<editorsnote>Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world. We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!!</editorsnote>
Now, I have a jacuzzi in my bathroom and a chandelier.
Full sized dining room with views of downtown Las Vegas.
(That's our step and repeat for Thursday's sponsored party.)
I'm obsessed with juxtapositions. Even though we are in this BOMB ASS pad, I'm still making everyone at the party drink two buck chuck and PBR. I love love love the classy/ trashy themes. It's like if you're going to be posh at least still keep that shit real.
My bed is in the master suite. Yep, I have BED at CES ALL. TO. ME!!!
View from the main balcony.
And who else to share this with other than one of the loves of my life Ms. @StephBelsky
One day in traffic she randomly stopped this dude with an Aston Martin and asked him how he got the car. They then became friends and somewhere along the way he told her about this idea for a start up that he had with a few of his friends.
Amber said something along the lines of, I have this girl you need to meet named Jen. She runs this site blah blah blah.
I then had a meeting with the two dudes and they told me their business idea.
IMMEDIATELY I was interested as it was totally disruptive and was definitely going to make a lot of people uncomfortable. (My personal specialty.)
I then signed on (but also signed an iron clad NDA so I can reveal nothing) and low and behold I was then told who the cast of characters were that were involved in the project and my jaw dropped. To call this person a celebrity is an understatement. Total legend. Total, total legend.
So then naturally, we all gathered around at this person's house to get vetted once again. My position in the start up is project manager and adviser. Basically I'm helping them not only build out their tech team, but establish their branding, and formulate their digital strategy.
We were in this person's house and one of the dudes turned to me and said, if you ever need a place to stay in Vegas will you let me know? We have a condo there and it's yours whenever you want it.
So now ... here I am.
Obvi the second I realized all of this was more of a reality and less BS, I hit up our senior adviser Ben Parr and said dude, if you need a place to stay LMK, I have this massive pad.
Stay? he said. I'm good. But party? We need to throw one.
A party, eh?? I said back.
I then made sure it was cool with the dude, but once I got the green light, I hit up my sponsor for CES Songza (amazing. amazing. amazing. APPLICATION THAT YOU MUST DOWNLOAD!!!)
<tangent>Remember a few days ago when I had that idea for a music app built off of spotify? Well come to find out (thanks to you guys YAY CHAD!!!) it already existed. The CEO of the company then found my post and asked if we could talk. We then had a conference call and I asked if they had brand ambassadors. They said no, but I freaked saying WHY NOT!?!?!?! You have this amazing. amazing. product and more people need to know about it!!!! At that point we were just a few days away from CES, but I said fuck it, I have an idea for you. So, I pitched them, they loved it, and THEN I told them about the party and they really really really loved it. </tangent>
So, now here we are. Ben, Steph, and I are hosting a party on Thursday with alcohol sponsored by Songza and Tapiture, and playlists blasted by the awesomely curated content that Songza has to offer.
I am extremely, extremely blessed and grateful for this opportunity. To have gone and see the uh, "seedier" side of Vegas to now being in the extremely posh side is truly unbelievable.
Thank you to our sponsors and thank you for this INCREDIBLE opportunity and trust you have bestowed me with in not only your start up but with this home.
(And to payback the karma I have a BUNCH of nerds staying here!!!)
I am humbled to be a host this year, and even more humbled to be able to spread the word of products that I love.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Now let's FUCKING PARTY!!!!!!!!!!
(Because it is a condo security is absolutely everywhere. We have to have everyone on a list, but if you want to be added just email me: JenFriel at talknerdytomelover d c or send me a message on Facebook.com/JenFriel)
This is some seriously epic nerd-unitage.
Lesson learned from this life experience: When you work really hard, and you have a pure heart, and pure intentions - AMAZING things will happen!!!!! Wilder than ANYTHING you could ever dream.
OOOOOOHHHHHHH CES, you are always eventful aren't you! First up here's the song that goes with the post ... seems fitting ...
Anywho, so as the majority of you know, last week was the Consumer Electronic Show. It's a place where all of the major tech companies release their latest and greatest. I'm neither here nor there on the show itself. Sure, I think it's cool to play with some of the gadgets, but the place is INCREDIBLY packed - and at packed houses I get SUPER antsy. I fucking HATE crowds. Like hate 'em! Hate 'em! Hate 'em! I don't like feeling like I'm in a rat race, nor do I like being bounced around like a rag doll.
So, the conference in and of itself isn't my favorite thing ever, but the fact that so so so many of you go means I get a rad opportunity to meet more of you - so of COURSE I make it a point to go every year.
I had meetings for the first half of the week, so we couldn't get down there until Thursday morning, but after jetting out of town at 6am - the drive was EEASSYYY PEASSYYY!!
Ugh! So beautiful driving through the Mojave desert.
Every year I try and come up with some cutesey cost efficient guerilla marketing tactic. The first year I livestreamed from my Motorola Droid and drew a MAAASSSIIIVVVVEEEEE crowd of people.
Year two, I invested $4 on a sign that I laminated ...
With that sign ... and very literally NOOOOO money to my name - I had over 1,000 EXTRA uniques to TNTML in 24 hours. Dudes, I walked around with a fucking sign. SERIOUSLY?!?!? It was that easy?!?!?!
This year I wanted to take it up another level.
$4 for 1,000 extra uniques was fun - but let's do more ... this year, I made a t-shirt.
My ultimate goal at CES is to talk to as MAANNNNNYYYYY people as possible to spread the good word of the nerd.
I wore this shirt, my black knee highs, a black mini skirt and my red wolf spirithood ...
Every time someone would come up to me commenting on the hat, or on my shirt - I would then give them a card and say RAADD!! Thanks for reaching out!! Here's my card if you want 15% off the hat that I'm wearing (called a spirithood - check 'em out www.spirithoods.com), and there's my contact info if you want more info on the site.
Totes worked. I talked to a TOONNNNNN of people, and @itsmejoolie and I (she was also dressed in a spirithood and a TNTML shirt) posed for a lot of pics.
SUCCESS!!!
It's crazy how easy this stuff is, btw. I don't ever focus on the mass, I focus on the one. The person in the crowd that gets this odd animal hat will DEFINITELY understand the brand, and DEFINITELY be someone I want to talk to; it's a friend and business filter.
I'm totally not a normal person, and that's rad because it works for me - by letting my freak flag TOTALLLYYY fly however, I will attract other freaks who then get the message, get what we're about and join the revolution. It's the coolest thing ever! And an incredibly efficent way to just get shit done.
So, that happened.
I had meetings all Thursday afternoon, and then Thursday night I met up with one of my friends from twitter who was ALSO coincidentally staying at the same place that I was.
Crazy small world!! See this duderino and I hung out not too long ago after I was traveling through his city, and he also just happens to know my friend who has a BALLER condo near the convention center. This kid is the shit man. I hit him up asking if I could have couch or floor space as I hadn't been able to find any - and he was totes game. Really really really great guy, am eternally grateful and shall repay him karmically!!
So yeah! Crazy that I knew this kid from twitter who ALSO happened to know my friend in Vegas and we BOTH just happened to be crashing at his pad.
Weird.
Anywho, we agreed to meet up in Planet Hollywood so Julie and I left the convention center to head over to meet him. After we parked the car we got dressed inside the garage into our party clothes (BOOBS ON CAMERA!!!), and headed over to grab a bite to eat before we met up.
We were somewhere SUPER lost inside the casino (that place is a CRAZY maze) - and as we were walking near the food court area this dude (who was clearly incredibly intoxicated) said something to Julie and as I was turning to see what was going on he grabbed my arm.
I IMMEDIATELY pulled my arm back and stared at this dude, like is this going to go down right now? Are you SERIOUSLY grabbing me? Not a good idea.
He then realizes that I'm not happy with his actions and says "oh, are you going to call security?"
I quickly snap back - "no, there wouldn't be enough time. I'd take you down first."
See, when I was stalked as a teen I learned how to defend myself. I was so scared all of the time that someone was going to kill me, that my parental units enrolled me in kick boxing and I wound up enjoying it so much that when I moved to LA I continued my training at Hollywood boxing gym.
Translation: I can, and have knocked someone out before.
I know how to throw a punch, fire a gun, and can wield a knife. I stay ALARMINGLY calm in situations, and am not a reactive person. My brain moves so freakishly fast I can add up what exactly is going down and then come to an educated and logical conclusion on what my next step is.
I also say this INCREDIBLY matter of fact, that fucking with anyone who has a twitter/ ustream presence is not a good thing. See, for security to actually arrive it would take at LEAST 5 minutes for me to 1) figure out where it is, and 2) explain to them the situation. I have an internet following. All I have to do is click the USTREAM option on my phone, and very literally in less than 10 seconds I am live to over 8,000 people who can figure out for me how to get help. I can then archive the footage and use it in a lawsuit should I choose to, but either way I can show it to the cops and I've got your ass which at the end of the day is all that matters.
It's better than 911 and WAY more effective.
This drunk dude, however, had two friends with him and they were so intoxicated I wouldn't hold it against them to actually beat the fuck out of me right back. The odds weren't staked in my favor so rather than cause a scene, Julie and I just walked a little faster to get away.
The drunk dude didn't like that. As we started to walk faster he SSSSSCCCRRREEEEAMMMMEEEEDDDD at us:
This guy is worth $10 million dollars. That fucking dress you have on is only worth $10.
I laughed thinking, that's really this dudes defense? I'm a millionaire multiple times over, so please - I'm allowed to suck at life.
Dude, I have been rich, I have been dirt poor - and at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter. Douches are douches no matter how much you have in the bank account. Oh and FTR, the dress is one of my favorites and cost FIFTEEN dollars, not ten mothafucka! Thrift stores, FTW!!!
He wouldn't let up either, it was creepy and annoying. He shouted at us for another minute or two before we darted into a restaurant. Very very very drunk human being.
So, that happened.
I then tweeted out my frustration and then grabbed some quick food with Julie before we headed over to the bar.
I need a drink!! I said.
We then headed over to one of the bars at Planet Hollywood, and a few minutes into cheersing with our beers I notice this woman talking to this guy. I can't describe what I saw - but I KNNEEWWWW she was hustling him, and I was curious to listen in to what they were saying.
They were LITERALLY right behind us, so totally within ear shot.
Seconds later, my instinct was confirmed - and I heard, "so how many do you want to party with? We can play with any number you have."
5, replied the guy (who was definitely a CES attendee, and as nerdy as could be. Heart you, dude!).
"It's $200 for 20 minutes and an upcharge for more if you want to go that route."
The prostitute was so present watching his EVERY micro expression and EVERY breath. It was incredible!! She was hustling SOOO hard, but never "too much." Everything was just enough to make sure he felt comfortable, but it was a very very very hard sell. (pun intended)
I then updated my Facebook status to reflect my newfound knowledge ...
Hey man, that is no doubt valuable information for someone out there!!
I morally might not agree with what either party did, but you can learn from them and at least reformat to what makes sense for what you're going after. The core elements of a hustle are pretty much the same no matter what you're looking to do.
So freaking INSSPPPIIRRIINNNGGGG!!!!
So, that happened. We then met up with my friend, dropped our stuff off at our mutual friend's condo and then headed over to the Beats By Dre party at 1OAK. (stands for one of a kind. New club.)
My friend had a hook up at the party, since it was super posh and blah blah blah ... so, he got us in no problem.
DUDES!!! DR. DRE WAS ACTUALLY IN THE HOUSE!!! BAHHHHH!!
THENNNNNN because I checked in on foursquare and tweeted it out - one of my twitter buds said, hey! come hang out I'm here too! And I have a table!!!!
BOOM! Just like that ... we not only got into one of the hottest parties in Vegas that night, but we also got to chill at a table so I felt less like a rag doll and actually had some space. (again, not a big fan of clubs since they're all such a clusterfuck)
We then started talking about life, love, and all good things in the word of the nerd.
Really great guy!! SUPER sweet to host all of us at his table (there were 5 in the group).
I was also SUPER excited how social media integrated this party was. They gave us these little glow stick rubber thingie majiggies and look what was on them ...
Seeing a twitter handle on something like this MAKES MY LIFEEEEEEE!!!!!!Amazing. Amazing. Amazing.
I'm such a nerd, but I could literally cry over how much I love social media. There is SOOOOOO much value in it, and it's SOOOOOOO powerful - but getting people to understand it is SO important.
Clearly, people are starting to get and understand it.
YAY LIFE!!!
After the party, we went back to Planet Hollywood where two of the peeps in the group were staying. We recharged some of our battery powered devices up in their room while we all chatted.
It's really interesting - this couple who SERIOUSLY HAS THE RADDEST ENERGY EVER, just got engaged and I forget how it came up exactly, but I was asking them about threesomes.
HAHA clearly, this would come up in conversation the first time I meet someone ... I have no filter.
I wasn't trying to imply anything, but genuinely asking their opinion on 'em. See, I do believe in monogamy, but also that it is entirely unrealistic. My parental units are the fairy tale - they got married, were each others firsts onlys and everything ... have been together their entire life and are STILL madly in love. They're the exception, not the rule.
I always ask married or in long term relationship friends their stance on it.
Absolutely not, replied the guy. It's not like we haven't been offered, but we won't do it.
Totes understand. I'm also from LA, and have a very artistic mentality - but I dunno, I guess I'm different in saying never say never. I just think threesomes are literally the greatest thing on the planet (clearly after my experience last weekend), and I'm genuinely perplexed how other people aren't at least open to try. Again though, everyone is obviously ALLWWAAYYYSSSSS entitled to their own opinion, AND I am experiencing this as being the single person in the threesome - but I think they're rad.
I'm curious to see how things evolve and that when I do get in a relationship if I will feel the same way. I'm not for a traditional "open" relationship, but swinging here and there I think is too hot to not be a part of. Maybe I'll change my tune, who knows. Was cool either way to hear their perspective on it.
We then played some blackjack and sometime around way past my bedtime headed back to the condo.
Then on Friday, I decided not to go to the convention center opting instead to write out the story of Rocky Balboa Friel(my dog who died unexpectedly a few days earlier).
I felt really inspired to write, and was in a place emotionally where I could finally do it, so that felt SUPER good. Took for freaking ever - like literally, over 6 hours to write that damn thing. Felt great, but really took a lot out of me.
We then all got dressed, did some shots at the house and headed over to a super fancy pants dinner at the Cosmopolitan.
It was called Estiatorio Milos, and it was SOOOOOO GOOOODDD!! There were 12 in the group, so we did the family style dinner, and at $80 a head we had this CRAZY awesome 5 course meal.
I love love love doing things like that since I'm INCREDIBLY open minded and want to always try new things. The fish was SOOO fresh, and UGGGHH!!! It was so yummy in my tummy.
Bueno. So. So. So. Bueno. HIGHLY recommend that place. Sure it was pricey, but I never EVER spend that kinda money on food - so it was a nice treat.
It's hilarious though, all the guys at the table were STRAIGHT business. My friend who has the condo that we stayed at brought all of his friends out and not only are all of the guys INSANELY attractive, but they're so confident and have this air about them. I can't describe it, but they all do INCREDIBLY well for themselves and it oozes from them.
So. Fucking. Hot.
These are the kinda guys that NEVVEERRRR would have talked to someone like me in high school, but to finally sit at the cool kids table felt damn good.
WINNING, FRIEL!! WINNING!!!
Then after dinner, Julie and I headed over to Surrender to talk some biznass with their social media manager. Really rad dude! They have an AWESOME social media presence encouraging people to check in while they're in line, and prominently displaying their twitter handle on screens throughout the club.
I was VERY impressed. Great job, @davenadkarni and team!!!
After we talked shop for a bit, I then headed back over to Marquee where the dinner crew had a table.
Again, I'm NOT a clubber but table service is the GREATEST THING EVER since you're not bounced around like a ragdoll on the dance floor.
We then kicked it dancing - THEENNNNN I happened to see an old friend there, who I had hooked up with in the past - and omg omg omg I had a top 3 life sexual experience with him.
So, this dude and I had a solid flirtation going on for a while ... we've gone out on a date before, but we don't live in the same part of the country. Very black and white that - meh, this prolly isn't a good idea.
You take that sexual chemistry however, and add in the fact that the entire night I was doing tequilla shots - and MAAANNNN do you have a recipe for awesome.
When he was away from everyone else, and I could sneak away from the group - I made the first move and started kissing him.
One thing pretty much immediately lead to another, and just like that - there we are, his fingers inside of me.
Now mind you, there were people around - but we totes found a shady spot. This club is HUGE and I am all for the voyeur thing, but this was 5% classier than it sounds... hahaha!!
Dudes, this was literally the hottest thing ever. Not only was he a great kisser, but I had my first orgasm straight from being fingered. Do you know how HARD that is to do on a chick!!!!!!!!
I'm sure because I was so relaxed with the tequilla, and because I felt so comfortable with this dude it was not a problem - but I've for one only had an orgasm with a handful of dudes EVER, but he was the first to make me come straight from fingering.
I put his hand on my chest afterwards saying, do you know how hard that is to do for a chick?
I'm so into statistics, hahaha, I was like I can pull the stats on that! VERY hard to do!!!!!!
He then told me he had to be cautious with me. I'm not entirely sure what he meant by that, but I'll Facebook chat him later.
At that point, I was LITERALLY on cloud nine. OMG I am so horny now even rethinking of that. It was so so so so so sooooo goooooddd!! He was the appropriate levels of rough, and FUCK - ah.maze.ing.
W2G!
Top life sexual experience. For sure. Totally didn't expect it either which made it all that much better.
Then after the club, we cabbed it back - and the next morning after having lunch with a good friend, we drove back to LA.
Normally, no biggie - the drive is only 4 hours ... whatevs. This time however, Julie and I were SOOOOO tired from the partying the night before, we both forgot to check the gas meter.
We were about a half hour out (and in the middle of fucking no where), when she realized - "oh shit Jen, we need gas!"
Wait, WHAAATTT!!! I screamed.
I then asked her to get out her phone (since I was driving) and google map "gas station" and see how far the closest station was. Her gague was literally on E, and I was confident in one thing, and one thing only ...
WE. WERE. FUCKED.
I've run out of gas before, sure it's a pain in the ass, but you just walk to the station and figure it out. Dudes, we were in the middle of the mojave - walking meant LITERALLY 20 or more miles; I physically can only walk 11 miles at a time in a 24 hour period before my legs give out.
I then weighed the options figuring we could either AAA it, or I could tweet something out to see if someone could help us.
We then continued dancing in the car as my heart pounded, playing it off knowing that I was going to have to do some SERIOUS walking.
Is it even safe? I wondered. What about snakes? Other people on the road? FFFUUUCCCKKKKKK
The thought barely left my noggin before I saw a sign - gas station next right.
You. have. got. to. be. kidding. me. I said to Julie.
I then confessed the fact that I TOTALLY assumed I'd be walking to a station. Running out of gas was no longer a theoretical thing, but something I realized was absolutely 100% going to happen and that we just had to find a way to go with it.
We then pulled into the gas station on fumes - and I took a series of deep breaths.
Life, you saved me again. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
All in all the trip was CRAZY successful on a business and sexual level. I spent all day yesterday working on my goals with the Modern Day Shaman, and writing out my commitment to my new dating coach @datingcoachB. I'm ready to better myself, I just have to find that balance to being a sexual creature and not being too over the top for guys. See, a dude has to feel like he has a value in your life - that he brings something to the table. I have social media there for me 24/7, and that can freak a guy out since he doesn't have that add. It's a balance for sure - but something I am committed to do.
Oh, and one of those things is for the next 30 days I'm not allowed to post on my sexual adventures. I know ... I know ... but it is for the better. Talking about it so much amplifies my experiences and living that lifestyle will definitely deter a lot of dudes from talking to me. I get it, I really do ... just sucks.
Super grateful to all the new friends I made at the conference, and SUPER grateful to get to meet so many of you. Keep up the awesome, and thanks for always talking nerdy to me.
By the time all of you sexy lover faces read this, @itsmejoolie and I will be on our way over to CES! Yep, oh and oh oh oh - do weeeeeee have a pretty nice surprise. See, every year I like to come up with some SUPER inexpensive guerrilla marketing ideas ... and this year is no exception. It's going to be GREAT - can't wait to show you all.
Anywho ... back to the desert which I'm assuming I'm staring at. I'm in meetings all afternoon, but hit me up on twitter if you want to grab drinks tonight - @JenFriel
Want 15% off a Spirithood? Click the picture below - and enter in the code MORG15.
I personally don't get anything from it, but you'd totally be helping out my buddy Morgan ANNNNDDDDDD depending on which animal you buy they donate to Product Blue. Such great people!!! BAHHH!!! Love me some spirithoods. K. Bye.
I was saving it for something. Not quite sure what, not quite sure how ... but this was one of the most epic adventures I have ever had. I sincerely think I waited so long to tell it though just to not get the dude in trouble. None of this was legal.
And here's the song ...
Last year at CES (2010 ... just in case you thought last year was still this year. See what I did there? That's called clarification. jiggaaaaaaaa!), I was a total crasher. I had no place to stay whatsoever. Like seriously - didn't have more than $10 to my name, got my pass for free, got a ride from a friend. Knew I needed to be there, just didn't really think long and hard enough on the rest to have all of it make sense. Hotel room? PPFFTT!!! It's Vegas! Everything is always open, I'm sure I can figure something out.
Surprise, surprise, I ended up figuring something out. The duderinos I drove out with offered me some floor space, and all seemed pretty groovy. That was until one night I had a meeting with some Microsoft mucks that ran super late - like crazy super late. We didn't have dinner until 9 or 10, then they had passes to this event that they wanted to introduce me to some people ... it was totally one of those. I knew if I went to this event with the group after I'd potentially lose out on being able to crash on my friends floor because they were all going to be asleep. I made a choice in that minute to just go for it, and figure the rest out whenever I could. What was the worst that was going to happen right?
The event was totally awesome, had a blast - met some REALLY cool peeps, then everyone called it a night. I was stone cold sober as you will only catch me nursing a single drink at a work event. See this way people think you're loosened up as they see a drink in your hand, but little do they know you've only taken 4 or 5 sips of it throughout the evening. I didn't even have money for a cab ride back to where my friends were - so when the night ended I just started walking. At this point, there weren't a lot of people on the street and the entire vibe just seemed so dodgey. I will admit this was definitely not my smartest moment in life, but I just sort of grinned and beared it by walking through as many casinos as possible to avoid the back alleys. Dude, Vegas scares the bejesus out of me. The BEJEEEESSUUSSSSSSS!!!
I decided to crash in this one casino for a moment, out of just sheer exhaustion. I had been walking at that point for almost an hour, mind you STILL WITH my big backpack and all of my stuff from CES. Again, no hotel room - no place to put your things. At dinner, and at the event I had the bellhop, after I was shit out of luck. I was this walking target of please, rob me! It's CES ... I prolly have a lot of nerd gear that's worth a lot of dough and heyyyyy we're in a recession.
Looking back, I cannot believe I was so dumb. I'm literally embarrassed typing this, my parents are going to kill me. Was walking out the front door of the casino down the driveway when the bellhop comes up and says ma'am lemme get you a cab! I said, no thanks, I'm just going to walk. The cab driver slams it in reverse, and rolls down his window ... he goes, this is Vegas, you can't walk. I'll take you anywhere, free of charge, just please get in. Free? MUSIC TO MAHHH EAAARRRSSSS!!!!
Got in the back of the cab, and he goes where can I take you? I said, well, I dunno. It was now 4am, and one of the dudes in the room had a flight at 6am, so I knew I could at least gain access to the room then. I said, anywhere you'd suggest going to kill two hours?
He fully turned his body around, I swear I will never forget the look on his face, and says - wanna go for a ride?
Clearly understanding the sexual innuendo he was trying to convey, I smiled knowing all well he was inviting me for a ride along in his cab, not his cock. He leaned over and opened the passanger door up front, I grabbed my bag and crawled in. He said he had to first go and drop something off at his girlfriends house, and then we'd start going along on rides. He rounded the corner, put the car in park - and got out. I IMMEDIATELY grabbed my Droid, snapped this pic and sent it in a picture text to my friend with the following message:
"If I die, this is the man that killed me. If I live, I will have the greatest story ever."
He got back in the cab, and never noticed I took the picture. He told me that I had to come up with a story as to why I was there. I suggested I could be a reporter, or some sort of journalist documenting the Vegas night life ... he immediately shot that down. He goes, in this town, no one likes a reporter. I said, well - how about I can be running a diagnostic test on your meter to check for any irregularities? PERFECT, he said.
He told me that very few people ever get to experience what I was about to experience. Apparently, it is super illegal in Vegas to have a ride along, and in fact they have stations to check for ride alongs outside some of the more popular stops.
At first we just drove around, he showed me literally all of Vegas. I asked him if he ever feared the clientele that steps in, as I'm sure he had to go to some pretty sketchy areas. He turned and said, you know the people I fear the most? I said, who? He replied, you all. You, the people I pick up at the massage parlors at 4am and drop off at the convention center at 6am. Murderers, rapists, crack heads - you know where they stand. You people though, you're the worst - your insanity is repressed, THAT is dangerous. Tangent: He actually didn't use the word "repressed," I don't remember the exact word he used, but this man's English was so crikey, for the sake of storytelling and to not drive you all insane, I am going to use more than two syllable words.
He made perfect sense. I half smiled, half laughed, half well, wait - that's too many halfs. You get the picture. I asked him how he got into this business, and if he likes it. He said it was one of the most lucrative positions he could have with his kind of record. I said oh yeah? What were you in for? (see what I tried to do there ... speak his LINGGOOOO.) Assault. For how long, I asked. Too long, he replied. If memory serves me correct that dude was in there for a decade. He was no spring chicken that's for sure, and he had told me he had been in and out of jail his entire life. He said he had a bit of a temper, and was trying to work on controlling it but felt helpless. I replied with, I understand - while secretly I was thinking ... please don't kill me. Please don't kill me. Please don't kill me.
He goes, you ready for some riders? I said ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!
We pull up to the Spearment Rhino, and wait. Ever notice how hard it can be to get a cab in Vegas? Yeah, well if you're a single chick - they don't want you! You're more likely to get picked up if you're a couple, but if you're a single dude ... you are PRIME RIB!!! Here's why ... the cabbies work a hustle. Mind you too, this is 4am - and I can't speak for every cab driver, just what I know I saw with my own eyes. They pick up the single dudes from the Spearmint Rhino, or other strip club, but that one was the most popular, (good LORD there were a LOT of cabbies outside that thing!!!) and then take them to a massage parlor off the strip where the hustle begins. This Vegas taxi cab driver was a pimp. No other word for it! He would pick up the single dudes from the strip club who were clearly horny, take them way out of the way of their destination via this back road, stop the meter, and give them a show. The second the cab stopped, and the meter stopped guys would sober up a bit and say, this isn't my stop ... as a pair of boobs were placed outside their window. Literally, the girls were in fur like coats and were COMPLETELY naked when they approached the car. They did a little dance for about :30 seconds or so, while the cabbie tried to coerce the rider to go inside and have a little fun. After the :30 seconds were up, two more girls would be standing in the doorway, just incase the rider wasn't into one girl in particular, it was implied that there were plenty more inside.
All throughout the night, time after time, not a single rider went inside the massage parlor. At one point, 3 dudes thought about it for a second - but literally every.single.time. they would turn to him and say, how much for her? Mind you, I'm fully clothed in like corporate dinner businessie attire, you have chicks with their tits and ass LITERALLY in plain view, and you want the nerdy girl up front?
YEP!!! Every fucking time guys will go for the girl next door. Amazing.
So you thought that was the end of the hustle? Absofuckinglutely not! At that point, the cabbie would offer for the girls to be delivered to their hotel room instead. Watching this guy pimp these chicks out was UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE. He related to them in such an endearing way ... I remember this one kid, who barely looked 21, he goes - I understand man. This is prolly your first time with a real woman like this. Why not have her come up to your room where you're more comfortable. She'll take good care of you. At that point, the rider agreed, he got dropped off at his destination - and then this card was exchanged. It is some MASSIVE loop hole in hooking in Vegas that if cash is never actually transferred, you're good. Checks and clearly credit cards aren't accepted either. HAHAHAHA!! Which slot would you slide it in? *ZING*
I didn't understand what I was seeing with this card transaction, but I'll tell you what I found out about it later on.
The rider left the car, and the cabbie immediately popped back on his cell phone and called the girls. He said he wanted to send two over as an upsell, as this dude got dropped off at the Wynn. Translation: He had dough. Besides, come on, he's a total sexual n00b. It's Vegas and two hot chicks just showed up at your door that are the surest of sure things. Are you really going to turn that down? Fucking genius!
I asked how much he made off of that sale, and he smiled and said "too much."
The night went on, we picked up a few more riders - then his cell phone rang in a different ring tone, and it sounded important. He picks up the phone, knowing it was one of the girls - and apparently they had gone to the room, gotten him off and now he was refusing to pay. Both girls ended up staying, but only one did the uh, deed. It was incredible too hearing how the cabbie talked about the entire scenario. Did he cum? Did he get off? Are you sure? Did you see him cum? Then get the money!!! He HAS to pay!!!
Remember, this man spent time in prison for assault and has a temper; not someone I'd advise you want to fuck with.
The girl put the cabbie on the phone, the anger subsided and he remained cool and calm. Hey dude, everything okay? Heard you had quite the wild party over there! He informed him that he had two girls in the room, and he had to pay for them both. They went back and forth for a few minutes, and the cabbie got so angry, but realized if he could just get the girls out of there with at least one of the payouts, he could get back to work and not have to deal with this mess. The guy said he would pay, the girls got the cash - and back to work everyone went.
The cabbie was amazing too, he knew he could get return customers, so he always gave them his info and said here, put it in your cell. Didn't even give them a business card or anything with his number. Captured it immediately in their phone. He goes call me "Lucky Vegas." Fucking classy.
The sun started to come up, and my time spent with the cabbie was nearing an end. He said he had a few ideas for an app that he was interested in talking to me about, and I said I would follow up with him when I got back home. Of course, I never did - but I thanked him profusely for the experience. Talk about learning the hustle from a straight HUSTLER!!!!! That man was a genius. Fucking genius when it came to his overall rapport with the riders. Absolutely insane!!!
And oh yeah? The card thing. Later that day, after I got a couple hours of shut eye, I flagged down a taxi cab driver and asked him if he had ever heard of these cards that they give drivers. He said he wasn't sure what I was talking about. I told him that I just did a ride along and that the guy hustled these dudes and sent chicks up to rooms with this card? He goes OOOHHH!!! You lucky girl!!!! You got to see that?
He then told me that apparently those cards are an indicator to the hotel to get the girls access to the room. The riders gave the cabbie the room number, but apparently this card gets them access into the hotels. I don't know if it was a universal one or not - but apparently too it prevents the cabbie from being charged as a pimp. The girls KNOW to pay his ass, but because no legal tender hit his hands it was some weird loop hole. That part of it, I don't know - but if you're ever in Vegas, flag down a taxi cab driver and ask him or her. I'm sure they can explain it WAY better than I can.
Hands down one of the greatest experiences in my life. Best people watching EVVEERRR!! Oh, and one last thing. Watch the chicks at the Spearmint Rhino that have collars or chokers on. They might be hiding a little more than you're looking for in their bikini bottoms. HAHAHAHAHA!! Totally not kidding, saw with my own eyes! Crazy!
Wow, first off, thanks el duderino. Very flattered ... but um, can we address the elephant in the room ... you're fucking hot! Like for reals, like for really really reals. Mama likes.
Super glad your cherry has been popped. Let the corruption begin ... *excellent*
Speaking of awesome vids from CES have you guys seen this one? It's a highlight vid from the Samsung keynote. Friggen AWESOME!!
thx for the heads up on the samsung vid David, and for the shoutout Zach. Crazy awesome.
click the screenshot to comment on Facebook 
Talk Nerdy To Me Lover | tagged 
