#NerdsUnite: Allowing the dust to settle on "settling"

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

If you had talked to me at the end of last year you may have found me slightly defeated. I had only recently turned 31 and at my age I was under a safe assumption I would have to choose settling in the love department for whomever fancied me next. I felt like the time for being picky and looking for what I really wanted in a girl was becoming folly. I know 31 isn’t old. In this town where the population constantly turns over with new 18 - 22 year olds, it’s ancient. The places made for a few generations older than the norm have a population of people much the same as me. Trying out the other elder youth in the area hoping to find someone that fits the bill and you can settle for. With only a handful of bars for us well the pickings are both meager and usually jaded with heartbreak, failed romances, and the baggage of lives that blossomed and then fell victim to the short love affairs that we can get so wrapped up in our youth. Add to that the wonderful ideal of the person you are hoping to find having already dated a friend of yours which is so often the case. You settle because being alone is something you accept, but not something you want.

So when I found myself falling for a new girl and it was finally one that was falling for me as well; I placed a small amount of hope that even if it doesn’t feel fully right, even if I am not super happy with who it is I have found myself with... well I’ll just suck it up and settle because in this town you just don’t know what else may come along. I realize it’s a dark feeling to have and one I’m sure many others have shared as short term love affairs have bloomed and faded year in and year out. See I have always fought hard to get the girls I wanted to be with. No matter how broken or crazy they may have been. I accept anyone with any past because that past made them just who they are now. Still their issues would loom and that darkness would encase their hearts leaving not a light to be let through. Certainly not my heart. Try as they might: they would all tell me they wished they could fall in love with me, but something was holding them back.

So enter my most recent romance. While it is still in its infancy the progression isn’t a grind, I’m not having to fight to hold on to her, and I am not feeling run dry with misconceptions and doubt. I am happy and that to me is altogether something scary. It’s not something I have really ever had to deal with. I mean in life I am generally happy, but in love rarely have I been just content. The girl I assumed I would be settling for surprised me. To such a degree I wasn’t ready for the reality of the situation. I have found myself with a girl that seems to fit like a puzzle piece. Her corners are cut to mold into me almost flawlessly. Of course there are issues, there will always be issues, or else it would be too easy and in that regard boring. I hate boring. So does she. The more I get to know about her, the more she seems to align herself with a list I had created of things I would absolutely love in a girl. More to the point I have found that I am not settling at all. I’m not just giving up because this, “could” work. I am excited because this, “is” working. I am invigorated with the passion we are equally giving each other, with the independence we have allowed each other to have, and with the drive to keep each of our friends so we don’t become that couple that drops off the face of the earth into each other. What I have found seems to be the right path and I haven’t put on rose tinted glasses to secure my belief in this. I was highly skeptical of the whole situation. As anyone at my age would be. I had my own baggage that poisoned me with doubt in that what I was finding was reality.

That poison has found an antidote and slowly I am being healed. Ages of could bes, and what ifs, which I had only recently laid to rest have been dealt with. She is a partner, an equal party that’s just as quirky and crazy as I am. We have so many differences that I have loved getting to know. In that we each bring something to the table. We aren’t the same and we aren’t so different. It’s the Goldilocks of love. While some in the past were too crazy, too jealous, too broke, too closed off... this one is feeling just right. I’m sure we’ll have our fair share of mountains to climb between the two of us, hurdles to jump, and issues to deal with. I just feel like this is one of the first relationships I have been in, that has positive forward momentum.

So as my disbelief fades and my acceptance of happiness seems to take hold. I begin to hope again. Hopes a dangerous thing you know. If keeps you alive in the darkest of times and lets you shine ever brighter in the best of times. I intend to be just the very best that I can be for this girl and make sure to keep the communication alive and well. I intend to see this through with less and less fear of failure and know that just maybe things can be good in life all round. There doesn’t need to be a counter weight of awful to balance out the good in your life. I am very much so looking forward to being both lucky in life and in love. Because settling for the best isn’t settling at all. It’s achieving all the goals you have fought so hard to have. Everyday's an adventure and if you never try you will never know just what could have happened. As Wayne Gretzky said, “You will miss 100% of the shots you never take.” Start taking chances and living life. Regrets are for those that fear moving forward and actually living life.

#nerdsunite

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