#NerdsUnite: My name is Alicia and I'm doing 50 dates in 50 states (Illinois #1)
Monday, January 14, 2013 at 5:59PM<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Alicia. She's about to embark on a 50 dates in 50 states dating documentary. She's here today to talk about her views on life, love, and all things through her nerdy little eyes. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ALICIA!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Alicia Ostarello
I figure it’s almost my civic duty to have multiple dates when Megan and I sleep on the same floor twice in a row, so as we spent two nights in Chicago, I went out with two wildly different dudes.
Up first was Danny. We picked him up from school (community college, yo, he’s what the academic world calls a “returning student” as though somewhere in life he got lost from the college path and wandered into some bramble, but now he’s shaken the berries off his jeans and ready to learn learn learn!) and it took about 45 minutes of driving to figure out Danny was just not the guy for me. While he had a unique and drama-laden upbringing, his monochromatic style of discussion made even the most colorful story challenging to listen to. Though he was obviously intelligent and passionate about his education, he seemed to lack a good sense of a social IQ (admittedly, this is the Californian in me who was taken aback when Danny hand-rolled a cigarette and smoked it without asking if it was okay). And finally, Danny was not interested in having a conversation where two parties bounce ideas, stories and thoughts back and forth as much as he was interested in a running monologue occasionally interrupted by himself as he switched topics.
So I’m on a date that I really don’t want to be on, a scenario not unfamiliar to those who hit the datingverse with a vengeance. And here’s what galls me in retrospect: not once did I consider pulling a Houdini from the date. I noodle around with the idea of fibbing my way out of it. I ponder how miserable my face looks (I’m known for expressing how I’m feeling a little too well) and if I’m doing a good job of hiding it. And then I ponder if I should be attempting to mask my displeasure. And then I check out entirely and literally began thinking about how I might wear my hair the next day (this from the girl who wears her hair one of three ways. It’s not that tough of a choice).
Somewhere in the middle of all this we went up in the Sears Tower (yeah, it has another name, and no, I won’t refer to it by anything but this). The view up there was really neat, but you’d never think you were in one of the world’s tallest buildings. Is it weird to not have been that impressed by the tower?
And all this has me thinking that I have to learn the art of gracefully backing out. There’s nothing wrong with deciding how to spend your time and with whom you spend it. And that “you” goes for “me” as well. In true She-Ra fashion, I have the power. The power to hold my hand up and honestly say, “You seem nice but I have to tell you, I think I need to go now.” Or maybe, “Golly, I must be going now.” Or maybe, as my friend Sea suggests, “I’m sure you’re a nice person, but I have to tell you that I don’t think we’re right for one another.”
The point — the one I keep having to hammer home to myself — is that this is a first date. I don’t owe this person anything. And they don’t owe me anything. I don’t even owe him an explanation. I literally could have just stopped the date — and so could have he — and neither one of us would have had just cause to complain. Yet we’re trapped in the social convention of this being a date. And a date signifies you should be on our best, most polite behavior; that you should be nice regardless. But when are we being nice to save face for someone else, and when are we being nice in contradiction to your own self respect?
I’ll get the hang of this eventually … right?
Anyway, Danny talked and talked and talked, and eventually I stopped responding to see how long he’d go without asking me a question or needing a reprieve. Answer: over an hour. As we said goodbye he sort of tried to lean in for a more-than-hug ending. I dodged, shot Megan a look of abject horror, and she snickered. Ah, producers.
#nerdsunite
Alicia Ostarello has combined her talents in talking to strangers with degrees in English and Sociology and is currently taking a road trip across the country with one goal in mind: to go on a first date in every single state. Follow her trip and the documentary film being produced about it, 50/50: A Dating Documentary on Facebook at facebook.com/5050ADatingDocumentary.
<editorsnote> Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world. We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!! </editorsnote>
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Entries in Alicia Ostarello (10)
#NerdsUnite: My name is Alicia and I'm doing 50 dates in 50 states (Wisconsin)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Alicia. She's about to embark on a 50 dates in 50 states dating documentary. She's here today to talk about her views on life, love, and all things through her nerdy little eyes. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ALICIA!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Alicia Ostarello
Fine, I’ll say it. I went on a date in Oshkosh,
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