Words of Wisdom with @Jesus_M_Christ

#NerdsUnite: Food Reviews From The Stache Formerly Known As Freddy Mercury

<editorsnote> I was at the bar the other night, and I saw a moustache sitting next to a martini. I found this rather strange at first since I had yet to ever come across a moustache just chilling by himself at the bar ... but decided to just roll with it. In the beginning he was a bit arrogant. He couldn't shut his whiskers blabbing ALLLL about his previous owner, whom he claims is the great Freddy Mercury. 

What's your name? I asked finally getting a word in edgewise.

I'm the "stache formerly known as freddy mercury." He continued, it's like Prince. I'm just the symbol of the stache.

He then asked me out on a date, and I don't know exactly how my boyfriend felt about it - but I wasn't too shocked when he answered the door with a razor in his hand. Besides, could I REALLY pass up an opportunity to have a night out with a mustache?

The stache then told me ALLLL about his love for food, so I decided to give him a spot on this site to discuss his culinary conquests.

And now we are here, and this is happening. Time to shine, little stache!! HIT IT STACHE FORMERLY KNOWN AS FREDDY MERCURY!!!   </editorsnote> 

So this has been a long time coming.

I have been living in denial for many years.

I have had to have a sit down a with a long lost departed friend and have a heart to heart with him.

It is possibly the biggest loss in my life and I have been coping for years. I went on benders (Lindsey Lohan style) and ended up in rehab.

I was doing unmentionable things in clubs, and found myself coming home to find that I was unsatisfied with the direction I was going in life. 

I had so much guilt, and felt so ashamed because I lived quite the life with my best friend and counterpart. 

We traveled the world and had so many experiences that changed us for good or bad. 

In the end I have decided to live in celebration of my main man Mr Fahrenheit, but formally known as Freddy Mercury. 

He was an inspiration to us all and it was hard to have to talk on a spiritual level with him and ask to finally go my own way.  

My passion being food, I was bound and determined to travel the world and critique the good the bad and the totally fucked up cuisine that we had come across in our journeys. 

As you may know myself along with the Fredster traveled quite a bit and had more food that we could ever imagine. Some sausages were more along his liking but hey we were buds and that's what you do for your best mate. I just hated when the unwanted sausages tasted of sauerkraut and there was none to be found anywhere. 

Sorry of the tangent but one could imagine I have a pallet and love of food. So my current goal is to go on a food review expedition. To show the mom and pop places that shine while calling out the high brow, see to be seen type of places. I will always critique in as polite a manner as possible but seriously if you make me pay big money and you serve me something that freddy's balls could have cooked better than we will have a fucking issue. So be warned, if "stache formally known as mercury" walks into your establishment, you may be stashed. And trust me girls like to be stashed. But the stash don't lie, if you go down and it don't taste right, I can't report on anything good, and Im not the type to drink away my indiscretions. So be warned world. The stash formally know as freddy mercury is on the loose and has a kick ass pair of wing tip shoes to go along with this swagger. 

Credentials as follows:

One) I rocked on stage with Freddy for years and I am not scared to be out there and just be pretty bad ass.

Two) I have traveled extensively with the Merc and he is a man of discerning taste which has also left me with quite the knowledge of food. Secretly when Freddy was passed out at times I would head down to the kitchen and pick up pointers on the good the bad and the ugly of restaurant life.

C) I also have the ability make a girl faint by giving her the sexy stash furl. No one can resist the stache known as Mercury

Elephant) Music I would say would be another aspect of life and I will call most of you out on bad taste because I have the ONLY GOOD TASTE AROUND. Queen of course followed by Rush and REO speedwagon as a close second, Sam cooke is also good for the soul. So anything else just doesn't fly in my book. So don't test me, I know where all of you live.

ToiletPaper) I am a ladies man, and a man's man given the relationship I had with Freddy. Wonderful man I must say.

X) I also like long walks on the beach (alone by the way because none of you mofo's have anything good to say when it comes to romance so I tend to take advantage of myself after a few cocktails)

EmCee) I can change a car tire but I tend to wait on the side of the road acting quite hopeless in hopes that a man in shinning armor will rescue me or a grocery store isle with a borrowed child works too. 

Yellow) Other than that I just tend to generally rock.

One last bit of advice, 90's style fashion, sorry toooooooo fucking soon and shame on any of you who partake in it. Go back to the midwest and get a bowl haircut because if the stash sees you in public you will be superman punched. Not out of anger. Trust me this is for you, because I just want to help.

Stache formally known as Mercury out!!!!!!!!!!

:::: Mircrophone Drop:::::

#nerdsunite

#NerdsUnite: Spark to Fire‏

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

I have been dating my girlfriend now for about 6 months. She came to me the other day worried and nervous about the honeymoon phase ending. That she didn’t know what to expect because she had never really had a long term relationship. She was fearful about that initial spark fading away. I don’t blame her. Many a relationship has met its doom after the first flight high towards the sun. Then burning up like Icarus’s wings and plummeting to the rocks below. Finding little to nothing in common with each other, aside from the physical fascination that kept them afloat for the three months prior. Failing like a fad diet and putting on the pounds of regret and time lost. So I told her as I will tell you all now, about the end of the honeymoon phase.

So often we find ourselves fully wrapped up in the origin of a relationship. Getting to know someone seems so thrilling when you literally know nothing about the other person. Not really. Which may explain why being close friends first steals the honeymoon phase before you even have it. With someone new you are introducing them to the things you like and trying the things they enjoy. It’s all so fantastic. As the days go by though you start to find that the things you thought were so cute at first may end up annoying you. The time you spend together becomes a chore and you wonder what other things you could be doing. You start scheduling times to hang out because being spontaneous leaves you sleep less and without energy. Sexually, you may have tried it all and the thrill of it could become common practice and less than adventurous. The honeymoon phase is ending. One of you starts to pull away and the other either takes a hint and leaves or tries harder to win back the affection lost. The spark is dying. The time is lost. The relationship is becoming an estranged friendship. It’s hard to keep going when you are losing interest, keep in mind we all have 15 sec attention spans anymore. So how do you go about keeping the interest alive? I’m sure there are hundreds of magazines and books written on this. So here’s my take on keeping that spark.

The trick is, to add wood to that spark. You can’t keep a fire going if you aren’t stoking the coals and adding more kindling. Never lose sight of who you are with or take them for granted.  A successful relationship takes that spark that started it and turns it into a fire. Each party should be giving and taking almost equally. You should cultivate a partnership that’s mutually beneficial. Communication should be key in this. Open conversation acts as Oxygen or fuel. The conduit to understanding what they want in the developing relationship. Where they want it to go and what they want from it. They also need to know your desires in this regard. You need to learn how to read a person when they aren’t saying anything at all.  In these times they will be telling you more than they ever could verbally. Focus on the happiness and keeping each other happy. Anyone can nitpick the bad, the faults, the discrepancies in a relationship. Littering their mind with excuses for why it could and should end. Sweep that trash away and live to be loved. Embrace the desire you have to create lasting moments and memories. With each day find some way to add a log onto that fire. Seek to create the eternal flame. If you can’t or don’t want to; then chances are this relationship with fall into the heap of failures you judge each new possibility on. If you can’t or won’t work at it you won’t get the rewards of a real relationship. Lust and curiosity is the spark, love and knowledge is the fire.

Speaking of judging, never compare someone to a previous Ex. I know you will. You can’t avoid it. Just don’t let it change how you see this new possibility.  Every person is different and you will find qualities you both like and dislike about this person. Things you will have liked about others that are not present in the new. Things you wish they would do, but don’t. Too often we compare everything to previous incarnations. Just think about how you feel after every new version of Doctor Who! Think music and how this band’s last album was way better, never realizing that the band is growing and trying new things. So too will you be with each new person you pursue. You probably won’t find, “the one” right off the bat. So you work towards it. The greatest injustice you can ever commit is comparing anyone to your “What-If”. The Girl that Got Away. The Pedestal of Perfection. See sometimes the relationship you build in your head without it ever happening will be the most damning thing you have ever created. Your assumption of the best through a made up reality will only sever all ties with anyone that doesn’t live up to that pedestal. Over all just be happy you have someone, when so many others are still looking.

With the hundreds of dating sites out there all seeking to match people with someone, they size you up though a web profile based on lies you tell, where the other person is probably lying. Or worse discarding those who are too honest because honesty makes you seem less likable in the origins of dating. If you have found someone that really makes you smile. Treasure that. Fall madly in love. I for one had a lot of doubt about this current relationship, because I didn’t have to walk through fire to catch her. I didn’t have to overcome outstanding odds to be with her. I didn’t have to prove myself better than other suitors. It just seemed to happen. So the fire I didn’t have to walk through turns out to be the fire I have created from the spark. The outstanding odds I overcame were the chance that I was randomly at the right time and place. I didn’t have to prove myself over other suitors, because I may be a weird shaped puzzle piece... but this is where I fit. I have spent every day making sure she knows that this spark that started our relationship, will lead to a fire that will consume the rest of our lives and maybe just maybe we will rise from the still burning ashes as a couple tested in the fires of devotion, communication, love, and acceptance. All the doubt and disbelief left as only ash behind us. I’m not looking for a happily ever after or a princess just a person that gets me. Can anyone really ask for any more than that?

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Jordan on the twittah!

Weird Al Says: #WTF?!

"God" is the only character on The Simpsons to ever have 5 fingers on each hand.

This has been a moment of ... WTF?! 

#Randombling: Xanax + Wine + Epic Stache = uh, this post?

 <editorsnote> Normally, as you all know, I use planes to write; it is my "down time." My 305 boyfriend, however, is absolutely absolutely absolutely PETRIFIED of planes. Our first flight together back out to LA was his first time flying in 7 years. Big deal …. HUGE deal, and my role while flying has now been altered. To ease his anxiety about flying, he takes xanax and also chooses to let's say "liquify" the rest of his courage.

On his first commercial flight, while we were sitting in first class (wait, he just did a fist pump as i typed this. is that a sprinkler? i don't even know what he is doing right now …) he fell in love with the flight attendant Robert who happens to possess NOT ONLY the attitude of Burt Reynolds (his personal hero) but also his epic stache; both of our lives have been changed & we are now writing from that place …. </editorsnote> 

::10 minutes after take off we have not only been notified of extreme turbulence, but also a 25 minute delay in seat belt sign release.:: 

Me: I HAVE TO GO PEE!! SO SO SO BADLY!!! 

305: FEELS LIKE ST ANTHONY JUST TOUCHED MY PROSTATE IN A BAD WAY.

Me: IS THERE A GOOD WAY TO BE TOUCHED BY ST ANTHONY? ISNT HE THE SAINT YOU TALK TO FOR LOST THINGS? 

305: YES I ASKED HIM ONCE TO LOOK FOR GABRIEL'S HORN SO HE COULD BLOW IT. WHEN HE REPLIED WHERE IS THE HORN I POINTED AT MY TROUSERS.

Me: ….. THIS MAKES SENSE … 

::stares in a state of slight confusion:: 

305: I HAVE A FEELING YOU ARE NOW LOST SO ASK ST ANTHONY WHERE MY HEAD IS ON THIS ONE & THEN ASK ROBERT BECAUSE HE "GETS IT."

Me: NO, I'M NOT LOST. ST GABRIEL IS THE "FALLEN ANGEL." HE IS THE SAINT THAT BECAME EVIL, CORRECT? 

(said the chick that grew up in an all jewish town and not only asked at age 7 who actually "wrote" the bible but barely passed CCD out of confusion of organized religion in general and a series of too many "questions" asked of priests that still have yet to provide an answer.) 

305: I AM THINKING YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT ARCHANGEL MICHAEL WHO FELL FROM GOD'S GRACE'S BUT GOOD OLD GABRIEL WAS INVOLVED BECAUSE GOD CAUGHT MICHAEL BLOWING GABRIEL'S HORN.

Me: THAT'S RIGHT. GABRIEL IS THE MESSENGER OF GOD. BASICALLY, HE'S THE DUDE THAT HAD TO COME IN AND CLEAN UP ALL THE DIRTY WORK THAT GOD CREATED. HE WAS HIS ASSISTANT IF YOU WILL, AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO THINGS THAT START WITH THE WORD ASS … 

305: I BELIEVE THE TECHNICAL TERM WOULD BE "SPLUG MOPPER."

::he whispers loudly in my ear "do you know what that is?" as i type …:: 

Me: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT IS. 

305: IT'S THE DUDE THAT CLEANED UP AFTER SUCH PEOPLE AS PEE WEE HERMAN WHEN HE PLEASURED HIMSELF IN A MOVIE THEATER.

Me: SO, HE'S A CLEANER, BUT NOT IN THE SAME WAY LIKE THE DUDE FROM THE PROFESSIONAL. 

PS. NATALIE PORTMAN WAS AAAHHHHMAZING IN THAT MOVIE, AND SHE WAS 12. 

AT 28 I STILL FEEL INFERIOR TO HER 12 YEAR OLD BAD ASSERY IN THAT MOVIE. 

305: AND I NEEDED A SPLUG MOPPER AFTER WATCHING HER IN THAT.

Me: I HAVE HEARD THAT A LOT ACTUALLY.  THIS IS A TANGENT RIGHT? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS? AND HOW IS ROBERT'S MUSTACHE DOING? 

305: VERY WELL FROM WHAT I CAN SEE …  AND THE POST STARTED WITH A FULL BLADDER WHICH SEEMS TO BE GETTING FULLER BY THE MINUTE AND THE BUMPY SKIES ARE NOT HELPING. 

Me: FOR REALS, I REALLY DO HAVE TO PEE TOO. WAIT, SO YOU'RE IN THE WINDOW AND IM IN THE AISLE. DOES ETIQUETTE DICTATE WHO GOES FIRST? AND DONT I WIN TWICE OVER BECAUSE IM A WOMAN AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND? 

PS. IM AN EPPPIICCC PEE-ER. 2013 FASTEST PEE-ER THIS SIDE OF THE MISSISSIPPI WHICH IS SPELLED M.I.S.S.I.S.S.I.P.P.I. AH BUGGAR, I JUST REMINDED MYSELF OF PEEING. FAIL FRIEL, FAIL. 

305: WELL USUALLY I WOULD SAY YES, HOWEVER DESPITE BEING IN FIRST CLASS, I PERSONALLY HAVE NO CLASS. WHAT I DO HAVE IS A HIGH FIVE WITH YOUR FACE WRITTEN ALL OVER IT. 

(domestic abuse is not condoned in this post) 

BESIDES, THERE AREN'T ANY TREES NEARBY AND I DON'T THINK PEOPLE WILL ALLOW ME TO PULL UP NEXT TO AN EXIT WINDOW AS MY POINT OF EVACUATION IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN … 

Me: IM PRETTY SURE THAT COULD ALSO GET YOU KICKED OFF THE PLANE. EITHER WAY, $10 SAYS ROBERT'S DEATH STARE WILL STOP YOUR URINE DEAD IN ITS TRACKS.

305: NOT SURE ABOUT THAT ONE. HE HAS A DEATH STARE THAT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE IN SO MANY WAYS. I AM NOT GAY BY ANY STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION …  BUT I JUST FELL IN LOVE…  ALL OVER AGAIN … SO I THINK HE MAY ENJOY MY SLIGHT EXPLOIT AND RECOGNIZE THE MATING DANCE. 

Me: MATING DANCE? OR BRO-MANCE?HOLD UP, DID YOU ACTUALLY JUST GO ALL WEST HOLLYWOOD ON THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT?IM NOT MAD AT EITHER … PROPS … SPECIALLY PROP EIGHT … BUT REALLY? 

305: LIKE THE OLD PROP 8 DROP…. YES WE PLAN TO ELOPE QUITE SOON. 

I HAVE BEEN PLANNING MY PROPOSAL, IN MY HEAD AND IS ACCOMPANIED BY MY FAXED VERSION OF A BREAK UP LETTER TO YOU. AS A SIGN OF DISGUST I AM GOING OLD SCHOOL FAX. 

IN YOUR FACE TECHIE QUEEN!!!!!

Me: DID YOU JUST TELL ME YOU'RE GOING TO FAX IN OUR BREAK UP LETTER?? 

::sigh:: I THINK I JUST FELL IN LOVE. 

305: OH SWEETIE I THINK I JUST FELL IN LOVE AGAIN. YOU'RE SO SWEET FOR SUPPORTING MY DECISIONS TO GO WITH ROBERT … 

::captain interruption - skies are now clear and I am going to allow flight attendants to begin service.:: 

Me: ROBERT IS BEGINNING YOUR SERVICE ::COUGH COUGH:: I MEAN HIS SERVICING. 

305: I CANT WAIT TO BE SERVICED.

STASH FORMALLY KNOWN AS FREDDY MERCURY OUT!!!!!!!

::: Microphone drop ::::

Me: DUDE, QUIT WITH THE QUEEN LOVE, I JUST HAVE TO PEE … 

305: PLEASE GO BEFORE I MESS UP MY CHANCES WITH ROBERT BY ACCIDENTALLY PEEING MYSELF. 

NOT EVERYONE LIKES A GOLDEN SHOWER ON A FIRST DATE.

Me: WHAT ABOUT GOLDEN BATHS? ARE THOSE A THING? 

305: YEAH BUT IT BURNS THE EYES AND LIPS FOR REASONS I HAVE YET TO FIGURE OUT. PLUS WATER TEMPS ARE DIFFICULT TO REGULATE. 

::stares blankly as a man in the row in front of us uses the bathroom. shakes head in disgust while mouthing the word "bastard.":: 

305: IN THE WORDS OF JONNY 5, "YOUR MOTHER WAS A SNOWBLOWER"

::directed at the dude in the potty::

Me: I THINK WE ARE ABOUT TO BE HANDED A WET TOWEL. 

:: gets handed wet towel by robert:: 

DUDE, DOES ANYONE ELSE REMEMBER THE ORIGAMI ENVELOPES FROM 5TH GRADE?? THEY TOTALLY JUST COPIED THAT SHIZNAT!! 

305: IT'S A WET NAP, LET'S BE REAL. 

Me: AH YES. TIME FOR A WET … NAP …. 

305: I REFER TO THOSE WET NAPS AS WET DREAMS AND I HAVE ALREADY "BEAT" YOU TO IT … OR MORE ACCURATELY ROBERT HAS "BEAT" YOU TO IT. 

Me: IS THAT WHY HE ASKED IF YOU LIKED THE BOURBON HE RECOMMENDED? HE SPENT AN AWFUL LONG TIME INQUIRING ABOUT THE …. TASTE …. 

305: AND IT TASTES FUCKING AAAAAMMMMMAZING. REMINDS ME OF THE LAST TIME I VISITED THE EASTER BUNNY. SHIT GOT WEIRD BUT I A CAME OUT ON TOP IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Me: UM, YOU CAME OUT ON TOP OF A BUNNY? ISN'T THAT AS BAD AS BEING THE TOWN'S TALLEST LITTLE PERSON? REALLY? REALLY? 

305: NO IT JUST MEANS I LIKE TO BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BY MYTHICAL HOLIDAY DIRTY OLD MEN DRESSED IN COSTUME.  BUT I DONT NEED A DOLL TO SHOW ANYONE WHERE I WAS TOUCHED, AND LET ME TELL YOU IT WAS … "SPECIAL."

Me: DUDE, AS YOUR GIRLFRIEND, I CAN TOTALLY DRESS UP AS COMMERCIAL HOLIDAY REPRESENTATIONS IF IT'S GOING TO TURN YOU ON. IM TOTES HAPPY TO DRESS UP AS A FAT MAN THAT LOVES TO HAVE LITTLE KIDS BOUNCED ON HIS LAP. FOR YOU DARLING, ANYTHING!!!! 

::305 whispers in my ear: Robert is about to come over and address our table. you might want to move your computer.:: 

Me: REALLY??? REALLY??!?!?!?! 

305: RESPECT THE CLASS ACT THAT IS KNOWN AS ROBERT. I MAY LOVE YOU BUT HE IS MY MISTRESS.

::Robert just came over and dressed our trays with napkins as he asked what our preference was for dinner this evening. while present, he asked (referencing 305's alcohol) and shook his finger in a circular, hurricane motion asking how much he "liked it." 

shit you not, that was SERIOUSLY wax on wax off-esuqe. … 305-son representing; He is the miyagi of flight attendants … not only is 305 EXTREMELY EXTREMELY calm despite the turbulence, he is falling in love. Madly, madly in love.

20 minutes later, dinner has been served and Robert cleared my plate before 305's. 

Suddenly, the tables have been turned and 305 is no longer the object of Robert's affection. 

He is instead merely … there.:: 

305: this is an official Fuck you. with utmost respect. uck-fay ou-yay. 

Me: SUCH HOSTILITY!!! ROBERT HAS MIYAGIED THE SHIT OUT OF YOU HASN'T HE?!?!? IS THIS THE ULTIMATE JEDI MIND TRICK?? HOW DO YOU ALSO KNOW THIS IS NOT PART OF HIS PLAN?? MAYBE HE WANTS YOU … TO WANT…  HIM …. FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF … WANT?!?! 

305: WELL FIRST OF ALL, MIYAGI HAS NOTHING ON THE DEATH STAR BITCHES. 

SECOND I AM WELL AWARE OF THE GAME. I AM PLAYING HARD TO GET RIGHT NOW, AND LETS BE HONEST XANAX AND WINE MAKE ME A LITTLE HARDER TO GET IN THE HARD FACTOR … BUT YES, I WILL CASUALLY WADDLE TO THE BATHROOM AS OF SOON, AND ACT AS THOUGH MY ZIPPER IS STUCK AND WHO WILL I ASK FOR HELP? THE ALMIGHTY YOGURT HIMSELF BECAUSE THE SHWARTZ IS STRONG WITH HIM, BUT IF I CANT FIND HIM I WILL SETTLE FOR ROBERT BECAUSE I COULD SEE GETTING MY SWARTZ TANGLED WITH HIS.

Me: DID YOU JUST SPACE BALLS YOUR OWN BALLS? I THINK I MIGHT BE IN LOVE … 

305: NO I WAIT FOR PIZZA THE HUT TO GET IN ON THE ACTION.

Me: KINKY …. 

305: I KNOW, BRINGS NEW MEANING TO FROM UNDA CHEEZE.

::furrows eyebrows to express disgust:: 

Me: DUDE, SO GROSS. YOU CANT REFERENCE CHEESE AND A CHICK. NO BUENO. 

305: FIRST OFF ALL,  WHO SAID A CHICK WAS INVOLVED! AND SECOND ITZ MOTZEREALLA SO POO POO TO YOU. PLUS IT'S SO HARD WHEN YOU GO PLAID. AND AS A SIDE NOTE HOW MANY ASSHOLES DO WE HAVE ON THIS SHIP?!?!?!?!?!

Me: WELL, IT'S A PLANE, SO THERE ARE EXACTLY 12 IN FIRST CLASS … THE TWO OF US INCLUDED … OUTSIDE OF THAT THIS IS A 737? SO APPROXIMATELY 200? FTR, THATS A WHOLE LOT OF ASSHOLERY. 

305: AND GUESS WHICH ASSHOLE GOT ME BACK ON A PLANE FOR THE FIRST TIME?? IT WAS RIVER PHOENIX, OBVIOUSLY. 

Me: WHY YOU GOTZ TO BRING THE VIPER ROOM INTO THIS CONVERSATION? YOU MAY NOT LIKE LA, BUT I DO!!! 

305: GUESS THIS RELATIONSHIP JUST TOOK A TURN FOR THE WORSE … 

Me: LISTEN 305, I RESPECT THE FEAR OF FLYING. IVE SEEN THE MOVIE HIGH ANXIETY, AND CAN SING THE THEME SONG.LIKE ROBERT AND HIS EPIC STACHE, I "GET IT." HAVE I MENTIONED IN THE LAST 5 MINUTES THAT I LOVE YOU? 

305: TECHNICALLY, YES BECAUSE YOU JUST DID. I GUESS I CAN LET SOME OF THIS SHIT SLIDE FOR NOW. A HIGH FIVE OR A SUPER STOKED FIST PUMP TO THE DOME MIGHT COME LATER BUT ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT IS A ACT OF EXCITEMENT AND IT DEFINITELY HURTS YOU MORE THAN ME. BUT IT IS PURELY OUT OF LOVE AND WHEN I MEAN LOVE, I MEAN THE LOVE I HAVE FOR PITBULL.

Me: THANK YOU 305 …. THANK …. YOU …. 

305: YOU'RE WELCOME FELLOW PITBULL LOVER. 

ALL JOKES ASIDE YOU ARE EVERYTHING ANYONE COULD WANT. I WAS SO FORTUNATE TO BE A PART OF YOUR LIFE AND WILL NEVER UNDERESTIMATE YOU OR TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED. 

YOU HAVE GIVEN ME HOPE …  BECAUSE AT LEAST YOU ATTEMPTED …. A BREAD PUDDING…….

Me: YES, I BAKED FOR YOU … THAT'S A FIRST, AND WAS WELL DESERVED. 

WELL … WELL … DESERVED. 

305: TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, 

THIS IS A RAMBLE OF WEIRD COMMENTARY BASED OUT OF ECCENTRIC INDIVIDUALS ALL OF WHICH REFLECT SOME FORM OF LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. I HOPE TO ALL OF YOU THAT SOME DAY YOU WILL FIND WHAT I HAVE FOUND. 

THIS WORLD IS HUGE AND MANY OF US HIDE INSIDE BECAUSE WE ARE SCARED WHAT WE DREAMED OF AS CHILDREN WILL NEVER COME TRUE. 

THE TEACHERS WHO TOLD US NO, THE AUNTS AND UNCLES WHO LOOKED DOWN ON US. THE WORLD TELLING US CREATIVITY WAS A PLACE WHERE NOTHING GOOD TO COME OF. 

WE ARE A POPULACE THAT DESCENDED FROM THE ECCENTRIC AND THE WORLD WOULD NOT BE WHAT IT IS TODAY WITHOUT PEOPLE LIKE JEN AND THE READERS OF THIS SITE. 

KEEP BEING WEIRD, MAKE PEOPLE SMILE, AND MOST OF ALL CATCH THEM OFF GUARD. 

WE ALL NEED A WAKE UP CALL. EVERY DAY &  I HAVE FOUND MINE.  

I WISH FOR EVERYONE TO FIND THE SAME. 

JEN IS SOMEONE OF INSPIRATION AND I HOPE SHE IS INSPIRATION TO ALL OF YOU TO GO OUT AND EXPLORE THE WORLD FOR WHAT IT HAS TO OFFER. 

SOMETIMES THE "REJECTS" FIND THE POETRY IN LIFE WHERE OTHERS SEE SHAME OR DIGUST. 

THE BEATNICKS OF THE PAST DIDNT GET "NOTICED" THEY MERELY FOUND "ENLIGHTENMENT" THROUGH DIVERSITY. 

WE ALL MUST STAND ALONE IN THE FACT, BUT DONT BE AFRAID TO DO SO. IT IS THE ACT OF SELF AWARENESS AND THE EMPOWERMENT IT BRINGS. 

DREAMS ARE ALWAYS ATTAINABLE, AND THE MORE YOU HAVE THE MORE THE ODDS ARE IN YOUR FAVOR SO FUCK THE WORLD AND THE IDEALS THEY PUSH ON US. 

WE NEVER NEEDED THEM TO BEGIN WITH. 

THIS LIFE IS OURS FOR THE TAKING AND JEN IS A LIVING EXAMPLE OF THAT. 

SO LET HER INSPIRE BUT ALSO USE THAT TO INSPIRE OTHERS BECAUSE LIFE WOULD BE BLAND OTHERWISE.

I LOVE YOU JEN!!!!

Me: DUDE, QUIT PROJECTING YOUR LOVE FOR  ROBERT UNTO ME. I KNOW THIS IS JUST A PROFESSION OF YOUR LOVE FOR HIM AND HIS MUSTACHE!??!!?! MAMA DIDN'T RAISE NO FOOL!!! 

::sigh alright alright:: 

I KID … I KID … AND GUESS WHAT? I LOVE YOU TOO!! =) 

305: NO IT WAS REALLY THE STACHE. BUT I KNOW HE WONT HAVE ME SO IF YOU WILL LOOK OVER MY MOMENT OF MISJUDGMENT THEN I WILL ALWAYS BE YOURS. UNLESS OF COURSE HE COMES AROUND AGAIN, OR BETTY WHITE WANTS MY BALLS.

Me: I BOW DOWN TO BETTY WHITE. BOW … DOWN … 

::actually bows down while in seat:: 

305: BOW DOWN FOR SOME WIZARD SLEEVE I SHOULD ASSUME??

Me: I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, AND I DO NOT … DO NOT … DO NOT WANT TO KNOW. PROPS TO MISTER WIZARD CIRCA 1992!!! I LOVE YOU 305!!! YOU'RE MY VERY BEST GOOD FRIEND. 

305: AND TO YOU, MY EVENT HORIZON. 

::microphone drop:: 

#nerdsunite