A True (Mostly... Not Really) #Story
Thursday, November 11, 2010 at 8:41PM#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @maniacalmorgan
Today started just like any other day. I rolled out of bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I stumbled down the hall to the bathroom. I had to get ready to go to work. With a yawn, I applied the toothpaste to my toothbrush and proceeded to thoroughly clean my teeth. "5:30AM is too freaking early," I thought to myself. I wandered back to my room, threw on my clothes, grabbed my keys, and headed out the door.
As I put the key in the ignition, I let out an audible yawn. "I really shouldn't have stayed up so late," I said to my imaginary passenger. I started the engine and sighed as I realized that I was talking to myself again. I put the car in reverse and backed down the driveway. I slammed on the breaks as some reckless Toyota came screaming down the street. "Asshole," I mumbled. I made it down the street and onto the freeway without further excitement. Just another day.
I accelerated my car to catch up with the other cars on the freeway. I mentally went over which route I should take even though it never changes. As I pondered to myself, I heard a raspy voice say. "Helloooo..." My heart rate rose as I checked my rear view mirror. Nothing was there. I turned around with the same results. I chalked it up to engine noise. A few minutes later, the same voice said, "Behiiiiiiind youuuuuuu..." I knew I wasn't hearing things. Doing my best job to keep the car straight, I turned around again. Nothing. "What the hell?" I thought to myself. As I turned around to face the road, my gaze was met by the biggest spider I had ever seen.
"HOLYFUCKINGSHIT," I screamed. "I have beeeeeen watchiiiing you," breathed the spider. "You have kiiiiiiiiiiilled many of our kiiiiiiiiind. Now you must dieeeeeee!" Lighting fast, the spider lauched itself at my face. I grabbed one of it's legs and was barely able to hold it back. "Shit shit shit," I thought as it was slowly overpowering me. I had to think of something fast. I slammed on the brakes. As I strained against the seatbelt, I saw the spider go slamming into the windscreen. I jumped out of my car in the middle of the freeway. Other cars were wizzing by with their horns blaring. I couldn't focus on that now. I coudln't let this spider get me. I looked in the car, but the spider was no where to be found.
I stood there scratching my head as I looked into the empty car. My heart was still pounding. What could have happened to it? All of the sudden, I felt warm breath on my neck. I ducked right as the spider swung 4 of it's legs at me. I dodged the first two, but the spider still connected, sending me flying back into the side of my car. The impact of my body hitting the car was enough to knock the wind out of me. The spider saw it's time to attack and proceeded to wrap it's legs around my neck. I couldn't breathe! As the world started to turn black, I made one last ditch effort. I threw me knee into it's thorax as hard as I could. It was enough to cause the spider to stumble back - right into an oncoming semi-truck. SPLAT.
It was over. It was finally over. I wasn't going to let a spider get the best of me. I live to fight another day. I was able to snap one picture...
