#NerdsUnite: 5 Rules For Engaging With Women At Work

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!!  </editorsnote> 

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

We all know we shouldn’t do it, but what we should do and will do are two very different things. However, since we all know that some of you will go ahead and ruin your lives anyway, let’s put together a few rules to help us keep the damage to as little as possible.

1. Keep the pursuing and flirting at work to a minimum – If you think she is interested in you and you want to pursue it, tell her that you and some friends are going out for some drinks and that she should meet you all out. This way the flirting and other such behavior stays out of the work place and you can get a better understanding of what her intentions are now that you are not in the office. Make sure that she knows it’s not a work function and that there is a primary reason you asked her to come out be it a music show, an art exhibit or wine tasting. This way it can’t be misinterpreted as a purely work related get together. You are looking to investigate this matter more and a concert or art show allows you to do this under the radar.
2. Be honest about what your intentions are – The more you try to hide or game play this situation the easier it is to blow up in your face. If you know a co-worker is interested and you are interested as well, be honest about what you want out of the relationship. If it’s just sex then let her know. That very well might be all that she wants as well. No need to cover up what you want only to have either of you feel lied to or taken advantage of.
3. Make sure that there is no evidence anywhere – Do not tell co-workers, take pictures or continue the flirting at work. You do not want to end up as gossip. If word starts going around the office that an affair might be happening then everyone’s views of the both of you can be challenged. This also gives others ammo to use against you in the climbing the ladder war. Whatever you do keep it between the both of you. Letting your buddy know the finer details of your tryst to win some cool points will only come back to bite you in the ass. Besides, cool people don’t have to talk about these sorts of things.
4. Careful of social media – To outgoing and busy people, social media might not carry much weight. But for a bored and drama-filled person, rooting around in other peoples’ lives hasn’t been easier. It will not be too hard to put 2 + 2 together and realize that something is possibly going on and “possibly” is all most drama causing people need to get it started. Either have a separate profile for co-workers or do not connect with them at all through social networks. It can only lead to trouble.
5. Make sure the other person is responsible – Yes it takes two to tango, but it only takes one to screw it all up. Try not to rationalize away red flags or bad behavior over a pretty face or perfect breasts. If you think the girl is a little off, then you’re probably right and you probably should not be encouraging an encounter. Then again, if you had that part of your brain working I wouldn’t have to write this article in the first place.

So go on and do what I told you not to do and hope for the best. At least follow our few simple rules.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

#NerdsUnite: Confident, Not Cocky

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!!  </editorsnote> 

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Everyone knows that women love confident men. The problem is that many guys, in their attempt to come across as confident and self-assured, fail to distinguish being confident from being a cocky asshole.

You may have good looks, a sense of humor, quick wit and intelligence, but if you don’t have confidence and self-esteem, you won’t have sex appeal.

Your physical presence demonstrates your comfort in a room, shows your involvement in a conversation and displays your masculinity to those around you. Three aspects that are relatively easy to do are working on your eye contact, having good posture and relaxing the way your body moves.

Eye contact may feel unnatural or awkward to you at first because it’s relatively intimidating. When you’re trying to keep eye contact to demonstrate your confidence, remember that eye contact is not staring at someone’s eyes. It is a connection. The last thing you want to do is lock eyes and bore holes through their heads or you’ll come off as threatening.

When you think of the most confident guy you’ve seen in movies, chances are he’s someone who has great posture. A slouched, downward-looking person is not convincingly confident, so having good posture is directly linked to whether others perceive you as being confident. Take notice of how you stand in your next interaction or conversation. Practice having good posture until it becomes a natural part of your presence.

If you have a commanding, confident presence but don’t have the abundance mentality or mindset of a high-value person, you’ll come across as slightly disingenuous, insecure and cocky. A high-value man knows he’s a person others like to being around and owns it. He doesn’t brag. He just shows it off through how he interacts with others. A high-value man has dealt with his self-doubt and image problems like a man, making him all the sexier.

Know the difference between confidence and cockiness. Confident men know themselves and stand tall because of it. Cocky men haven’t figured out who they are but do everything they can to come across as someone who has.

A solid, connected, defined sense of self is the kind that vibes with everyone. It’s confident.

If you’re coming across as cocky, you probably haven’t spent enough time trying to get to know yourself. Doing this can turn you into the sexy, confident man you’ve always wanted to be.

Sign up for our newsletters if you want to hear more about how to be confident without being cocky.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company, as well as the co-host of 'Go Legendary', a men's lifestyle & social dynamics talk show.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm Team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com

#NerdsUnite: Dating + Texting =M0dern Luv

<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

There is fine thread connecting dating and texting. While text messaging is far less invasive than a phone call, sending a text that comes across the wrong way can be like leaving a creepy message on a girl’s voicemail. And going from getting her number to getting the date can be near impossible if you are sending the wrong signals through your texts.

Although we can make plans with our buddies via texts without much issue, when texting begins to cross into the boundaries of attraction and dating, there are a few limits to how far one can (or should) go.

When you get a girl’s number, you should be texting her soon afterwards to set up a date. After the date you might text her to let her know you had fun and want to see her again sometime. Sometime before your next face to face encounter, you’ll most likely send her a flirty, fun message and banter back and forth over until you set up another meeting.

The right thing to do is send a light and playful reminder every couple of days. Too often will make you seem needy, not often enough and she’ll forget the positive impression you made on her.

Sadly many guys, especially younger guys, have fallen into an addictive pattern when it comes to texting. They’ve become slaves to the thrill of texting people; they text in the morning, at work, at night, when they’re out with the guys, when they’re in bed, and when they’re in a movie.

These guys are what we call texturbators. Texturbators text constantly just for the thrill of it – for no meaningful reason except the validation they get when she texts back. Unfortunately, just because she is writing back does not mean the relationship is moving forward. Texting is a tool, albeit a powerful one, that must be used with a purpose in mind. The texturbator will remain in a texting conversation longer than they should because he has no purpose in the conversation.

Don’t be a texturbator.

When you text someone, you usually don’t get an immediate response. There is no eye contact or body language to decipher, and although this may seem annoying, it’s really a gift because it means you can take your time responding. In real life you’re only as fast as your wit. With text, you can take a while to think of the perfect response each time.

How often have you walked away from a conversation with an attractive woman only to have the perfect thing to say come to mind right afterward? Why couldn’t it have come to you when you needed it? Texting will directly help you to develop the skill of quick wit and banter necessary for flirting.

Another huge benefit of texting is that it is far less invasive than a phone call would be.  With a text you get direct access to her. All she needs to do is open her phone. This means you are far more likely to get a response than if you call because she could be in a place where she can’t talk.

Another advantage of texting is that she is much more likely to say what is on her mind because you aren’t face to face. The lack of social pressure in texting can be particularly useful when it comes to creating a sexual state with her.

Finally, text messaging allows you to work smarter, not harder. You can flirt with several girls at once from just about anywhere.

Texting is no doubt one of the most powerful and versatile tools for building and maintaining attraction with a woman. But sometimes it can lead to becoming a texturbator. Overtexting is a dangerous game. Persistent text messages communicate neediness and a scarcity mentality. Neediness is communicated through a need for her approval and response. Texting too much shows attention-seeking behavior.

“She didn’t text me back!”

“What should I do? She is ignoring me!”

You should be looking at this situation with an abundance mentality, not a scarcity mentality. Abundance says, “She didn’t text me back but it’s ok, there are plenty of other fish out there.” Scarcity says, “Oh no, I did something wrong, I better send a few more texts to make myself look cool again.”

Another thing low-value guys do is respond immediately every time. Taking some time to respond communicates that you have a life and other things going on. She is not the most important thing in your life. If you are always available and respond immediately or are continually texting her throughout your day, she will wonder why you don’t have anything else keeping you busy. I don’t mean purposely wait a few hours to text back; I mean don’t drop everything to check your phone when it vibrates.

Think about this: if you already have a life full of amazingly beautiful women, would you really care if an interaction with a new one failed? No! You have enough going on in your life that it’s okay if one interaction doesn’t work out!

You must release your attachment to the outcome. High-value men like you should be screening low-value people out, not hanging on to whatever comes your way.

These behaviors are a guaranteed way to kill attraction. Being a texturbator and being at the beck and call of your phone does not show others the value you have, nor the quality of person you are. If you want to know more about texting, head over to howtotextgirls.com and check it out. We’ve got the textbook for sale there as well, which will give you tons of help.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

#NerdsUnite: Five Moves That Make You Look Bad in Bed (and How to Avoid Them)

<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

As a talk show host and dating coach for The Art of Charm, I speak to thousands of guys every year who entrust me with their deepest fears and insecurities. One of the most common, by far, is that women will think a guy’s bad in bed.

If you’re a two-pump chump, can’t get it up or think “labia” is a country in Africa, they’ll find out pretty damn quick that you can’t take care of business. But what’s more disturbing? A woman can tell a guy’s hopeless long before you glimpse her undies—and that can actually prevent any action from even happening.

Even if you’re a superstar in the sack, telltale signs can kill your chances of proving it. Here are five my expert sources (a.k.a. hot chicks) say are dealbreakers—and how to fix them.

Problem: Fidgeting

Art of Charm coach Kim assumes a guy will be bad in bed by how he moves. Quick, jerky or nervous movements show plainly that “he’s not comfortable in his own body, and won’t be comfortable with mine.”

Fix it: 

The quickest solution is exercise, especially a masculine sport such as boxing or MMA. If you don’t enjoy getting punched in the grill repeatedly on a daily basis, go for Crossfit—it totally changes how you move, increases body coordination and obliterates stress. Say goodbye to nervous, jerky movements and say hello to a new body type and level of fitness. As an bonus, most Crossfit boxes (gyms) are jam-packed with hot, fit women.

 Problem: Queasiness

You’re grossed out by the human body and freak when a girl has leg hair, you spot menstrual blood, etc. Our girl Andrea, 27, tells us, “the yard shouldn’t have to be perfectly groomed for you to play in it.” If you’re verbally or visibly uneasy with the female body or your own, she senses that you’re probably going to be a pretty sterile, unimaginative lay.

Fix it:

Get over it, bro. Sex is sometimes down and dirty. The more you learn to dig that, the more comfortable she’ll feel letting her guard down around you both on the streets and between the sheets.

Problem: Indecision

Think “I don’t know, what do you want to do tonight?” That kind of wishy-washiness hardly impresses Leyla, 26. “When he leaves everything to me on a date, it leads me to expect that he’s going to be the same way in the bedroom, and women don’t want that.”

Fix it:

Man up and plan a date. It doesn’t have to be perfect—just putting forth the effort goes a long way. Quick tip: invite her to something you’re already planning on doing. “Hey, have you been to the Chinese Market downtown? Some friends and I might check it out this weekend. They’ve got all kinds of unidentifiable things that you can eat. Feeling adventurous enough to join us?” The added benefit is, if she flakes, you’re not stuck sitting around. 

Problem: Bad Touching

This is one of the top complaints women have about men regarding foreplay and sex. It’s something that even many experienced guys get totally, horribly wrong. Emily, a sexologist and friend of The Art of Charm, explains that she “has to like the way his casual touch feels. If I unconsciously tense up and pull away from his touch, I listen to my body. Also, if he touches me too much or not enough, I can tell he won’t know how to please me when things get more intimate.”

Fix it:

Your touch should be natural, and escalate from friendly to something more over time. In other words, the exact opposite of the ultra-common mistake—not touching until you’re trying to “make a move.” Also, don’t look at the area you’re touching or call undue attention to it, which will creep her out big time. All this requires practice. Learn more here.

Problem: Lack of Adventure

Saying things that make you sound boring in the sack is unforgivable. Among the worst blunders is being judgmental about other people’s sexual proclivities. Katie, 29, was turned off when a guy expressed a bit of revulsion about a past sexual exploit. “He basically labeled himself a dead cow in bed when he told me that the last girl he dated was ‘kind of a freak’ because she wanted him to pull her hair. Sorry, but almost every girl I know loves that at the right time. If he thinks that was weird, I’m going to have to teach him everything, and it’ll probably fall on deaf ears.”

Fix it: 

Keep an open mind, and, if you can’t, shut the hell up. The saddest part is, the poor schmuck in the above example was probably just testing the waters to see if Katie would be into it—he just handled it all wrong. The best way to introduce something new, by the way, is to gently give it a try while you’re in the act and go from there. Just, maybe don’t bring out the handcuffs right away.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

#NerdsUnite: So She Has a Boyfriend. So what?

<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

So you hit it off with a woman and then she tells you that she has a boyfriend.

If you really have balls – and you have to do this with extreme confidence – you can to look her directly in the eyes and say, “Listen, I’m going to lay it flat out for you. I rarely meet someone that I find this attractive, and you’ve got fucking killer energy.”

Continue, “Here’s what I’m going to do: I know that there’s a chance in life that this boyfriend of yours – and he’s your boyfriend, not your husband – might not work out in the future. I’m not someone who is going to squash your relationship; I’m not going to tell you to break up with him, and I don’t want to be your friend.”

“It’s not that I don’t like being friends with women, but I don’t want to be the shoulder to cry on.” So you say all that and then you just smile. You can even play it up a little bit and play it off as a joke: “I don’t like wearing dresses; I’m not one of the girls.”

You keep going, “But I have to tell you something – you have a dynamic presence. If you ever break up with him, here is my card. Tuck it away in a corner; put it on the shelf in your shoe closet – I don’t care where you put it. But if you break up with him, you and I are going to get together and I’m going to get to know you better.”

If you can say that with confidence, hand her that card, and then with the theme music to a movie in your head, you touch her lightly on the arm and ask, “What was your name?” She says, “Amy.”

You respond, “Amy, it was a pleasure. We will be seeing each other soon.” And then you walk away smoothly.

She will tell her friends and her friends will not believe her. Her friends will say, “What are you talking about? Why are you still going out with Joe? Come on, go out with that guy!” And she’ll have your card. She’ll produce that card.

You have to play the percentages. Just because she’s in a relationship doesn’t mean it’s a good or healthy one. You don’t have time to find out if it’s good or not – you’re not a girl. You don’t want to find out about the depth of her relationship with another guy.

But you are willing to play the cards. And when you play that card, it will get passed around to her friends. “Was he hot?” they will ask. “Oh my god, he was hot,” she will say, and they’ll say, “Text him, text him!”

If you have that confidence, you never know what might happen. I have done this before and received random text messages a few days later. You ask, “Who is this?” and she responds, “It’s Magazine Girl!”

If you really want to get in touch with her, get sensual with her and give her a nickname. “Alright, Magazine Girl, I’ll see you later.” “Alright, Chocolate Girl, I’ll see you later.” Giving her a nickname creates immediate intimacy.

Doing this takes total balls!

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.