#FoodForThought: The Adventures of Fanny and Olive (Tequila)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Fanny. No really - that is her actual name. She is a massive massive massive foodie, and would like to share with you all the adventures on all of the things she puts in her mouth. Wait, no - not like that ... I mean ... well, you know what I mean. Aw shucks, just hit it already Fanny ... </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Fanny Slater

okay okay...

i'll give you my guacamole recipe.

but it's only because i'm feeling generous.  after an over-the-top, couldn't-have-gone-better, got-a-little-tipsy-in-front-of-fifty-people, bomb-diggity, first EVER live show last weekend with the lovely ladies of TNTML, i'm clearly in a good mood.  two different people at whole foods today actually commented on the fact that a fantastic cheerfulness was written all over my face.  well, what can i say?  ...other than the fact that my boss just left for india, and i think that would stretch a wide-eyed, pearly white grin across anybody's face.  let's just say things have started to look up recently and i've found myself in quite a happy place within my inner fanny.  insert butt joke here.

seriously though, this guacamole has probably gotten me about 85% of my friends.  it's pretty standard as guacamole recipes go, but of course i have a trick or two up my sleeve.  this "recipe" is also done entirely to taste--which means that i add ingredients, taste, and adjust accordingly as i go along.  this way you have the perfect combination of salty, spicy, creamy, and acidic flavors.  to me, that makes the perfect guacamole.  that...and a side of tequila shots.

oh...and you need a funny shirt.

don't ask why, it just makes you feel better overall.  yes, my shirt has a banana on it.  

the ingredients for fanny's famous guacamole are as follows:

for 3 people:

-3 ripe avocados **foodie note: you can tell an avocado is ripe because you should be able to push your finger into it.  if it feels at all firm--put the avocado down...and walk away**

-the juice of 1-2 limes

-1/4 cup finely diced red onion

-1 medium size jalapeno finely diced (the more seeds and ribs of the pepper you leave in, the spicier it will be)

-1 small handful (maybe 1/3 cup) fresh cilantro

-1 small roma tomato diced 

-pinch of salt and black pepper

-a few splashes of hot sauce (i like cholula or texas pete)

-1 medium size garlic clove finely diced <---- shhh this is the secret (let's pretend we're not on the internet for millions of people to read)

i use a sharp knife to slice through the avocados, then a fork or spoon to fold the ingredients into each other.  the most important part of this dip is that it's left chunky.  i'm not a fan of really mashed up guacamole.  i think it should look rustic and have texture.  just like they do it in mexico!  okay, i've never been to mexico...but just like they do it at las margaritas on six forks road in raleigh!  

...just don't over-mix it.  please.

because i'm in an especially good mood (i swear it has nothing to do with the fact that jen told me how many fans of fanny there are this morning), you're even going to get a bonus recipe this week to go with your guacamole! (insert trumpets and loud cheers here).  i found a recipe for creamy baked chicken taquitos on pinterest last week...

side note: pinterest = the new orange.  

i generally never follow a recipe ingredient-for-ingredient.  unless it's baking and i have no idea what they hell i'm doing.  i believe that recipes are wonderful, but that you should use them as tools to create something unique in your own kitchen that suits your personal tastes and preferences.  i love finding recipes and then putting my own spin on them, which is exactly what i did with these super easy chicken taquitos.  

ingredients needed:

-shredded store bought roasted chicken or homemade roasted chicken (use mexican flavors and spices for the marinade--lime juice, cumin, chili powder, hot sauce)

-light garden veggie cream cheese

-fontina and cheddar

-black beans

-roasted garlic

-roasted pasilla peppers

-caramelized red onions

mix all ingredients in a bowl and then spread thin strips of the mixture onto flour tortillas (i used whole wheat).  roll into thin wraps, spray with vegetable oil, and sprinkle with kosher salt.  bake at 425 for 5-8 minutes--flipping each taquito over once.  keep an eye on these, they turn golden brown quickly!

now you're fully prepared to have your own mexican dinner party.  just remember...the tequila is for human guests ONLY.

sorry olive.

#nerdsunite

click here to check out more from Fanny! (heheheeheh her name is Fanny)

and follow her on twitter over yonder!

#FoodForThought: The Adventures of Fanny and Olive (Roux)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Fanny. No really - that is her actual name. She is a massive massive massive foodie, and would like to share with you all the adventures on all of the things she puts in her mouth. Wait, no - not like that ... I mean ... well, you know what I mean. Aw shucks, just hit it already Fanny ... </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Fanny Slater

when was the last time any of you watched the golden girls?  you probably have to think about it…don’t you?  well, if you’re my best friend sara—

your answer would be, “what are you talking about, i'm watching it right now.” 

well just to refresh your memory, in almost every episode there is a signature moment of recollection brought to you by the eldest character sophia.  it is always a long-winded story about her as a young woman, and each time it consistently starts out something like this: “picture this!  sicily, 1947.  a beautiful girl stands beneath a lemon tree, brushing her long golden locks…”

well, let me fill you in on my week.

picture this!  hollywood, 2011.  a young woman with dirty blonde hair and sad, droopy carolina blue eyes leans over a kitchen sink to avert scraps of chicken from getting caught in the folds of her scarf.  she reaches a greasy hand out to a clear lime-ridden bottle with a long skinny neck.  she watches half of the honey-colored liquid disappear and then pops a piece of potato in her mouth.  she swallows and then inhales heavily as she realizes that she has yet to remove her jacket or even her dark brown boots. 

well friends, i’m embarrassed to admit that this horrific visual image i’ve just painted for you illustrates the perfect picture of yours truly last night around 8:30 PM.  i knew that having a full time job would lead to long hours and less time in the kitchen, but i had no idea that i would find myself hunched over a sink shoveling store-bought roast chicken into my mouth like a homeless person who had just found the jackpot of all trashcans.  don't get me wrong, the paychecks are great--but money doesn't buy happiness.  money buys you a six pack of coronas and roasted baby potatoes from gelson's that are not meant to be eaten with your fingers.  someday when i have my own cooking show and i'm teaching the world how to caramelize red onions, all of my past bosses who ever kept me at the office past dinnertime will rue the day they made fanny slater stay late!  and i don't mean roux--the combination of equal parts flour and butter used as a thickening agent for sauces and soups.  the point of this story is not just that i've been left with no time to cook and little inspiration to create new dishes in my head.  the point is that even a foodie needs to pick up dinner once a while.  if you have the time to spend an hour and a half creating delicious masterpieces like open faced lamb burgers with homemade olive tapenade--then you absolutely should.  but if the daily grind has drained you of your creativity, then treat yourself to a hot pocket and couple of cheap beers.

i now present to you: open-faced rosemary lamb burger on toasted ciabatta with feta, homemade red onion jam, olive tapenade, and tzatziki

despite the fact that my enthusiasm for eating this week has been limited to the pint of fro-yo in my lap thanks to late nights at work and a raging sinus infection--you know that i wouldn't end my rant without leaving you a FAN--get it? that's my name--tastic recipe.  for those of you that don't follow me on twitter (SHAME ON YOU! just kidding, i literally just signed up) then you might have missed homemade lamb burger night last week.  you know...last week--before i was officially working full-time and had a pause in my day to do important things like floss my teeth and remember to wear socks.  i had been watching a lot of diners, drive-ins, and dives that week and the plethora of burgers appearing on the show began to entice the foodie part of my brain.  also known as...95% of my brain.  what's the other 5% you ask?  a complete encyclopedia of quotes and references to episodes of f.r.i.e.n.d.s.

okay, let's get down to it:

when i think of lamb, i think of succulent juicy herbaceous flavors.  in order to make that into a burger, you have to let the lamb be the star.  i used complementary flavors (they were so thoughtful!) like rosemary, garlic, and dried oregano.  i like my lamb a little on the rare side--which some people may think is crazy--so feel free to cook yours crazy to medium crazy.  in a roaring hot pan with a touch of olive oil, i seared the burger on both sides (4-5 minute per side).  once it was done and the juices were settling, i began the components for the rest of the dish.  i figured if i was going to go through the trouble of making a homemade greek burger...

i might as well go all out with the condiments.  

homemade olive tapenade: finely chop kalamata and greek-marinated green olives (you can find these at any grocery store with an olive bar) and mix with a squeeze of lemon juice, olive oil, red wine vinegar, capers, and cracked black pepper.

red onion jam: thinly slice red onions and cook SLOWLY in butter and salt.  once they start to break down (10-15 minutes) add a splash of red wine vinegar, a touch of sweetener like agave or honey, and balsamic vinegar.  reduce mixture until the consistency is similar to a thick marmalade.

homemade tzatziki: plain non-fat greek yogurt (or sour cream), cucumbers, dill, lemon juice, garlic, and salt.  **foodie note: if you shred the cucumbers, make sure to drain the water out of them by adding a little salt and letting them sit for five minutes.  nobody likes a runny tzatziki**

as you can see from the chain of events, the ciabatta was toasted, spread with olive tapenade, topped with fresh spinach, our lamb burger, and the red onion jam.  it was then finished off with some crumbled feta and tzatziki sauce.  the moral of the story is that with a little time and a little patience, a beautiful restaurant-style meal can be created in your own kitchen with some pretty basic ingredients.  however with absolutely no time and an overflowing amount of patients (when you work in a dentist's office like i do), you might want to keep a frozen pizza in your freezer and a bottle opener on hand.

#nerdsunite

**foodie note: ....MADE YA LOOK! insert shameless plug here for twitter: 

https://twitter.com/#!/fannyslater**