#GeekSpeak: The sometimes random misadventures of @Abby_Cake

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Abby. I met her in Chicago at the #20SBSummit, and this chick is raaaddddd!! She considers herself more of a nerd than a geek - but I think she's just all shades of random and awesome. Oh and FTR, the TNTML stance on nerds versus geeks are that nerds are products of a genetic predisposition, and geeks are raised. BOOH-YAH!!! I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ABBY!!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Abby_Cake

I have been considering the way individuals present themselves both online and off. We all want to be perceived in a certain way. But our perception is a choice. In college, I heartily resisted this fact. I have always maintained a style of my own creation, it’s something I have taken a bit of pride in over the years — and I thought people (all the people!) would automatically like me because of my personality, ignoring my, sometimes odd or unpopular, fashion choices. This, I’ve since realized, is an idealist notion.

On my first job interview I looked ridiculously not-put together. My very long, blonde hair was still slightly damp from my early morning shower, my highlights needed to be redone; I was wearing a button down white shirt, my mom’s heels, and a new pleated skirt I had bought from Ross — I was unaware you needed to cut the strings off of the pleats, and white strings hung awkwardly. A teacher clucked disapprovingly at the state of my outfit, later telling me I looked “simply, bad.” Looking back, I can acknowledge I looked perhaps slightly desperate.

Until my second year teaching, I literally did not own a pair of closed toe shoes, aside from running shoes. I live in Texas, it rarely gets cold enough to need foot covering if you aren’t outside all day. I had an overwhelming amount of flip-flops, open toe heels, and sandals. One of the other teachers actually asked me if I owned any closed toe shoes, I said “no.” She proceeded to look appalled and asked if I wanted her to go shopping with me. I was beginning to realize that how I looked mattered to other people.

However, outward appearance is not the only thing that matters in public presentation. When creating an online or offline perception, we must be increasingly aware of how we appear without the physicality of a meeting. It becomes essential to aid in the understanding of your personality via other forms of communication. On my fourth job interview I had dropped off a resume without meeting anyone, when I got a call-back the principal exclaimed, “Oh! You’re the girl with the pink resume!” Yes, I had printed my resumes on bright, salmon colored cardstock. I had given up on the traditional route, and it definitely made me stand out at job fairs. It was a risk (a stupid one, if you asked my education professors), but one that played out well and (I think) assisted me in obtaining my first adult job.

Present yourself well online & off and gain confidence from your self-presentation.

• Wear clothes that make you feel confident, but also are appropriate. I’ve always felt confident in my clothes, but it took some time for me to gather an assortment of different professional looks. What you choose to wear may not be the latest fashion, but it should be something that makes you appear groomed, kept, and put-together.
• Be aware you will probably make some kind of first impression each day. Whether it’s a new reader to your blog, or meeting a new co-worker, someone is formulating a perception about you. Make sure it’s a positive perception.
• Constantly tweak and revise your ‘about me’ page and resume — keep it current, updated, and interesting. Strive to make your personality prevalent within your words.
• Smile, even when you might not feel like it. Don’t underestimate the power of a smile. When I started entering my workplace with a smile, one of the football coaches commented: “You always look so happy in the morning, it puts me in a good mood.”

Last bit of advice, buy a pair of closed toe shoes. 

xx, @abby_cake

#nerdsunite

Want more from Abby?? Check out her blog over yonder - and don't forget to drop her a follow on twitter!!

#GeekSpeak: The sometimes random misadventures of @Abby_Cake

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Abby. I met her in Chicago at the #20SBSummit, and this chick is raaaddddd!! She considers herself more of a nerd than a geek - but I think she's just all shades of random and awesome. Oh and FTR, the TNTML stance on nerds versus geeks are that nerds are products of a genetic predisposition, and geeks are raised. BOOH-YAH!!! I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ABBY!!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Abby_Cake

When people ask me what my hobbies are, I am always hesitant to answer. It seems that most people have a prepared list of amazing things they do: “Oh, I go rock climbing, scuba diving, prepare sushi, levitate, so what do you do?” I then proceed to spend at least five minutes staring blankly, attempting to mentally collect a list of things I do in my free time. I hope to come across as interesting, but end up saying something like: “Uh, um, reading I guess.” This leaves me sounding one-dimensional and slightly lame.

But why do I need an arbitrary list of things that I do in my spare time in order to quantify my time?

I read on my Kindle. I write haiku, fiction, and happiness hacks. I am learning how to play ukulele and speak Korean. I work out often enough. I paint with both acrylics and oils. These are all things I enjoy. They are things I am passionate about. I have a lot of interests, a lot of questions, a lot of learning to do, but would I call all these things my hobbies?

Hobbies are typically defined as something a person does for enjoyment in free time. The act is not intended to further a business or career and leaves the practitioner feeling happier during and following it. A hobby can, at its best, assist you in discovering something new about yourself. At its worst, it can make you feel like a failure.

The inherent problem in labeling a particularly enjoyable activity as a “hobby” is that, in doing so, you are putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to make time for it. “I didn’t read fifteen pages of my book today” — begins to make you feel like a failure. It then compounds over the course of a few weeks. The enjoyable activity is now a chore. This does not assist in contributing to your happiness and the relief initially promised to you during the inception of your hobby.

Don’t have hobbies, have passions! Hobbies are for building toy trains, flying remote controlled helicopters, learning how to make a decent grilled cheese — passions are limitless, they are adventurous, they are challenging, they can change you! I am not saying you can’t build trains, but don’t let your hobbies define you — leave that for your passions.

xx, @abby_cake

#nerdsunite

Want more from Abby?? Check out her blog over yonder - and don't forget to drop her a follow on twitter!!

#GeekSpeak: The sometimes random misadventures of @Abby_Cake

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Abby. I met her in Chicago at the #20SBSummit, and this chick is raaaddddd!! She considers herself more of a nerd than a geek - but I think she's just all shades of random and awesome. Oh and FTR, the TNTML stance on nerds versus geeks are that nerds are products of a genetic predisposition, and geeks are raised. BOOH-YAH!!! I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ABBY!!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Abby_Cake

The female act of experimenting with hair is a funny thing — and one that cannot be accomplished without first engaging in a roundtable discussion with friends, co-workers, family, strangers, etc. And even then, you are rarely sure. But sometimes you get lucky and you find a haircut that you like, one you want to stick with for a while, years perhaps.

I have ALWAYS wanted a funky pixie cut a la Shannyn Sossamon or Ginnifer Goodwin. Sometimes at night I would dream of the promised freedom in not having to blowdry with such frequency, the unlimited use of texture and styling cremes previously untouched, becoming a compulsive headband wearer, possessing far less split ends. When I expressed my furtive pixie cut dream, mostly people tell me “your face is too round” or “noooo!” or “there won’t be anything to hold onto,” followed by a suggestive eyebrow wag. Also, my mom told me I would look like a female basketball coach, so there’s that as well.

Females are often encouraging, but guys overwhelmingly react negatively. The male sex seems to really hate pixie cuts as a whole. Maybe it has to do with the aforementioned “nothing to hold onto” concept.

I had the same haircut until I was a sophomore in high school, that’s when I finally grew out my bangs. I remember because at the summer league baseball game a girl said, “Finally” upon noticing my new ‘do.

But a nagging question remained — Can I pull a pixie cut off? Am I a short hair kinda gal? AM I?

Turns out, I am.

And as my move to South Korea approaches I figured, why not get a new haircut for the newest stage of my life? Why not reflect my personality more effectively? This desire conveniently coincided with my 2012 attempt to maintain a healthy level of spontaneity in my life.

I walked into the salon and asked if they could get me in for a cut. A girl replied, “It’s your lucky day, we’ve turned away like five people already, but I just got done early so I can do it right now.” Awesome, spontaneity win.

Like a proper nerd, I had some pictures saved on my laptop of what I wanted — so I busted out some pixie cut examples. And then watched as six inches of my hair collected around my feet. She asked, “Would you like to make it a little asymmetrical?” I excitedly replied, “Yes!” I was nervous, but it felt right.

Zen through risk-taking.

And you know what, after about a day of getting used to it — I am beginning to really fall in love with being a feisty, funky, short haired girl.

xx, @abby_cake

#nerdsunite

Want more from Abby?? Check out her blog over yonder - and don't forget to drop her a follow on twitter!!

#GeekSpeak: The sometimes random misadventures of @Abby_Cake

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Abby. I met her in Chicago at the #20SBSummit, and this chick is raaaddddd!! She considers herself more of a nerd than a geek - but I think she's just all shades of random and awesome. Oh and FTR, the TNTML stance on nerds versus geeks are that nerds are products of a genetic predisposition, and geeks are raised. BOOH-YAH!!! I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ABBY!!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Abby_Cake

Making difficult decisions is, well, difficult. Although one might say I have more trouble making easy decisions — the question of what I should eat for lunch tends to bleed into dinner. One of the more positive aspects of my personality, in my opinion, is that I make difficult decisions with an iron fist. Once they are made, I do not rethink them. This is my life choice, for better or worse (and sometimes it has been worse).

Yet, in the wake of my difficult decision to pick my life up and move to Korea, I did not realize the necessitation of subsequent decisions I would have to make. This, in retrospect, seems naive; and as the clock ticks down to less than a month before our leave date, I am left with a pile of choices yet to sort through.

The most heartbreaking one was to leave our dog behind. Sherman has been my companion for six years and he literally means everything to me. Sherman is a German Shepherd mix, he was an injured stray with heartworms that I lured into my truck and ended up keeping. He is smart, intuitive, occasionally eats garbage, and loves me unconditionally.

Unfortunately, he also has severe anxiety caused by previous abuse and needs constant human interaction, preferably with a yard. I will not be able to offer him these things in Korea, and although it breaks my heart, I have decided to leave him here — with a yard, constant care, and far less stress. My intention was to take him, but I fear for his sanity.

He, of course, is not aware of my plans to leave him and is, at present, laying in bed with me completely oblivious and content. I, on the other hand, am filled with an overwhelming guilt every time he looks at me.

I have wanted to move to Asia since I was little. I tried once, to get into the JET Program, but my ex talked me OUT of it; and that decision was, for a while, one of my biggest regrets. Now, I have a new chance to do something I have only dreamed about, a boyfriend who is not just talking me INto it, but going with me — and I am not going to pass it up again.

I am going to be making sacrifices and difficult decisions for the next month, but I know in the end it will be worth it — for better, in this case, for both of us.

xx, @abby_cake

#nerdsunite

Want more from Abby?? Check out her blog over yonder - and don't forget to drop her a follow on twitter!!

#GeekSpeak: The sometimes random misadventures of @Abby_Cake

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Abby. I met her in Chicago at the #20SBSummit, and this chick is raaaddddd!! She considers herself more of a nerd than a geek - but I think she's just all shades of random and awesome. Oh and FTR, the TNTML stance on nerds versus geeks are that nerds are products of a genetic predisposition, and geeks are raised. BOOH-YAH!!! I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ABBY!!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Abby_Cake

Why do people feel the need to rush you into the next step of life? Alternatively, why do you feel the need to rush yourself in accordance with other people’s priorities?

The next step is often what people thing you should do, or ought to do. Perhaps not exactly what you want to do, but instead what you feel you should do.

In my case it’s primarily approached this way: you are nearing thirty. Maybe you aren’t there yet. But you will be. Thirty is supposed to be scary and society will use it against you. Requisite age related goals are tossed around at will. By your mid-twenties you should have a house, a car, an upward career, and, at the very least, a fiance — at the most, 1-2 kids. Don’t wait until the dreaded thirty to get engaged or have kids.

I am (regrettably) a person who had previously bought into the hype of the next step. I still own a house (which I now rent). I had a government job I went to college for. I owned a new car (which I sold). I was effectively brain-washed into thinking that this was my course in life. More frightening still, I thought it was my only course.

The problem inherent in the next step, is that it is not one size fits all. I did not fit. You might not either. That’s okay. But people are not quick to notice the square peg forcing itself into a round hole; in turn, people did not notice my floundering. I had to take control of my life and take several steps backward in order to attain happiness.

If, while you are siting around the holiday dinner table, people begin to ask you what you’re doing with your life? When are you going to have kids? Get married? Et all. Smile. Your life may be different, it may not coincide with the obvious next step, but none of that matters if you’re happy.

Take time to appreciate the fact that you are in between trapezes. That your are on a journey. And don’t buy into the hype. Just invest in your own happiness.

xx, @abby_cake

#nerdsunite

Want more from Abby?? Check out her blog over yonder - and don't forget to drop her a follow on twitter!!