<editorsnote>Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world. We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!!</editorsnote>
Looky looky the email I woke up to this morning ...
WOW! Way to totally make my freaking morning!! This is FANTASTIC and I'd ADORE to go to Germany ... or anywhere actually!! I clearly have no problem traveling for dates (cough coughMiami and Vegas ... twice ... each), so I'd ABSOLUTELY love to travel to meet you guys too and just kick it.
I need to get my passport renewed, but other than that all I need is a ticket, a couch I can crash on, and wifi. I'm ALWAYS game for an adventure.
Throw some ideas at me nerds!! #NerdsUnite isn't just our official hashtag for @tntml - it's a way of life, man. I'm ALLLLLLL about community and about crossing off as much on my life list as possible.
Thanks so so so much for reading everyone!! Greatly appreciated and kisses from my side of the monitor in Los Angeles!! xoxoxo
Noah's story wasn't easy to write out but I felt it was important since technically speaking it has to date been my only "committed" relationship. (Funny because I WAS committed during our relationship.)
The hell I lived in for 24 years was the hell I created for myself. I was so esconced in anxiety, and depression, that I LITERALLY had no idea how to escape. I didn't want to die, I just had NO idea how to live.
My parents had taken me to doctor after doctor but it wasn't until I decided THROUGH AND THROUGH FOR MYSELF to make a change that my life has since done a 180.
I didn't want to die that day, or even the other time I tried killing myself - I. just. wanted. an. escape. from. the. pain.
What was the escape? Following my bliss!!
I don't at all consider what I did brave, I LITERALLY didn't have an option. I SUUCCKKKEEEDDD at dying so instead of focusing on that, why not focus on life and living every. single. day. like it was my last. (Especially since if I had succeeded it WOULD have been my last.)
No one is going to come up to you and give you this gift of this perfect life. No doctor, no job, no boyfriend ... nothing. It is YOU that has to step up TO YOUR OWN PLATE that will get shit done.
Social media made me soooooooooooo happy!! I GREW UP online (from Prodidy, AOL and yahoo chats). The fact that this was now cool was SUCH a paradigm shift. You owe it to yourself and ONLY to yourself to lead the life you want to lead. I'm SCARED SHITLESS doing what I do everyday but I keep showing up for myself and showing up for my OWN LIFE and based on the purity and love in my heart - the universe keeps granting all of my wishes.
YOU. HAVE. TO. LET. GO.
Trust me, your bliss is waiting.
Next doable action: Follow what feels good. The answers to every question you could ever have in life is already inside of you. By following the path of whatever "feels good" step by step, life will be unfolded to you.
Live like you are dying ... because guess what? you are!
You're right! I chose that name when I was writing about him because he was my first love but it was horribly tragic in my eyes that we were never able to work things out. (Again, moving back to LA to be with the mentalist instead of him was my only regret in life.)
HOWEVER, after last week - I'm genuinely just over all of it. His response to me speaking my personal truth COMPLETELY turned me off. (He said he hadn't even read all of it, and that it sounded like I was on a ledge somewhere. I'll prolly eventually publish what I sent him - I'm just not ready yet.)
I've said this before and I'll say it again - I do not. do not. do not. believe in the concept of a "one." I think there are a handful of guys out there that come into our lives when we are ready for them, and based on our own place energetically we choose accordingly. I'm SUUUCCHHHH a different person than the 19 year old that met Romeo my second week in LA. Am I idealizing our situation because it never came to fruition? Maybe. Either way, it's still my truth and I told him FLAT OUT that I was ready for more with my life and that I was done with dating. I'll always always always love Romeo and sure he drives me up a fucking wall, but it's my wall to be driven nuts up! He's got a special place in my heart and should a chick ever break his heart I'll break her legs. Period end of sentence.
It was very difficult to deal with, especially so publicly. I'm PAINFULLY optimistic so I will always look for a happy ending, but I believe the happy ending in this is not our happily ever after but that for ONCE in my life I told someone EXACTLY how I felt in the MOMENT that I felt it - and then STOOD by it when I was getting criticized for feeling that way.
Well done, Friel!
But thanks so so so much for reading everyone and for coming along this journey with me. I'm as clueless as the rest of you are, but the documentation of it all holds me accountable while allowing me to push myself at the same.
On THAT note, if you shall excuse me but the living room is calling and it's requested a one person dance party!! WHOOP WHOOP!!
"I get up, I walk, I fall down, meanwhile I keep on dancing!"
Thanks so much for this! I learned a lot from this experience, and I literally cannot get over how much the universe is throwing in my face right now the lesson of speaking my personal truth. It's insane, but like you said in the email - it really is. that. simple. All you need to do is say. what. you. feel.
I'm a recovering people pleaser, and all that I know from being that way was that it lead me to a nervous breakdown at 22. You can't make people happy all of the time, all you can do is be true to YOURSELF and what YOU want and understand that life being reflective and like energy attracting, your set of circumstances will change based upon that. Everybody will not like you all of the time - period end of sentence. But what in us feels the need to please? What in us doesn't feel whole or complete enough that we have to seek the outside validation of pleasing others as a means to please ourself? It's a COMPLETE disservice and a temporary high - not a means to an end. I had to find my own voice, and find my own shiznat before I could ever truly find "happiness." Of course too, it's all a personal thing, and I'm still very much living on my journey - but I'm documenting and that increases my self awareness which makes my own role in situations like last Wednesday more apparent.
Thanks for reading and thanks for reaching out!! =)
Got something to say? Drop me an email! JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover d c
Monday, October 15, 2012 at 10:13AM
