Fun with #OKCupid: 3 different emails ... 3 different responses

First up, if you haven't read my OKC profile - you can check it out over yonder. Might make some sense to the things guys reply to, haha. But for reals, these are all actual emails I've received recently, and my actual responses back to them. It is through this transparent experience that I hope you all can take away some knowledge on what works and what doesn't in the hopes of making your online dating experiences that much more fanschmastically awesome. YAYYYY ONLINE DATING YAYYY!!! K ... cool ... here we go ...

Wow, sorry - I fell asleep sometime around the second long walk on the beach.

Lame. Very lame.

Albeit, yes, this guy seems wonderfully nice and vanilla which I'm sure is REALLY RAD for a lot of chicks out there!! For me, no bueno.

Your primary objective in sending an OKC email to a chick is to get her to reply, right? You want her to 1. Click on your profile, and 2. Reply back to you.

Given those objectives you need to break down the next doable actions in getting them done. How do you get a chick to click on your profile? Well, you start with a clear close up on your face.

A chick will judge how attractive you are - just have a clear shot for her to analyze however.

Oh, and SUPPPERRRR important, make sure you have a genuine smile in your picture. Take a picture where you are actually laughing, or actually having a good time. Genuine smiles are HUUGGEEE and something you don't see very often in online dating profiles.

What do I mean by a genuine smile? Here are two examples I found (not from OKC but online in general):

Exhibit A:

& Exhibit B:

Now judging the attractiveness is neither here nor there - but focus on the smile. Which one of the two has a more genuine smile??? (hint hint: SAY B!!! SAY B!!!)

And boom! If Exhibit B came from OKC, and was this dude's default profile picture I would ABSOLUTELY click!!

And now for phase two, getting her to respond.

How does one do that? By asking the chick a short and sweet question.

Pull ONEEE SPECIFIC DETAIL from a girl's profile, and ask her to elaborate on it.

Example: I talk about The Alchemist being my favorite book - maybe you've read it, and have something insightful to say and also have a question on a certain part of it that you'd like to ask me. That will absolutely absolutely absolutely get a response. It's one of my passions!! I'll talk about that book morning, noon, and night - ANNNDDD by you pulling that one specific detail, I know you're not cutting and pasting that same message into every chick's inbox (which a LOT of guys do) - so I will take it more seriously.

This works - not what that guy wrote.

Remember these three steps: 1. Clear shot of your face set as your default.

2. Genuine smile.

3. Ask to elaborate on one specific detail

and BOOM! mission is accomplished!

Actual Response: None.

HAHAHA how to know you're dating online in Los Angeles: You get shit like this sent to you once a week.

No, but thank you. But yeah ... no.

Actual Response: None.

I'm pretty certain it's response - and why would a guy EVVERRRRRR start off with "I don't need a response ..." Are you fucking kidding me?? Dude, aren't we all here to meet someone!! Why the HELL would you start off a message saying something like that. Super freaking lame and a HUGGEEEE NO NO!!! Be confident! You have nothing to lose sending a message to a girl on OKC so put your damn balls on the table, and just say what's up! We don't bite!!! UGHH!!!!! So frustrating.

Actual Response: None.

Happy online dating nerderinos!!

Click here to view my OKC profile. Hit me up ... but not all Tina Turner style, cause like, that would hurt.

#kbye

Fun with #OkCupid: The truth about one night stands (guess who's back, back again)

HAHAHAHAHA!! Guess who I heard from yesterday? Well rather, I reached out to him once I saw he viewed my profile ... Mr. One night stand!

You can read more of how this all started here ... but basically this guy reached out to me on OKC asking if he could tie me up and do very very very naughty things to me. I was a bit meh, at first - frankly because I have given up casual sex, and while the notion of being tied up and beaten around is INCREDIBLY appealing to me (I may run a business but in regards to dating and the bedroom, I could not BE more submissive. Lemme turn the big brain off, man!) - I put it out of my head at first. While I appreciated his effort, I kinda wasn't vibing it. THEN - he totes came back ... ah-gain, which peaked my interest (most people give up), so we started chatting and then he dropped the bomb that he's not going to be back stateside til the end of November (this was October). I was all - DUDDEEEEE!!! So lame!!! You actually caught my attention!! Totes mcgotes lame sauce.

Put it out of my head ... AH-GAIN, even had a few of you asking me about him - and then yesterday when I saw he viewed my profile I reached out to him ...

So there you go. He's not coming back til December. Super duper lame sauce. This guy is freakishly smart too, and broke me down like a mofo! (Understanding social dynamics is a big panty dropper with me.) So, we'll see. He's back ... I'm still not 100% - and who KNOOWWSSS what another 30 days will bring.

#tobedominatedornotthatisthequestion

Click here to read the story on my Fake Internet Boyfriend

Fun with #OkCupid: Actual conversation I am currently having ...

Looky looky the conversation I am currently having on OKCupid ...

What interests me the most about this guy is that he claims to be an oral sex master. Like MAAASSSSSTTTTEERRRRRR. It's definitely enough to spark my curiosity, but not really enough to make me want to go after it. Have I not said this 1000 times on this site!! The FEMALE ORGASM IS ROOTED IN EMOTION!!! You have to feel a connection with someone to be able to orgasm; it's less mechanical than with men. If I am going to invest an evening with a dude, you betta BELIEVE I am walking away with something as much as he is.

I am conserving more of my energy in my older age, and less exploratory in that regard.

Oh the single life ... you're still supposed to be fabulous, right?

#fml

Single and live in LA and wanna go out on a date? Totes message me on OKC - you can't be worse than this guy. Click here to view my profile.

Fun with #OkCupid: This is how you pick up a chick ... REALLY?

OOOOOOOHHHHH OkCupid, OkCupid, OkCupid. Sometimes I wonder, what came first? The idiot or the platform? 

Looky looky the email that was just sent to me on OKC ...

Seriously, man?? You couldn't even go to my profile to find ONE thing that I wrote to say - hey, I dig that too! You had to leave it with "also love your favorite things that you write about."

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!?!?!?!?

I obviously didn't even reply back to the guy - but note to dudes: pull ONE specific detail from a chick's profile and ask her to elaborate. That's ALLLLL your email has to say. Keep it VERY short and VERY simple, and you will have a higher chance of having a chick respond. GUARANTEED!!!!

Had this guy done that, this correspondence would have ended differently.

Now, for the ONE action you can do when there are no words ...

#ohboys

So, like, I'm single and on OKC. Are you? And do you live in LA? Cause, I'd totes not be mad at a date!

Click here to view my profile on OKC

#NowPlaying: U2 - Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me

Outside the Berrics. This makes me wish I could do cartwheels just so I can do an ENTTIIRRRREEE row down the lane!

Holy shiznat. Just rode my bike back from the office, and I swear - you have to have a death wish to ride a bike in LA (read more of my tips here on how not to die). For reals, man - I like to take calculated risks, not enter into relationships with moving objects that may only see you on a theoretical basis.

Fucking. Bat. Shit.

Home safe, but DEFINITELY going to get a reflective vest and helmet. Too insane not to.

Either way, totes heard this song on the ride back - and it is making my LIIIFFFEEEEEE!!! Haven't even thought about this Batman in ages, that may or may not be a good thing. I kinda wasn't mad at Jim Carrey being the riddler though - pretty perfect casting.

Alrite, now I'm off to what I thought was a meeting, but what looks like is going to end up as a date. Note to nerds, if you want to ask a chick out online, do it on OKC man. Asking me to dinner on twitter will only make me wonder, and I will be on guard. Go for OKC!!! Do it!! Just ... do it!!!

Oh the things I get myself into ... BAHHHHHHHH!!!

#kthxbye