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#Rant: Dear 6 year old self ... would you please shut up!

I had a really really really weird night. I don't normally have weird nights, so you have to understand when I say something was weird - it was definitely friggen weird.

First off, saw the movie Bridesmaids. EPPIICCC flick. Totes check out in theaters this Friday. I get why they are putting so much money into the damn marketing for the thing, it is absurd on entirely new levels. SERIOUSLY! Check out the trailer ...

I'm not usually a fan of the super over the top comedy, but this was a nice blend. You can tell chicks wrote it too - hahahaha there were so many subtle moments in there that were straight up the tits. DDs for sure.

Alrite, so I saw that flick - ANNNDDD was leaving the theater and noticed it was pouring outside. Fine normally, for any sane human being that uses a car in Los Angeles ... I on the other hand ... walk. And walk I did ... for a few miles ... in the cold ... pouring ... rain.

I'm a Los Angelino. It doesn't rain here. So add in the pansy effect to this entire scenario and you have one very ... VERY unhappy human being.

For the last few months or so, the notion of aging has had a very deep profound effect on me. For the first time in my life, I am genuinely starting to feel older. I'm 26 - and have always been ahead of the curve coming from a life of perpetually wanting to do things in the most efficient manner possible. I was watching Bridesmaids tonight, and there were so many things that hit me so hard.

Dude, I am getting old. This movie is supposed to speak to me - and it's just not happening.

Fuck, marriage? HAHA are you kidding me?! I can't even get dating right - let alone anything serious. Let alone anything even remotely close to marriage.

Then, as I was walking in the pouring rain, I genuinely started to tear up - my 6 year old self would be so disappointed in me right now.

I've pretty much been a smartass my entire life. If you asked me when I was 6 what I wanted to do with my life, I would have said with absolute confidence something that sounded like it should have been articulated by a 40 year old; I've always been way ahead of my years mentally. When I was 6 I could have told you that my dream for this age was to have my own condo as renting a place forever wasn't a good idea. It was easier to at least be paying something off - albeit, yes you may have had HOA costs, but they were certainly worth it as the place would one day be yours. Dude, I'm not kidding you. I used to correct my bestie Christina Benvenuto when we would want to play apartment, and I would say no, I want to play condo.

I'm not normal ... at all ... in any capacity.

I just made so many promises to myself at 6 that I have no idea if they are ever going to come true, and it's weighing so hard on my heart.

First off, I totes thought I'd be married by now. Like seriously - it's rather comical. I come from Connecticut, and whether or not people get snotty about me posting it, there is no denying that at our age ... right now ... my friends that still live in CT ... are all married and popping out kids. Totally rad for them. Very sincerely not mad at a second of it, but just trying to figure out how to let that part of my own "dream" go.

Wait, hold up a second, it wasn't really a "dream" for me - I've never been that chick ... but it was something that I read about in books, saw in Disney movies, talked about with friends at great lengths. I was totally going to be married at 22, or 24 - kids by 25/26 ... and apparently somewhere in there you were supposed to have a happily ever after as well.

That's not my reality.

At all. And or what so ever.

The thing is, in me, organically - it never even was my dream. It was just something promised to me from my 6 year old self which makes it that much more UNBELIEVABLY absurd!!!! I did this to myself.

I come from parental units that met super super super young, were each others firsts, ones, onlys, and everythings. Amazing for them - they are the exception not the rule. But totes messes with my noggin watching it happen around me IRL as a wee lass, and in Disney movies.

Compound that with the fact that when I was in my teens a doctor told me that if I actually wanted to have my own kids I would have to have them before I was 30. I don't even know medically speaking what the hell they were talking about - some weird gene anomaly - but it programmed into my noggin that I better get my shit together before that time.

Professionally speaking, yes, I have my shit together. I started this site - the ONNEEEEE thing I am so ABSURDLY proud of. No, like, literally ... I can get hit by a bus tomorrow, and I know I did something crazy awesome and epic with my time here on this planet. So if I die - rad. What a way to go! But personally speaking, wow, what a joke. I very literally went out on 103 dates in 9 months. ONE HUNDRED AND THREE!!!!! Technically speaking, it was actually MORE than 103 as a handful of them were dates just via life and not OKC. Who does that?!?! Who goes out on THAT many dates and still finds boys kinda meh. And oh yeah, the only four of those 103 that I was interested in were emotionally unavailable. Again though, I did at least address my said emotional unavailableness with the epic series of posts "This is a story about #love, but it's not a love story." Super super super proud of those posts, btw. Make sure you start at part 1!

My brain cannot handle that emotionally. Yes, it makes for great content - and yes, I am clearly an excited human being about my next social experiment documenting meeting guys at bars ... but I can't help but feel like my 6 year old self is sitting there in judgement scolding me. Really!?!?! ONE HUNDRED AND THREE!!!! I mean, come on! I've always been a go big or go home kinda person - but that's just absurd.

I dunno man, and I'm just hurt too that a member of my immediate family got so sick back in October. I've still been asked to not post on it- but there is nothing like a straight shot of mortality in seeing someone you love so much going through something like that. I mean totally out of body - totally unlike anything ... ever. I STILL cry a couple of times a week over it, and I STILL can recall every moment of everything that happened with it all.

I made this video from it - but I assure you, NONNNEEEEE of it registered at the time.

My dad is still supposed to walk me down the aisle, my mom is still supposed to tell me about the ups and downs of raising kids ... etc.

That is if I want kids ... and that is if I want to get married.

I'm just so conflicted at this point in my life. I have accepted so passionately on who I am, and where my organic awesomeness lies, but my 6 year old self - the one that society and commercialization created is screaming something entirely different to me. I know that 6 year old self isn't my heart and isn't my passion, since at the time I didn't know what either were ... but how do you learn to accept that you are just so UNBELIEVABLY different from the rest of the world, and if you don't fit in marching with everyone else - create your own marching band.

I brake for woodwinds.

I've been that way my entire life. I've broken every mold ... ever ... but a big part of me wonders if that is some sort of defense mechanism - or who I very truly am!! I know I've had my heart broken, but so what. Even before that, before I dated anyone, ever - I was still INCREDIBLY motivated to work. I launched my own computer and babysitting company before I hit double digits - I've always been an entrepreneur.

Like I said ... I'm not normal ... at all ... and I just consistently have to own that. I can't help but publish my thoughts, and tonight I was really upset thinking about all of these people that I remember one day being "young" and they were now looking pretty old.

Dude, the Jump to Conclusions guy from Office Space was totes in Bridesmaids, and he looked SOOOO ollddd!!! I did a commercial with Richard a few years back ... and I dunno if it was the makeup in the flick, or what, but HOLY CRAP he did not look like he did back in 2007.

It's weird when you are consciously aware that people you remember as being young are starting to look old. Clearly Richard isn't a spring chicken ... but dude, so so many people. Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox ... even Brangelina are lookin a bit old. DUDE!!! George Clooney just turned 50!!!! Who else remembers his guest spot on Golden Girls?!?!?!

UGHHH!!!!

I'm not mad at my life professionally speaking. Good lord, they are turning my life into a TV show - but just sort of discontent with it on the personal side; I don't want to be a cat lady that doesn't like cats that ends up being eaten by said neighborhood cats.

I won't say there is a part of me missing - but there is definitely a piece of me that I want to share, that I have yet to. I guess that is why I get so excited about my social experiments, and this is just more of a reason to throw myself out there to the world. I know I'm not getting any younger, but I'm sick of letting my 6 year old self down. I know I need to give her her own dose of reality, but at the same time - I wouldn't mind slipping into her fantasy every now and then.

Thanks for letting me share.

#kthxbye

Time to Effing #GetItOn: My first date!!!

Wore Effing Gear's "Burnout Hoodie" on the date. SOOO soofftttttttttttt!! Click the pic for more info!SOOOOOO!!! If you guys haven't heard, I am conducting a new social experiment after my epic 103 dates by using OKC. I am still trying to find the organic root of attraction, but now taking the experiment offline while documenting it still online. You can read more about it here ... and read the rules here.

Night one was an epic epic epic fail hahaha ... but night two wasn't so shabby!!! I actually met a boy!! Read how we were introduced here ...

And now ... onto the next part - the actual date ... with a guy ... that I met at a bar ... amazing.

So, at 1:57 he texted me asking if we were still on for tonight. I was super super super elated as again, I very genuinely wanted to see this guy again, but you just never know at a bar when a guy says he is going to call you if he actually will. Totes one of those - I live life very much in the now not in the expected future. Was trying to stay grounded which is SUPPERRRR hard for a chickie that develops a crush on a boy. HAHAHA!!

I go to my event, and good lord, I was nice and toasty. I was at #droidchargederby for the entire afternoon, and it was sponsored by Grey Goose. When he texted me for my address I said you lucky lucky bastard - I've already been drinking all afternoon. HAHAHA!!! Fortunately though, two hours had passed in between the event and the time he was picking me up - so I sobered up. Goodness gracious, those drinks were DAANNNGGERRROOUUSS!!! (More on that event later btw)

He picks me up, and I finally ask where we are going (+1 brownie points btw for not having me plan the date. I don't plan anything ... ever. It's not in my personality; my friends invite me places and I just go. I don't care enough about whatever it is that I'm doing to actually be proactive and plan - dude, I have fun evverryywhheereeeeee)- he said, a sausage place and an arcade!!! I laughed, I said, you weren't kidding? We're really going to an arcade??? Do you understand right now you are climbing the charts of being one of my new favorite people???

He laughed saying he had never ever taken a chick to an arcade before. I was like ummmmm are you kidding? Shiny things, competition?? DONNNNEEEE!!!!! Yo ass is goin' DOWNNNN!!!

He took me to this sausage place downtown - and not only had I never been there, BUT there were 9 people checked in on Foursquare upon arrival. NINE!?!?! +2 brownie points for finding a place that I've never heard of with so many nerdy people checking in. Totally hot.

OH and I also unlocked a new badge as well!! Like seriously?!?!?! +1!

We had to wait in line for a while (as it is cafeteria style where you order first then go and sit down. don't let that fool you though, this place was AHHHH-MAAAZZIINNGGGG), but it didn't really matter. He's super easy to talk to. He's so funny - he got so confused with my verbiage. I busted out some IRL-ness, totes, word to the bird jellyfish ... haha, he goes, I'm going to need a translator to understand your nerd speak.

It was hot. He's not really a nerd - a writer, (works in production as well) and deeply deeply sarcastic ... but isn't down with anything social media. For reals, Facebook yeah, twitter no, foursquare hell no. I tried explaining to him the benefits of using location based social media to tell stories etc, and it looked like his head was about to explode. It was pretty funny. Normally, that would have been a massive turn off, but on him it was endearing. He genuinely didn't know, and didn't ask me a ton of questions about it either (as it can be totally lame to have a guy that you want to bone consistently ask you about managing their personal brand, etc. If I'm trying to have sex with you, please don't ask me for hashtag tips. Yes, it is my passion, but I don't scream out oohhh babbyyy tweettttt meeeee as I'm having sex. I want to turn my brain OFF!)- it was more, hey little lady whatever knocks your socks off. To each their own. HOT! He gets it.

I ordered the Santa Fe jalapeno sausage, haha despite everyone SWEARING by the rattlesnake sausage - I just couldn't do it. I loves me some spicy food anyway, so I was game.

We got to talking about high school, and it was funny - he was the captain of his basketball team. This dude is TALLLLL btw. Not like freaky levels of tallness, but good head to shoulder ratio if I am in heels (which btw, totally rocked my hooker boots. Yep, no vans either).

I told him we would never have been friends in high school - I was in and out and totally focused on my studies - not in any group. Literally, I wasn't even in the nerd clique in my high school ... I had no friggen clique. LAMMMMEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

It kinda got me thinking though about the archetypes we grew up with. Will the nerdy chick always be attracted to someone like the captain of the basketball team since it was something that was unattainable to us in our youth? Are we conditioned that way and then on a search for it as adults?? He had a presence about him that DEFINITELY suggested he was the captain of the basketball team without being douchey. He owns it without having to tell the world; he's very unassuming but not a wallflower, that's for sure!!!! I dunno, but that DEFINITELY rung a bell in my head when he said that. There's gotta be something there ...

We leave the sausage place two beers in our bellies and looking forward to some major arcadeness. Unfortunately however, the first arcade we went to closed like 5 minutes into us playing. Dude, Spring Arcade - they literally turned off ALL the electricity at 10pm. SUPPERRRR lammmeee!!! BUT, fortunately, I did get one game of Sega Rally in and I pwned his ass. WAAHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Totally beat his time. Like so much so, he should be ashamed of himself.

We got back in the car feeling a little bit disappointed that we couldn't have more of an epic adventure in arcadeness- so we popped on our phones (he had the EVO 4G, to my now two Droid Charge, and motorola 1st generation Droid) to find another arcade open for us to play in.

ANNNNDDDDD we were in luck! Japan arcade not too far away - and open til 11pm. PERRFECCTTT!!!!

HAHAAH we get there, and omg - it's totally in this super creepy looking mall. It would actually be an amazing place to shoot a zombie movie with a mall scene, because its that quintessential looking mall ... but not a SINGLE chain store, and pretty much nothing I have ever heard of. Dude, the store names weren't even in English!!!!

Whatevs, again, not mad at it - but just laughing my ass off. Where the hell is this dude taking me?!?!?! +2 points for epic adventures.

We get to the Japan arcade and ommmmgggggggg their games were hilarious. Dude, look - again NOOTHIINNNGGG in English!!!

HAHAHAHA we kept trying to play two player games to go head to head, but we were like ummmm where's the 2P option? OMG it was so funny - I had no idea what was going on (so what else is new ...).

We then played some air hockey, and he schooled my butt - which was cool that he didn't do the guy thing of letting the chick win; I don't like that shit ... I really really really enjoy a good challenge.

Anywho, then we played some Street Fighter II which YESSS was in English!!! HAHA!! 2P option as well. I was Chun-li, obvs, and kicked his butt in the first game and then got mine kicked in the second. I am totally one of those chicks that has NO game when it comes to arcade play. I literally just keep poking, pushing, and pulling until I figure something epic out. HAHAHA - so sad.

I literally cannot begin to tell you how hot all of that arcade playing made me. It was SERIOUS foreplay!!!!! I literally wanted to rip his clothes off right then and there and just go at it like there was no tomorrow. So fucking hot!!!!

We then left the arcade, and he took me back home.

I sat in his car and he didn't even hesitate at going in for the kiss. OMMMGGGGGGGGGG I had chills. He has really soft lips ... but not like girly soft ... like the kinda soft that gives you butterflies and leaves you weak in the knees (+4) . Dude, I could make out with this boy for daayyyysssss.  I was so fucking turned on.

And there ya go! That was my epic epic epic date with a dude that I met at a bar of all places. We've been texting back and forth and I'm pretty sure I'll see him again this week ... but it's kinda blowing my mind right now that this was only NIGHT TWO of my experiment and a guy is already getting a second date. I went out on 103 dates and only had 11 second dates with 4 that gave me the feeling of butterflies.

Maybe chemistry is way more important than even compatibility. I was at least 85% compatible with every. single. date. that I went on (as per the OKC algorithm) - but with this dude, without an algorithm - I had all that and much more. I don't know how compatible we would have been if we had met on OKC ... frankly, I don't even know if I would have responded back to him. He's super cute, but it's his presence. It can't be all based in pheromones - but I dunno, that's the whole purpose of the experiment.

Again, I'm definitely hoping he invites me out again this week ... but either way, I'm going to still continue the experiment as it really is a numbers game. I am curious, could I get butterflies like this with more dudes at a bar? Is he an anomaly? Or are a lot of my nights going to be like this?

HMMMMMMMMM!!!! Makes me scratch the noggin. So so sooooo looking forward to more of the findings.

Total brownie points earned for date 1: 10

#nerdsunite

or do theyyyy??? mwahahahahaa

Live in LA and wanna be part of the experiment??? As per the rules, I can't tell you where I am going to be - but you can follow me on Twitter here, and check out my checkins on Foursquare here as I will be posting when I am actually there. Wahooooo!!!!

Special thanks to Effing Gear for their epic shirts that are acting as an ice breaker for the experiment.

Click here to check 'em out!

Time to Effing #GetItOn: Night One = Fail

OMMMGGGG last night ... haha ... epic. epic. epic. fail.

Like, wow ... and literally ... and um, yeah.

First off, if you're not familiar with my new social experiment click here to read the rules, and click here to read about my thesis on going out on 103 dates on OKC. Kinda sums it all up.

Alrite, lemme break it down for you... as Pauly D would say, it's TEE SHIRRRTTT TIMMMMEEEE!!!

Last night, I wore Effing Gear's Ames Effing Iowa Tee.

::Insert gratuitous shot of my rack::

I am wearing Effing Gear's location based tees during my experiment to act as an ice breaker. I am absolutely, utterly, and unbelievably petrified of talking to dudes at a bar. I just ... can't do it ... at all. Like if I'm in networking, work mode ... rad - I can work a room. When it comes to me like actually looking to meet a boy for personal reasons, I just can't do it; I go into full blown panic attack mode.

I never dated when I was in school (no like literally - never), and am a bit socially stunted regarding things outside of work. Guys have to approach me, hence why I'm wearing the tees - it gives them an "in." (Fortunately as well, those cheesy location based tees from like a few years ago are done with. Remember the ones? I-da-ho, no U-da-ho ... yada yada yada. Way lame.)

Alrite, so for the first night - I haddddddddd to have someone come with me and hold my hand if you will. Insert my very gay friend Ezra, who dressed particularly "gay-like" (his words not mine) for the experiment as to not confuse people that we were together. See, here he is ...

Tight tank and short shorts???

Yep, totally gay.

We first hit up Barney's Beanery in WeHo ... and the place was pretty dead. There were some dudes definitely wanting to creep but alas after one brewsky, we decided to leave and hit up Cabo Cantina on Sunset to partake in their Cinco de Drinko celebration.

Dude, no place better ... no joke. That place is NUTS to begin with, you add in Cinco De Mayo? PUH-LEASE!!

We get there, and it was wall to wall people. Like seriously ... they took out some of the tables just to pack in more peeps. For someone who has an aversion to being touched, this was the ABSOLUTELY perfect place to be!!!

So, we get there, grab some Ritas - doubles ... (ugh, that was painful) ... and just start mingling. I very literally have no type. Like none ... at all ... ever. I can't walk into a bar and be like yo, you! I want it!

Although, come to think of it - if Bradley Cooper did walk into a bar, I would say, yo! I want it. Good lord he is hot. I digress ...

I have to talk to people; intelligence is totally a panty dropper. (That is if I'm wearing any.)

It was great being with Ezra because he kept pulling me out of my shell. I wound up talking to a bunch of chicks just randomly ... and he would bite back saying, we are on a mission and excuse ourselves. HIGH-LARIOUS and was totally what I needed.

I just ... I dunno man, felt so awkward. Like the entire time. The first time you ever put yourself out there it is always scary - but people were just so trashed, and so ... uninteresting.

I honestly think it was the wrong bar to go to in this scenario. I needed more of the Barney's vibe where people could actually talk, and hear each other. Yes, there were more people at Cabo, so based on the sheer number alone I should have had better success - but they weren't the kind of people I was looking for.

I did however meet some cool chicas ... one of which I am totes besties with now on Facebook.

I just can't turn my brain off when it comes to work. I can't stop talking about social media, and the revolution we are currently experiencing ... it's tragic. I get really excited, and it's that passion for what I do that attracts people but at the same time freaks them out. One dude totally told me that I was being way too aggressive. I get it ... I am a very intense person IRL ... but I totally wasn't hitting on him ... he said he worked in tech, so I asked him to elaborate. He then pulled the, oh but you don't know who I am thing ... and I literally just excused myself from the conversation. I don't do the toe to toe thing - never been my style. It gets you no where and you expel so much energy ... just a complete waste of my time.

So yeah. Last night .... totally no bueno.

(I did however make out with a friend of mine that I bumped into at the bar. It was first base with a butt grab for a solid 30 seconds. That didn't suck - I'm a total kissing slut. I can make out for dayssssss.)

Going to try again tonight at a calmer bar. Albeit it is a Friday night, I have a feeling this one is going to be good.

Wish me luck!!!

Numbers exchanged: 0

Business cards handed out: 25

(The purpose of the experiment is to talk less about work, and more about nook nook. The ratio of numbers exchanged needs to be greater than the number of business cards handed out. As you can see, the first night wasn't good ... at all.)

#Fail