#NerdsUnite: An ode to my 28th year

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jen. She's a wife, mother, photographer, spunky, brutally honest, and like everyone else, still trying to figure out what all of those labels mean.  I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JEN!!! !!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jen Swedhin

As I stare down the barrel of my 29th birthday, my personal growth over the last year is coming into focus. And for the first time in maybe my entire adult life, I’m happy with me.

28 started the way any good birthday should - in a drunken haze with my best friends. But this one was different. I was circling the drain on several friendships - longterm, beautiful, happy friendships that I valued. But still, they were failing.

It wasn’t until my birthday that I understood why - the value wasn’t mutually exclusive. I cared about these relationships far more than they did. I didn’t realize it until one of my closest friends, someone I have loved since sophomore year of high school, didn’t come to my party. My trite, silly, full of liquor and shenanigans and stupidness party. She wanted to bring her boyfriend. I said no. “I would love to come, but together.” Hard limit for me: don’t bring your boyfriend on a girls night out.

Thank you. Thank you for showing me that our time together isn’t an important part of your life. Thank you for making the decision to walk away an easy one. And thank you for not showing up and bringing your soon-to-be ex.

28 has also showed me that I am a generous to a fault, and I am finally okay with that. I am a giver - of my time, my talents, my love, my everything. I over-give, and it gets me into trouble, but instead of hating that about myself, and wishing I could say no easier, I am embracing it. The key here is learning balance. I will give, but I can also now receive. And I expect it.

No more giver/taker relationships. No more being there anytime someone needs me only to be left alone when my turn to need comes up. While I’m still the most flexible person in all of my relationships, I am also good at saying, “No, that doesn’t work for me. This is what I am willing to give, what I need in return, take it or leave it.” And I’m finally okay with letting people make that choice.

I can’t change anyone else, I can’t make decisions for them. All I can do is communicate openly, manage expectations, and adjust the way their choices affect me.

Progress, and that feels good. Do I still take someone’s inability to give back to me personally? Oh yeah. Big time. But hey, there’s still 29.

#nerdsunite