#GeekSpeak: The sometimes random misadventures of @Abby_Cake

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Abby. I met her in Chicago at the #20SBSummit, and this chick is raaaddddd!! She considers herself more of a nerd than a geek - but I think she's just all shades of random and awesome. Oh and FTR, the TNTML stance on nerds versus geeks are that nerds are products of a genetic predisposition, and geeks are raised. BOOH-YAH!!! I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ABBY!!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Abby_Cake

Making difficult decisions is, well, difficult. Although one might say I have more trouble making easy decisions — the question of what I should eat for lunch tends to bleed into dinner. One of the more positive aspects of my personality, in my opinion, is that I make difficult decisions with an iron fist. Once they are made, I do not rethink them. This is my life choice, for better or worse (and sometimes it has been worse).

Yet, in the wake of my difficult decision to pick my life up and move to Korea, I did not realize the necessitation of subsequent decisions I would have to make. This, in retrospect, seems naive; and as the clock ticks down to less than a month before our leave date, I am left with a pile of choices yet to sort through.

The most heartbreaking one was to leave our dog behind. Sherman has been my companion for six years and he literally means everything to me. Sherman is a German Shepherd mix, he was an injured stray with heartworms that I lured into my truck and ended up keeping. He is smart, intuitive, occasionally eats garbage, and loves me unconditionally.

Unfortunately, he also has severe anxiety caused by previous abuse and needs constant human interaction, preferably with a yard. I will not be able to offer him these things in Korea, and although it breaks my heart, I have decided to leave him here — with a yard, constant care, and far less stress. My intention was to take him, but I fear for his sanity.

He, of course, is not aware of my plans to leave him and is, at present, laying in bed with me completely oblivious and content. I, on the other hand, am filled with an overwhelming guilt every time he looks at me.

I have wanted to move to Asia since I was little. I tried once, to get into the JET Program, but my ex talked me OUT of it; and that decision was, for a while, one of my biggest regrets. Now, I have a new chance to do something I have only dreamed about, a boyfriend who is not just talking me INto it, but going with me — and I am not going to pass it up again.

I am going to be making sacrifices and difficult decisions for the next month, but I know in the end it will be worth it — for better, in this case, for both of us.

xx, @abby_cake

#nerdsunite

Want more from Abby?? Check out her blog over yonder - and don't forget to drop her a follow on twitter!!

#GeekSpeak: The sometimes random misadventures of @Abby_Cake

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Abby. I met her in Chicago at the #20SBSummit, and this chick is raaaddddd!! She considers herself more of a nerd than a geek - but I think she's just all shades of random and awesome. Oh and FTR, the TNTML stance on nerds versus geeks are that nerds are products of a genetic predisposition, and geeks are raised. BOOH-YAH!!! I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ABBY!!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Abby_Cake

Why do people feel the need to rush you into the next step of life? Alternatively, why do you feel the need to rush yourself in accordance with other people’s priorities?

The next step is often what people thing you should do, or ought to do. Perhaps not exactly what you want to do, but instead what you feel you should do.

In my case it’s primarily approached this way: you are nearing thirty. Maybe you aren’t there yet. But you will be. Thirty is supposed to be scary and society will use it against you. Requisite age related goals are tossed around at will. By your mid-twenties you should have a house, a car, an upward career, and, at the very least, a fiance — at the most, 1-2 kids. Don’t wait until the dreaded thirty to get engaged or have kids.

I am (regrettably) a person who had previously bought into the hype of the next step. I still own a house (which I now rent). I had a government job I went to college for. I owned a new car (which I sold). I was effectively brain-washed into thinking that this was my course in life. More frightening still, I thought it was my only course.

The problem inherent in the next step, is that it is not one size fits all. I did not fit. You might not either. That’s okay. But people are not quick to notice the square peg forcing itself into a round hole; in turn, people did not notice my floundering. I had to take control of my life and take several steps backward in order to attain happiness.

If, while you are siting around the holiday dinner table, people begin to ask you what you’re doing with your life? When are you going to have kids? Get married? Et all. Smile. Your life may be different, it may not coincide with the obvious next step, but none of that matters if you’re happy.

Take time to appreciate the fact that you are in between trapezes. That your are on a journey. And don’t buy into the hype. Just invest in your own happiness.

xx, @abby_cake

#nerdsunite

Want more from Abby?? Check out her blog over yonder - and don't forget to drop her a follow on twitter!!

#GeekSpeak: The sometimes random misadventures of @Abby_Cake

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Abby. I met her in Chicago at the #20SBSummit, and this chick is raaaddddd!! She considers herself more of a nerd than a geek - but I think she's just all shades of random and awesome. Oh and FTR, the TNTML stance on nerds versus geeks are that nerds are products of a genetic predisposition, and geeks are raised. BOOH-YAH!!! I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ABBY!!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Abby_Cake  

“You have five friends, and the rest is landscape.” -- Portuguese Saying

I’ve been interested for a while in the concept of online and offline friendships. I believe at this point, online and offline are generally indistinguishable and it simply depends on the mutual emotions felt by each person not the location of the friendship’s physical aspect.

I had heard in passing recently that people are really only capable of possessing five close friendships. So, I did a bit of research on the topic.

According to Robin Dunbar: “On average, we have five intimate friends, 15 good friends (including the five intimate ones), 50 friends and 150 acquaintances.”

Humans are only capable of mentally maintaining a close or intimate relationship with up to five people. This inner clique is devised of the people who we see (using this term loosely) at least once a week, or would go to at moments of emergency and crisis. This five-person list can include parents, siblings, children, and lovers.

Additionally, there are two distinct caveats to this five friend theory. One is that if a new lover enters the picture, two relationships from this circle will suffer or disappear altogether. The second is that, as Dunbar says: “Those individuals don’t have to be human. They can be your dog — or your favourite chrysanthemum plant. They can be people in an entirely fictional world — they can be soap opera characters. They can be God or they can be saints.”

The next circle, following our most intimate collection, is referred to as the “sympathy circle,” or people who we would miss if they passed away -- I found this a bleak, but accurate analogy.

Dunbar maintains that an excess of 150 acquaintances is impossible to maintain. Unless you’re me and can’t imagine having 150 friends at all.

With our friendships broken down, I had the opportunity to examine social networks in connection with this theory. Our social network preferences allow us to interact differently with our varied friend groups. I think Google+ is best for the simpler utilization of separating our “circles.” Facebook, on the other hand, is an ongoing broadcast. We can have anywhere from 20-5,000 friends or fans on our pages, openly staring into our window, so to speak.

However, the people in our online social worlds that we interact with most frequently are typically the same people who are active in our offline social worlds. Which validates my earlier point that IRL has become a defunct moniker in most cases.

With my personal combined online and offline friendship worlds -- and in the spirit of minimalism -- I’ve begun to minimize my friends (defined as: people who are closest to me). This has become a process of necessity for the ongoing maintenance of my sanity. And I have begun maintaining social networks which only allow interaction with people who affect me in a primarily positive way.

If a friend affects me negatively, I am going to untether from that friendship. If a relationship is not worth investing my empathy, emotions, and affection into — I’m just not going to anymore.

Is this going to be simple? Of course not. Will I perhaps hurt some people’s feelings in the process? Maybe. But I want a community. I want a circle of close friends who value the emphasis I place on relationships rather than selfishly criticize or demand for me to change.

I can only maintain 15 "good" friendships? That sounds like a "good" number. What's your number?

xx, @abby_cake

#nerdsunite

Want more from Abby?? Check out her blog over yonder - and don't forget to drop her a follow on twitter!!

#GeekSpeak: The sometimes random misadventures of @Abby_Cake

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Abby. I met her in Chicago at the #20SBSummit, and this chick is raaaddddd!! She considers herself more of a nerd than a geek - but I think she's just all shades of random and awesome. Oh and FTR, the TNTML stance on nerds versus geeks are that nerds are products of a genetic predisposition, and geeks are raised. BOOH-YAH!!! I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ABBY!!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Abby_Cake

Street vendors are a part of an age old trade, and one I took part in this weekend. This was the first garage sale I have ever held myself and it was quite successful.

Jared and I have been purging our apartment of meaningless items over the past few weeks. Part of the reason is that we are moving to Korea soon and, even so, I don’t want to fill a new place when we return with useless junk. Particularly I was intending to get rid of clothing, non-vegetarian cookbooks, and my overwhelmingly superfluous kitchenware. I had too many pots and pans, too many appliances, and way too many dishes — some of which are still in the boxes they came in, and most were gifts. I did keep a set of dishes, bowls, and salad plates along with a set of our silverware, tea mugs and assorted glasses. I only kept the pots and pans I use with regularity.

Already it feels like this ridiculous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Just the act of being able to let go of my dishes was purifying.

Lessons learned:

• People will talk to you about anything if you appear friendly. I heard stories ranging from how heavily medicated one lady was, to a woman whose husband asked for a divorce (something she obviously did not intend to give) — she then proceeded to buy all four Twilight books, to a woman who insisted she was going to kill her cat for getting hair on her jacket.
• Don’t feed the stray dogs. Yes, they are very cute. No, they will not go away for the remainder of the garage sale.
• Merchandise the clothing. Clothing is notoriously hard to sell at garage sales. In order to maximize profits we had a “show” area for some of the nicer clothing (jackets, a prom dress, several other dresses). It enticed people to try things on. Also, only the people who should not, under any circumstances, be squeezing into your clothing will be the only people who buy it.
• Advertise. We put an ad on Craigslist the day before and hung signs around town, but putting an ad in the local paper probably would have gone a long way. Especially since in small towns garage sale-ing is a legitimate sport.
• Categorize. If you have a box worth of cookbooks or kitchen utensils (I had both) don’t bother pricing them all individually, just write “entire box $10” or “everything in box: 50 cents.” This might sound lazy (because it is) but it's also easier for everyone.
• Don’t be too proud. Price low on the second day. I am NOT a haggler. Confrontation makes me wildly uncomfortable and I will just stare wide-eyed until the haggling ends. Luckily, no one really haggled and some people even commented on my pricing being fair. I felt vindicated.
• Donate. Anything that doesn’t sell the second time around goes to Goodwill, it does not go back in the house! When we move out officially and begin packing for Korea, I suppose we will attempt one more garage sale before we go — so we broke this rule and kept a few things we might try to resell.

We ran our garage sale for two days, Friday and Saturday. I’d never heard of having a garage sale on a weekday, but surprisingly Friday was our best day monetarily (who knew). People stopped on the way to work or on their lunch breaks with newly filled envelopes from the bank. I honestly felt a little guilt about taking their newly acquired paycheck; but they were excited and I enjoyed the general ebb and flow of conversation. Jared sat in a chair and played guitar, much to the amusement of some older gentlemen who reminisced openly about their guitar years and spoke at length about “House of the Rising Sun.”

Overall, the best sellers were: books, cookbooks, kitchen utensils (pots, pans, etc.), dishes, fashion jewelry, and picture frames. We had a fairly priced paintball gun, fondue pot, and digital camera which didn’t sell, much to our surprise. Also, I must add that selling clothing is particularly frustrating because everyone just complains about not being your size (which is clearly my own fault).

We made about $350 total, not bad for sitting on our butts outside. Also, I am open to suggestions on what to spend the money on, anyone? :)

xx, @abby_cake

#nerdsunite

Want more from Abby?? Check out her blog over yonder - and don't forget to drop her a follow on twitter!!

#GeekSpeak: The sometimes random misadventures of @Abby_Cake

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Abby. I met her in Chicago at the #20SBSummit, and this chick is raaaddddd!! She considers herself more of a nerd than a geek - but I think she's just all shades of random and awesome. Oh and FTR, the TNTML stance on nerds versus geeks are that nerds are products of a genetic predisposition, and geeks are raised. BOOH-YAH!!! I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ABBY!!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Abby_Cake

I don’t like purses.

I don’t find them to be enjoyable accessories, interesting companions, or particularly accessible. I don’t like the way they rub against my side as I walk or pull down my cardigan on only one shoulder. On the other hand, I can’t imagine having a wallet either. I do not like the feeling of being uneven while seated and I fear it would put a permanent dent in my behind.

I left my purse at home this weekend while we are out of town. Already I feel more free. I don’t have anything remember when we leave a restaurant, and I don’t have to scavenge every time I want to use my phone. This experiment in untethering got me thinking: why do I carry purses at all?

Hyper-preparedness seems to be the obvious answer.

In our consumerist culture we are encouraged to buy things which will keep us prepared for any scenario. Jared and I are only two people, yet we own upwards of twenty dishes. Just in case we want to have a dinner party for his entire extended family. We only drink tea from one or two favorite mugs, yet we have at least ten. For that imaginary tea party I’ve been talking about.

We have all these items in our purses for the same reason — just in case. Kleenexes, different brands of lipgloss to match each outfit, a hairbrush, hair ties, earrings, sunglasses, a wallet overflowing with coupons, receipts, and cards. We have discount cards, credit cards, debit cards, frequent shopper cards, sandwich punch cards — it’s overwhelming! The excess weight fatigues my shoulder and makes me feel like a weighted down pack mule.

In addition to purses, we fill our pockets with physical unimportance. When I empty Jared’s pants I almost always find a pocket knife, pen or sharpie, keys, headphones, occasionally bottle caps or tools of some kind. He absently tucks things away in his pants and forgets.

But why wander while being so weighed down?

<strong>Every item we carry is a burden.</strong>

My goal is to eliminate these burdens before they add up. This week, I will take the time to evaluate each item in my purse, determine its worth, and either keep or discard it. Ultimately, I will probably downsize the purse itself to something much smaller.

Think about what you carry with you. What is important? What is just in case? What is trash?

Eliminate the trash, evaluate the just in case, <strong>keep what’s important.</strong>

xx, @abby_cake

#nerdsunite

Want more from Abby?? Check out her blog over yonder - and don't forget to drop her a follow on twitter!!