#EpicFind: Deep ... Deep ... Inside Craigslist

OOOHHHH Craigslist. Sweet ... sweet ... craigslist. You are totes the thin layer of ice cream stuck on the top of the Edys ice cream gallon. ::sigh:: Your awesomeness never ceases to amaze me. Looky looky what I just found on Craigslist ...

It says ... AND I QUOTE:

Jedi Needed To Enduce Labor

I am nearing towards my due date and I am miserable. My child is about 9 lbs now and I still have 2 weeks to go.
I was hoping that tonight's full moon will do the trick, but this child is as snug as a bug in my uterus.

I'm looking for someone who possesses Jedi powers to use their mind tricks on my child to convince him to come early. The sooner the better.

If you are a master in the way's of the Jedi please help me deliver this child! Many thanks and may the force be with you!

#epic

#EpicFind: Deep ... Deep ... Inside Craigslist

OOOHHHH Craigslist. You are the tickle in my fickle pumpernickeled life. I love you so long time, it hurts. Sometimes literally ...

It's okay ... I shall forgive you.

Either way, I totes just found this on CL, and it is making mahhhh liifffeeeee!! Read! Read! Read!

It says ... AND I QUOTE:

Lost your teeth? They're poolside

Did you happen to lose your teeth while cavorting in the pool, or perhaps you took them out and put them poolside as you did laps and forgot to pick them back up when you were done? Well, they're waiting for you next to the POOL'S STAIRS where you DISGUSTINGLY LEFT THEM (unless you dropped them into the pool and some kids found them, thinking they were treasure...boy were they wrong).

Since there are so many old people in this complex, I have no idea whose dentures these are...I'm not about to touch them except to kick them out onto the street (or maybe back into the deep end of the pool) if they're still there tomorrow. GROSS. GROSS. GROSS. Come on people, this is just N-A-S-T-Y.

#epic

#EpicFind: Deep ... Deep ... Inside Craigslist

OOOOHHHH Craigslist!!! Sweet sweet Craigslist!!! You are the feathers on the peacock of life. Seriously ... were you born this way? Or was this a learned thing? UGHHHH!!!! Looky looky what I just found on Craigslist ...

It says ... AND I QUOTE:

Manhood Camping

Manhood Camping Firequest. Lookin' for a 100% for real bros to share/experience manhood in all its glory. This is for real, I don't want to waste my time or yours. 100% JO and manhood, no sugar added. I AM NOT GAY. Don't even think this is a sex thing, it's all about manhood.

Looking for bros to head into the woods and bond by fire, experience life as men once lived it, JO circle, and fire/vision quests.

THIS IS NOT A SEX THING.

Gonna need some basic things/skills, I don't want to be slowed down by fools:

- must be in reasonable shape, if you get winded walking then stay home
- Ed Hardy camping gear, it's really good gear and it's awesome
- desire to be a man among men
- not afraid to wield a blade
- crystal, I'm not sharing mine
- must be able to make a fire
- gloves
- a knowledge of native vegetation (knowledge of psychotropic fungus a plus)
- knowledge of modern music
- protective/splash resistant eye wear
- 5 - 10 of those clip things that rock climbers use


We are gonna need a mobile music device, ipod or something. I'm bringing the music for the firequests and visionquests, Nickleback's The Long Road. I only have it on CD, so I'll have my discman as a last resort, an ipod would be nicer. Just sayin'.


Dont' want to see"

- bad attitudes
- gay/homoerotic behavior, this is a manhood thing. I AM NOT GAY.
- cock rings, can't keep it up w/o help, you aren't gonna make it on this quest
- firearms, there's gonna be enough guns going off and spent shells to pick up
- the nerds/dorks/lames/and anyone less than 100% into manhood.

If you are serious, then I promise you this will be the trip of your life. It will change the way you think. I'm serious, and I AM NOT GAY. To see a group of bros being men, a JO circle by a camp fire. The charge/energy in the air. Crystals get jacked, no lie. You will slip into a different frame of mind, you will feel electric.

Last outing, we had a group that was so charged we attracted bears. It was no deal, nature knew man was in the forest, the crystals gave us the confidence to own those bears. I saw it, I was there.

100% SERIOUS, NO FAKERS 

#epic

#EpicFind: Deep ... Deep ... Inside Craigslist

OOOHHH Craigslist!!! You are the viola to my virginal vortex of red sugar free vines. ::sigh::

Looky looky what I just found ...

It says ... AND I QUOTE ...

Once Upon a Hanson Fan

When I was fifteen, I really thought I'd marry Taylor Hanson. No, not just like every other fifteen-year-old Hanson fan, circa 1995, but REALLY.

Plan failed. Now I've found my old, embarrassing collection of Hanson crap and I want it out of my house. Here's what your new collection includes:

- Ten or so VHS tapes of Hanson appearances, including two official Hanson-released tour videos, "Tulsa, Tokyo & The Middle of Nowhere" & "The Road to Albertane." (My mother cannot be blamed for encouraging this obsession.)
- A cassette tape of Hanson radio interviews, songs, crap, etc. (I win for most devoted fan.)
- Four cd cases (cds not included) of their first-released albums. (Sorry, but I still rock out to their Christmas album, "Snowed In.")
- Two BIG albums FULL of Hanson clippings, posters, other crap, etc. (Except the one my mom tore up because I refused to sing my older sister "Happy Birthday" one year.)


If you or any of your "friends" love, once loved, or plan to eventually love this band, PLEASE take this stuff off my hand. It holds enough sentimental value that I don't want to just chuck it into my recyclables bin, and god knows Goodwill won't appreciate the hard work that went into this collection. I mean shit, if you even SORT OF like Hanson, or just want to give your boss the most awesome of joke gifts. TAKE IT. And immediately. I will hand it over happily. Even if you just want to see it all out of morbid curiosity and plan on giving it to a homeless person...

Well, no, don't do that. That's mean. Just take my crap.

#epic

#EpicFind: Deep ... Deep ... Inside Craigslist

OOOHHHH Craigslist ... you are the mint jelly on my little piece of lamb life. *sigh* You love so long time, it actually hurts. Looky looky what I just found ...

It says ... AND I QUOTE:

Need a volunteer to give me a vasectomy

Well, I do have health insurance, believe it or not. But it's useless to pay for a vasectomy, since I'm only 24. I've wanted one since I was 16. I have one kid already and don't ever want another (though I love the one I have, of course). Anyway, my doctor said it would be impossible until I'm 30 or have 4 kids. I'm hoping I don't have 4 kids before turning 30, but accidents happen.

Would you like to stop accidents? Perhaps you are Christian and you hate abortion more than anything. Well, I guarantee you will prevent more than one abortion by snipping my vas. Perhaps you're a liberal and you hate seeing kids grow up in poverty. You get the drift.

Yes, this is a serious post. Please reply only if you have experience doing vasectomies, and you are willing to do one "pro-bono".

P.S. I called Planned Parenthood already. They want $500.

#epic