is still unconsciously seeking that chaos in his life that he experienced as a child. 

Dudes, I used to BE a crazy magnet!! Have you read about my stalking experience in high school? Yep, true story. This shit used to be my jam, now I very literally don't resonate energetically in that space anymore. 

Lemme give you an example ... 

The night I went to the BDSM club, there was this dude at the bar that was friends with my friends. Before we went up to him I got pulled aside saying he has a fake accent and you can't ask him too much about himself. 

Huh? I replied

It's a long story - but just please don't. 

Word to the bird jellyfish, I replied and just kinda went about my day scoping out the club. 

I introduced myself to the dude, and could IMMEDIATELY recognize that he had soulless eyes. I didn't know what was going on, or why I felt that way - but it was this shock to my system from HEAD.TO.TOE. that I needed to leave. 

I then said I wanted to go to the dance floor where I proceeded to putz around - quite the opposite of the usual lifecaster in me that will ALWAYS look for a story (and how is there not a story with someone that rocks a fake accent and you can't ask bout his past)?? 

The next morning I call my friend and ask her about the dude. He had soulless eyes I said, what was his deal? 

XYZ used to torture people, literally. He worked for the government for a while and it fucked him up. His family was murdered when he was younger, and he literally became a trained killer. 

Does he still do it? I press on 

No, I mean, I don't think so. It was all through the government though. 

RIIIGGHHHHTTTTT, I said. 

This guy obviously had massive issues and the old Jen Jen growing up would have seen that wounded puppy and wanted to take them in and nurse them back to health. I used to be a caretaker, and a magnet for the crazy. NOW.I.FUCKING.RUN. 

Crazies feed off of your energy and they will absolutely eat you alive if given the opportunity. It is your job if you are a crazy magnet to figure out what in you attracted this scenario. It's a magnet!! It takes two to tango mothafucka - so what in YOU is resonating with these people and not running. 

Advice for the crazy magnet: Move out, immediately ... and start doing some self work, and healing on some of the things that happened to you growing up. Writing has been an INCREDIBLE tool for me, but maybe music would work better for you ... whatever, man - just get off your ass and do it. Life is too short to live in that big of a rut and your first step in moving forward is understanding what in you attracted those people. 

Here's his review on Mirror.net: 

His dateAbility ... 

He definitely needs a confidence boost based on some of the things he picked at about himself in the looks department. Dudes, newsflash - chicks care less about that shit than you think. MEN are more visual, so WOMEN have to know to keep their game stepped up ... but chicks are so focused on personality and genuine charm that I will very honestly give ANY GUY a chance at the bar as long as I just enjoy talking to them. 

Overall, the crazy magnet's dateAbility definitely has some room for improvement. I genuinely feel like he has no idea WHY he is attracting all of these people into his life - so I hope that this might serve as a guided next step on his journey to awesomeness. 

Rock on wit' yo nerdy self, and best of luck out there!!! Please please please keep us posted!! 

#thatisall

Want to check out Mirror for yourself? Here ya go! And don't forget to like 'em on Facebook. 

OH! And here's how you write a review, and Mirror 101. Enough links already!! Shessshhhh 

Do you live in LA and would you like to go out on a date to be reviewed? Hit me up!! JenFriel at talknerdytomelover d c. I wanna hear from you!! xoxo

Fun with #Mirror: The awesome Aussie getting over serial monogamy

Wow! Night 1 in the field went craazzyyyyyyy awesome last night. Like crazy freaking awesome. Hold on, need a song to go with this post though ... 

So, last night kicked off my latest dating adventure - helping nerdy dudes get the girl. See, now I have all of this UNBELIEVABLE information from going out on over 103 dates in 9 months studying the organic root of attraction, and even taking Neil Strauss' students in the field, and oh yeah, the fact that I still have averaged two dates a week for the past year puts me somewhere around dating half of the male population in LA. Dating is my jam; I can dissect this shit like it's mah job! Frankly because now it is! 

I posted earlier this week that I was looking for some students, and to my surprise there was an EXTREME amount of interest. I booked 7 dates within the first few hours. AMAZING! You guys ROCK!! 

I was a little nervous about kicking something like this off. I made ALL of the guys aware that I would not only be posting on them, but I'd also be reviewing them on the relationship review application, Mirror.net. That's quite the helping to offer to a dude, but again, to my surprise peeps were game!!! 

It is through this transparent experience that I hope others can relate, and at the same time I get to help peeps. There is NOTHING more amazing to me than watching guys get more confident in their approach and because I was such a fucking awkward scared human being, I know how to break that shit down for them using their language. 

So ... the emails came in ... and the first one was an Aussie who has a bad case of serial monogamy. I've chatted with this dude a bit before, and you could tell RIGHT off the bat that he had the biggest heart ever. He's tagged me in posts and thanked me profusely for various things ... very very very kind soul, but didn't come across to me in the digispace as someone who was very confident. Why does he keep thanking people? I run a brand, so I HAVE to thank everyone for reading, reaching out - etc. But this guy was thanking people for being his friend - that struck me. Why would someone have to thank you for being their friend? Of course people like feeling appreciated, but friendship is a mutually beneficial relationship. I like you, you like me, we totes be besties. 

Off the bat, I knew going in I was going to have to talk to him about that. Gotta own yo' shit, man! 

We arranged to meet at a bar in WeHo and to my surprise when he walked up he was WAY more attractive than I thought he was going to be. He was well dressed, very composed - this guy could easily, in my opinion, bed any woman at the bar. Period end of sentence. 

So, why wasn't he? 

I was excited to find out. 

He sat down and IMMEDIATELY we got to business. He told me about his past 20 years of dating, the fact that he was in a 18 year relationship and has had a few on and off since. He was very emotional in describing the situations while at the same time veryyyyy down to business. 

His body was physically extremely tense, so I touched his shoulder trying to calm him down. I kept saying, dude, its just me - let's chat. 

This, of course, is always weird to people at first because they have this perception of who you are by reading your website ... I can usually kick the nerves out of 'em in 5 mins or less though, and this Aussie was no exception. 

It was fascinating watching him talk because words were coming out of his mouth (obviously) but energetically he felt like a hummingbird. He's been so wounded, and so all over the place that as a female it comes across in a very heavy manner.  Guys aren't supposed to be hummingbirds, they're supposed to be lions, tigers, and bears!! (oh my) Before this Aussie even opens his mouth, this is what he is giving off and he has no idea. 

Next doable action: 

Step 1) Ground yourself 

It's a universal constant that like energy will attract in life. Everything that you are sending out, you will get back. 103 dates in 9 months, 11 second dates, 6 guys I slept with, 4 I wanted more from - the 4 I wanted more from were alllll emotionally unavailable. What did that say about me? Why did I feel those "butterfly" feelings with those 4 guys?? Because chemistry is a recognition of like energy. I was emotionally unavailable, so were they - so SPARKS FLLEEEWWWW!!! These guys weren't the "one" or my "soul mate" - FUCK NO!!! They were just all focused on work like me, or had just had their heartbroken ... anything. But very much not interested in dating, and not interested in true intimacy in any capacity. 

How did I get over that? I've spent the last 6 months working with a shaman addressing my own issues. 

SUPER FREAKING IMPORTANT when it comes to dating that you need to be self aware. I'm not saying everyone needs a shaman, but I'm saying that for me - it has changed my life forever. Even the concept of being grounded was something so foreign to me. My entire life I've lived going 100 mph, it just so happened that the majority of time it was headed straight to a brick wall. 

What the Aussie doesn't realize is that he's so loving, and he gives SOOO MUCHHHHH to everyone, that he's not leaving himself enough love in the process. People like the Aussie desperately want to be loved, so they are overly sharing it with everyone and are very quick to give out their heart to anyone. That's not a healthy base for anything when it comes to dating. You have to know where you stand, and protect your heart and protect your emotional house. 

I then asked him about the people he's been dating, his response, all actresses. 

I rest my case. 

Hahaha actresses are all varying degrees of insane. They seek the light because they don't validate themselves enough (that is also why I got into acting young and why I grew up on a stage. I needed that validation growing up since I constantly felt so ostracized). They want that praise, they want to be told they are special because they don't feel it organically. 

The Aussie is attracting the actresses because he is in the same emotional house. He is giving and giving and giving to these women, constantly praising them (and feeling temporarily good in the process), while at the same time not taking any for himself. 

I give the guy a lot of credit, I can't imagine being with someone for 18 years and then trying to figure out dating. Again, everything in dating comes back to you, and how can you find you when you've been this other half for half of your life. Very very very intense. 

Here is my review of the Aussie on Mirror.net:

It shooocckkkkeeeeeddd me how little confidence this guy had. He's EXTREMELY successful in business, VERY attractive from a commercial perspective - he's the total package, but he's selling himself to women as being half off. No, no, bueno. 

And here were my notes on the date ... 

Overall the Aussie's dateAbility is fair. He needs to ground himself to stop attracting such emotional women, and build up his confidence. Lots of internal work, but at least now, hopefully by addressing this he now has next doable actions in the process so he can become a better person and attract a more healthy dynamic into his life. 

Well done, Aussie! Congrats on taking that big first step and for being brave enough to go out with me in the first place. None of this is easy, but life lived outside of a comfort zone is certainly more rewarding. 

Rock on! And keep us posted Aussie!!!! 

#thatisall

Want to check out Mirror for yourself? Here ya go! And don't forget to like 'em on Facebook. 

OH! And here's how you write a review, and Mirror 101. Enough links already!! Shessshhhh 

Fun With #Mirror: Time to move into the field (who wants to go out on a date?)

I hinted at this last night on the Suicide Girl's radio show ... but I just got the thumbs up this morning ... so now I am SO FREAKING EXCITED TO ANNOUNCE that starting this week, I will be taking dudes into the field to help them with their dating-ness. 

Here's the pooper scooper ... 

So, I'm at an interesting cross road with my personal life. I've been documenting my online dating-ness for almost two years now, and I'm still single. I've been on QUITE the journey with the 103 dates in 9 months and all of the self work I have done in the last year (particularily the last 6 months with the Modern Day Shaman), but now I am ready for the next step, and I am ready for more. I have talked to other "relationship documenters" and they all agree that you cannot cannot cannot document dating in real time. It disrupts the natural ebb and flow of dating, and that's no bueno. I did all of this to eventually HAVE someone ... to eventually get to a point where I actually SOUGHT an intimate relationship. I'm not quite there yet, but I do know I am ready for the next step - and that is taking my dating life offline. 

::GASP:: 

Now, hold your nerdy knickers - here's what I'm going to do in exchange ... right now, I average about two dates a week. What I will do for you guys is take two duderinos in the field a week going out on a mock date, and then providing feedback not only in real time on the actual mock date, but also on the relationship review application, Mirror.net.

90% of all reviews on Mirror are positive or constructive, so I'll obviously make sure I take care of you guys, while staying true to the medium and pointing out some things you guys can work on. 

This way too, as Mirror grows and chickadees start searching for you on there before they agree to go out on a date, you guys will already be all set. 

You'll get the following on the mock date:

1) Real time feedback. From what you are wearing, to how you are speaking - everything. I will break yo' shit doowwnnnnn!! If you're on OKC and want some dating profile advice, I will happily pull up your profile on my iPhone and give you some tips and tricks on the spot. If you have trouble approaching a woman at the bar, and want some guidance on how to do it - BOOM! I'll help ya out! 

2) At the end of the date, I'll analyze you on TNTML and write a review of you on Mirror. I will 100% perserve your identity on TNTML, but on Mirror - that shit be all about you. I actually remain anonymous, but this will be searchable on the site, so again, as it grows and this becomes a standard in dating - you'll already have a good review! 

I am hoping through this transparent experience that not only can I learn from you guys, but I can take all this RIDICULOUS knowledge that I have on dates, and help you guys out!! (While at the same time respecting my personal boundaries and hope to develop some intimate relationships from this.) 

Unlike the 103 dates in 9 months there are no compatability prerequisites, no ... nothing. You just have to be willing to identify what you are looking for BEFORE we go out on the date, (ex: wanting to learn how to pick up a chick at the bar, or wanting to ask me sex questions ... anything. LITERALLY ANYTHING. I cannot be offended.) be willing to be reviewed on both Mirror and TNTML, ANNNNNDDD you have to buy me a beer. Other than that, I don't want anything else from you loverly people - I'm just as excited to learn from this as you all are. 

So there you go! 

Now, how to sign up? Drop me an email: JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover dot com or drop me a message on Facebook. And remember too, at the end of these mock dates, you guys are 100% allowed to review me on Mirror as well. I can give AND I can take!! So let's live authentically and see what happens!!! 

First mock date will be this Wednesday at 8:30 in Los Angeles, CA. Who wants it? 

Contact me!! 

#nerdsunite

Click here for more info on Mirror.net

and check it out for yourself over yonder!

#Adventures in Adventuring: Last night I had the EXACT opposite of a blind date

HAHA oh dear god, I don't know where to even begin - what a wild night last night. I can say, I proudly woke up in my own hotel room ... alone ... but not after some very uh, interesting, meetings. 

Here's the song that goes with this post, btw ... 

Okey dokey, so first up - why am I in NYC? Well fancy you should ask ... see, there is this new superly duperly rad startup launching this weekend called Mirror which is a relationship review application. Long story short, it creates a balanced and accurate mosiac about a person based on their past relationships. It's super cray cray and culturally disruptive which excites me greatly. 

<tangent> Also on a more personal level, I meet so many people and date so much that this will also hold me accountable and put me on the chopping block and not in any sort of position of power feeling like I have the "last word" with everything by having this site. It's rad, and will definitely keep everything more grounded which is bitchin. </tangent>

So, I was on Mirror yesterday playing around with the new site (which again gets launched this weekend) - and I noticed just how freaking specific their search allows you to get ... 

Obviously Mirror is capturing all of this data on the people being reviewed both by their extensive database, and all of the reviews that are coming in daily - so its kinda cool that you can search for VERY specific qualities in a person. As much as I heart OKcupid and have enjoyed my time spent there ... it's fucking bullshit. I now know the qualities that I look for in a person, but it's still a crap shoot in how you're actually able to find someone. Yes, we might be matched high based on our core principals, but I run a business. I have to have to have to date someone that runs their own business too or at least empathizes with the space and the sacrifices it entails which is independent of my core principals.

The countless late night hours, waking up in the middle of the night to write yet still being up at the butt crack of dawn getting shit done and hustling. No one tells me what to do, I am driving my own horse and it psychologically just grabs a hold of you and doesnt let go.

So, the fact that I could literally search for someone with that VERY specific quality IN MY FRIGGEN AREA really meant a lot to me. 

Oh yeah, and I can also read their sexAbility and overall dateAbility as well to make sure they're not a giant asshole; information is power, man. You should absolutely 110% formulate your own opinion of someone, obvi, but this is some next level shit. I know what I am looking for in a guy, I just have to find him. OKC and dating sites don't allow that. And Mirror isn't even a friggen dating website - it has a vertical for friendships, AND relationships, however if used in reverse ... how could a nerd NOT use it to find someone? Makes sense right? 

I sat there yesterday and started putzing around. I wonder what's out there, I thought. 

I typed in the zipcode of the area I was staying in, followed by the age range that I wanted - in my case it was 30-34, and started browsing.

I was shocked at the results - dudes, over 10 pages. 

AHHH information overload, have to pinpoint it better. 

I then went to the search box and typed in "business" ... 

I didn't want to get too specific on "owns business" or anything else to limit too many of the results ... but if someone had that word in their review, given the context, I'm sure I would have found what I was looking for. 

I then clicked search for reviews, and to my surprise - I found someone that I was attracted to!! 

Right off the bat in one of the first few pages was this guy who owned his own business, had a great review written about him, and also had a pretty cute pic. 

I want to contact him, I thought. 

I then popped on Facebook, and unfortunately couldn't find anything. Some peeps don't allow themselves to be found in the search function, so I knew he was making this difficult, but not impossible. 

I then googled him finding his website - I clicked contact. 

Then, the "info@XXXXXX.com" popped up. Not knowing where that was going to be directed to, I didn't want to mislead him thinking I was interested in doing something with him in a professional manner. 

Ah fuck, I thought - I wish I could just find his personal email, or figure out a way to contact just him, directly. 

I then read through the other pages on his website, and in it I saw an email address for one of his employees. It was just their first name followed by the website.com. AHHHHHH I thought, this is going to be easy, it'll just be his first name at the website.com. 

I took a chance and sent out the email, unsure at first what to say but confident in the fact that if I just spoke from the heart, I might get a response back ... and even if I didn't it was worth a try ... 

Again, I wanted to make it very clear what my intentions were, and specifically because of what this guy does - his job requires him to meet people ... I just didn't want to be a douche. 

To my surprise, 15 minutes later I got a response back ... 

I didn't want to tell him about Mirror just yet, so I chose my words VERY carefully. 

I then gave him my phone number, and about an hour later he called. 

It was very literally one of the most awkward conversations I have ever had with someone. He kept saying over and over, but I'm not online, I'm not on any dating websites. 

It's not a dating website, I assured him - it's a relationship review application. You've been reviewed, there is no "opt in" feature. I liked what I read about you and while yes, this may be ballsy, I'm in town and would love to meet. 

How old are you, he replied. 

27. 

He then said he would get back to me, and I hung up the call. 

This guy thinks I'm NUTS but I'm just trying to find a more efficient way to date - and this SEEMS like it would make sense, but again, never having done anything like this ... who freaking knows!!! 

An hour later I got another email ... 

BINGO!!!! 

It also helps btw doing this and being the MOST googable person on the planet. Not only do I lifecast and have this site, but very literally every week someone, somewhere writes something about an experience we've had ... or something. It's crazy cool, here's one of my new buddies Ryan who posted this kind blog earlier this week. 

I interact with people morning, noon, and night - so it doesn't make me special that people are writing things (only awesome) - but just very matter of fact a constant in this space. We're nerds, man!! All we do is post in social media and post on our blogs ... so this guy NOT ONLY read about me from a first person perspective, but I'm sure through all the googling got a pretty solid idea of what I was about. 

I emailed him back ... 

We then agreed to meet around 9 - and I got back to work playing around with Mirror. 

It's crazy cool just HOW MUCH INFO they've collected on people, and just HOW SPECIFIC you can get. It's insane and again some next level shit!! It's intention isn't to connect people, rather literally act as a mirror and just provide a real perspective; but people will do what people will do with it. I've been DYING for something like this to come out to make dating more efficient. 

I then left the office around 4:30 to meet up with an old high school buddy, @jonkagan. He reads the site and has been following the adventures. Really great guy, also in the tech world, and now a new proud papa. I was asking him about what it's like to be a dad - and how marriage and life are treating him in general. 

It was great, we had a fun time - but after about a half hour I had to jet back uptown to get ready for a fancy pants dinner with the Mirror team. 

Earlier in the day, I had gotten a post on my Facebook wall from a friend of the site asking for a drink ... 

They were coming all the way up from Philly, so I told them about the dinner and that I would meet them after. 

I'll bring you a cheesesteak! said the friend. 

It then hit me that I was going to a kosher restaurant, and having worked at the Milk and Honey in LA, I started freaking out going omg omg omg I can't bring a cheesesteak inside a kosher restaurant. 

I then emailed the guys back telling them to keep it on the DL and that when they're outside I'll just leave the dinner and we can go and grab a beer before I had to head to SoHo to meet up with my date. 

Fortunately, through the awesomeness of timing, the dinner ended before the guys got there - and I was able to leave and head over to where the bus was going to drop them off to meet up. 

We went to this really chill place, Lucy's which is right outside Penn Station (where the megabus drops you off), and look at how friggen cute these guys are ... 

I literally could not get over the fact that these guys sat on the bus for TWO HOURS to just grab a beer and bring me a cheesesteak.

HILARIOUS too because I did that same exact route a few months back when I went out on a date with Steve Ward from the Vh1 show, Tough Love. 

I know what you went through to get here, and I just have to say- thank you so so much for reading, and thank you so so much for everything. This is GREAT!!!

We then talked about life, love, and all good things in the word of the nerd. They're independent filmmakers and even gave me a copy of their latest film. I can't talk about it yet, because I haven't watched it and I have a strict rule on not promoting things unless I genuinely believe in them. 

I have however seen the trailer, and the movie looks ridiculous ... 

I then thanked my new buddies, grabbed my cheesesteak (so freaking rad too that he brought me one from Campos which is where I went when I was in Philly) ... 

and hopped on the subway down to SoHo to meet my date. 

I had no idea how he was going to react, but I was strutting some serious assage in my Donna Mizani dress that I still have from the Oscars. 

When in doubt if a guy is going to freak out about meeting you from the interwebz make sure you look extra sexy so he will forget about the awkward set of circumstances and just stare at your lady bits. 

Works like a charm everytime!! 

I strutted my leggy self upstairs at the SoHo grand hotel, and met my date. 

To my genuine surprise, he looked exactly like his picture. Score one for Mirror! I thought

We then started talking, and I explained how I was able to find him, and what Mirror is about. He didn't at all seem phased by the fact that he was reviewed, he was more intrigued by who I was and what I was going to write about him. 

The whole lifecasting thing freaks a lot of people out since they aren't in control of the content. Hilarious that these reviews obviously say way more - but again that part didn't phase him, I think more than anything he saw the value of what one positive review can do. I literally dropped from the sky into this guy's lap, and within 12 hours of finding him, we were arranging a meeting. How insane is all of this?? 

We then ordered drinks and the conversation felt a bit ... stunted. We already knew so much about each other it was the very opposite of a blind date. 

I'm also too not naturally an inquisitve person, so my defaults always go to asking people about their passion, not just what they do for a living. 

We talked about how socially conscious he was, and how much he wishes he could do more in the field. 

This guy is pretty cool, I thought. He mirrored my body language, and seemed DEFINITELY guarded but like he was warming up to the sitaution. 

We talked for about a half hour, then he admitted he had to be up in a few hours for work. 

I normally don't do things like this, but I was intrigued by you. This sounds like a cool site, I'm just curious about how many more of these I am going to get. 

You had a great review, I said. What chick wouldn't want to go out with a guy like you! 

He then laughed walking me downstairs where he kissed me on the cheek wishing me a safe flight back to LA. 

I laughed walking back to the subway, here is a guy that is INSANELY private personally and professionally that was actually pretty kosher about being written about, and having this experience. I even invited him to review me, which I hope he does. 

I was all in all elated by the experience. I was very attracted to the guy in person, and while he was absolutely guarded - I dug it. There was no compatability prerequisite, nothing. I knew the qualities I was looking for in a guy so I searched for it using Mirror, and BOOM! Found what I was looking for!! 

This is going to make my dating life SO MUCH FREAKING EASIER!!! 

So, that happened. 

I then went back to the hotel, and after feeling a little sexy sexy still in my Donna Mizani dress, I decided to hit up the hotel bar for some fun. 

How long did it actually take?? I could barely send this tweet off before I was engaged in conversation ... 

I then spent the night talking to an Israeli playboy that pretty much thought I was the sure thing. It was hilarious actually watching him drop all of these hints that he was taking me upstairs. 

I have tattoos, I will show you the one on my shoulder later. blah blah blah blah blah 

Dude, I'm over guys like you. He's from Vegas, runs a series of businesses (again, an attractive quality), is aesthetically speaking a beautiful specimen ... but I'm over it. I've soiled my oats, I've boned dudes like you, and now I'm over casual sex. 

I decide to be very clear with that fact after he questioned "why I was so far away from him."

I did it tactfully, but I made it very clear that this was not only not going to happen now ... but never. You're hot, I reassured him. If this was 6 months ago there's no doubt I'd have already taken you upstairs and proceeded to do nasty, naughty things ... but I'm done; it does nothing for me. 

He laughed inching closer to my face. 

Really? I thought. Are you trying to test me? 

He continued to bat his gorgeous eyes, and I thought - dude, if nothing else in life I have some SERIOUS will power, and your dick could be made of chocolate flavored awesomeness, and I'm still not going to suck it. 

He then kissed me on the cheek and I went back upstairs, alone. 

Good job Friel, I thought. Way to be tested by the universe and stand your ground. I take all of this stuff seriously, man. These aren't just novel ideas, I see a Shaman, have a dating coach - I'm GENUINELY trying to better myself through lifecasting and me boning that dude would have been a step back in the wrong direction. 

So, here I am. Back in the Mirror offices writing this post, with my backpack and a few more hours before I have to catch my flight at JFK. I'm excited to test Mirror out in LA when I get home, and then at SXSW in Austin the following week. It's a really cool service, and if someone so FEROCIOUSLY private not only wasn't phased about being reviewed, but actually AGREED to meet up with me less than 12 hours after our first interaction - I think they could be onto something. 

It's an exciting time to be alive, nerds!!! BAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! 

#yaylife

check out Mirror for yourself when the site goes live this weekend. SO FREAKING COOL!!! 

And a very very very special thank you to everyone I've met while in NYC. Malik, you the bomb diggity, CE and Matt, you guys are SO hardcore and thank you for the cheesesteak - and everyone else sorry if we didn't get a chance to meet up this trip, but I'll be back soon. Keep on keeping on!!! xoxoxoxo

#Nerdsunite: Truth and transparency - Introducing the world's first relationship review application

So, I'm currently hanging in NYC working all this week with this super freaking rad startup that I am CRAZY passionate about, and we just adjourned the morning meeting where I found out that I can FINALLY tell you guys all about it. 

Nerds, I'd like to introduce you to my buddy Mirror.net. 

It hasn't launched yet (although it is this weekend), but I very literally cannot remember a time I have ever been more passionate about a startup. 

For reals, anyone in this space will tell you that we get pitched morning. noon. and night. on the most random, weird, and out there shiznat. Of course, I genuinely appreciate everything you guys send, and this is by no means a diss to anyone - but just VERY matter of fact that when something catches my eye like these guys were able to do ... you know they're onto something. 

Here's the rundown ... 

First up - let's get a song to go with this post. 

AHHH yes, girl talk. this works. 

Okey, so what is Mirror? And what the hell is a "relationship review application?" 

Here let me very literally draw a picture for you guys ... 

Since twitter has still failed to establish its value in the court of public opinion, lemme use Facebook as an example. 

This is social media as we currently see it; it is our lives lived with our best foot forward. 

You have LinkedIn to give a snapshot of your work history, and Facebook acting as people's primary resource to connect with you on a personal level. 

These are our two little lives, as told by us, the way that we want the world to see us ... pretty dandy isn't it? 

This digital profile however fails to give you an ACTUAL representation of who this person is, and what they are about.

What Mirror does is provide a perspective from a collective of individuals in your life as told through THEIR eyes - not yours. 

The reviews can come from friends, or past dates - but bottom line, THEY create the profile for you ... you have ZERO control of your online reputation in that regard. (haha scary shit, right?) 

A few weeks ago I put out a notice asking for guys that I had dated to contact me if they were interested in taking a part of this. 

If I am going to preach transparency, and PREACH openness ... how could I not be involved in something like this?? After all, the bottom line of why I lifecast and why I do what I do is because it is a way for me to better myself and to hold myself accountable for my actions. (Remember, we can never understand our current state of consciousness until we step outside of it. Documenting my life helps me TRULY understand, wow! I thought this ... but I meant that ... wow, I didn't know I was being that way!!) All of this shit is always unintentional, but very matter of fact that this is what we all do! Welcome to life!! Reality is perception, why do you think eyewitness accounts when a crime takes place are so unreliable? 

You're never going to understand how or why you are the way you are right now ... BUT if you are willing to be exposed in a certain capacity some extreme learning can come from it, and speaking from first hand experience it friggen changed my life FOREVER!!! I'm so grateful for lifecasting, and so grateful for this site and what I do. 

Anywho, so one of the people I heard from when I sent out that announcement was Coldplay cutie. Remember him from last summer? Here's the post I wrote about him, and here is the Mirror review he wrote about me: 

Here is what the new Mirror landing page will look like ... 

and here is the landing page on my review ... 

It is ALL anonymous, so I hid my review handle so people can't trace who I am on the site, since then obvi it would give away the identities of some of the dudes that I've dated. I still heart privacy of others. 

The reviewer stays anonymous on Mirror. always. always. always. 

Then, you can view my picture (which people are given the option of uploading three pics of you, and again - not how you CHOOSE to represent yourself, but what you ACTUALLY look like) ... 

This person chose my avatar, which is smart because obviously I use it on every social network and every anything ... 

They are then given the option on the review of highlighting positive qualities that the person possesses, in my case he chose "quick witted, hard working, intelligent, and optimistic." 

Then, they asked to select the person's faults - and yes, you MUST select two. Dudes, no one is perfect, and again this is TRUTH AND TRANSPARENCY. Coldplay cutie said that I "needed to think more about others, and needed to be the center of attention." 

Does it hurt to read that someone selected those qualities about you? FUCK YEAH! It does!!!  ... but get. over. it. Remember, if it hurts it's because it is resonating inside of me in some regard, so now I at least have a next doable action in working on bettering myself ... ::thinks to self:: ah yes, I can tone it down in certain social settings ... dually noted. This is something that I might not have registered in my current state of consciousness, but I am grateful to at least have, and after a few reviews come in if EVERYONE is saying that, you will CERTAINLY have a good idea of what you are "really like." 

Each profile has a unique identifier to differentiate each review. Obviously, you'll also have the age, and location of the person, but again, this will give you yet ANOTHER example of how people perceive you. 

Here is my unique identifier ... 

HAHAHA internet addict. Yep! Good one. 

Next, they are directed to comment on you in the relationship. You guys read the post on Coldplay cutie, but here is what he said about me ... 

"My head wasn't really into her, although I gave it my best shot, because she's a great girl. However she never disconnects from the internet. She NEEDS to date a fan of her site. It is the only thing she is interested in." 

<editorsnote> Mom and dad, stop reading here ... we're going to get a little more in depth, and I don't need to pay for your therapy. Love you! But go away. </editorsnote> 

Did that hurt to read? Certainly! I thought at the time that I disconnected from this site and social media as a whole. Of course as you all also know, I have been working on bettering myself with the Modern Day Shaman, and have even made it a habit to not bring my phone out with me while I'm on a date (not like first or second date - but if I'm TOTALLY into a guy after a few dates, and I know he's not like a serial killer) ... I do not, do not, do not, need to give away any attention to my social media accounts. It is something that I genuinely picked up on that I was doing, and have since corrected. FTR, Coldplay cutie and I dated last summer (which is also noted on the review).  

He discusses in very black and white what it is like to date me, at that time, in the state of consciousness that I was in last summer. 

Again, has this changed? Yep! But I'm still in my own skin and looking at life through my own eyeballs; I'll be curious to read more recent reviews. 

Next up, they are asked to review the relationship as a whole ... 

 That part actually REALLY pissed me off; I never cheated on Coldplay cutie ... we weren't friggen officially dating!! Last summer I still had a fuck buddy, which I talked about openly, so sure - Coldplay wasn't the only guy I was sleeping with, (but always always always used protection with. ALWAYS - and not "just the tip for a second) so how can you be "cheating" on someone if you've 1) never had that convo and 2) only went out 4 times. So lame. (To date however, I have not had a fuck buddy since last summer, ANNDDDD have given up casual sex. Translation: If I am having sex with someone in any capacity it is because I am building a connection with them, and not just boning.)

Next, he discusses my dateAbility a bit further ... 

NEXT up, is the part that I CRIINNGGEEEEDDDD over - the sexAbility, aka what the person is actually like in bed: 

That masturbation part made me laugh because I remember saying that ... and now I get why I had to give up casual sex last September (a month after he and I dated). 

Adequately fulfilling? Ouch. Coldplay cutie and I didn't have good sex ... like at all. We were different people, and he had never had a girlfriend before, which as every lady knows is an investment in a guy to teach them certain things. 

As I've said before though, dating has an ebb and flow. (Something that I only recently started exploring. You not only can't rush things, but men have a different way of courting chicks they want to get serious with versus ones they are just looking to bone. And vice versa for chicks, btw. I'll DEF treat a fuck buddy different than a guy I want to actually date, however, females have sex on a more emotional level, so in some capacity even a fuck buddy I will at one point think about dating. Damn you oxytocin!!!)

I actually really appreciated reading his honest perspective of that, and have DEFINITELY taken note on toning down my sexuality when it comes to guys. (Which is REALLY hard for me, btw, because I have such a high sex drive ... but I am learning, I am learning.) 

What you now have right here is a review of what I am ACTUALLY like, not what I think I might be like. Of course too, people change ... and things happen ... what's rad about Mirror is that when multiple reviews come in, it will populate similar to your Facebook timeline.

Your most recent reviews will appear first, and then going back. Coldplay cutie and I dated at the end of last summer, now 7 months later hopefully the next guy will write something different ... but who knows! Either way, if I keep getting over and over that I am being overly sexual, or that all I do is talk about TNTML I will DEFINITELY have a better idea of what my problem is dating wise, and am then provided with a next doable action in bettering myself. 

I learned from the 103 dates in 9 months that attraction and that "butterfly" feeling that I got from each of the guys I liked was that there was something in them that resonated in me. If you're dating a series of assholes and douches, what in you wants or expects to be treated like that? In very black and white terms (based on the OKC algorithm) I picked the ONLY 4 emotionally unavailable guys in the bunch. What did all of that say about me? And about where my own head is at? 

This is now why I've been working with a dating coach, and have a Modern Day Shaman ... it's all I know to do! CLEARLY there are some issues that I am still dealing with, but at least now I have this information to empower myself with and hopefully figure out a way to break the pattern. 

Have I done it yet? I don't know. I'm still single, and the thought of falling for YET ANOTHER emotionally unavailable guy completely freaks me out ... but I'm dating, and I'll figure that part out. At least with a site like Mirror however, now I can also get anonymous feedback on what the guys thought of me AFTER or during the fact. (There is an option to select if you are still dating, or if you are no longer together.) 

To write a review on Mirror you must provide Mirror with three pieces of information ... 

1) The person's phone number

2) The person's email address

3) The person's Facebook URL

You have to have two of the three, and they ping the system using this fancy pants technology that can check to make sure it actually IS their information. 

It's SO FREAKING RAD!!!! 

Mirror does not publicly post their phone number, nor does it collect it for marketing purposes - rather, they collect it to enhance their search capabilities. You can not only search by someone's name, but by their phone number, and email address. 

There are currently two verticals for the site - friendship, and relationship reviews. Another vertical will be announced at a later date, but people will not only be able to see how you are in a relationship, but how you are with your friends!! 

And again, like with the relationship review component, there HAVE to be at least two faults that the person fills out about you. Again, none of us are perfect, and this is a GREAT way to capture information on how you can better yourself. 

I can already hear you guys from this side of the monitor ... 

1) How is this legal? 

Through section 230 of the Communications Decency act of 1996. Remember a few weeks ago I was telling you all how I was talking to my corporate lawyer father about the legal definition of the word "truth?" Yep! This is what i was referring to. 

2) What if someone posts something negative? How is this monitored? 

First up, let's talk about facts (since I heart tangibles) ...

90% of all Mirror reviews are positive or constructive. It's incredible actually, and I can speak to my own self in that I have only written ONE bad review (which was actually denied from being posted on Mirror). That's the thing with Mirror, they not only have an approval algorithm, but there is a human that still views everything by hand before any reviews go live.

I ADORED the majority of the guys that I dated, and would LOVE to talk about how great they were, things for just one reason or another ended up not working out, but again, that is something I am working on myself. 

Mirror isn't scary, it is only reflective. It isn't life as told through a highlight reel, but life as told by people SEEING YOU LIVE IT!!! 

Knowledge is power, and a mirror is only a reflective surface - it's up to YOU to hold yourself accountable for your actions, so bottom line, stop sucking!!! 

People are fundamentally honest, and willing to share said honesty as long as they can be anonymous (which again, Mirror is). 

<tangent> This is something that I've noticed in taking public transportation for almost 450 days, people are fundamentally "good people." Although you have anomalies here and there ... getting hit with a brick, anyone anyone ... those are one offs. I can't BEGIN to tell you how kind people are, and how many random acts of awesome I have been witness to every day taking public transportation. People want to know that if they are ever in need someone will be there for them, so they in turn reach out to people who are in need. I won't write a "bad" review because I genuinely don't have those kinda people in my life. Even when it comes to online dating!!! I attracted those scenarios in the first place!!! </tangent>

Don't believe me? Write some reviews for yourself. They'll be launching this weekend, and I'll be updating you all on my progress in using the service. I can't BEGIN to tell you how much this excites me, and how EXCITED I am to learn even more about myself in a more transparent environment.

Here's to personal growth! It may not be easy, but the journey is the destination and I am merely enjoying every minute of the ride. 

#thatisall

Stay tuned for more info on Mirror. Going. To. Be. Huge.

HUGE HUGE HUGE!!

Oh and PS. their founders are really really really ridiculously good looking. Like seriously, THAT should not be legal. ::sigh::

UPDATE: Coldplay cutie just emailed me saying he knew we weren't exclusive, and I didn't cheat. He claims that he selected the wrong option. ::facepalm::