#EpicFind: Deep ... Deep ... Inside Craigslist

OOOHH craigslist, you are totes poached pumpernickel on my poppy seed bagel. MMMM BAGEL!!!!!!!!

Looky looky what I just found on Craigslist ...

It says ... AND I QUOTE:

Need help with a duck

---

I am looking for someone who can relocate a duck - thats the short story

I have a pool and every year a mallard and a hen show up and occupy my pool until I open it. This may sound dumb..... but I am serious. I have always had an assortment of methods to chase them away - and easily, bottle rockets etc.. radio, teenagers. Eventually they end up somewhere else - just not my pool. This year the hen showed up without the mallard. She won't leave and I'm pretty sure its the same one that has been here every year.

She won't leave, and I'm too nice to just go and be mean.

Well, I feel completely stupid, if someone knows how to extract a duck, well, I'm all ears.

Oh and YES I do get laughed at, at the office.....

Is there an online dating service for ducks?

Hey I've heard them all.

Lemme know....

Thanks for looking.. and stop laughing - I am serious :)

**************** UPDATE ******************

Thank you Craigslist people who have sent me a link to

plentyofduck

I probably misrepresented the hen as well... in heat or something..... (SORRY HEN)

Well, of course it took about 2 minutes to find a greenhead and they are a happy couple.. See Pic #2

Now.. I'm changing gears...

I'm having a fundraiser so that they can get a room... and do what they are doing now..... not in my pool...........

If you STILL want to relocate the ducks, they need a honeymoon suite..... somewhere else...

Glad someone (something) is making the best of this warm evening

THIS IS NOT A JOKE !!!!!!!!!


************* LAST UPDATE ******************

WOW ...... this went way out of hand...

NO I WILL NOT MAKE A PORN DUCK SITE!!!!!!!!!!! You Craigslist >>>&^&&^%&% ... people scare me.... read a book or something

#epic

#EpicFind: Deep ... Deep ... Inside Craigslist

Looky looky what I just found deep ... deep ... inside the Best of Craigslist ... 

It says ... AND I QUOTE:

DO NOT EAT PRINGLES FAT FREE POTATO CHIPS. THEY WILL GREASE YOUR ASS.

Don't even fucking say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat.

I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the fuck.

The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fucking tell you...

Except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope

...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."

Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding.

So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.

Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the fuck?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?

So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You fucking Pringle bastards.

I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff.

The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole fucking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So.

I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean.

That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so fucking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage.

So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.

You fucking Pringle bastards.

The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the fucking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that shit again.

Fucking Pringle bastards.

This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. its real. Fuck Pringles.

HAHAHAHAAHA!! Dudes, you guys gotta read the Best of Craigslist. It FOR REALS makes my life! HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

#epic

Fun with #Craigslist: Want Ad Fail

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!! Zoom in to see it better ... kinda small, like your penis ...

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! Ohhhhh lordy! That's a knee slapper!

#awesome