#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen: The guy you're dating turns out to be gay

Friel does it again.Oh goodness. Now, I know clearly I have launched this brand on my dating fails - but even for me ... this one is new.

So, the other day I was skyping with a very dear old friend and of course the conversation naturally drifted to our dating lives.

I told her I was still single, but dating one duderino in particular that I really liked.

That's awesome, she said. You're not going to believe this though ...

What, I replied back.

Remember (let's call him) Mark? The guy you met on Match (I was briefly on Match in ... 2005 or 2006)?

Yeah, I said.

I bumped into him at The Abbey (a very popular gay bar in West Hollywood), and he's gay now.

WHHAAATTT!!!! I said. Shut. The. Front. Door.

Mark and I dated for a few months and while we were never classified as boyfriend/ girlfriend - it was thought of in my head as more of a timing issue than anything. I was really young at the time and not necessarily wanting to commit to anything, and he was always busy working on his projects that it seemed like one instance after the other of life getting in the way.

I have to be honest with you about something, she confesses.

<tangent> I met Mark on Match, but in the smallest world ever category this old friend also happened to know him before we ever started dating. </tangent>

Like a year before you guys actually started dating he revealed to me that he was questioning his sexuality.

WHAT!!! (This is the only word I am able to say at this time. There were NOOOO hints in my mind that this guy was gay. None. At. All.)

Why didn't you say anything?

Because it had been a year and I figured if he was dating you then he was obviously straight.

How did this revelation come up? (pun intended)

Over a bottle of wine. We were just playing catch up and he then blurted it out.

What did he say?

That he was questioning his sexuality and that he had hooked up with a guy before.

What did he say about the experience?

He said that "he wished it was bigger."

WHAT!!! I reply

Yeah, that is pretty much the stamp of, yep - I'm gay.

Why didn't he mention anything to me about it? We were friends more than anything too.

I think he was afraid of coming out and what it would mean on his life. This was also so long ago and he was so young I can only imagine it being a confusing time.

Wow, this is nuts, I think.

I then truly thought about everything and let the words, Mark. Is. Gay. sink into my head and pondered if there was a way that this should have come out differently. 

I feel like he should have at least articulated SOMETHING to me. Maybe some curiosity ... something!!!

You're saying this at 27 though, and with a lot of life experience. You guys were both young.

True, I say. But if a guy I was dating at this age was questioning ANYTHIINNNGGG in his sexuality now I'd want to help in some capacity. Yes, it would obviously hurt if I was really into him ... but there's nothing more heartbreaking than knowing that someone you're dating is carrying this big secret that they never told you.

She then stops me ...

Yeah, but he wasn't really telling anyone. I got it out of him because he was tipsy - but I'm sure this happens all the time.

Anyone you've ever dated turn out to be gay?

OH YES, she said. I didn't necessarily find out at The Abbey, but it's pretty common with women - especially in LA.

I then think back to what he said about his experience ... "I wish it was bigger."

That right there says it all, I reply.

We then hung up our skype call and I flipped back to Myspace where I had a few pics of us kicking it.

While I was staring at the pictures everything just started to make sense. He had a male roommate that I was pretty sure he fooled around with. I can't explain it other than this ... scent ... that women can pick up on. It's like the second someone else is doing your dude you can feel it.

He also took a really long time to have an orgasm, and he enjoyed doggie ... A LOT ... oh dear god.

I spent the rest of the afternoon connecting as many of the dots that I could connect and then decided to let it all go. I'm GENUINELY stoked that Mark has found peace within himself and is able to now be out and proud, however how does this not knock your confidence down as a female? He came out shortly after we stopped dating - so was I the straw that broke the homosexual seal saying yes! I know I don't like this, so I can now come out!!

I know this is a pretty common thing, but I definitely spent a few hours sulking with my vagina and questioning her awesomeness.

Time will only tell if any more dudes that I date turn out to be gay. I live in West Hollywood, so maybe I should consider a relocation just to be safe. 

#thatisall

#NerdsUnite: The Ramblings of a Raconteuse (Something Else)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Helenna. We met on twitter not too long ago, and she's totes mcgotes one rad chiquita banana with a flare for all things flair! That's right, Helenna here is what we call an artsy fartsy nerd. She's a poet, into all things dramatic arts, and she's going to come on board to write each week about her love of said drama. Well not like actual drama drama, like some cat fight shit - but you get the idea.

I only have one thing left to say ... HIT IT HELENNA!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Helslevy

I was going to write this week’s post about how “Project Helenna” is going and specifically about fitness and the amazing “MyFitnessPal” app, but then I saw my dear friend Rhoslyn, and well, plans changed.

Rhoslyn has been one of my oldest and dearest friends since I was like, 12 years old and we spent the night catching up after not seeing each other for 2 years.  She is like a sister to me, closer than a sister really, and I am so grateful to have her in my life. 

She is one of those friends where no matter how much time has past, everything is as wonderfully familiar as it was when you were young and silly and full of hope.

Now, we are still full of hope and dreams, but those hopes and dreams have become a bit more seasoned.  I am a actor, and Rhoslyn is an opera singer. Well, not just “an” opera singer. She’s an AMAZING opera singer. 

We sang together all through high school.  I focused on jazz singing and she focused on opera.

Fast forward to a number of years later, and while we are still full of the same fire and ambition, we know just how hard that road is.  

I have often thought that it would be wonderful if there was something else, anything else, that I wanted to do and achieve in this life, because the artist’s life is not an easy one.  It’s a life full of heartache and uncertainty, but it’s all for the realization of a dream and for both of us, the dream started at a very young age.  

Sometimes I wish I could tell myself to find something else to excel at, something else to be good at, but I know that in the end I would be right back here where I find myself today.  I am an artist.  That is never going to change. So at this point it’s all about longevity, endurance, and passion, because I believe that it WILL happen. And really, “it” already has.

#xoxo hels

tweet me at: @helslevy

browse me at: helennasantoslevy.com

email me at: contacthelenna@gmail.com

Words of Wisdom with @Jesus_m_christ

#Fact: You think a first date is weird? Try first fetish meeting!

Oh lordy schmick mordy ... I am literally blushing at writing out this post. I will tell you all right now that I THOROUGHLY enjoyed myself, but I just didn't expect this part of my personality to come out. I knew I was dominant in business but never ever ever in my personal life ... I wanted to pwn that motherfucker like it was my job.

Alrite, so a week ago, I tweeted out that I was seriously considering dating a guy with a foot fetish just so I could have my feet rubbed. I started running in the morning to give my life more of a "routine" but as a side effect it's caused my feet to throb like no other.

I was kind of kidding, but what I didn't expect was the OVERWHELMING response from guys who were totally into it.

Now, I know from my buddy @meowmistidawn that foot fetish is in the top three fetish turn ons (just behind butt and boobs - pun intended), but I've genuinely never dated a guy who has articulated that he had a foot fetish - so my experience is extremely limited in the subject and honestly, I thought it was all pretty "creepy."

The second that C word hit my noggin though I realized I was actually just being judgmental and maybe if I walked towards that place of uncomfort I could learn something from a first hand experience and not a preconceived notion.

Bottom line: I actually emailed one of the foot fetish duderinos back.

His email was so sweet ... and so endearing. He said plain as day that he is married and with kids, but that this is a part of his personality that he can't deny and he's been a foot slave to doms before but was seeking one in LA. (His wife totally approves of this, and he even came with phone number references for his other doms.)

We then started an email exchange and after approximately 40 emails outlining LITERALLY everything, we arranged to meet up Friday at a semi public location.

I was coming from a meeting in the valley so I was kinda dressed up, but at about 4:00 on Friday we met at a park not too far from my house.

It's super quiet since not a lot of people know about it, but I knew I could EASILY beat feet if this guy was a legit Buffalo Bill.

Minutes after my arrival I see a built guy approach me wearing glasses and a hat.

He asks if he can put his hood on.

Sure, I say, noticing that no one was around and very honestly even if they were - I didn't really care.

We barely spoke, he brought me some wine as a gift (he likes being humiliated and objectified).

I placed the wine in my bag and he immediately went to town.

I asked prior if wearing my normal knee high socks were an added turn on similar to lingerie - but he said no, he was into just the feet.

He then removed my knee highs and I placed a hoodie in between my legs to not give him too much of a room with a view. (I'm always in a skirt or dress.)

He then started massaging my feet as I started live tweeting what was happening.

He didn't want me to speak to him or address him at all - I was instructed to ignore him and be mean to him as much as possible.

The thing about me though is that I am an introvert; writing is my emotional default. When it comes to business, yes, I am a hustler and literally live on getting shit done - but in my personal life ... I'm EXTREMELY shy. It surprises guys that I like because I turn into a deer in headlights not knowing what to say, and people expect when they meet me this larger than life personality ... it's hilarious. I'm a LOT quieter in person, particularly when I'm crushing on a dude. 

This, however, was not a time to be quiet. I had to be a nasty naughty bitch and I literally could not say a single word.

<tangent> Dudes, I can't even talk dirty in bed!! I am SO FREAKING BASHFUL!! Even a few weeks ago after this super awesome date the dude walked me to my door and my roomie and her boyfriend were coming back from their date and caught us making out in the stairwell ... I turned SOOO RED!!! And it's just a PDA!!!! But I ... can't .... do ... it ... it's horrible, and clearly something I need to work on.

And FTR, it's not the traditional PDA that I have a problem with, I'll make out anywhere ... but when it's someone that I know ... I get WEIRD. I'm EXTREMELY particular with guys that I bring into my social circle. It's one thing to date a person, another to introduce them to your friends. </tangent>

He continued to rub my feet in hands down one of the BEST foot massages I have ever had, as I ignored him while I answered emails and live tweeted the entire situation.

The massage lasted for about a half an hour. He rubbed in between all my toes, and all over my feet, even going as far up as my calves.

I hate that we have to cut this short, he says as he stops, but I have to go now.

It's okay, I said. I really really really enjoyed this.

Really? he asked surprised and still wearing his hood.

ABSOLUTELY!!! I replied back enthusiastically. I really want to get into this.

He then kneeled and took a deep breath - you have no idea what a relief that is to me.

It then struck me how closeted this man is with his fetish. He is SO afraid people are going to find it weird that he has to suppress it so deeply.

My heart broke in that moment.

Yes, I'm into this! How could I not be!! It's amazing and feels really good.

He took another deep sigh.

If I'm going to do this though, I really want to get into it, I instructed. I want to get shoes and a riding crop - I have to psychologically compartmentalize it within myself that when I am in this moment with you, I am a dom and not the sub that I normally am in my personal life. Can we talk via email and outline exactly what each of us wants from this dynamic in the future? I want everything outlined so no matter what we are both clear.

Yes, that would be great.

He then took yet another deep breath. You have no idea what this means to me. I can't believe you enjoyed this.

Of COURSE I did, I say (what chick wouldn't dig an AMAZING foot massage), but I want to really get into this and vocalize my own personal truth by expressing myself more as a dom. Email me?

Yes, he said as he took off the hood (I turned around to not see his face), placing the glasses and hat back on.

Bye bye, I say not turning around.

ANNNDDD there you have it ladies and germie men. It wasn't "weird" or "creepy" at all - it was EXTREMELY enjoyable and while sexually it may not do anything for me, it is CERTAINLY going to help me break free of the shyness that I feel in my personal life and help me articulate more of my personal truth (which AGAIN is my lesson with the modern day shaman. W2g universe!!!)

He has since emailed me, and we are now going to outline our boundaries - this is by no means done. I can't WAAAIIIITTTTTT to get a riding crop and literally beat the bejesus out of the duderino for being a bad bad boy. =)

"Express yourself don't repress yourself"

#tobecontinued

#NerdsUnite: The journey is the destination

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Ali. She and I bonded on Facebook a few years back over our love of everything Pete Cashmore. ::SIGH:: so dreamy. She is here today to talk to you all about her new adventure which included quitting her job and hitting the road. Pretty rad right?  I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ALI!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @lifeon4wheelsUK

Well thankfully for us this last week has been much less eventful than the previous couple.  We found some breath-takingly beautiful spots to chill out by the sea and recharge our batteries.  We’ve driven some amazing routes, including up a mountain so high we drove through a cloud!  You can read all about our adventures over at the blog www.lifeon4wheels.co.uk   

This week also saw the anniversary of our first month on the road and <insert Carrie moment> it got me thinking about how things are going so far and how it all measures up to our expectations.  My first thought is that this whole thing has been tougher than I’d expected.  To be fair I didn’t really know what to expect, hey I hadn’t even spent 24 hours inside a campervan when we got on the road!  Driving is the biggie really and I’ve gotta say I still haven’t had the balls!  The van is massive, heavy and sluggish.  We don’t have power steering and it exhausts my weedy arms to turn the damn thing.  Plus people here drive like lunatics!  Almost all the cars you see have dents and scrapes like battle scars, hell I even saw one HELD TOGETHER WITH TAPE (I shit you not)!  The boyfriend is doing an amazing job of holding his nerve and to be honest I think he’s more frightened of me driving than I am!  I guess I sort of had this idea in my mind of us blasting out tunes and burning up the miles in the sunshine.  Whilst that is sometimes the case it’s more likely I’ll be yelling at the Sat Nav and he’s yelling at the other drivers whilst we both worry if the van is up to the job!

Finding places to stop off has gotten easier and I’m managing better than I expected with the lack of home comforts (although the things I’d do for a decent pizza don’t bear mentioning!)  It’s really odd sometimes to go about our day using public toilets and showers on the beach and sort of feeling like a homeless person and then we come back to the van, cuddle up under the duvet, crack open a beer and watch Star Wars just like we would at home!  It’s a bit surreal.

The solar panel is doing a great job of keeping us powered up but I do miss having the internet at my fingers 24/7!  Most cities we’ve come across have their own free wifi and I spend a lot of time hanging around beside McDonald’s branches using their internet.  It’s only a matter of time before the restraining order comes through! 

Most of all I miss these wonderful people, my awesome friends.  This picture was taken just before I left Nottingham at an event I labeled on Facebook as the Last Supper, so restaging the famous painting seemed a must - that’s me as Jeebus (obvs!)  I’d love to be able to pop home and go out for a pint with them all. 

All in all, it’s not exactly a walk in the park but I certainly wouldn’t change it and it *IS* getting easier.  I haven’t woken up to an alarm in over a month which is utterly blissful.  I spend my days exploring cities and or hanging out by the beach. 

There are so many annoyances, it’s easy to get frustrated sometimes.  I’d kill for a washing machine, a long hot shower and a meat feast pizza!  Whenever I get annoyed though I can just put into context what I’m doing in the simplest possible way – I’m travelling the world with the man I love – and I doubt it gets better than that.

#thatisall

click here to follow Ali on twitter!