<editorsnote>Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world. We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!!</editorsnote>
Oh my goodness, do I have a story to tell you all. It's pretty hilarious actually, and something TO THIS DAY my parents wont let me live down.
OMG I am blushing. Assume the postion Friel ...
SHAME!!! SHAAMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEE is my name!
K. So, when I was in high school, I took two foreign languages strictly so I could convince my parents to let me study abroad. Was totes genius, and two of the greatest life experiences I had as a wee one.
Freshman and sophmore year I took French enabling me to travel to France. And junior year I switched to Spanish - got SUPPEERRRRR good grades, and was then able to qualify to go on the Spain trip.
SUH-WEET!!!
The trip was amazing. I was named group leader, and without knowing a lick of Spanish I got around pretty easily.
<tangent> Dudes, being a cute American chick is GOLD when you travel abroad.
I just opened my mouth and said Soy Americana - or tu parles englais? Sealing both of course with a killer smile and a wink. I might have been a nobody in my school in America, but abroad - I was pretty popular. Dudes, these two guys on the France trip even tried selling me for some weed. I had no idea what they were saying to him in French, but a few hours later this guy showed up at our hotel screaming - JENNIFFEERRRRR!!! JENNIIFFFEERRRR!!! while riding around on his little bicycle.
High-larious. </tangent>
The girls on the Spain trip were still pretty clique-ish, but fortunately because both schools in West Hartford went on the Spain trip it made it a little easier to make friends.
Either way, one night I was with a bunch of the girls hanging out in the hotel room after some crazy day of sightseeing - and all of the sudden I heard one of the girls scream.
Not the kinda scream that she's being murdered in a terrible fashion (wait, is there a good way to be murdered? Shut up Friel) - but more the kinda scream that she was in complete horror or disgust.
We all run over to her, (there were about 10 of us in the room), and as we approached she pointed screaming LOOK!!
We followed her finger and saw that outside of the window there were two people half undressed looking like they were about to have sex.
The guy was in his mid to late 40s and dressed in this wife beater, with those weird knee high socks that men wear. I'm not quite sure what they're called, but they're held up with this garter looking thing. Hold on lemme google ...
These are just the knee highs - but they also had some metal contraption holding them up too. CANT FREAKING REMEMBER WHAT IT'S CALLED!! Bah! This is going to bother me. (Thanks to Teresa and Edgar - they are called Sock Garters! WINNING!!)
Either way ... the hotel was shaped like a U so we could see RIGHT into their window, and they were totes exhibitionists - so I'm SURREEE they knew we were watching - 10 screaming 15 year olds can't exactly "hide."
They then started boning, which was weird because I had never actually seen two people have sex before. We couldn't see his pecker, and her clothes were still half on (the wife was super hot btw. She was maybe in her mid to late 30s), but it was one of the most overwhelming things I had ever seen before.
Dude, these people were REALLY fucking! Holy crap!!!
I would sneak a peek at HBO from time to time, but I only read porn online - I didn't watch a lot of it. It was a very eye opening experience.
The girls kept screaming as we piled on top of one another attempting to get a better view, and after a few minutes things REALLY got hot and heavy.
The guy then turned around and opened up his suitcase.
WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO NEXT? Screamed one girl
I have no idea!! Whispered another
The suitcase opened and the guy then removed a rather large rubber penis. It wasn't like a dildo - it actually looked like a real penis, but anatomically on the "generous" size - with really massive rubber balls attached.
Where is that going to go? I asked naively
Moments later, we found out - and screamed closing the blinds.
I ran out of the room out of fear of getting caught and went back into my assigned room.
Scariest thing EVER I thought! Pulling the covers over my eyes and falling fast asleep.
You have to remember too, I was an INSANELY naive kid growing up. Which now I think is why I'm so absurdly curious and ask a gajillion questions about everything as an adult. My parents did a great job sheltering me from sexual shenanigans - but yeah, they could only do so much. HAHA!!!
The next morning, we all went down for breakfast, and all of the girls couldn't shut up about what we had witnessed last night.
He was so old, cooed one.
She was so pretty - pressed another.
The teachers weren't really paying any attention, btw - and I was the team leader of my group, so as long as everyone kept their voices down - I was cool with the conversation going on.
(Just don't get caught Friel! Just don't get caught! I thought)
I then went up to grab a biscuit at the buffet and out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a familiar face.
OMG, it's HER! The pretty lady from last night!
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!! I thought COMPLETELY frozen at the buffet.
She smiled as she walked past, and moments later her husband followed.
Both were so proper. Her with her button up cardigan, and him in a polo. You would stare at them thinking they were going to church, meanwhile all I could think about was where he put that big rubber penis from the night before.
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I then ran over to the table shouting to the girls - they're here! they're here! the people from last night!!!
Everyone looked over, and the couple barely took notice.
We then ran out of the restaurant and headed off to whatever our daily activity was.
OOOMMMMMGGGGGG hilarious!!!!
Dudes they were SO FREAKING NORMAL LOOKING!! BUT NOOTTHINNGG and I mean NOTTHIINNNGGG was normal about their night last night. Whoo-ie!
Later that night, I got on the phone and called my parents ...
Mom and Dad! Mom and Dad! You won't believe what me and my friends saw last night!
What, daughter?
Two people had sex - and they weren't using the usual toys.
My parents were ... SILENT.
Usual toys?
YEAH!!! I replied back enthusiastically.
TO. THIS. DAY. I do not know what I meant. For reals, I didn't even know what a vibrator was until I was 22 - so I have ZZEERROOOOOOO idea what I meant by it, but there ya go. Naive nelly strikes again - and this story STILL gets told over, and over, and over in my family.
What exactly are the "usual" toys, Jennifer? (says my mom)
MORTIFIED! Me= Mortified.
So, there ya go! I'm Jen Friel and when I was 15 I not only saw two people having sex, I then told my parents about it and commented on their toy selection.
Ah hoi hoi nerderinos!! First up, thanks for all the comments, tweets, and posts re: the gizmodo chickadee. You're right, clearly she is a troll journalist nerd baiting, but she just committed online suicide. She better not checkin on Foursquare anytime soon. SHEEESSHHHHH!!!!
Secondly, had something really gnarly happen to me today that I wanted to share. I was in Harvard Square getting my FIRST TERABYTE EXTERNAL HARD DRIVE!!! Like seriously!!!
I am now no longer a nerdy girl, I am now a nerdy woman!!!
Dudes, this thing has 4 stars on amazon ... ANNNNNDDDDD I got it for $10 cheaper by scoring a SUPER GNARLY sale at Staples. This nerd is winning on SOOOO many levels ... LOOK AT THIS THING!!!
::drool::
I left Staples skipping ... literally ... and remembered that Cute Boy Chicago had told me to try this pizza place in Harvard Square (where Staples was).
He made a big deal out of it, and told me that we couldn't talk again until I had tried it ... it was apparently THAT amazing.
Alrite, I'm game for some pizza - it was pretty early, but whatevs. I popped on google maps, and realized I could LITERALLY throw a stone and hit this place. It was called Pinocchio's, and was literally like 50 yards from Staples.
I walk up and order a Sicilian slice of sausage (say that three times fast!! Sicilian slice of sausage - sicilian slice of sausage - Sicilian slice of sauschwage ... ah buggar). I go to pay with my debit card and the duderino goes, we only accept cards with a minimum of $7.00! Okey dokey, gimme 2 slices then and a salad for later. It didn't make much sense since I don't have a fridge here in the hippie hostel, but whatevs - it came out of my mouth faster than I had time to really think about it.
I order a big greek dinner salad, and another slice - BOOM! $12 and some change - and totally covered.
I sit down and eat the pizza, while reading the gizmodo post (haha) - and text the duderino.
WHOOMP WHOOMP mission complete.
I then grab a box for the rest of the pizza, and a bag for the salad and call it a day. Again, I had no idea where I was going to store this food or whatevs, but I just figured I would pick out whatever would parish and try to save as much of it as I could until the morning.
I was walking out and back into the main area of Harvard Square this guy stops me. Mind you too, I have headphones in and am a VERY fast walker. Translation: Dudes, I stop for NO ONE!!!
I'm so used to dudes coming up and being all "how you doin?" But this dude seemed different - he seemed kind, very non-Ted Bundy.
I pulled out my ear bud. How can I help you?
He motions to the pizza box, and asks - are those left overs?
I take a look at the guy ... sure he was tan, but he seemed clean. I was a bit thrown.
Without thinking any further though I say, yeah! It was delicious and should still be warm. Would you like this? I hand him the box - his face LIIIGGHHHTTTSSSS UP and his friend approaches.
THANK YOU!!! He and his friend SCCCREEEAMMMM in the middle of Harvard Square.
I then realize I have a salad in my other hand - I hand it to his friend. Here, and here is some dressing. I hope you like Greek!
I swear in that moment, I thought those two dudes were going to cry. They were SO grateful.
You are amazing, he said - thank you, I replied. Many blessings to you both. Enjoy the meal!! The salad wasn't even touched!!!
We all smiled at each other as we walked away.
See, I didn't have to sit there and worry about how I was going to keep the food, BOOM - just like that, the universe presented me with an opportunity to help someone.
The universe CONSISTENTLY provided me with everything that I needed. Albeit, yeah, I had to get clever a few times ... it all worked out in the end. Now, it was my turn to provide, and just like that ... all was said and done.
Amazing too because had he asked me for cash, I wouldn't have given it to him - but there he was, just asking for my leftovers.
I am seriously tearing up right now writing this. I cannot BEGIN to describe to you all what a blessing this universe is and how UNBELIEVABLY abundant it is.
There is no "lack" - there is only "is" and "is not." If you are following your path, and following your bliss - people with like energy will align and no matter what, you will always be provided for. Had I gone home another way, or gone another route our paths wouldn't have crossed. But like energy being attracted - that was a universal impossibility.
Many blessings to you all nerderinos!!! Go ... do cool shit!!! The universe TOTALLY has your back!!! Just remember though, when you get yourself back on the ground - time to give back!! ;) ;) ;)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Lindsay. She's crazy ... and bat shit ... and I love her for it! For reals, she hitchhiked across various African countries!!! HARDCORE!!! The girl is a whackadoodle noodle, but not at all a nerd. That is where I come in handy- I'm Lindsay's navigator on adventures. See, I show her how we get places via google maps, and she reminds me to stop tweeting and look up every once in a while. It's a match made in nerdy/non-nerdy heaven. That being saiiiddddddd ... she lives her life on the road and wants to share some of her experiences to all the nerdy folk out there that may be looking to do the same. Hit it Lindsay!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @LindsayMc
I love music festivals. LOVE them which is why I had traveled across the country and down the coast to go to Bonnaroo in 2009. Bonnaroo is a four-day, absolutely amazingly insane music festival in the Middle of Nowhere (actually, Manchester) Tennessee. I hopped a flight across the US from California to Virginia to a bus to a train to North Carolina to meet up with an old college buddy and roadtripped from North Carolina to Tennessee. By the time we got to Tennessee, I had been in transit for over 17 hours and it was POURING rain. A torrential down pour only the southern east coast could muster… and Soto (my college bud) and I were trapped in his 2002 Camry. Not the way we were hoping to start off our four day epic adventure.
It stormed the entire first day –note, the festival camp grounds open a day before the music starts and close the day after so it’s actually six days of camping- which destroyed any tent assembling efforts and soaked what little clothes we had for the whole trip. However, due to sheer determination (and a thirty minute break from the rain) we managed to throw up our not-water-proof-at-all tent and crack open a few beers right before we blew the fuse of the charger box for the car, therefore rendering our cellphone chargers useless and having to go without phones (but more importantly, time-keeping devices) for the rest of the festival. Ah, Welcome to Bonnaroo.
Albeit our admittedly rough start, the rest of the festival was AMAZING. Absolutely, words-cannot-explain incredible. Because it was just the two of us, we floated around and made some new, fantastic friends, got to see some out-of-this-world musical performances (this what the line up, I still tingle when I look at it http://www.inquisitr.com/17160/bonnaroo-2009-lineup/) and generally just had a great fucking time.
It was the last set of the last day of the festival and Soto and I were rocking out with these guys who had somehow managed to sneak a bright green couch past security and actually into the audience on the lawn. This was amazing to me because you couldn’t even bring in foldable beach chairs or sneak a water bottle full of vodka on to the festival music grounds but these guys somehow had a freaking couch AND a cooler full of booze. Legendary.
At this point, Soto and I were music fest veterans. We had sustained ourselves off of shakeable pancake mix and beer for the past five days and after flash floods, extreme heat, our half-standing tent and insane partying, we had pretty much gotten this festival thing down.
Phish (one of my all time favorite bands) was closing up the festival but I was keeping it kind of mellow because I knew that after Phish was done at midnight, I was going to have to hitchhike 11 hours back to my parents house in Virginia the next day and any backpacker knows, there are few things worse in this world than hitching with a hellish hangover.
Enter the Coconut Ice cream Incident.
We were jamming out and enjoying our last festival night when one of the totally fried-out-of-his-mind couch guys handed me a pint of deliciously refreshing, oh-so-yummy coconut icecream. After a full day of drinking (or more like a full five days) who wouldn’t love some coconut icecream? I started mowing down on the pint when his not-so-fried-out-of-his-mind friend comes up to me and goes
Stoner Dude: “Whoa, you should like slow down, that shit’s really strong”
Me: “What?”
Stoner Dude: “Strong, there’s like- a lot of acid in there”
Me: “What?”
Stoner Dude: “Acid, in the icecream. Dude, you’ve musta eaten like three hits already”
Me: “WHAT?!”
WHAT THE FUCK? Acid? In the icecream!? God dammit.
outside the portapotties (drug free, kinda)And this is the beginning of ‘The Time that I Accidentally Took Acid’ (I know you are wondering about the ‘Twice’ part, just wait.)
For one second, I completely panicked. I had taken acid before in high school and I had HATED it. Although there were some parts about it that I had really liked, all and all it was way too intense of a drug for me. For anyone who hasn’t dabbled in recreational drug use, acid is nuts. It’s super intense, super visual and super conditional (as in it can turn on you any second) and, not to mention, it’s a huge commitment as a trip lasts anywhere from six to ten hours. The last time I did acid (which was meant to be my first and last time) I wouldn’t say that I had a ‘bad trip’ but I had a ‘really-not-good’ trip towards the end. Things got weird and scary and I felt extremely anxious and freaked out the whole time. Not cool. Not fun. Not how I was intending to spend my last night and morning at Bonnaroo.
The scariest part to me was how much I may (or may not have) consumed. That, combined with the fact the festival would be ending, how drained I already was and the fact that I was totally not prepared for this at all- conditions were looking pretty prime for a seriously bad trip. Shit.
I started weighing my options. Trying to throw up the icecream wouldn’t work as the acid had probably almost immediately seeped into my empty stomach. I had heard that alcohol decreased the effects of acid but really, how much booze was I going to have to drink to combat three hits of acid? I’d probably just end up wasted and still tripping. It’s times like these that all you want to do is completely lose your shit. Panic and fly off the handle, scream and yell about the injustice of the situation until things are made right.
Unfortunately, it’s also times like these that that is absolutely going to do no good (and actually, a whole lot of bad.) The only thing to do is stay calm, stay positive, stay ‘Dude.’
So what to do? What to do?
E!
Of course. When in doubt, just do MORE drugs.
And this was the exact moment that I considered ‘candyflipping’ for the first time. “Candyflipping” is when you take acid and Ecstasy together at the same time. If that sounds crazy to you, that’s kind of because it is. Never in my life would I have ever even considered this but when in Rome… or at Bonnaroo…
As intense and as much of a commitment as acid is, ecstasy (or E) is just as well.
Except ecstasy isn’t conditional. At all. I would say it’s probably impossible NOT to have a good time on E. It’s call it ecstasy because it’s suppose to make you feel like that and keep you in that mental space… which is why, when I realized I had just taken three hits of acid, I decided it had to be the perfect (and only) remedy to the situation.
Okay, now where to find it?
I asked the couch guys if they knew anyone and they felt so bad about the coconut icecream mix up that they said to just go over to their friend ‘that dude in the bandana’ and ask him for it for free.
And this is where shit gets silly.
I go up to ‘that dude in the bandana’ and say that his friends asked if he could give me some for free. He says ‘Sure’ and hands me a de-labled Visine bottle.
Weird, I’ve never seen E in liquid form before. But then again, I am no drug expert so who knows?
I drop a drop on my tongue, say Thanks and walk back over to the couch boys.
Me: “Thank you guys so much. I was totally about to freak out… That’s crazy though, I have never seen ecstasy in liquid form before.”
Stoner Dude: “Liquid? Nah, he’s got pills.’
Me: “What?”
Stoner Dude: “He’s got little green pills, E’s not liquid…”
Me: “What?”
Trying to find the communication breakdown in a sea of newly massacred brain cells is like trying to find a needle in a hay stack.
Me: “That dude in the bandana –pointing at the guy with the Visine bottle- he’s got pills?”
Stoner Dude: “Huh? THAT dude in the bandana? Nah, -pointing at ANOTHER GUY IN ANOTHER BANDANA- THAT dude in the bandana, he’s got pills… I don’t even know that other guy.”
Ohhhhh my goodness. Holy freaking shit.
And here is ‘The Time I Accidentally Took Acid… Twice.’
Wow, am I dumb. Of course, E wasn’t in liquid form. Of course, anything coming out of Visine bottle that isn’t Visine is acid. OF COURSE. And of course, my brain was so scattered from partying all weekend and in a tizzy over taking accidental acid that I didn’t put it all together until it was too late. Of course.
New friendsThis time the couch guys walk me up to the CORRECT dude in the CORRECT bandana and he gives me a whole pill and splits one with me (are you calculating the amount of drugs in my system now? Mom, please don’t be mad.)
Ah, situation controlled (kind of.)
As will all of my stories, this one has a happy ending too. The acid kicks in while I’m watching Phish and it is THE MOST OUT-OF-THE-WORLD performance that I have EVER SEEN. Seriously. Words-can-not-describe amazingness. The lights, the jam sessions, oh my God. What I would give to be able to be able to record and relive what I experienced… ah!
But as soon as the set ended, the festival ended too. The ‘ugly lights’ blasted on, lighting up the tired crowd, surrounding trash and beginning-to-be-disassembled vendorbooths for the first time in five nights. Cops on massive, stoic horses lined the walkways, looking down on everyone and making sure no one got rowdy or out of line. Our little community, our little world was ending and no one wanted it to be over just yet. I felt like I was in a scene of Pink Floyd’s The Wall and was starting to lose control of my trip.
Soto and I walked back to our campsite without saying a word. Soto had never played with drugs before (plus he was totally wasted) so he couldn’t relate what I was going through and drank a quick beer with me and went to bed. I stayed up, chugging beers (remember I said alcohol decreases your trip) and watching the moon pixilate and shift.
Sitting by myself in the dark as everyone stumbled by in groups was starting to trip me out (and trip other people out too, I’m sure.) With my only friend fast asleep, what the heck was I going to do with myself all night in this condition?
The first one is the couple I met at the end during our late night adventureThings were starting to get weird and really ‘real.’ I have been racking my brain about what it’s like to be on acid and what I’ve come up with is that everything feels vividly and weirdly real (which may or may not be ironic depending on how you look at it.) Everything around you and surrounding you has a noticeable energy or vibration. It’s like you are seeing and feeling a reality that our normal senses are not equipped for and honestly, it’s very overwhelming.
I have no doubt that acid can be used as a consciences expanding vehicle in the right circumstances. I also have no doubt that being bored with a few friends in high school or being drained after a five day long bender are absolutely not the right circumstances.
I was starting to get creeped out by the realness of it all when I suddenly realized that I really had to pee. I had been drinking water and beer for hours on end and I had been so concerned by what was going on in my head, I had completely ignored my body.
I booked it across the campsite to the portapotties and made it just in time.
When stepped out of the portapotty, like a ton of bricks or a gust of wind, the E kicked in.
Things changed from overwhelming and weird to magical in an instant.
When I had gone into the portapotty, the campground lights had looked harsh and sterile, like sad lights on a cold movie set. It felt hospital-ly and surreal. When I stepped out of the portapotty (and the E had kicked in) the lights were soft, glowing, sparklely even, guiding the way to where ever I may have needed or wanted to go.
No joke. The change was that profound.
I could go on forever about the implications of perspective and the influence of our own minds on reality but I would rather just say, as soon as I stepped out of the portapotty, things began to get awesome.
I immediately met a couple standing right outside the bathrooms who were also all sorts of fucked up on God know’s what. We instantly hit it off and ventured together all over the darkened festival campgrounds on what still is, one of the most EPIC adventures of my life.
All and all it was an incredibly epic and expanding (even though completely unexpected) experience. Looking back, my ability to handle and make the best out of a potentially insanely shitty situation gives me a strong sense of gratification and confidence in dealing with life in general.
Drugs, backpacking and life have a lot in common. You have no real idea what you are getting yourself and all you really can do is- do your best, hope for the best and make the best out of whatever comes out. Life’s a rad trip… candyflipped or otherwise.
Sooooo ... yesterday, my buddy from middle school was in town, and hit me up to grab a drink. (She and I are both in tech so it was also a work thang.) She was only in town for the day, and had to catch a red eye that night, so I blocked off my afternoon to grab an early happy hour/ dinner and make sure she got back to the airport okay.
I texted her at about 3:30, after my last meeting, and said hey, let's kick it at Dillons at 4. (Dillions is my FAVORRIITTEEE bar in Hollywood. Dude, $3 beers!! FOR REALS!!!)
I waited a little bit - still didn't hear anything back - I knew she was in town, and we were still going to kick it, but figured her meetings just ran a little late. Fuck it, I thought. I'll just go to Dillons to wait for her and grab a beer - I could use a break with all that's going on right now, and I am still attempting to overcome my social anxiety with being alone at bars.
I hopped on the city bus, and then remember the new location integrated OkCupid app. See, it basically allows me to meet up with dudes that happen to be within my area looking to kick it at the same time I am.
<tangent> UMMMM YES!!! THIS THING IS LIKE CRACK!!!! I fucking LOVE IT! and have SUCH a feeling it's going to keep me THAT much busier - hahaha!!!</tangent>
I set out a broadcast saying "Drinks at Dillons! Who's game??"
I quickly got a bunch of replies, and was kinda meh. Some of the dudes were totally hot, but I dunno, I was all of the sudden a bit spooked by the fact that I had posted my location, and said come play to random dudes. I know right, considering I'm a lifecaster ... but it was weird, and it kinda spooked me considering the attention I get on OKC to begin with.
Whatever, I thought. I got to Dillons and turned off OKC. Research will have to come later, I thought. This shit is just spooking me too much right now - baby steps.
I get into Dillons and surprisingly the place was PAAACCKKKEEEEDD for 4pm on a Monday (God bless the alchies that are Los Angelinos). I quickly do a lap around the bar before committing to a location, and then finally settle on copping a squat near the front by the door.
I sit down in between three dudes, and order a bud light (I know - lame, but I gotta watch the calories mofo!). Two of them I could tell were together, the other one looked a bit like a whackadoodle noodle and was clearly alone.
Not 5 minutes into sitting down the whackadoodle noodle takes a call and starts trying to convince this woman to meet him. He was some kind of foreigner, sounded like he might be Australian, or English, or something.
::into the phone:: Baby, why don't you just come here so we can meet. I have a bottle of Andre back at the place. (HAHAHA Andre is like the CHEAPEST champagne ever. That's like me bustin out with, hey baby - come back to my place - I have some Shasta coke I think you'll really enjoy. OMG OMG OMG OMG MAKES MY LIFE!!)
What size jeans are you?
I love it baby.
Just come here, I want to see you.
I have fun, you have fun. My bed is big enough for two.
Unable to contain my excitement for the most epic overheard ever - I turn to the two dudes next to me and say, can you guys hear him??? This is like the most epic thing I have ever heard.
They lean into me and try to listen in.
::into phone:: I will make sure you are pleasured. Please baby just meet me.
We all burst out into laughter - the whackadoodle noodle doesn't even flinch.
Hi, I'm Jen I say reaching out my hand to the guys.
Hi, I'm Justin, and I'm Dallas.
Awesome sauce! Are you guys from around here?
Justin: I am.
Dallas: I don't have a home, I kinda live all over.
Shut your mouth!!! That's amazing! I recently did the same thing!! Where was your home base?
Dallas: Texas
Wait, your name is Dallas, and you are from Texas?
Dallas: Yeah, I get that a lot.
What do you do for a living?
Dallas: Songwriter
Oh, that makes sense - so much inspiration on the road.
Dallas: Totally.
Dallas: What was the one thing you took away that stays with you the most about your travels?
That life is reflective. I only meet people that I have like energy with - hence why out of the entire bar, I choose to sit here, near you. Like energy will ALWAYS find each other - it's universal law.
Dallas: That's incredible.
We got to talking about life, traveling and all that jazz. Dallas then turns to me and asks, do you want to go for a ride on my friend's bus? He's about to pick us up.
What kinda bus?
A painted one - it's a big school bus that's for private use.
You mean like a hippie bus?
Yeah, exactly.
Now, I was there to meet my friend, don't get me wrong - but when someone asks you to go for a ride on their magical hippie bus, how can you ever say no?!?!?!
Can I be back in an hour?
Absolutely.
Dallas' phone rings, sure be right there - he hangs up.
Chug your beer, he's here.
We run outside and very literally on the corner of Hollywood and Vine I run to catch the bus that can't come to a complete stop due to the sheer monstrosity of it. (This is also why I rock flip flops or vans - heels are not conducive for adventures.)
I literally jump onto the bus, and am greeted by a driver that looked less Otto (from the Simpsons), and more like Rufio from Hook's illegitimate brother.
Hi! I'm Jen.
Nice to meet you, welcome aboard.
I walk in and they gutted out the bus with love sacs, bolted down recliners and super groovy 60s furniture instead of traditional bus seats.
The guys all start talking, and I began tweeting ...
... and taking pictures ...
I turn and ask Rufio's illegitimate brother - so what are your plans for this bus?
Rufio's illegitimate brother: That's a loaded question.
K. Can you break it down for me at all?
We want to start this movement for creative expression, and maybe turn it into a reality show or a web show. We have a lot of people involved, and a good idea on where we want it to go.
That sounds really rad, dude. Do you have a social media presence for the bus? And have you started to blog at all?
Naw, but we know this dude that does that.
Dude, you totally have to get on it because no matter what you can at least create demand and buzz for the bus which will provide something tangible to potential investors.
That makes sense.
Gone are the days of "just having a great idea" - people are inspired by action. If it really is a good idea, people will flock to it. It's the mantra, "if you build it they will come." You've built the damn thing, put in the time and energy to get it up and running - now go tell the world.
You're right.
Dude, you can even get sponsors and shit. Albeit you'd have to find sponsors with a like message - but the truer you stay to the movement in general the more you are "buying in" instead of "selling out." People will respect you a lot more.
Do you have a card?
Yep!
Then my phone started beeping - it was my buddy, she was done with her meetings and was en route to Dillons.
Alrite dude, my friend is back sooner than expected. Mind if you drop me back off at Dillons?
Sure thing!
We round the corner, and about 10 minutes later, I am back to where the madness began.
I gave all of the dudes my card and told them to give me a call if they want to talk branding. You guys are crazy, but something like this just might work - I dig it man.
I get off the bus, and run back inside to Dillons to meet my friend.
I sit back down at the bar, this time on the other side - and can't believe that my life really is this random. Did I seriously just go for a ride on a magical hippie bus at like 4:30 pm on a Monday in Hollywood?
Yep!
I order another beer as I wait for my friend, and I look up and notice on the other side of the bar this duderino from OKC. Now normally, I am totally game to meet with people - hence why I broadcast everything out ... but this guy just gives me the heeby jeebs. LITERALLY every other week, he messages me on OKC or on Facebook chat asking if he can go down on me. No, like literally - he really really really enjoys eating girls out and apparently is on this campaign to get to go down on me. Now, I know I publish my sexual shenanigans all the time, but I actually don't have a lot of randoms that I hook up with. Yeah, I have a fuck buddy - but it's ONE fuck buddy. I don't sleep with multiple guys at the same time, and I'm pretty protective of my punana and who gets access to it. Bottom line: some random creeper saying he gives good head just isn't good enough for me to want to actually take him up on it.
I sat at the bar and laughed thinking well, he's got some balls for showing up.
Just then, my friend walks into Dillons. I RUNNNNNN right past the OKC dude to greet her.
SOOOO good to see you, she says.
OMMGGG!! I know!! You look amazing! Welcome to Los Angeles!
I hope I didn't keep you waiting here, she says.
It's cool, I totally just went for a ride on a magical hippie bus.
Seriously? She says.
Totally serious - I took pictures and tweeted it out.
If you guys can't tell, I am the queen of the most RANDOM stories on the planet. I'm a people magnet - like for real for real ... kinda trips me out actually. But alrite, this is one of my favorite stories on how SMALL OF A TOWN LA is. Like SERIOUSLY small ... seriously ... seriously ... seriously ... small.
So, I moved to LA in 2004, and I didn't have a job, just had ambition of working in entertainment - but still kinda unsure of exactly what role I wanted to play in it. Social media was still in incubation - but fortunately, I had AOL. I knew NOOOO ONNNNNEEE when I moved here. I mean like no one, no one. I found my roomies from craigslist, and just threw myself at this town when I was 19. Hey, I had nothin' to lose!
<tangent> totally forgot to give a song with this post!! hold on, this just played on Pandora, UGHHH!! LOVE LOVE LOVE NKTOB!!! </tangent>
Either way, since I was too young to go out to bars, I found myself many of nights on the computer browsing local chats on AOL. I forget what room exactly I was in, but I wound up striking up this conversation with this duderino whose family owned this pretty successful temp agency.
::red font:: RADD!!!! Can you get me an interview?
::blue font:: Sure no prob!
I go in, and tell them about my computer knowledge. They then made me perform a series of tests - and bam! Just like that, I passed.
UGH! Those tests are super annoying too because all of their programs were out of date. HAHAHA! So you get like 2 chances to answer correctly on WordPerfect circa 1997, and Word version 1.0. High-larious. I can do this in my sleep - anything online ... offline ... I dunno, computers were one thing I always just "got!"
Either way, a couple days later I get a call asking if I was available to be in Santa Monica that morning. Sure! I thought, who's the job for?
I decided once my assignment was over to not take a job with Jerry (as insane as that sounds). I can't describe it, I just looked around at the faces of the people that worked there and knew I didn't belong. They were hustlers, they were movers and shakers, they all had their toothbrush in their pen holder - but at the time that wasn't me. I was SOOOOOO new, I knew I wouldn't survive in that environment, and it wasn't for me. Again, as INSANE as that sounds!!! I always always always go with my gut. I didn't belong there.
I went back to the agency later that week, and they told me they had an exciting new job opportunity. WAHOO!!!
What would I be doing? I said to one of the managers.
It's an interesting assignment, that would be right for the right person. Discretion with this job is of the utmost importance.
My interest peaked.
Who's this job for?
Richard Lovett.
My naive Nelly eye lashes still batting - who is Richard Lovett?
He is the President of CAA, Jen. They are one of, if not the most powerful entertainment agency in the world.
Oh, I said feeling like a complete idiot, but attempting to not let it show.
Richard has tapes that he carries around with him all day, and he needs someone to transcribe those tapes and keep fresh ones in his recorder at all times. This is a 24/7 job for someone hungry, and for someone wanting to learn the true "ins and outs" of this town. His last assistant broke her wrist, and he needs someone relatively soon (remember that bit). But it needs to be the right fit.
I'm hungry (both literally and figuratively) and I want to learn the ins and outs of this town, I thought. Sure! Where do I sign up?
Well, you're not just going to get an interview. It's a process. We are going to have to run background checks, and also we have to give you a series of typing exams.
Background checks and typing exams? Dude, I am so gonna get this, I thought. I never even got a detention in high school, and have you ever seen me, or I should say, hear me type??? I've been typing over 100 words per minute since I was barely double digits, and I have really really really good accuracy as well. Dudes, I started typing when I was 2. I didn't know what I was doing, but I would look at my Pound Puppy book, and stare at my mom on the computer and think, there are letters up there ... and there are letters in this book. I can copy this book by pushing those letters.
Hours and hours and hours I should have spent outside as a kid, I spent on a computer typing away.
I now knew I was preparing myself since literally the womb for this moment.
I'd love to be considered for the position. When can I take the tests?
He scheduled me to come in later that week to begin the series of exams. It had to be on their computers, and I had to be monitored while I was doing it.
I returned to the agency later that week COOOOOLLLLLL as a cucumber. Like cooler than a cucumber ... like I was a dilled pickle flipping a nickel.
This.
I.
Can.
Do.
They sit me down at the computers and pull up a relatively standard typing test. It was a solid block that I had to retype out, and they graded you on speed and accuracy.
I began typing ... only ... I typed too fast for the program.
FAIL appeared on the screen.
I kid you not when I say that I malfunctioned the typing test. I actually typed faster than the program could keep up with. It was HORRIBLE!!! I wound up with an F.
Mind you too, this was pre- the big social media boom. I was typing on super old machines, on super old programs ... It was REDIC how out of date all their stuff was, but regardless - I wound up with an F.
I showed it to the manager.
Dude, I just type too fast!!!! That chickadee (the monitor) saw!!! I did type it accurately, it was just 10 or 15 words behind my typing. I almost begin to cry not wanting to miss an opportunity like this.
It's okay, let's just do it again.
I begin the exam, the manager watches.
Less than 5 minutes later - deja vu.
FAIL
FMMMMLLLLLLL I thought.
Wow, you type fast. He looks at the screen - and it's accurate.
Okay, you're ready.
They then went in and ran a background check on me, followed by two follow up interviews one of which was with the head of the temp agency. We covered things like what I should highlight in my background, and even what type of outfit and shoes I should wear to the interview.
Wow, this is nuts!! I know this dude is a big deal, I thought - but man, if this is just the interview process, what is the job going to be like?
A few more days went by before I heard anything from the agency. My roomie and I went down to the Santa Monica Pier for something, and wound up crashing the Spiderman 2 after party. (hahaha no joke, I've actually crashed a lot of things in my life. But the studio shut down the rides and games, and all the stars and what not were just walking around the amusement park. It was GREAT! I pegged little bean bag thingies with Maroon 5's Adam Levine, and even have a pic with Jamie Foxx somewhere on the interwebz. He wasn't very nice. I got excited because he was from In Living Color. HAHAH. Who knew Ray was coming out a few months later.)
Either way, I remember thinking that night after I stayed out at the premier super super super late, that watch!! Tomorrow morning, I am going to get a call from the temp agency. They are going to KNOW that I've stayed out this late ... just watch.
5 hours later, at 8:30 like clockwork ... ::ring ring ring:: goes the ringtone on my purple trimmed motorola flip phone.
FML.
I questioned whether or not to answer it. I don't want to do a temp job today ... I'm so tired ... ugh, fuck, rent. I need to make money.
I open the phone and try and sound perky - HELLO?!
Wow, that's scary, not perky ... tone it down Jen.
Hey Jen! Got a job for you today if you're interested.
Sure, where is it? Wilshire and Fairfax area. It's for two movie marketing houses (one did movie posters, the other did trailers), they just need someone to answer phones. Sit and answer a phone for 8 hours and make part of my rent? Yes please!
I arrived shortly after 9am, and I can't begin to describe the feeling I had there ... I had found "home."
The office manager came down, and was SERIOUSLY one of the nicest people on the planet. She explained everything to me, I already knew their phone system - so that was a breeze. Minor adjustments here and there for personal preferences were of course made, but totally a snap.
And dudes, the best part about this job? THERE WAS A RADIO!!!!!!!!!
I got to sit and listen to music ALL day, and get paid for it. ARE YOU FOR REALLLL?????!!!!!! This is my definition of heaven.
After my first day, I was asked back ... and asked back ... and asked back ... I wound up staying there for a solid week before I got another call from the agency.
So, how's it going over there, Jen?
AMAZING!!!! I love it, I get to putz around on the computer, and I can listen to music ALL DAY!!!
That's great! Sure sounds like a good fit!
I have some news for you on the Richard Lovett position. They'd like for you to come in for a meeting next week if that works for you.
I thought about it, and said, what about this job here?
You mean you'd turn down the job with Richard to work in movie marketing? Why?
I like it here! It's kinda like a little family. I understand and appreciate this amazing opportunity that you guys have for me, but something is clicking here, and I don't know what that means - but can you find out if they are looking for someone permanent here.
Jen, he said sternly, you understand what you are turning down? Richard. Lovett.
Yes, I said curt and confident. Dudes, I really like listening to music.
A day or two later, I was formally offered the position as the receptionist of both movie marketing houses, and wound up staying there for 2 years. It didn't have to make sense to the temp agency why I was doing what I was doing, I knew emotionally I wasn't prepared to know not a single soul in this town, AND have to swim with the sharks working for someone so powerful so early. Dude, Richard would have eaten me alive. I was still getting used to the ebb and flow of the city. I was so young, and so naive, I knew my limits, and my soul knew what I needed ... and that was here, working in marketing.
Best. Decision. Ever.
Had it not been for that job, I kid you not, I don't know if I would have been able to survive those first few months in LA. I was terribly lonely, unbelievably scared, and needed the constant of a family like environment.
So, kinda a cute story right? But it's just getting started. mwahahahahaahah ... this is a story of how small of a world this town is. Not the story of how I got started in LA.
I stayed at Bemis Balkind and Insync Advertising for 2 years. Loved loved loved those people. Like seriously ... Peter Bemis was like a dad to me, and I started out as the receptionist, and ended up leaving the assistant to the vice president. Not a bad gig for a nerdy chick that didn't know anyone!! DUDESS!! I loved editing trailer scripts! So so so much fun!!!! And it amazes me just how many copies have to go into a single trailer presentation. Literally hundreds for the studio to pick a few. Insane in the membrane.
K ... so that happened ... but then I left to go work for Verizon. About a year and a half later, I was briefly dating Jayce from the Lifetime Movie "She Fought Alone" aka David Lipper ... aka this duderino ...
<tangent> OMG OMG OMG you had me at you were in a movie with Tiffany Amber Theissen!! Are you kidding me?!?! My goal in life in moving out to Los Angeles was to be Kelly Kapowski!!!!!
Was I a bit of a fangirl? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY!! And he loved it. =)
Actually, he was the one that made the move on Myspace first with a sexy sexy comment on one of my Myspace photos.
</tangent>
So yeah, we dated for a minute in July of that year ... and it so happened to be his birthday month. He invited me to be his date at his birthday dinner.
The dinner wound up being a bit of a bust. It was GREAT to meet his friends, but I was in a weird mood, and also feeling a bit weird and socially awkward around so many new people. All of his friends were female, and a handful of them were shooting me daggers. I just felt ... uncomfortable.
Half way through the dinner, this girl came in and sat down directly across from me.
I stared at her wondering if she was going to be like the rest. She was super super super pretty, ugh! She must be a bitch.
She opens her mouth and extends her hand.
Hi, I'm Shabana.
Hi Shabana, I'm Jen.
We start talking ... and we TOTALLY hit if off. GIRL CRUSH ALERT!! GIRL CRUSH ALERT!!!
Where do you work, she said.
I'm a sales rep for Verizon indirect. What about you?
I'm just working for this crowd in Century City doing general office work. But a few years ago, I got to work at CAA. That was a great job, but a bit crazy.
That's nuts! A few years ago I was up for this job being a transcriptionist for Richard Lovett. It seemed like a really intense job ... 24 hours a day ... 7 days a week ... the guy said that the chick before me too broke her arm, and they were looking for someone on the fly.
She then lowers her bare arm down on the table. A scar the length of her forearm visible.
Oh you mean this broken arm? Jen, that was me - that was my job. I hit a tree.
Shut.
The.
Front.
Door.
Needless to say, we've stayed very good friends over the years.
And back in March, I got to tell that story to the TV department at CAA, and they DIIIEEEEEDDDD laughing. They're like, that's INSANE!! And I said yeah, but welcome to Los Angeles. The smallest, big, town, ever.
PS. ANNNDDD if you want to top this off even more ... in 2005, my dad reached out to his old college roommate asking if he had any contacts in LA (protective papa). He said that he did, his friend's son Steve was cousins with an agent at CAA. Amazing my dad thought! He got Steve's email addy, and later that week Steve and I connected. Really really really nice guy. We then started hanging out, and he introduced me to his other cousin Noelle, she and I hit if off like gangbusters, and at the time she was living with Tracy (the agent at CAA), and Tracy took us all out to dinner at the Ivy in Santa Monica.
Ah-Maze-ing.
Dudes, you should see how beautiful this woman is ...
And she's super super super down to Earth, with SERIOUSLY the most insanely beautiful clothing ever!!!
Point of the story: LA is the Smallest. Town. Ever. Keep your head down, work really really really hard, and follow your gut. Even if it doesn't make sense to you now, when you look back - it all will just "click."
Tuesday, December 13, 2011 at 2:42PM
Both were so proper. Her with her button up cardigan, and him in a polo. You would stare at them thinking they were going to church, meanwhile all I could think about was where he put that big rubber penis from the night before.
