#EpicFind: Deep ... Deep ... Inside Craigslist

OOOHHHH Craigslist ... you are the mint jelly on my little piece of lamb life. *sigh* You love so long time, it actually hurts. Looky looky what I just found ...

It says ... AND I QUOTE:

Need a volunteer to give me a vasectomy

Well, I do have health insurance, believe it or not. But it's useless to pay for a vasectomy, since I'm only 24. I've wanted one since I was 16. I have one kid already and don't ever want another (though I love the one I have, of course). Anyway, my doctor said it would be impossible until I'm 30 or have 4 kids. I'm hoping I don't have 4 kids before turning 30, but accidents happen.

Would you like to stop accidents? Perhaps you are Christian and you hate abortion more than anything. Well, I guarantee you will prevent more than one abortion by snipping my vas. Perhaps you're a liberal and you hate seeing kids grow up in poverty. You get the drift.

Yes, this is a serious post. Please reply only if you have experience doing vasectomies, and you are willing to do one "pro-bono".

P.S. I called Planned Parenthood already. They want $500.

#epic

#EpicFind: Deep ... Deep ... Inside Craigslist

OOOHHH Craigslist!! Sweet ... sweet ... makes me wanna dry hump a monkey Craigslist. Looky looky what I just found ...

It says ... AND I QUOTE:

1500 live ladybugs, accidently bought while drunk, feels bad.

So, after consuming pot brownies and getting a little too drunk on thanksgiving a friend and i decided to buy 1500 live ladybugs from amazon, which was a great idea until they came in the mail. Now they're sitting on my windowsill and I have nothing to really do with them. If i set them free they'll die in this weather, if I leave them on my windowsill they'll die.

So, if you have a greenhouse or some kind of animals to feed them to it'd be awesome. I don't want to ruin 1500 lives.

Email me and tell me what your'e gonna do with them, and if you can come pick them up. And they're yours. 

#epic

#EpicFind: Deep ... Deep ... Inside Craigslist

Oh craigslist. Sweet .. sweet ... touch me in ways I only thought Michael Jackson coulddddd ... craigslist! Looky looky what I just found ...

It says ... AND I QUOTE:

Penis Measuring

A friend of mine and I have been having a long-standing argument about whose penis is larger. We've tried having our girlfriends confirm to the other the exact size, but neither one of us buy it. I don't want to see his penis and he doesn't want to see mine. I don't want my girlfriend looking at his penis and he doesn't was his looking at mine.

So... We just need a girl to look at both of our penises (individually) and then to both of our faces say which one is bigger. We can't pay much. $50.

#EPIC

#EpicFind: Deep ... Deep ... Deep ... Inside Craigslist

OOOHHH Craigslist. You are the surprise lint in my belly button lunch. ::Belly button lint yummmmm:: 

*cough* Either way ... Looky looky what I just found on Craigslist! 

It says ... AND I QUOTE!

Sex and Periods

Ahhh, Sunday morning - my favorite time of the week. The house is quiet; the coffee is brewing; and I'm sitting in front of my computer anticipating another one of life's wonderful little pleasures: perusing Craigslist's Casual Encounters. There is nothing quite as satisfying (and, dare I say, stimulating?) as scrolling through the smorgasbord of sexual delights that is offered free-of-charge via Craig's Online Hook-Up Service.

But, lately, I've been having a problem with periods. Yeah, periods. Now, normally 'periods' and 'sex' are not something that most people want to talk about - at least NOT in the same sentence - but I think that the time has come for us to open up, and to admit that maybe there IS a place where periods and sex can coexist. Take the following post, for example:

"lookin 4 a guy who is hott ready to have fun and get me off not just sex but mentally as well be cute or dont aply be with in my age younger is ok and will consider a suga daddy!!! have fun good luck"

This sounds great...doesn't it? (I'm hott, cute, and would be a good suga daddy!) But what about her periods? Is she old enough to have periods? Is she missing her periods? Maybe she's too embarrassed to include periods in her posting. This has got to stop! There is no reason why women can't use periods in their postings when they are offering sex. It's natural; it's normal; people will understand; and, frankly, it just makes sense. Why should women be embarrassed about periods, or be afraid to use them in their postings? Sure, sometimes periods are a pain, sometimes they can be an inconvenience, and sometimes it's just easier to skip them, but there is no reason why sex and periods can't go together.

I enjoy my Sunday-morning trolling, but I'll take my sex with periods (and exclamation marks!)...anytime. Period.

#EPIC

#EpicFind: Deep ... Deep ... Inside Craigslist

OOOOHHHH Craigslist. After finding me an apartment, a bed, and potentially even a mate *waves* hello missed connection 711. I was in fact the brunette batting my eyes ... I knew you were playing coy. RAWWRRRRR!!!

Looky looky what I just found ...

It says ... AND I QUOTE:

every girl that dreams of dating a bearded uptown hipster with a bike

let me just remind you that when you take away the fixed-gear bike, the messenger bag, the scarf that's worn year-round, the ironic t-shirt, the dumb shoes, the pbr, the tattoos, plugs, and the stupid beard, we all look the same.

so, are you really in love with a guy or his accessories? or is it that you're in love with the whimsical idea of an urban lumberjack type who will go on "adventures" with you, meanwhile being perfectly content with doing what every other human being our age does: drinking and fucking?

also, tell me about the last black guy you dated. what's that? you can't? cause every fucking uptown hipster is a white boy from the suburbs.

the uptown wannabes from the suburbs grow up idolizing the current inhabitants. when they're old enough, they move there, grow beards and do the stupid shit that kids do (eg. drink). what's ironic is that this new generation then grows up and becomes the new kids to be idolized by the new uptown wannabes from the suburbs. it's an endless cycle of superficiality, facades, and stupid kids seeking affirmation from their peers.

the truth is, NONE OF YOU ARE COOL!

i wish i could be there, 20 years from now, when you look back at pictures of yourselves from today. it's like explaining zubas in the 90s to someone today.

irony is not timeless.

marry a guy with a yacht.

#epic