#NerdsUnite: My name is Alicia and I'm doing 50 dates in 50 states (Iowa)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Alicia. She's about to embark on a 50 dates in 50 states dating documentary. She's here today to talk about her views on life, love, and all things through her nerdy little eyes. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ALICIA!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Alicia Ostarello

Over a Scrabble board, EJ and I learned a few things from one another. He discovered that playing the world’s most beloved word game on a first date does not lead to inevitable awkwardness, as it had in his past. In turn, he told me about his concept of the “zero-th” date.

Scratch what you think a first date is — two people getting together for the first time, exchanging pleasantries while simultaneously attempting to suss out if each other is worth time out of their busy days, if they might be capable of spending the night together and laughing at the foibles prone to happen under the covers, if they have enough common ground to understand one another while not being sociopaths, co-dependent, addicted to painkillers, felons, or harboring batty wives in their attics (though who could blame Mr. Rochester, really?). What if, instead, the first date came about when you already knew you liked this person enough to spend more than an hour or two with them?

Enter the zero-th date.

The zero-th date is two people taking a break from their usual trajectory to orbit around one another. There is an hour or two at most of anticipatory conversation to see if they pass by without a second glance, collide and conquer, or find a balance and wobble back and forth based on their gravitational pull. It’s a date without expectation — and “date” is a term I use loosely here. It’s a meeting. Almost an appointment.

In the modeling world, they would call this appointment a go-see. You go and see if this person you met online or in a bar actually interests you live and in person. And then you leave. If one of you calls the other (fine, or texts …  but you really should call if you like the person) then on you go to a first date.

What I love about the zero-th date concept is it gives structure to expectations for all following encounters. Upon that initial meeting, you know you’re only going to see if you even get along with the person. Zero-th date, zero pressure. Then if a first date comes about, you know it’s supposed to be a romantic gesture.

Zero-th date folks. It’s gonna be huge.

EJ himself was intimidatingly intelligent. It’s funny to hang out with a person who does not know you at all. Like, at all. Dates are continually surprised by my expressions. Nary a date goes by that I don’t exclaim “Oh, Mylanta!” as they tell a surprising story — and this ultimately turns into them being shocked at my peculiar phraseology.

Of course, more than my lexicon has garnered questioning. There’s my over-apologetic nature (a friend once made me a mix CD entitled “I’m Sorry for Being Sorry,” which was a direct quote). My slight inability to do simple addition or subtraction without pictorially imagining the numerals in my head — or better yet, drawing them out in thin air with my index finger. And as EJ noticed, a complete lack of desire to win at Scrabble.*

Day after day, I engage in conversation — and even mores, first dates — with absolute strangers. And while I can’t tell you what parts of their personalities I hone in on that they and their friends rarely think about, it’s bizarre always to be explaining myself to people. Bizarre, but also rather introspective. It’s got me understanding what it is like to meet me, what makes an impression on people, and what impression it is that I want to leave on a person I may never see again. And even beyond that, I question my own personality. Do I like being this way? Do I want to stop? Should I? Why or why not?

Despite not wanting to make this project about changing my life, it looks like that may be happening whether I wanted it to or not. Such is the nature of adventures.

*This isn’t entirely true. What actually occurred was I realized I was winning by an increasing margin, and began feeling bad about it. EJ, having figured out I didn’t love winning and did love apologizing, asked how I felt about this. I said I wanted to feel good, but mostly I knew that even if I won, the fleeting feeling would be overshadowed by knowing that in my winning, someone else had lost.

#nerdsunite

Alicia Ostarello has combined her talents in talking to strangers with degrees in English and Sociology and is currently taking a road trip across the country with one goal in mind: to go on a first date in every single state. Follow her trip and the documentary film being produced about it, 50/50: A Dating Documentary on Facebook at facebook.com/5050ADatingDocumentary.