<editorsnote>Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world. We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!!</editorsnote>
(Parents- Mother in particular. Please don't read this)
I was recently asked about a failure I had and why I don't write about those. Honestly, it never occurred to me. Here goes modesty, and here goes my ego ...
::cue scene::
I'm not an angry person. Everyone has their kryptonite, and this girl in particular was mine. We meant well, but we were just terrible for each other.
Let's call her "Pedestal."
Pedestal and I had been broken up for about a year, attempting to be good friends I invite her and her new bf (6'6 guy, played college bball) to come by for a drink sometime at the bar I was running.
9:00pm Pedestal and OG (OtherGuy) come in. I'm busy running around, grab them drinks, continue working.
9:08pm I'm talking to a group of girls at a table, serving them bday drinks. Pedestal walks up, "Are you just going to talk to these sluts all night?" Understandably confused, I apologize to the table, pull her to the side and ask what's going on. "oh, nothing" she says, then walks back to OG. I'm busy, I continue working.
9:20pm OG pulls me to the side, ask me to "stop being that guy, he doesn't want to have to talk to me again". I kindly informed him that I was the smallest boy in my family and if need be I would show him how exposed his neck and knees were ( I believe the actual quote was "I will F*ck your shit up). We move past niceties, and get to the point that I have no idea what's going on. OG is equally confused after we talk. We form a temporary truce, I continue working.
9:35pm Pedestal approaches me "What the fuck Brandon?" Me- "I don't know what's wrong, but if you didn't want to see me, don't come to my work." She-"Whatever", and walks off.
If you don't know, saying "whatever" while in an argument with a significant other is a passive aggressive verbal middle finger.
9:50pm Pedestal approaches me at a table, again. Insults an entire group of people she doesn't know, again. I pull her over to where OG is standing and ask what the hell is going on. Blank stares come back in response. Perfect. I go back to work.
10:30pm I am walking the new cocktail waitress through the new section changes. Pedestal walks up and pours her entire drink over the poor girl. Ranting and raving, not saying anything that made sense still.
OG is standing behind her, useless. I lose my temper and start to kick them out. Pedestal makes a jab at the girl she just poured a drink on, I respond with ...
"Just because you are a stadium tunnel,"
Pedestal-"Stadium tunnel?"
I looked at OG, "All you do is get run through by athletes!"
::back to real time::
.......There is no recovery from that. Though at the time it may seem justified, be careful when ripping out a potential future with people you care about. Even though there was some obvious emotional attachment at the time, the friend that I lost as of that day wasn't worth having the last word.
I consider myself to be a fairly open minded person despite my upbringing. I had what I would call a “conveyor belt childhood” where I grew up in an average sized town, in an average sized house, with average adolescent experiences. I graduated high school with average grades and attended an average 4 year university afterwards.
I would say that even my experiences in college were average: a one-night- stand here followed by a cherry-chapstick encounter with a girl there. Scandalous yes, but nothing out of the ordinary. While I definitely had experiences that I will never forget, I still consider them to be average due to the fact that I’m sure most people have had similar experiences.
Before I continue with the story, I should let you in on some of my interests. I’m a complete sci-fi nerd who can’t get enough of dress-up. Never once did it occur to me that my love for dress-up would get me into anything super kinky for lack of a better word. Not that I have anything against kinky… I’m one of those girls that got lost in 50 Shades but it’s different when you find yourself out of your comfort zone.
And…resume story.
I was at one of my favorite restaurant /bars my last year of college and my server handed me a flyer for an event that would be taking place the next weekend called the Pussycat Ball. A $20 dollar cover charge, open bar, and a chance to dress up like a pussycat, how could I not go? Besides, all of proceeds from the event would be going to help animal shelters. Costumes are totally my thing! Besides, all of proceeds from the event would be going to help animal shelters. It’s charity!
Needless to say, I went straight to work planning my pussycat costume. Thigh high boots, fuzzy cat ear headband and lots of cleavage completed my look. Oh, and a shit ton of glitter. It may seem odd to some but I didn’t have to buy one single item for my costume; I love dress-up that much.
A week later and I found myself walking up a set of stairs with a few of my girlfriends in tow to the Pussycat Ball. Whoever had planned the event had actually done a pretty impressive job. The venue was decked out in fancy lighting and there was a fabulous dance floor. After doing the obligatory strut around the bar my girlfriends and I made our way to get some drinks.
To be honest, I don’t remember much of anything after that and I wish I could say that’s where my story stops. Completely average and nothing too exciting. Except it doesn’t stop; it keeps going.
A couple hours later and I was blasted. As in flirtatious, beer goggled, shit-faced. Oh god I was shit-faced. I’ve never had too much of a problem with beer goggles so I’m going to blame most of what happened next on the fact that everyone was dressed like cats.
I found myself talking to what seemed like some hunk of a tomcat and I’m pretty sure most of our conversations consisted of cat noises and a bit of frisky pawing if you know what I mean. It was at this point that I did what every stupid girl does when she’s drunk and hasn’t been laid in months—I hopped in a cab with said tomcat.
The tomcat informed me that a few of his friends were having a party, so that’s where we were headed. Walking in, I assumed in my drunken state that they must have been having a costume party of their own. A few dogs, tigers, and even a penguin were all enjoying a beverage or two and conversing. Thinking this was my kind of crowd I set straight to work mingling with my new friends and flirting a bit more with my tomcat.
This must have been the point where I blacked out. I consider not remembering exactly what happened to be a gift from God because the next morning was traumatizing enough. I woke up sandwiched between some sort of fox person and what I can only assume was my tomcat. As my head pounded in my temples, I tried to convince myself that nothing had happened but the fact that my own cat costume was nowhere in sight suggested otherwise.
I was trying to figure out the best plan of escape when my bed companions started to stir. My heart and my temples began pounding in unison as my fox companion began to nuzzle his face in my neck. I turned my head, trying to get away but I accidently found myself locking eyes with the fox instead.
I started to pull away when the fox opened his (her?) mouth and said “yiff’. (I had no idea what that meant at the time but I was all the more traumatized when I looked it up.)This was my breaking point. I’ve woken up in stranger’s beds before but never with more than one other individual in it and never with random scratches down my chest.
I sat up faster than my head would have liked and looked around for my clothes. Sadly I couldn’t locate them in them so I wrapped the sheet around myself and made a dash to the door.
My tomcat sat up looking surprised (and not to mention less attractive than I originally thought) and asked me what was wrong. WHAT WAS WRONG?!?! SERIOUSLY????
I left the apartment with no phone and no clothes, but that didn’t matter at the time. Luckily, I was only a few blocks from my apartment and it was still dark outside so I was able to take my naked walk of shame home without being seen.
Marie Sumner is a self-proclaimed nerd who never grew out of the dress-up phase. When she’s not dressing up for “charity” or getting herself into hairy situations, she writes for the costume provider, Wholesale Halloween Costumes.
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Eric. He is a MAASSTTEERRR social dynamics expert that will be talking about his experiences in the field from both an expert, and experience perspective. He's not just saying "this is how to get the girl" he's here to share his actual life stories and lessons learned from them. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ERIC !!</editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Redolpho
Ever since I found out that my roommate Jonny was a paragliding instructor I had been trying to get my ass in the air. I always wanted to be a pilot when I was a child and flying fascinates me. Finally our schedules aligned and my fly day had arrived. I woke up early and snuck in a work out that morning before we headed out. We gathered three of these gigantic backpacks ...
... that contained our "wing", which is the parachute looking thing, and our harnesses. Then, we headed downstairs to find this kooky Romanian lady on roller blades ready for her lesson with my roommate. We stuffed the back of my roommates Subaru station wagon with the over-sized backpacks we hopped in the car and headed for Andrew Jackson Airpark in San Bernardino. After about a 90 minute drive from the beach we pulled into a gravel parking lot. As the dust settled I got my first look at the mountainous folk that comprised the small paragliding community. Unkempt, slightly odorous, and bucket hats seemed to be common themes for the small group. Except for this guy who made my day before we even took off...
As my roommate headed to the landing zone to find another student who had met him there I grabbed our gear and stuffed it in the back of the dirt sprinkled 15 passenger van. After finally getting all the bags to fit I headed around to the double doors and went to look for a seat. I was awestruck when I saw a familiar face sun burnt face sitting on the bench directly in front of me. There was Jean-Paul ...
... a Frenchman that I had met while working/living at the hostel. Of all the people that I had met while at the hostel, this dude intrigued me the most. His english is horrible and my french is worse so we never had much of a conversation but this is what I know about Jean-Paul. He is a french science-fiction writer who has spent the last 9 years of his life sailing around the world. His boat currently resides in Guatemala and he has been living in an RV at Andrew Jackson Airpark for the last four months. On days when the weather is nice he flies and on days when it's shit he writes. It takes me almost the entire ride up the mountain to get this much information from him. We arrive at the sloping mountain top and all the paragliders get ready to wait around the launch area. Everyone starts laying their gear out and waits. Paragliding is a lot like surfing but with wind and mountains. As the wind blows against a mountain it's pushed upward and makes a shape similar to a wave. Paragliders ride along the windward side of a mountain on this wind. The goal of the pilot is to find pockets of rising hot air called thermals that propel the glider upward. The reason these guys sit and wait at the top of the hill is because you can't see the wave that you are riding and wind can be more unpredictable than water. Number one rule of paragliding is don't be the first guy off the mountain. You sit and wait for someone else dumber or more impatient than you to fly so you can see how the wind moving that day.
Got it?
We get to the top of the mountain and Jonny starts working with the guy who we met at the airpark. He's a Chinese man in his 40's who claims to nearly have his flying license in Taiwan. After a couple people launch the three of us move into the launch zone. I knew I was buying a GoPro this month so I was stoked to have my friends Hero 2 to play with. The asian man gets strapped in and they lay out his wing. The wind picks up a little and the count down begins. The wind takes the wing and flings the man 20 feet before they both fall over. Then again, he fails, and Jonny starts walking toward me. As he passes he says to me, "This guy is going to fucking kill himself, it's like he's never done this before." For the first time I realize that this isn't a roller coaster. This is some fancy fabric, the wind, the mountain and a whole lot of space between you and the ground. And I think to myself, I am going to watch this guy die through the screen of my iPhone. After some persuasion, the Chinese man convinces Jonny to give him a third try and again he's flung half way across the mountain top. Jonny calls it and sends me to the top of the mountain to alert the driver that someone will be riding in the car down. As I arrive back to the launch area the chinese man is pleading with him to try a different style of launch that he is more comfortable with. After a long long conversation Jonny, extremely reluctant, allows him try once more. I pull up my camera and the count down begins. The wind grabs the wind and for the fourth time the man is unable to control his paraglider. He's officially done done and starts packing up his gear.
Now the harness is on my shoulders, my helmet is on, I have a GoPro attached to a walking stick and Jonny is attaching his harness to the back of mine. He explains to me that he is going to tell me when to lean forward and that there is going to be a very strong pull when the paraglider catches the wind. Camera rolling and crouched forward the wind grabs the paragliders and I'm yanked back. I shuffle my feet backwards trying to keep upright and a couple seconds later that drag turns into lift and the glider rises above our heads and we start to leave the ground. I feel the last blades of weed graze my shoe as we sail off. 10 feet... 20... feet, 100 feet... We catch a thermal and begin to rise higher and higher. The launch zone becomes tiny area in the breadth of my view. The wind is humming through my ears as we rise to 5,000 feet over the ground.
I sat in a moment of zen like bliss and my breaths slowed from the initial adrenaline rush of launching. As I looked at the sky speckled with 30-or-so pilots enjoying a perfect day in the air, I had an "A-ha!" moment. There was a reason that I saw the Frenchman again. It was because I was exactly where I should be. I was pursuing adventure and that's why I ran into this man again. Far off outside of LA, and miles from where we originally met, I found the man who was living his dream. A dream so similar to mine. This is my "small world" exactly as it should be, I thought. No networking events or conferences, but the off-the-beaten-path adventure havens that attract others like me. I had planned to write that day but I didn't. After we landed I sat with my euro-spread and watched as one paraglider after the other came in to land. I enjoyed the serenity and embraced this unique sense of belonging that I found in the Frenchman. I hope to see him on some distant corner of the earth doing something else awesome one day.
PS. My roommate Jonny is an over-all awesome dude, a great instructor, and the owner of Oxygen Paragliding. Check out his Yelp page here. It was SUPER fun and I'd totally recommend it. I mean look at this guy... Who doesn't want to strap in with this good lookin lad.
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger
We all know we shouldn’t do it, but what we should do and will do are two very different things. However, since we all know that some of you will go ahead and ruin your lives anyway, let’s put together a few rules to help us keep the damage to as little as possible.
Keep the pursuing and flirting at work to a minimum – If you think she is interested in you and you want to pursue it, tell her that you and some friends are going out for some drinks and that she should meet you all out. This way the flirting and other such behavior stays out of the work place and you can get a better understanding of what her intentions are now that you are not in the office. Make sure that she knows it’s not a work function and that there is a primary reason you asked her to come out be it a music show, an art exhibit or wine tasting. This way it can’t be misinterpreted as a purely work related get together. You are looking to investigate this matter more and a concert or art show allows you to do this under the radar.
Be honest about what your intentions are – The more you try to hide or game play this situation the easier it is to blow up in your face. If you know a co-worker is interested and you are interested as well, be honest about what you want out of the relationship. If it’s just sex then let her know. That very well might be all that she wants as well. No need to cover up what you want only to have either of you feel lied to or taken advantage of.
Make sure that there is no evidence anywhere – Do not tell co-workers, take pictures or continue the flirting at work. You do not want to end up as gossip. If word starts going around the office that an affair might be happening then everyone’s views of the both of you can be challenged. This also gives others ammo to use against you in the climbing the ladder war. Whatever you do keep it between the both of you. Letting your buddy know the finer details of your tryst to win some cool points will only come back to bite you in the ass. Besides, cool people don’t have to talk about these sorts of things.
Careful of social media – To outgoing and busy people, social media might not carry much weight. But for a bored and drama-filled person, rooting around in other peoples’ lives hasn’t been easier. It will not be too hard to put 2 + 2 together and realize that something is possibly going on and “possibly” is all most drama causing people need to get it started. Either have a separate profile for co-workers or do not connect with them at all through social networks. It can only lead to trouble.
Make sure the other person is responsible – Yes it takes two to tango, but it only takes one to screw it all up. Try not to rationalize away red flags or bad behavior over a pretty face or perfect breasts. If you think the girl is a little off, then you’re probably right and you probably should not be encouraging an encounter. Then again, if you had that part of your brain working I wouldn’t have to write this article in the first place.
So go on and do what I told you not to do and hope for the best. At least follow our few simple rules.
Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.
As you all know ... I had a Coachella swag bag give away contest featuring all of these loverly items ...
Because of the popularity of the post with all of the shares in social media, I was also given these Beats By Dre wireless headphones in addition to give away ...
The contest had 3 rules:
1) To enter you have to perform a random act of kindness
2) You had to declare which product you wanted and what you were going to do with it.
3) 30 days after the contest is completed, I will follow up with everyone and make sure they have actually used each of the prizes for what they said they wanted to.
Sure, I could have just kept all of this for myself, but what about putting the GoPro in the hands of an aspiring filmmaker?? That would be LIFE CHANGING for someone like that, and since you all have blessed me so so much with facilitating my dream, I wanted to give back and help you guys with yours.
I was truly, truly humbled and shocked with what you all came up with for the random act.
This one was my favorite ...
Also what an AWESSSOOMMMEELLLYYY cool idea with teaching your bulldog how to skateboard. Unfortunately, the GoPro was the biggest ticketed item and the AMOUNT OF SUPPORT the winner received was difficult to ignore. I got tweets, comments ... people REALLY stood behind this individual.
Here are your winners ...
Danny Ortega - Seagate Wireless Plus 1TB mobile device storage
His passion is capturing photos and videos of his niece. He normally films her on his iPhone, but often finds himself running out of storage.
::insert cheesy 60s game show music and a host that is too tan, and has hair like George Jetson::
Boom chicka wow wow, well now Danny you can capture ALLLLLL of those moments with your niece ANNNDD have plenty of storage with this 1TB hard drive courtesy of our friends over at Seagate.
The Seagate Wireless Plus 1TB mobile device storage allows you to work anywhere on the go! You can have multi user streams, and up to TEN hours of battery life!!!
::audience applause::
Rachel Kiley - Seagate 500 GB Slim portable drive
You all may know Rachel as one of the writers and producers of the wildly popular web series Lizzie Bennet Diaries. Mama needs storage for all of her files, and projects.
::game show host voice:: Well, Storage is what you're getting darling!!!! Let's hear the description of what she won ...
The Seagate slim 500 GB portable drive offers thin, light, and easy backup. It has an aluminum design, is Facebook compatible, and provides super easy plug and play options.
Congratulations, Rachel!!
::audience applause::
Melodie Tao - Beats By Dre Headphones
Melodie works very hard as a social media consultant, yogi, and lover of all things tech. Super super sweet girl, and she wanted the Beats by Dre for her workouts. She wants to "get in the zone" and have kickin sound quality!
::game show host voice:: Well Melodie, welcome to the zoonnnneeee.
Let's hear what these Beats have to offer!!
The beats wireless headphones have a built in mic with controls for the ipad, iphone, and ipod touch and can be paired with other bluetooth enabled devices.
Experience high definition sound, and the ease of being wire free.
Enjoy Melodie!!
::audience applause::
Jacob Matthew - JBL j33i headphones
Jacob is a comedian in the midwest, and would like the JBL j33i headphones since he has to make a series of calls all day hustling and his arms get tired.
::game show host voice:: Well Jacob, now you can enjoy these premium in ear headphones with JBl as they offer three button mic/ remote controls your music and calls on select apple products. The j33i has a premium metal finish, deep powerful JBL bass, flat, stylish cable resists tangles, and a premium carry case.
Congrats Jacob!!
::audience applause::
And now for our final winner ... the winner of the Go Pro Hero 3, with wifi remote, and handle bar & chest mounts.
As this was the most requested item in the group, it was SOOOO difficult to pick. I didn't consider how difficult it was going to be to rate someone's passion and deem it "better" than another. Dude, if people want to pound sand all day every day I'm down. Whatever floats your boat in life, and whatever makes you happy. That's ALLLL that ever matters.
So, instead of leaving it up to me, I was actually inundated with emails, tweets, and comments on this individual and how hard and passionately he works.
Here is his initial entry ...
::game show host voice:: That's right, Joe Neuburger YOU HAVE WON THE HERO 3 FROM GO PRO!!!!
The Hero 3 from GoPro features an 11 mp image sensor, ultra wide angle aspherical lens, enhanced audio performance, micro HDMI port, and is wifi ready.
In addition to the Hero, we are also giving him the wifi remote, chest & handlebar mounts which are sold separately but enhance the GoPro experience.
::audience applause::
There you have it ladies, and germie men. CONGRATS TO ALL THE WINNERS!!! Please email me your mailing address, and I will mail everything out this weekend.
(I'm paying for shipping and handling for my own karma and decided to keep the JBL charge for myself in observance of my own hard work and deservingness.)
Remember all winners have 30 DAYS to actually execute their passions and do what they said they were going to do with each of the prizes.
Rock on everyone!! And thanks to EVERYONE who entered and performed the random acts of kindness. SO FREAKING COOL to read them all!!! And A BIIGGGG THANK YOUUUUUU to Sam Levin & Chris Voss for all the hard work with the gift bags that even allowed this to go down in the first place.
Thanks to JBL, Seagate, GoPro, Beats, and of course your mom.
Monday, June 10, 2013 at 9:00AM
(Parents- Mother in particular. Please don't read this)
